Ay Carumba!!!

What a couple of crazy weeks it has been.  I'm feeling very overwhelmed- the typical overwhelming feeling that always precedes a vacation.  I'm so happy that I got a jump start and prepaid all the bills last weekend in anticipation- guess I am learning something!    Hoping that I can get a lot done tomorrow because this weekend is filled with fun, birthday celebrations!   Planning on dancing Friday night and then Saturday after my Body Pump class it's time to get ready for Brooklyn's 2nd Birthday Party- I have an appetizer to make, a cake to pick up and balloons.  We plan to get there about an hour early so that the appetizer can bake and we can put up some of the decorations.   Brooklyn's mommy has been overwhelmed with getting everything in order for vacation as well, so I jumped in to help on the party front!   Sunday is my brother's birthday and we will have a day at the yard and hopefully the Giants will deliver on a Dodger-kicking WIN, in fact it would be wonderful if Sunday was a "Sweep"!   One game at a time.  Let's go Giants.  I have got such a good feeling about this season!  Chills.

My elbow is MUCH better and I taught almost a normal load on Tuesday night and it did not flare up.  Still seeing the Chiropractor and getting my laser treatments, seems to be helping.  I am pretty stoked that I will have 12 days off of teaching.  I will miss it, but I think it's just what I need to fully recover - it's going to hurt like heck to get back into the groove.  I plan to swim everyday on vacation, I need to make sure I do something.  This won't be a dancing vacation and it will probably be too hot to go for walks- and of course my foot is not so agreeable to that.  Still need to set up the Physical Therapy and I will focus on that when I get back from vacation.

I am really looking forward to the down time in Cabo.  Fun times with the best of friends.  We have vacationed with Diane & Mike and we have vacationed with Janet & previous boyfriend, but never with both of my adopted sisters!   It's going to be a blast and I can't wait!   Scott is such a great fit with the family and all of the kids get along, it's really going to be a wonderful time.   It will do me some good to get away from my blood family.  The house situation is going pretty well, but it will just be nice for Bill & I to have our own space for a week with a beautiful ocean view.

While we are gone, my brother will have his surgery and it's time for his kids to take care of him.  I just hope and pray that they have taken notes of how I've taken care of my mom these past months so that they step up to the plate and help to take care of their dad so that he can fully recover.   After lots of investigation and some wonderful, compassionate medical professionals- my brother will be able to have this surgery for approximately $4K out the door.  Very crazy when you consider that the friggin' insurance companies wanted him to have tests that would have cost him $2k+ in order to get insurance and then he would have paid close to $4K in one year to be insured.  There is definitely a lot wrong with our health care system- or as I have called it the health "uncare" system.   In any case, I am very happy that he will finally be able to get this done and get back to feeling well and able to focus on his work afterwards.  Things are going to start looking up for him and this is the start.  

My mom is doing pretty well on the recovery front.  She has gotten out of her slipper and is now wearing a real shoe on the amputated toe foot.   Her leg is still swollen a bit, but it is getting better and this is normal for post-surgery.  She still has a bit of cellulitis on her leg and ankle and today Dr. Gillon was a bit concerned with the sore on the ankle..it is getting dangerously close to exposing the bone, which would not be good - I don't even want to say it, but that could lead to a full foot amputation.  For now, we are going to try to keep it clean and dry so that it can heal.   Mom is depressed and not super happy at her new home.  She is bored, she doesn't feel like she belongs there and this is very hard for me to deal with.  I am sort of out of understanding and out of compassion at this point.   Today I discovered that she has smoked recently- not sure how much, I'd have to guess somewhere between 1-5 cigarettes.  Seemed she bummed a smoke off of a worker in the parking lot at Woodside Terrace.  I will definitely be complaining about this because these people should not be smoking on the property at all, it's a smoke free environment.   I gave her HELL about this.  I just don't get it.   she did take a walk across the street to 7-11 twice this past week. She was oh so proud of herself and I am proud that she got out, that she walked across the street.   She has lost so much that I just hope & pray that she doesn't self destruct.  

I have suggested that she get some therapy, but of course she says she doesn't need it.  I really don't know what to do.  I did tell her that if her actions of abuse put her back in the hospital that I was done, someone else would have to take care of her and visit her and do everything for her.  I've done all that I'm going to do for someone who puts them self into that condition.  Of course, easier said than done, but I am hoping that I scared her enough that she realizes what is important.   I have to just toss up my hands and hope and pray for the best.  I just don't get it though, I realize smoking is an addiction and most people have to hit rock bottom before they decide to change their ways.   Seriously, has she not hit rock bottom this year?   With all she's been through, how is that not motivation enough to do the right thing to stay out of hospitals, to stay away from pain, to stay away from future circulation issues and medical problems.   I told her tonight that she should think really hard about her "friend" (cigarette) and to remember that this "friend" will introduce her to another friend that will never leave (the tank of oxygen) that she'll have to keep by her side forever if she continues to smoke.  I hope that I put the fear into her.    Hoping the Dr Gillon will also scare her about the potential loss of limb if she smokes.

Additional stress- trying to sell mom's car.  The first person interested decided the car was too small and I'm waiting on two others to let me know their thoughts.  If no bites from them, I will advertise on Craigs List when we return from Mexico.  No point in doing this now before we go.  Then need to figure out the house.  We might actually have two interested parties to rent, but need to figure out the timeline of getting the house cleaned out and sell what furniture that we can, get rid of the piano and then decide if we are going to rent or sell.   Yikes, too much going on, too too much!    I've had three people mumble the word "Christmas" in the last week and I'm about to reply "Bah Humbug" because I really can't think about it, but I did buy 3 gifts online today!

One Life I'm Going to Live it UP!

Don't sweat the small stuff...
Yep, that is my motto and something that I am going to strive towards in my day to day focus.   I seem to have so many random thoughts these days and I think that the experiences, trials and tribulations that 2012 has brought to my life this year has made me really gain perspective on what is really important.   Health, family, friends- those are the things that mean the most.   If someone doesn't make time for you, why should you make time for them?   If you don't have your health, you really are limited with the quality of life you can live- so take care of yourself, embrace it and live it!   You can't pick your family, but bottom line- they are your family and you must stick by them through thick & thin.   All very important lessons in life.

Several homeowners in my complex have been reporting "parking issues" and I am on the Board, but in name only.  I did not run the last election but we only had one person get elected with three spots to fill, so two of us stayed on the board even though we have served countless, thankless years!  We've been running things minimally- doing what must get done, but we don't have the time or bandwidth to do the job and we have admitted this over and over again.  Why can't we get people to step up- they all have the excuses, "I'm too busy", "I have too much going on right now", "I can't" - seriously?  So it's ok that by default two of us stay on the board against our will - but we have the same reasons why we can't and don't want to be and we've already served plenty of years.  It just drives me crazy and some of the complainers are the same ones who want nothing to do with being on the board.  I feel like saying, if you want change then run for the board and see if you can make it happen.   In any case, I did reply to an email tonight and my reply was three voices, one as a homeowner, one as a director on the board and one has a neighbor/human being.   As I re-read my email before sending it, I just felt very reflective and could really see how this year has impacted the way I deal with things.   I honestly don't give a rats ass that parking is being violated because there are so many more important things in the world, in life that deserve attention.  We will never have a perfect guest parking space solution for this complex- we have 27 units and 9 extra spaces and about 80% of the units have more than 2 cars.  Guests are temporary, homeowners are permanent and parking is scarce - it is what it is.   Two years ago, this issue would have brought me great stress, now I really don't give a damn!   People should learn to grow up and follow the rules - how hard is that?  But no, we live in the entitlement era where people think following the rules doesn't apply to them.  I knowingly and purposefully broke the parking rules for about 2 weeks!  Yes, I did- I am such the rebel!   When my brother, nephews, kitty and 3 of the 4 vehicles they own moved in they took up 3 guest parking spots and my attitude?  "Hell, I don't care park there until someone says something- everyone else is breaking the rules and have for years- I've lived here 10 years and have never broken the rule, it's about time I do!"   And as soon as someone complained two weeks ago, my brother moved one car out to the street and the other to Redeemer's parking lot.  We still made modifications that others have not made.

Health- I am getting smarter on this front.  My tennis elbow is getting better.  I've been getting some major painful beatings from the chiropractor, but he is seeing improvement (so am I, but I notice the bruises more)..but I have been religiously icing and heating the elbow twice a day and doing my stretches that he gave me.  I decided to get a sub for my class tomorrow night as this would enable me to have 5 days off of Body Pump teaching which breaks my heart, but I'd rather miss one class than be benched for the season!   The sucky thing is that this tennis elbow can recur at any time, so I'm just going to have to be careful and watch what I do so that I don't aggravate things!  

My mom is doing pretty well, she has her good days which seem to be many, but then she has those few days that are not so good and damn I think they take a worse toll on me than they do on her.  She gets so depressed about her apartment is not her house and she doesn't have her car and she should have died last year and blah blah blah blah.   I could see that attitude if she was bed-ridden and in constant pain, but damn she has a good shot at a pretty decent life right now.  She just has to embrace it and I get so mad when she talks like that.  I mean seriously- she has been almost to the dark side and has made it back.  Bill is starting to get a complex because the last two times that he visited her, she was in this "funk"- so he's starting to think it has something to do with him!  It doesn't, but the luck of timing...actually I think it's more related to the weekends.  They are quieter around Woodside Terrace, I think more families come and visit and take their parents/grandparents out or away for the day and the activities are fewer.   I need to think about doing something for her on weekends or find some activities for her to embrace.  I have been trying to keep the weekends as "Pam & Bill" time since I can go see her during the week often.   My brother spent most of Saturday with her, but sadly I think that just helps to depress her even more because as much as she has lost (her home, her car, etc.)- he has lost more.   When you compare- she has an apartment with all her stuff, her furniture, her gadgets.  She has money to buy a few fun things, she's doing pretty well. He on the other hand is living with us for now until he gets his settlement from the trustee..and even then who knows what will happen.  Surgery has to be a priority for him and getting insurance has been problematic, so he's probably going to have to just pay the cash to get healthy.  We have no idea what money will be left and which plan he can follow for rebuilding.

I count my blessings everyday because you just never know when things will change.  When the wind decides to blow the other direction.  I have been reminded of my Senior Yearbook quote several times tonight- some commercial on TV has been playing the Judas Priest song, "You've got another thing coming"- well it starts out "One life, I'm going to live it up" - THAT was the closing line of my yearbook quote.  The start of the quote was "Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life".  Interesting to reflect back upon that - gee am I starting to get nostalgic now that the 30th reunion will be happening next year???? Eeek!  I'm NOT that old!

But the bottom line- we only have one life and we need to live it up!

Body Repair in Progress....

Ok, so maybe teaching 14 Body Pump classes in 11 days wasn't the brightest idea I've had.  Seriously, I had not paid that close attention when I agreed to sub all of these classes, but it has taken it's toll on my body.   I am on the road to recovery though- had a much needed massage yesterday and that made me feel about 70% better and then today I saw the Chiropractor for a long overdue adjustment (it's been a month) and that felt wonderful!   I decided to be brave and ask Dr. Matteo about my elbow and get his opinion and he confirmed that it's Tennis Elbow and proceeded to give me some stretching exercises to do, along with icing and then he "treated" the elbow/forearm and whoa- what pain!!!  He put crazy pressure on my arm in various spots while I was told to flex and unflex my hand at the wrist.  But I have to say that it already feels better.  I have an arm band to wear while I teach and will go to see him again on Friday.  My teaching schedule is settling down a bit with just 1 class Friday and 2 on Saturday.  Thursday and Sunday are days of rest!

This is step one in the mission called "taking care of ME".  Time to get my body back to 100%.  Tomorrow's work will be calling the PT's and setting up the appointments to work on my foot.  It has not hurt much lately- a slight twinge during lunges, but other than that it's been ok.  I have not been doing any of the "triggers" if I can help it at all- so we have not been dancing since Vegas and I have not gone walking in well over a month.   Both of these activities need to return to my life, so PT is the answer for now and hopefully I can get the foot to cooperate without drastic measures.  

My Body is CRANKY!!

I'm not even sure what hurts more...my shoulder, elbow, knees...it all hurts--the result of 14 Classes, mostly Body Pump in 10 days...in fact I think it's 1 spin and 13 Body Pump classes.  Even though I've not been going full with my weights on some classes in an effort to "self-protect"- I think today I hit my limit.  But I am having so much FUN!    The funny part of this is that my cranky toe is not hurting...but I kinda think so much of my body hurts because I'm compensating in an effort not to aggravate the stupid toe.    So I did a very smart thing and made an appointment for a massage tomorrow at 11am- it's a luxury to do this in the middle of the work day- but I NEED it!   I am also going to try to swing by the chiropractor my my way between Spin and the Massage.   I am exhausted and I know that is part of the problem also- need the sleep to let the body heal and rejuvenate - I will be hitting the hay very early tonight (early for me)!   The week is still young as I have 2 classes tomorrow and then 3 more through Saturday!

I have been getting some really great feedback in my classes this past week.  The new release is getting great reviews overall and Saturday I had three new pumpers- they all came up to talk to me after class and said how much they enjoyed it.  Comments like "I never knew I could lift that much" and "I can't believe how fast the time went by, the class was so much fun"- those comments just make me beam ear to ear!    Today I subbed at the JCC for Lloyd. Now Lloyd is an industry veteran and very well respected by members and peers alike.  One of his participants came up to me afterwards and said that he's taken many instructors and that while Lloyd will always be his favorite, I had just moved into the #2 spot for him.   WOW- I was totally flattered by that compliment!   Then I had another participant tell me that she wasn't liking BP82 much until today and she complimented me on having the correct beat of the music and said that I hit every start and every stop to the music perfectly.   Just made for a wonderful day in the fitness world!

I am finally ready (I think) to jump start my own fitness and get things in order on the ME front.  I feel as though life is somewhat settling down.  Mom is settled at Woodside Terrace and starting to LIVE life.  She is very independent- even more than she was prior to 2/3 when this years ordeal all began.   Things with my brother are starting to shape up...just a few more things to fall into place for him, but really nothing for me to do about it.  It just has to be what will be.   I do have some things to tend to for mom like getting her car sold and then we (the family) need to gather all data to determine if it is better to rent or sell her house.  So I am going to start scheduling my own workouts in- I still need to get the physical therapy on my foot- I've sort of been avoiding that in the hopes that things would repair on their own and I really don't want to burn the cash to do it either.  Sigh.    But I do need to lose this damn weight.  It's so frustrating, I know that I've been dealing with circumstances beyond my control and have had to eat on the run a lot these past couple months- understandable.  But now I have to deal with challenges at home that I never had to deal with.  My brother buys crap food- stuff that I love and just don't buy because I know that I have no will power.  So I've been trying to dodge HoHo's and Ding Dong's and it's not easy and I have not been 100% successful at dodging either.  So I really need to regroup and get focused and on track with my eating- I know I'm getting the activity part of the equation- but it does take both to be successful at weight loss!  But I also want to add in more activity and different types of activity.  A few years ago all I was doing was teaching spin- now all I'm doing is teaching Body Pump...I need balance!

How did I get so lucky?

Seriously, how did I get so lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life?  I try not to take this for granted and I appreciate him every single day, but every now and then something clicks and I am just in awe that I have such an amazing life partner!   Tonight the trigger was my friend Kelli commenting on a picture of the two of us and she was feeling sentimental and said she could just see and feel the love by looking at our picture.   That is just SO AWESOME.

Just yesterday when Bill & I were driving to Fairfield for my niece's baby shower, we were listening to 107.7 The Bone Rock N Roll station and we were cracking up at how we could remember words to songs we have not heard in 20+ years, we were talking about how we both enjoy so many different genres of music.  We may have met country dancing- but we are both very well-rounded musical people.  Our iTunes would surprise anyone!   But we just busted out laughing- seriously LOL'd!  And then we commented about just how cool it was that we made each other laugh and we do, daily.  We laugh so much and I honestly believe that laughter is the cure for ANYTHING!   Life is too short to be angry, pissy or just down right mean- you have to laugh at life, at yourself, at everything - it just makes life that much better!

I am just feeling really blessed these days to have such an amazing life partner.  He is my rock, my best friend and is always there for me.  It's the simple things like today I called him at break time and in our conversation I told him I was craving tacos and was going to make them for dinner- explained that I would go to the store after taking mom to the Doctor and he said "text me the shopping list and I'll go after my dentist appointment"- really?  he volunteered to go shopping?  Those are the little things that make you realize that you are in this together, it's a partnership, it's about doing things together but also for each other to make for the greater good.

L-U-C-K-Y..yep, that's me!  Going to bed tonight with a smile on my face.  :)

Crazy week...and it's only Wednesday!

4th of July week has historically been a pretty quiet week for me on the work front- so I've either been on vacation myself or if I'm home, I tend to help out and sub a ton of classes.  From Saturday through Tuesday, I taught a total of 7 Body Pump classes and all but one were the new release.  It was very demanding, but SO MUCH FUN!  I can honestly say that I do not get tired of teaching this class.   Tuesday evening after having been up since 5am to teach at 6am, I was fading fast around 5pm- literally about to drop my head on the keyboard.  Now I think that was partially fatigue, but also allergies kicking in.  I HAD to take a power nap before my 730pm class.  It was so hard to get up but once I hit the gym and hit play on the ipod- I was in character and ready to perform.   I was then up until 2am afterwards- go figure, but not having an early alarm set for today helped!

Anyway, I am still busy with travel this week- but mainly trying to catch up from the previous week and get working on some quotes.  I have not been super successful with getting that work done, because when the phones and emails aren't off the hook, I feel like I want to play hooky.  It's terrible, I should be making the most of this quiet time to get caught up!  I have two more days this week, which hopefully will be on the quiet side, but alas both days are "choppy"- between teaching 3 classes and taking mom to a Doctor appointment!

Mom's leg remained swollen at the start of the week, so after a call and email to Dr. Gillon, she said to bring mom into the ER to rule out a blood clot.  Here we go again!!!  I am HAPPY to report that this was by far my most favorite visit to the ER this year- quick, painless and good news!  No clot, but post-surgery edema (swelling), most likely brought on by mom's activity since moving "home" to her apartment.  From here on out when I refer to mom's home- it is the apartment at Woodside Terrace.  Her "house" is where she used to live in S.F.   Mom has been going gang busters to unpack boxes, display her nick knacks, hanging pictures- she's having FUN!  She is so darn cheerful on the phone when I talk to her and she is just so happy to be alive and doing things when I see her.   She is so proud of her accomplishments, she is enjoying her meals at Woodside Terrace, she is making friends.  Her apartment is looking really nice and very homey..her bedroom is slightly larger than the one at the house, so all of her furniture fits and we have been cleaning out drawers.  Today I took 8 bags to Pick of the Litter for donation.  The other day she said, "why do people hang onto things for so long?" - she finally "gets it" and is getting rid of so many things, it's refreshing.   Now I don't think Imelda Marcos would be proud of the number of shoes that were donated, but a good 14 pairs of pumps still remain in her closet!  Yes, 14 pairs of pumps!    This past Sunday, she went to Church at her new parish and very much enjoyed that, followed by Sunday Brunch at the Terrace.  She's been winning at bingo also!  Today, Bill & I went to the house and picked up some more items that she wanted, so there will be plenty of more pictures for hanging - oh and 4 more pairs of shoes!!!  Good grief, Charlie Brown!

Mom has repeatedly said to me, "I really think I'm going to be happy here" and she loves her view from her room- she has some beautiful trees outside her window and her balcony overlooks the courtyard.   I have a feeling that give it a year and she's going to wonder why she didn't make this move a lot sooner.  I've been feeling a bit reflective and these past 5 months have not been easy- seriously, it was 5 months ago when this ordeal all started.  She has been through so much pain and often times has questioned "why is God punishing me? I should have died last year"- I can't even tell you how many times I've heard those words.  I have also thought and wondered why she was put through so much pain and now I'm beginning to think that God was trying to show her how much worse things could be until she accepted what he really wanted for her- a life of happiness.  She wasn't happy at "the house"- she was lonely and cigarettes were her best friend.  That 83 year old woman who is all of about 90 pounds has fought through such incredible pain and suffering these past 5 months that now I am beginning to believe that my mother can be one of those amazing 90+ year olds, she is so feisty, such a spit fire and is sharp as a tack!  

Tonight when speaking to her on the phone she explains to me about how today she saw another resident at The Terrace trying to get out of her chair, but was unable.  My mom went over to help her- explained to the woman to scoot closer to the end of the chair and the woman still could not get up, so my mom braced herself and then gave the woman a hand to help pull her up!!!  Now part of this scenario scares me because mom could try to help and end up on the floor, so I congratulated her on a good deed, well done- but also cautioned her to make sure she doesn't put herself in a situation where she could hurt herself either.  She felt so good to have helped someone else though and you could just hear the joy in her voice.   I am really feeling good about mom's future right now.  Nothing but good things ahead for her.

Today was a fun day, up in Fairfield with my "ex-family"- a baby shower for my niece Christina.  I am so very thankful to still be a part of the lives of my nieces & nephews from my first marriage.  I've known most of them from birth and now they are all young adults- it's crazy, but so great to see them and spend time with them.  Hard to believe that most of them are parents already!  We have two more occasions this summer for the "ex-family"-  my niece Sami gets married next month in Redding and my Great Niece has a 1st birthday the following week!   I am really blessed that Bill is ok with all of this, he "gets it" and understands that family is family and a divorce doesn't mean you are no longer family - he is still in touch with some of his nieces and nephews also.  I think we are very much the exception to the rule when it comes to this- so many people when they divorce, the entire families divorce...but it is great to see everyone and to be considered still "part of the family" and Bill has been welcomed as part of the family as well. 


So onward to finish off this week, the goal is to get a lot of work done, try to enjoy a low-key weekend...we don't really have anything officially planned- except for teaching two classes and a facial for me.  Although, now I'm thinking this may be a great Sunday to take mom to "real bingo" at the Veterans center for "real money".   The last time we planned on doing this, she ended up in the hospital!  

Things are getting a little bit better....

One step at a time and life will return to some form or shape that resembles "normal" for me.   Mom was discharged from the Palo Alto Nursing facility on Tuesday.  She had a follow up appointment with Dr. Gillon and the toe healing process is looking very good, she may start to remove some stitches next week.   She then had a hair appointment, getting herself all ready to return "home" to Woodside Terrace.   I am happy to report that mom seems to really like her new apartment.  I think she is very happy to be reunited with her "things" and has been working furiously since arriving to unpack knick knacks and put them in place.  Yesterday, she asked me to bring a hammer so that she could hang a few little things.  She's so proud of herself and her progress in getting her apartment ready.   She is cleaning out clothes and shoes so that she doesn't keep anything that she will really never use, so that will free up some much needed space.   She is doing a lot of walking to/from the dining room area and the activity room, so she is definitely getting her exercise.  In her apartment, she walks around without any assistance.  It's really quite amazing.   Today her leg and foot were a bit swollen- not terribly, but enough to notice so I called her Doctor and she advised to try the water pills that we had on hand and give it the weekend to see how it goes- if it's still swollen on Monday, then they will want to see her I suppose.   I am hoping that it's just some water build up from being on her feet for so much all of a sudden.   Gosh, hate to tell her to slow down when she is having so much fun doing things.

We met her neighbor across the hall, a very nice woman by the name of Marianne.  She is probably a few years younger than my mom- but she goes to St Pius and goes to the Senior Center.  I think that she and mom could become good friends.  I think mom is now starting to feel more at home with the activities and seeing that there are some very independent people at Woodside Terrace and she is one of them.  All in all, it is going well for her at this point and I hope and pray that this continues.

My brother is hanging in there, he still has not definitive word on when he'll get his money from the house sale, so until he knows when and how much, he remains in limbo not really knowing what the next step will be.   He is looking at options and seeing what his best plan will be once that is determined, but damn the guy has just had so many hits- it's about time for things to really start turning around for him!   Winning the lottery about now would be a very good thing!   We are all living pretty well under one roof right now.  Dealing with some neighbors who are a bit upset that parking is hard to come by in the "guest spots" because many residents are not following the parking rules- well we are breaking the rules by taking up 3 spots at night- but I've really had the mind set of "I really don't give a shit" because I have followed the rules for 10 years and watched many abusers over the years - this is an exception, it's not forever, it's a temporary thing.   At some point, we'll have to do something different - but like I said, I'm not the first nor will I be the last to break parking laws around good old Kentfield Manor.  Bottom line, nobody is going to enforce the rules- and paying someone to do it is not a responsible choice.   We are definitely at a shortage for parking around here, so what you going to do when you can't get parking on the street, but there is a vacant guest slot?  Easy decision.   Just one more reason as to why we need to get the heck out of here and build our own house someplace.   Tired of all the HOA bullshit!

Life has been super busy the past couple of weeks.  We had an amazing time in Vegas this past weekend with Jamie, Jacqui, Michael & Patrick.  Lots of fun, great weather- quality pool time.  I was a happy girl.  I think Bill had a good birthday as well!    Work has been busy and I have been subbing a lot of classes at the gym.  Getting ready to launch Body Pump 82 tomorrow at Gold's and Sunday at the JCC...I think I'm ready and it's a great release.  I'm already sore thinking about it!   I will be crippled by next weekend- I can't even count, but other than the 4th of July, I am teaching Body Pump everyday through next Saturday!  I think it's some crazy 9 classes in 7 days!  Sucks that PAC has not launched the new releases, so when I sub there this week I'm going to have to pull out older choreography from the memory banks.  That should be fun!

Anyway, off to bed so I can dream of Body Pump music.  If I can get up early I plan to go to 24 Hour Fitness in Sunnyvale to take pictures of my friends launching Body Pump 82 on a huge stage to a room of 100 participants.  Kristy & Orna are team teaching with the one and only Steven Renata, I have to say that I am a bit jealous.  It really sucks that 24 hour is getting all of these Les Mills formats and that I am not employed there anymore.  It is where I started with Body Pump 12 years ago and I left because of inadequate pay, lack of raises after many requests and it didn't help matters that they had dropped Body Pump after having been with the club for about 3 years!   I was devastated and back then there simply were no clubs nearby with Body Pump.  Interesting how things work out.

Ok- time for zzzzzzzzzzz's

Missing my Daddy!

Today was Dad's birthday, he would have been 83 years old and it is sad that he was taken from us at the very young age of 60, to think that he will have been gone 23 years in September just blows my mind.   He certainly fought a good fight, but just had to fight it at such a young age, especially when you compare him to my mom who has pretty much been in excellent health until the last two years and she is quite the fighter.  It makes me proud to know that I come from such strong, feisty genes!

When picking my Giants game this season, like always I try to get weekend games first and then if I have to get weeknight games it has to be nights that I don't teach at the gym and then I'll usually get 1-2 day games because after all, it's fun to play hooky every now and then and spend a workday afternoon at the ballpark!   Well, knowing June 13th was my Dad's birthday, the Giants were in town and it was a Wednesday night, one that I don't teach, I had to get those tickets.   I took my brother with me tonight, which is also fitting because I know that Dad has been proud over the years to look down and see us at so many Giants games, following his footsteps so to speak.  I have always said that once Pac Bell Park was built (yes, it is always Pac Bell to me, although I can sort of grasp AT&T park, never grabbed SBC park), but I have always felt my Dad's presence at the ballpark.  I actually had tears the first time I was at the park because I just knew that my dad would have loved that place and he would have loved to see his team playing there.

I grew up going to Giants games with my Dad on weekends and holidays- we sat 3 rows behind home plate and I got to meet many players over the years.  I was a true fan from that young age, loved my Giants through thick and thin.  I have been riding the highs for the last decade at Pac Bell park with all of the Barry Bonds milestones, the World Series in 2002 and then the World Series in 2010 and tonight adding to the excitement- Franchise History in the making, Matt Cain pitches a no-hitter, a perfect game- no hits, no walks, no errors- NADA, NOTHING, PERFECTO!  He had 14 strike-outs, a new personal best for him surpassing his previous best of 13, it was pure excitement in the ballpark tonight.   Also, some great DEFENSE on the field as well, an amazing catch by Right-fielder, Gregor Blanco- diving catch in Triples Alley- a place where very few balls are caught- such excitement.  We won the game 10-0, every inning was packed with great, perfect playing baseball.  I am once again on a GIANTS high, but really must get to bed and sleep for an early day tomorrow.

I really do feel that my dad was watching down from Heaven tonight, he was there at Pac Bell, he was a part of this day in Baseball History!   Big week for our family...June 10th my Anniversary, June 13th Dad's Birthday,  June 14th Mom & Dad's Anniversary- this year would have been 60 years!  Of course, this week of the year always included Father's Day as well!

And then there were 9...

9 toes that is!   My mom is now officially a toe amputee.  They did the surgery yesterday and as promised I received a phone call from mom's Doctor as soon as it was over- during our Anniversary Brunch at the Westin Verasa in Napa.   She told me that all went well and that mom was in recovery and for me to go on and enjoy the rest of the day and celebrate.  We did just that.   I will say though that I felt very comfortable going away, knowing that my mom was having surgery and I can only believe that my comfort was a direct result of the fabulous care that she is under with Dr. Gillon.  This woman has taken mom under her wings.  In an email exchange, she says to me  "I have grown very fond of your mother and admire how feisty and determined she is to get through this.  You too deserve much credit.  I have taken care of elderly people with vascular problems for decades now and it is rare that a family is so involved and so caring. "    My mom tells me today that just before the surgery, Dr. Gillon gave her a hug and a sweet kiss on the cheek.   I have seen so many Doctors over the past few years and many have lacked a true bedside manner, many have lacked the "people" touch - it is so wonderful to have a Doctor like her involved in mom's case.  I believe it has made the world of difference for mom.

I knew that my mom would be resting most of yesterday, so I didn't call- I didn't want to disturb her if she was sleeping and did expect her to be "out of it" with the pain meds.   My sister texted me about 6pm to let me know that mom had called her and that she was very alert and talkative and was doing well.  She was a bit upset that she had two black eyes- but Dr. Gillon had told me that even though they removed the tape from her eyes (to keep them shut), she bruises easy and would look like a raccoon for a few days.  My mother was in shock when she saw herself in the mirror.  Once she got the explanation, she was ok.

Bill & I went to visit her on our way home this afternoon and she was doing pretty good.     She has started having "phantom pains"- which from what I've read can be pretty nasty and disturbing.  Once I explained to her what it was, she was a bit relieved to know what it was.  It had sort of freaked her out and sent her to tears the first time she felt the pains.  I hope that these phantom pains go away quickly, I'm sure it is a weird sensation to feel a pain where your toe used to be.

I believe the Doctor will change her dressings tomorrow and take a look at it.  Probably get her up to walking a tiny bit in the next 2-3 days.  Hopefully, we are at the end of the medical trials and tribulations and mom can move forward with her life and start to enjoy and LIVE!

Bill & I had a wonderful Anniversary Weekend.  Arrived at our hotel Saturday night close to 8pm, checked in and ordered room service dinner, enjoyed a bottle of wine with a movie on TV, cuddled up on the couch.  (we had a suite)  We slept in Sunday, got up for brunch and then lounged by the pool all afternoon.  I did a little "work"- although I don't consider Body Pump "work"- I listened to my new music for the next release and reviewed the current release so I can teach it this week in preparation for AIM 1 workshop!   We boarded the Napa Valley Wine Train Sunday evening and fortunately did get our upgrade to the Vista Dome car, which was wonderful.  It was a beautiful train ride, great meal- fun times!  Today we slept in a bit, headed into Yountville for lunch at Bouchon, and then stopped by Daniela's parents new place in Yountville and had a very nice visit with them.   All in all a pretty great weekend.  God is good.

Graduations, Anniversaries & Surgeries...oh MY!

This week has been absolutely OFF THE HOOK!    I am beyond exhausted- that seems to be a recurring theme that I write about, need to do something about that!    I have spent the last few days helping my brother move, it has been very emotional for all of us- so hard to pack up 25 years of your life!   I can only say that I have such a huge respect for my brother, he has been through so much yet still remains faithful and keeps on keepin' on.   So many people would just give up or turn to dark measures if they were in his shoes.   He has raised to wonderful young men...more on this later in the blog.   The other night while packing and wondering if it would ever get done, he had a sentimental moment and was so grateful for his two sons.   He is so proud of them and it just came shining through in our conversation.  I'm sure along with the move and all the emotions involved with that, the fact that his first born, eldest son graduated today from High School was also cause for sentiment.

Last night when we all made another trip to his house to pack up another load, close to the last load, the new owners were there to receive the keys.  The very ironic thing in all of this something that I just realized earlier this week is that the new owner is a gal I graduated with from Mercy High School.  In fact, I attended her first wedding in the 80's!  I had lost complete tough with her over the years and it was nice to see her and reunite, yet also bittersweet because although a "buyer" for my brother's house is not a bad thing- you do sort of feel like there is a victim and a villain in the situation.  Hard to really explain, but it was a bit awkward.  I mean it would be nice to get to know each other better again and perhaps do things socially- but it would be really weird to be invited to her house for dinner or a pool party!   Just strange the way the world turns!

Today was Michael's graduation and I teared up multiple times.  I am so proud of him and the man that he has become.  It has not been easy on him or his brother with all this moving and transition, but he keeps on, just like his dad.  In 19 years, I've only seen him lose his cool once and that was two weeks ago with all the pressure surrounding the family move.  He looked so grown up today and spiffy in his dress clothes.  As tired as we all were having dinner at 1am last night and ready for bed, "Uncle Bill" stayed up late enough to iron Michael's dress shirt and graduation gown.  Michael looked awesome and so nicely put together.   I got some great pictures of him- which thrilled me and afterwards when we caught up with him, I went to give him a congratulations hug and he really hugged back.  I've hugged him many times over the years for all sorts of holidays and events, but this hug back was different- it was the hug of a mature, grown up man.  Although the words were not spoken, I felt as though his hug said, "thank you for all you've done for me"- I just can't explain it any better than that- but really a very proud day for this Auntie.   And it didn't end there.  At lunch, my sister asked Michael if he wanted to go see his Grandmother at the hospital and he said he would- so she took him and he thought it would be a nice idea to give his Grammy his Graduation Flower Lei.  She was in tears at the "gift" and the fact that it was his idea just warms my heart.

Sunday is our Anniversary, 6 years married and 8 years together.  Time flies- although I feel as though I have been married to this wonderful man all my life!  He has been so supportive, so loving, so caring, so giving - I often times wonder what I did to deserve him and am so incredibly thankful to have him in my life, that he loves me and has chosen me for his life partner.  He's amazing.  We will be taking off to Napa Sunday morning, maybe Saturday afternoon if I can get the hotel to give us the Agent rate for Saturday night- a near impossible thing in a popular destination..but I will try, I'd love to get away for 2 nights and be able to really enjoy the resort.  We plan to get some pool time, work on the suntans, and then enjoy the Napa Valley Wine Train!   This will be a lot of fun; however, a bit overshadowed by the fact that we learned today that mom will have Surgery on Sunday!

Yes, surgery for mom.  They had tentatively scheduled her for the toe amputation on Wednesday and wanted to treat her with antibiotics until then and have surgery be the last resort.  However, the discharge people and medicare people won't allow her to stay until Wednesday with the treatment plan in place.  They feel it could be out-patient treatment, so given that it was a "miracle shot"- they decided to move the surgery up to Sunday and take care of the toe.  Her Doctor has been fabulous and wonderfully communicative.  In fact today's email from Dr. Gillon told me that "they" (she and my mom) do not want me anywhere near the hospital on Sunday, that I need to celebrate my Anniversary with my husband and that mom will be just fine.   I am trying to trust in this, with any surgery there is risk and with any surgery on an 83 year old there is even more risk - even on the healthiest of people!   But I will trust that it will all go fine and enjoy my time away- after all I have been ordered to do so by my mom and her Doctor!   I hope that this is it, that this surgery will go smoothly and that she adapts well and quickly to the 4 toed foot.  Today she was telling several jokes- all in an effort to keep herself laughing and she spoke of her mother when she had gall bladder surgery and how her mother had asked the Doctor if she could have a stone to keep and did keep one in a jar.  I just looked at my mom because I just knew where she was going with this...and then she laughed and said she wasn't going to ask the Doctor, but she thought her toe in a jar might be a good conversation piece!  Yes, she has officially "lost it"- but I get trying to make light of a very difficult situation.  She is still grieving not being able to ever wear sandals again, of course she has not worn sandals in 10+ years!  

June- WOW...can't believe we are 1/2 way through 2012!!  Where does the time go?

Bring on 2013 already!

I was chatting with my friend Elizabeth the other night and we have both had very trying 2012's already and were both feeling like we are ready for 2013.  I honestly do not know how it is already June.  It is just so crazy, but I find myself trying to visualize Thanksgiving and Christmas 2012 and what I am picturing is:  health for my entire family- that my mom's horrible and long health ordeal this year is over and she is back to enjoying life and living life, the my brother is able to get the surgery that he needs and can be out of pain that he's been dealing with for 6+ months.  Stability for my brother and his family- now having sold their house and have that behind them, that they will be able to rebuild a new life and get back on their feet.  He has great dreams and we will know soon how those dreams will unfold- much will depend on the outcome of the bankruptcy.  For now, he and his family will be living with us until he gets his money from the house sale and can move forward with his plan.   On one hand, this is a HUGE adjustment for Bill & I- we are so used to living alone and having full run of the house, but it has got to be so much worse for my brother and nephews to adjust to not having full run of a house.  Yes, they know that "mi casa, su casa"- but still it's just not the same.  I am hoping that we can have some fun with this, gosh I have not lived with my brother since I was 9 or 10 years old?  Ok- now that I put that on paper, I am officially scared!

Tonight when I went by Woodside Terrace to pick up a few things for my mom, Marguerite at the front desk said to me, "you are the glue in your family, aren't you?" - I probably talk too much about my life to people, but it is who I am.   But she is right, in many ways I am the glue and I do take care of things, it is my nature.  I am a fixer, I am a doer- we all have our roles in life.   So many people have said how much they "admire me" or that "I'm a bigger person than they are" or that "there is no way I could do what you're doing", but I honestly believe that we all have no idea what we are capable of doing until we are put into a situation of having to do it!  You just do it, when it comes to family there are no excuses you make it work.

Today was an insane day...up early, helped brother pack up the house- as much as we could, there is still much that needs to get done tomorrow.  Made two trips to my house with things that were coming here.  Picked up one nephew from school after his finals, had an appraiser come by my house and hopefully she will get a good value in so we can refinance.  Did a tiny bit of work and then out the door I went to go by mom's apartment, then to Kohl's to look (very quickly) for an outfit that Michael could wear tonight to the awards assembly.  The kid just didn't have anything between the suit and the cargo pants and I felt that he needed to be a bit more dressed up than that.  I got lucky and found some pants in his size and a shirt- he liked it and they fit!  After 20 minutes in Kohl's I was to the hospital for a "drive-by" to bring mom a few things and then back home for dinner, Bill ironed Michael's new clothes and we were off to the Awards Assembly.  That was the first time that I really sat down today!   Michael received two awards and it was a very nice event.

Mom had a pretty good day today- although she it not feeling warm and fuzzy about her Primary Care Physician.   But mom is standing firm that she wants to do what her specialist wants her to do- the PCP is new and doesn't have that relationship with mom that Dr. Gillon has.  Right now the plan is that they are giving her antibiotics through IV and orally to treat the toe and if there is no significant progress by 6/13- they will amputate the big toe.   Mom is adjusting to the idea and trusts Dr. Gillon impeccably.   We will see.  Dr. Gonzalez (PCP) was talking about sending mom home and having her come to the hospital everyday for injections, but mom doesn't want to leave the hospital.  Strange- usually Doctors don't push sending you home, it's usually the case workers/insurance companies that do that!

Anyway, really tired and must get up early tomorrow for an 8am meeting, will get some work done and will then probably help a good portion of the day with packing/moving etc.  Still a lot of crap that needs to get moved- it's 25 years of stuff, both personal and business- not easy at all!

I will continue to pray for things to get better for everyone and for this year to take a turn up and only positive things from here on out.  It is just a really emotionally draining year thus far and at this pace, I'm ready for 2013 in a big way!

..and yet another setback!

I just wonder when my mom is going to catch a break!   Seriously, this health drama has gone on long enough.  I know she is frustrated, disgusted and tired of the bull!  Honestly, so am I!   You just don't realize how much of a toll all of this takes on you while you're going through it until you have a bit of a reprieve and then it hits you when you're back in the bull once again!    Mom had another setback on Saturday- she had issues with diarrhea Saturday early morning, then her blood pressure was very low- the nurses at Woodside Terrace monitored her and said that her blood pressure remained low.  They called me.  I was all the way out in Livermore and had to leave the girls day of fun early to take mom to the ER.  They did admit her, mainly because blood work showed some sort of infection, which we know she has the toe infection- still waiting to see if that is all she has; however, today they did confirm that she has C-Diff once again!  Really?  I have no idea how one can continue to catch this awful infection over and over again.  It's so unfair!   Of course, we know that long term antibiotic use is usually a trigger and she has been on them for a long time, if not one form, then another.   They are now treating her with the Vancomycin both orally for the stomach and IV for the foot.   Hopefully, we will have more news tomorrow when everyone works at the hospital and we can talk to Doctors.

She was looking so forward to this weekend, especially to today.  Her plans included going to church, then bingo at the Senior Center and then BBQ at our house for her Grandson's birthday.  She had to miss all of that- it's just really unfair.   Why do bad things happen to good people?   Why do good people have to suffer?   Of course, now she is so afraid that she won't ever be independent again if she is going to have this C-diff returning all the time.  How horrible for her...for all of us.  It's so hard to try to keep someone optimistic when even you have a hard time being optimistic.   Tomorrow I am going to bring her leftovers from the BBQ for lunch, she is looking forward to that.

Our weekend, otherwise was very fun and action packed.  So much that I am exhausted and plan to get to bed here in the next 30 minutes- tops!  Yes, before midnight!  I had no desire to get up and out of bed this morning and it was really a push to get moving and go shopping for BBQ needs!  I am blessed to have such a wonderful husband who helps with everything.  "Team Horst" as my friend Mary calls it.  We shopped together, at times splitting up in the store to save time and then he prepped food while I went to visit mom and bring her stuff, then once I returned we got the dining room table prepared and set for company.   He did most of the cooking with the help of our Brother-in-Law who is helplessly drawn to any Bar-B-Que, he just can't help himself.  He really is "grill master Bill"- but his name is Roger.  :)   My brother did his part at the end of the meal and served up the cake for his son and my sister did her part by making salads and cutting up the ribs.  A "TEAM" effort all the way through.

It was a very fun weekend with two great concerts Thursday and Friday nights.   Saturday fun Body Pump class with a full house, then Bocce Ball, wine, lunch and great gal pals in Livermore.  Bill had a fun "boys day" in SF with his buddy Joe at the Giants game with lunch before and dinner out after...very eventful!!  No wonder I'm tired!  

Looking ahead to a busy week, hopefully a productive week for work- much to get done and it's a short work week for me with Michael's graduation Friday and next week is a short week since Bill & I are taking Monday off for our Anniversary!  I absolutely LOVE how we really take time to celebrate our Anniversary- we make is a very special day- as it should be!  I can't even begin to say how excited I am to get away next weekend to Napa with him, even though it's just one night- we are going to have such a great time celebrating 6 years of marriage and 8 years of being together!   Looks like I won't need to take mom to her two Doctor appointments this week - sadly.  But there will be daily visits to the hospital to try to keep her spirits up.  Given the C-diff, I'm guessing she is there for at least a few days- and I hope that they make progress on her toe infection, enough to determine if they will be able to save it and honestly if they don't think they can save it, then maybe now is the time to take care of that so she can put all this medical crap behind her and get back to normal!  

So off I go, to bed- going to start this week off on the right foot with lots of rest!

My left foot!

Yesterday I had the MRI on my foot, today I met with the Doctor for the results.  It seems that I have a degenerative ligament.   As for treatment, he modified my inserts, gave me some pads for my other shoes that the inserts don't fit - like my flip flops and dance boots.  He wants me to go to Physical Therapy twice a week for four weeks and see if they can strengthen the other ligaments in my foot so that this degenerative one is not further damaged.  He seems to think that surgery is inevitable and that it's just a question of when.  I'm not a fan of any surgery, so I will try whatever I need to and hopefully get my foot back to normal or at least get rid of the pain.   The Doctor also suggested that I try the Sketchers Shape Up shoes because they will alleviate the pressure on my toes, it's the action of flexing my foot that hurts the most.  So even though I think the shoes are mostly ugly and that there have been a lot of negative press on them, I ordered a pair tonight.  Again, whatever it takes for my foot to heal!

I said a few weeks ago that I was finally taking care of me and this was part of it, but I don't want to experience set backs.  I am getting into a groove with fitness again, I'm feeling weight starting to fall off again.  I taught two Spin classes and one Body Pump in the last two days- it felt great.  In fact,  I put together a new playlist for Spin and it was such a GREAT playlist!   I'm subbing several classes in the coming month- a few conditioning classes at Pacific Sports Resort, a few spin classes at Gold's and then my normal Body Pump classes.  I'm signed up for Body Pump AIM in a few weeks, so I can't let this injury take me down!  I have plans, I have things to accomplish.

I am tracking my food once again- or at least trying to.  I have been super hungry- probably in part to my metabolism boosting with the additional workouts and PMS!  I have an addiction to Mother's Double Fudge cookies and I cannot buy them anymore.  I finally did the point calculation and 2 cookies are 5 points!!  Yikes!   Other than that, I am doing pretty well.   I've been really busy, so I have not been able to get into my eating groove completely, but I am no longer eating on the run- well except for Sunday when Bill & I were pressed for time between packing up mom's house and meeting at my brother's to continue packing and moving him out...so it was a Taco Bell lunch!

This week is flying by and I still have so much to accomplish, but I will persevere I think!  I would love to stay up and finish things tonight, but I am really tired and must get up early to get things done before a morning of hair appointments for me & mom, then lunch, then Doctor appointment for Mom!   Still no answer on the treatment for her big toe.  It really is looking a lot better, but we'll see what the Doctor says.

Looking forward to the weekend- which as far as fun begins tomorrow night- well I guess that is tonight since it's almost 1am.   Daughtry concert tonight in S.F.,  then Sugarland concert Friday night,  Saturday is the "girls day of fun" in Livermore/Pleasanton to play Bocce Ball, have lunch and see a movie.  Sunday, I think taking mom to bingo is in order and then having the family over to celebrate Rob's birthday- which is officially today- he is now 17 years old!  Gosh, I feel so old!

Had a "small world" moment this week.  In trying to get mom to feel more "at home" in Redwood City, I've been trying to encourage her to attend church at the local Catholic Parish.  She is interested.  I wanted to check the clergy roster at St. Pius and saw the Pastor listed as Rev. Paul Rossi.  Well, back in grammar school, we had a Fr. Rossi, he was a Deacon - so new to the priesthood.  I did some inquiring and found out that this is the same Fr. Rossi!   How crazy is that?  Mom was excited to have this "connection" to her new Parish and seems excited to get to church and to check out their Senior Club which meets on Fridays.

Emotions running high...

This has been a pretty crazy week- but then welcome to my life, when is my life not crazy?!   Mom is doing well, she had two Doctor appointments yesterday to the Vascular Specialist and today to meet her new Primary Care Physician.    The Vascular Specialist confirmed that mom's big toe infection is MRSA- which is a very stubborn bacterial infection.  We are waiting for the Infectious Disease Specialist to determine the best way to treat the infection.  The good news however, the Doctor was very pleased with progress on the toe - I received a huge compliment from the Doctor and she said she had no doubt that the progress on the toe was due to family taking care of the dressing changes.  It makes my 1-2 visits per day all worth it if we can see positive progress and have mom keep her big toe!   She is in a lot of pain though and the Doctor is still adamant about her not taking any more narcotic pain medication.   So mom is self-medicating with a second glass of wine before bed!  Today the Primary Care Doctor suggested that mom cut back on the wine so that she won't damage her heart lining anymore than it already is.  Mom's reaction to that,  "I'm at peace and ready to die whenever and until that happens, I am enjoying my wine".  Poor Doctor, she got the wrath of Pat - but she understood too.  Mom has had to give up so much these past few months.  It really can't be easy on her, but she is adjusting.    Her biggest complaint about WT is that all the people are old and dying and not interesting.  She doesn't associate herself with these people, you gotta love that.  But I do get it, there are some who are just "blah" for lack of a more intelligent word.   But she is meeting some people who are more interesting and she plans to get out to some local coffee shops so that she can become a "local".  She also wants to check out the local Catholic Church, I'd love for her to get involved with Redeemer so we can introduce her to some of the older Parishioners there, but I don't think she's ready to convert yet.  :) 

Yesterday was her 83rd birthday!  A day that at times this year, I really thought she would not be with us to celebrate.   It was nice to celebrate.  We took her out to dinner to our local favorite Italian Place with my brother and nephews - we all had a good meal and afterwards the staff came out with her birthday cake and the two candles and the entire restaurant sang "Happy Birthday" to her, she was in tears.   It was a very emotional night and we all sort of teared up when my brother arrived and had a bouquet of carnations from his yard.  He has always loved Carnations and has had these plants in his yard for decades.  His attitude was, "I'm not going to leave them for the new owners" and I don't blame him.  But the flowers are a sad reminder of the house that is not his anymore, well as soon as escrow closes next week.   I know that my mom went to bed crying last night, crying for her one and only son who is dealing with such hard times, who really has had tough times for the last 7 years - it's just not fair.  I find myself asking often, "why do bad things happen to good people?" - is it because they can handle it?    I just don't know.  Then I think of "Thing One" & "Thing Two" - the two people who have been very instrumental in putting him in this screwed place and am just dumbfounded.   "Thing One"-  ultimately she's not a bad person, she's sick and I think she definitely has her own hell to live with.  But, "Thing Two"- she is just pure evil and I don't care how "hard" her life seems to everyone that she cries "poor me" to, it is all an act.  She is a great actress & plays the victim role well.  I have come to my own place of peace about both of these women...it's time to move on for all of us.  No time for negativity or drama in my life.  

I had a self-indulgent morning today- I layed in bed for an hour and read my book- I can't even begin to remember when I last did something like that.  It was wonderful, in fact I am almost done with my book and am tempted to crawl into bed and read some more now- of course hard to do with Bill sleeping and the lighting in the bedroom at night is not conducive to reading in bed! 

TGIF!  Technically, it is midnight and a new day! 

Starting to take care of me!

Things, I think are finally settling down with mom.  She is at Woodside Terrace and hopefully things will continue to get better for her.  The only gray area right now is her big toe- which is pretty nasty, the bone is exposed, she has a bone infection and we are waiting for culture results to determine the course of action.  Antibiotics are not ideal since she is prone to the C-diff infection, so it could be a long course of cleaning the wound out and getting the bacteria out manually so skin can grow over the bone  or amputate the toe.  Time will tell.   She has had her lonely, depressing moments at Woodside Terrace and yesterday even said that she really wanted a cigarette.  She says she's going to ask the Doctor if she can have 1-2 cigarettes a day.  I just about lost it and gave her an ear full!   Today she was better.  I've been doing her bandage changes and although the toe looks gross, I think it is looking better - but what do I know?   Nurse Horst is my new hobby!  

Tonight I went to play bingo with her at WT, I was the youngest person in the room, it was pretty funny to watch some of them and the interactions.  We didn't win, but I think mom had fun.  I thought I was going to be killed by these seniors when I accidentally knocked over my glass of water and they stopped calling numbers so I could clean it up.  Don't mess with bingo at the Senior Home!!   Mom says that tomorrow she is going to participate with the exercise classes, so I think that will be good for her to meet others who are active or want to be active.  She is making some friends, but she came from environments at skilled nursing and hospitals where people were poking their head into her room often, she now needs to poke her head out of her room more often.

Today I made a few more Doctor appointments for mom, I had my dentist cleaning this morning and not surprising, but they want me to consult with the periodontist.  Gum disease runs in the family and my mother, brother, sister have all gone through hell with their teeth/gums-waiting to find out when he will be in the office next.  Ugh.  Sounds like possibly pretty gross surgical procedures- I will need to be  seriously medicated for that!   I lined up an eye Doctor for mom, I need to get a referral from her Primary Doctor- and since we see her this week, I feel prepared.  Luckily, I found a Retina Specialist office in her medical group and she is eager to get to the eye doctor.  It has been months and she usually gets a shot in her eye every couple of months to keep her sight.   Hopefully, we can get her in the first week of June.

I did a small walk today, house to dentist, dentist to Woodside Terrace and WT to home.  less than 45 minutes total and my foot was really hurting.  It's extremely frustrating because I am ready to get back into my full workouts and this is holding me back.  I called today to finally have my follow up appointment regarding my inserts.  I hope it's something simple, I'm not ready to agree to foot surgery- so may have to get second opinions and perhaps see what the chiropractor can do.  Later tonight after my second Body Pump class, my ankle was really sore - yesterday after our massages the therapist had commented on how she thought my ankles was tight.  Maybe I will book another massage to help work things out.  I know that lunges did not help my foot- it seriously still hurts.  It is so true though that when your feet hurt, the rest of your body is toast!   So we'll see what happens Friday at the Doctor.

So today, I started logging my food on Weight Watchers again- it had been since March and I also logged in my Friday Weight- up 11 pounds from the last time I logged -back in February...guess considering all that I've been going through and the crazy driving all over, eating on the run, that's not too terrible, but I hate it!  So time to re-focus, re-commit and lose this weight.  Today I began measuring portions again.    I taught 2 Body Pump classes and walked 45 minutes- it felt good (other than the injuries) and I really need to continue this- so please foot/ankle don't fail me now!

I also signed up for Body Pump AIM 1 training- the Advanced Instructor Module is a full day of learning how to be a better instructor, getting expert advice and mentoring from the trainers - I'm excited.  I've wanted to do this for two years now, but the dates so few and far between never worked for me and my crazy schedule of life!   I am also thrilled that the training is on Body Pump 81- probably my favorite release in a long time and one that I feel I know VERY well, so getting ready for that day should be relatively easy- I can at least not over think choreography.  So another positive step in my Fitness Career.  I have some other steps in mind, but they are going to have to wait for now.

Life as I know it will be changing quite a bit next week.  My brother, his two teenagers and cat will be moving in with us temporarily (oh and three computers).  His house closes but because there is a bankruptcy involved, he doesn't get proceeds until at least 30 days after closing.  How does the government expect people to do this- I mean you're in bankruptcy for a reason, so now you're homeless and have to wait 30+ days to get money to move on--really annoying.  Anyway, Bill & I did major spring cleaning on our closets and drawars- I still have a bit more to complete, but we have 16 bags of donations that I need to bring in later this week.  Bill is such a trooper and an amazing support to me and my family.  I really struck GOLD with him, completely blessed.  Trying to figure out how to celebrate our Anniversary this year- since we will have a full house, I really want to get out of town and have some alone time- but also don't want to miss my classes- sort of hard to do this with a Saturday and Monday morning class.  Tahoe, Bodega Bay, Yosemite, Old Sacramento, Napa, Carmel- all places we're tossing around.   So this Memorial Day weekend- we will be helping my brother pack and move things into storage.  It would be fabulous if he gets his offer accepted for a new piece of land...we are waiting.

I really do feel like things are starting to turn around in all areas of my life with me and my family-I have been praying extra hard and seriously handing it over to God.  I know it's all in HIS time, HE has a plan and I just have to be patient and realize that there is nothing that I can do.  So now I should have gotten a ton of work done tonight, but just way too pooped, so I am going to get to bed and get up early.  At least that is what I am hoping to do.

Nice Surprise...

Today was a very hectic day.  I got up early so that I could get some work in before heading to SF, I had a sneaking suspicion that once I left my office today it would be awhile before I returned.  Even in the best of circumstances, I was going to get back about 4pm and then have to leave again an hour later.  Well, it was much crazier.    Before I left my office though, Bill's sister had messaged me asking for my phone number because she was having something delivered to me and they would not take the order without the phone number.  I was intrigued, but didn't have time to ponder on this.

I left my house and didn't get back until 830pm!   Picked up mom, took her to get her hair cut in Belmont, then we had lunch- her 230pm Doctor appointment was moved to 3pm, so we didn't get done with that until almost 4pm.  I then had an urgent travel booking to finalize before taking mom back to SF.  Once she was dropped off close to 530pm, I ran by her house to pick up a few things and then headed back to Redwood City to meet my brother at Costco so he could purchase everything for Redeemer's Family Fun Day this weekend - an annual BBQ that he has organized and ran for years now.   Once we finished there, I then had stops at the bank, CVS, Lucky's and then Lucia's to pick up dinner!   Dinner was not ready- well the order never made it to the pizza maker, so I had to wait- which wasn't all bad, they treated me to a glass of wine for my inconvenience.   Quite the whirlwind day!

When I stopped home for the brief client moment, I had flowers that had been delivered to my next door neighbor with the nicest card,  "Just letting you know that a great daughter you are, wish there was more people like you.  Love Debbie and Stan"  ~ Bill's sister and her husband.  I had tears in my eyes.   You certainly don't do all the things that I have been doing for my mom to get recognition like that, but it was really a sweet thing and felt good to be validated in a way- that what I am doing is good.  Later along in my travels today I ran into my friend Dianne at Lucky's and in talking to her we were talking about things with my brother and she chimed in that "your brother is so lucky to have a sister like you".  Both unexpected, unsolicited comments/actions that made me feel very good and positive about life.  The bottom line- I have always been one to put family first and do whatever I can for my family.  It's just how we were raised. Period.  It really tugs at me when I can't help or don't have the answers or my best is not good enough.

Anyway, today was a good day.  As for mom and the infamous big toe - they have taken a culture of the bone so that they can determine the nature of the infection/bacteria and determine what treatment makes most sense.  They really don't want to treat with antibiotics due to the C-diff susceptibility.  They aren't rushing towards amputation either - so time will tell.   The Doctor seemed very pleased that i would be the one doing the dressing changes and she was all in favor of mom leaving the Jewish Home and moving back into Woodside Terrace - so tomorrow is release day.   Mom is very excited to get out of there- it's been a good place and she has been taken care of well- but it's not a lively place- there are a lot of people much worse off than she and she really is really to get on with life- which is a great sign!

TGIF...it's going to be a very busy weekend...!

Changes up ahead...hopefully nothing but positiveness!

It has been a very eventful two weeks and even though I was gone for 8 days on "vacation", I am still very exhausted.  Bill is exhausted as well, so I think in part it is allergies- we are never plagued with allergies when we are away, but as soon as we return home they flare up!   But it was an exhausting vacation, but I did manage to find some balance to enjoy the cruise, enjoy the conference and get some rest.   We danced every night, we saw every show, we had about 4 days out in the sunshine, we slept in every morning, never once making it to breakfast- which is typical since most nights we were going to bed around 2-3am!  The Oasis of the Seas was awesome and I can't wait to cruise on her or Allure of the Seas again.  I have yet to write my review, hopefully this weekend I will have a chance to get that done.

Since being back, work has been crazy and add to that multiple doctor appointments this week for mom, which entails driving to S.F. to pick her up, back to RWC for the appointment, back to S.F. to drop her off and then finally back home in RWC.   As a result, I've been staying up late to get work done, albeit not too successfully when supplier sites go down for maintenance at these hours.  I was so exhausted that I crawled into bed around 5pm today and was knocked out until 630pm.   I have taught two Body Pump classes this week and if felt so GREAT to be back teaching- I really do miss it when I'm gone and it was so nice to have such welcoming students saying that they missed me, even though I left them in very good hands.  It was a wonderful surprise to see that two of my regulars from Fitness 101 joined Gold's and were in my class on Thursday- felt like a very fun reunion!   I am very sore having not pumped in two weeks, but it's a great type of soreness!  I am hoping to get back to walking tomorrow morning.   No time like the present.  I need to commit to my own fitness schedule and get myself back on track.  I need to start tracking my food once again- something that I have not done in months it seems.   Time to make some changes.  I am also going to sign up to go to AIM 1 training in June.  Finally, I think I can make the schedule work!

Mom is doing pretty well over all, she has excelled with her Physical Therapy and is walking sometimes without the walker and when they had her walking with a cane the other day- she was not really using it- so she is definitely a lot stronger and fitter.  She is enjoying her time at the gym.  In fact, her P.T. is done as of yesterday- Medicare will only pay so much, but she still has access to the gym for her own workouts and she went today on her own!  Love it!  The test for C-diff came back today negative- so this is great news meaning she can return to Woodside Terrace.  She has two more doses of the antibiotic so we are shooting for Friday for that transfer.    Her leg is healing well, but the big toe does have an infection in the bone and we are waiting to see the course of action.  We met with a specialist today who has to confer with the Vascular Doctor to determine what is best.  Worst case scenario is amputation of the toe, so we'll see.  They would like to treat her with antibiotics, but it's so challenging with her and the proneness to C-diff!   I almost think she would rather amputate vs. risk getting C-diff again!

She had a wonderful Mother's Day.  We had a full day at my brothers, my sister brought over mom's china/silverware/crystal and we BBQ'd steaks that were delicious- had many of mom's favorite foods and she was in tears twice- once when she saw the table set with her china and again when she opened up her lifesize Mother's Day card with a big Rose on it.  She has gotten so many compliments on that card from the staff at the Jewish Home as it sits on display in her room.  All in all, a great day for her- but a sad day for the family since it was the last family party in my brother's home.  A home that he & my dad built together back in 1987.  Lots of memories in that house.   My brother's bankruptcy is pretty much settled, his house is sold (not for what we wanted to start fresh), but at least there is some closure.

So the next few weeks will involve a lot of moving- mom to Woodside Terrace, then at the beginning of June her "stuff" into her own apartment.  My brother & nephews need to move by the end of the month and there is a lot of uncertainty with that plan right now...but I am trying to remain faithful that everything will work out.  There is a plan for him, we just have to see what God has in store for him.   Patience, I know- a recurring theme for me.   I am really hoping that by mid-summer all will be well with the Harper family.  I know I tend to underestimate "timing"- so it probably won't happen until the end of the year- so bring on 2013!

3 Months!

Today has been three months since mom's ordeal started.  Hard to believe, in so many ways it seems like an eternity longer!  Yet, I can still rattle off all the important dates on this journey off the top of my head.  In any case, things are going very well!  Mom's therapy is doing wonders for her physical abilities- she is walking distances that she has not walked in a long time and not getting any short of breath.  She does have some pain in her leg- but it's not fully healed, that is normal.   She is getting visits from her friends April & Anita and that has completely cheered up her spirits.  No more doom & gloom, no more depression- she seems happy and is very determined to get well 100%!

She had her first post-hospital appointment with the Vascular Doctor and she cleaned up the wounds a little bit today.  The surgery wound no longer needs bandages.  The leg wound is almost healed- about 95% there and the big toe has a ways to go, but it is better.  Her foot has been swollen a bit, so they ordered an x-ray to make sure there isn't any infection in the bone.  Otherwise, everything was very positive and the Doctor just loved my mom's attitude.  My sister, mom & I went out to lunch afterwards and it was wonderful to see mom "out" in the real world for the first time in three months!  Her eyes lit up when she saw her Shrimp Louie Salad come and she immediately said "oh boy, I'm going to eat it all!"- well we know her eyes are much bigger than her stomach, she has leftovers for tomorrow, but she enjoyed it so much..along with a glass of wine to reward her for the pain involved at the Doctor's office. 

I can honestly say that I feel at peace going away today (yes today, flight leaves in 4.5 hours and I have not gone to bed yet)- we fly to Florida and spend the night and tomorrow embark on the Oasis of the Seas.  I had been stressing about being so "out of touch" if mom's condition wasn't stable and positive, but I feel very good about her condition now and hope to hear that she is back at Woodside Terrace by the time I get home.  I can't believe it will be Mother's Day when I return...time sure does fly by so quickly!   Looking forward to this vacation, I desperately need it.  I may not get the complete benefit from the Conference, don't think my brain can handle all the information right now, so I'll do what I can but I am going to make sure I get a lot of exercise, dancing and sleep! 

College Bound!

Just returned from Rochester, NY and after a very full day at R.I.T., Michael has decided that this is where he wants to go for college.  Interestingly enough, not for Mechanical Engineering which was his front running major choice, but for Motion Picture Science.   Sort of a chain of events, but when he had applied to RIT, he has put in Computer Science and 1st choice and they did not give an option for 2nd choice.  Since that application, he realized that Mechanical Engineering was the preferred choice, but he could not switch that on the application.  He was accepted into the Computer Science, but when he asked to change they could only waitlist him for Mechanical, but he looked at some other programs and stumbled upon the Motion Picture Science program.

Now his father and I were both a bit skeptical about this field, so I was very happy to have had a meeting with the Department Head and he explained how this relatively new major at RIT came to be and it is very much a combination of the Arts & Engineering.  In fact, they wanted to call it Motion Picture Engineering, but NY State has a lot of bureaucratic stuff that Universities must go through to call something "Engineering".   Both the department heads have Engineering degrees themselves and recognize the importance of an Engineer "brain" in the world of Imaging.  This is a program that I think will be very good for Michael because he loves to "tinker" with stuff, he loves to "fix" things, he loves to "problem solve"- all of these are classic Engineer traits.   On the other hand, he loves to work with sound, lights, video production & editing.  So this will allow him to have a nice blend of both worlds.   As for job prospects- the Major has a 99% job placement rate for graduates and the graduates are working in so many different related fields making anywhere from $35-70K a year, the ones on the Engineering side of Imaging making the higher salaries.  

I knew once we met with the Director that Michael was going to pick R.I.T. and that he would pick this major.  But I didn't say anything.  We had our afternoon meeting with the Mechanical Engineering department head and although he had a lot of good information, I picked up on a somewhat negative attitude from him when he found that the "other" major Michael was considering was Motion Picture Science.  After some more conversation, it became clear that he really didn't know anything about the program, but certainly had an opinion about it- or rather an opinion that Mechanical Engineering was a better program.  I was a bit turned off by that- seems that Michael was also.

The campus is beautiful- spread out, but didn't feel that bad and for 18,000 students, you'd never know it, never once felt crowded at all.   I think this was the better choice and I'm excited for him and also a little sad- it's going to be lonely around here without him and I know that his dad is going to have a really tough time letting his first-born head off to college.  I know he's going to be 19 years old, but damn- it's so far away from home!   Fortunately, airfares to Rochester are better than Alaska, so we should be able to bring him home for holidays.   Will be building up the United miles again! 

It is time for me to get to bed...we got home much later than planned since our 630pm flight to Chicago was delayed 2 hours, they then re-routed us on a 515pm flight through Newark, but security was slow and we missed that flight and ended up on a 750pm through Dulles.  At least they gave us Economy Plus seats on that flight for our hassles.   Watched a movie and finished my book and it was still a long flight! 

Taking care of me....soon!

There is no doubt that I have been spending a great deal of my life this year taking care of others.  Specifically, my mom with all her health issues.  My nephew with all the college stuff...& my brother with multiple issues.

I am stressed out & exhausted.  I have also gained about 10 pounds in the past three months.  Its so frustrating.  I have no idea when I last logged my weight watchers points.  I have not been able to take any fitness time for me outside of teaching my classes and the few times I have gone walking or dancing lately my foot has been bothering me quite a bit.  I need to figure something out with my foot because I need to get active again, I need to get back on track and start losing weight again.

I am looking forward to our cruise this coming weekend but do NOT want to gain any weight.   Usually, I lose weight on a cruise because we dance do much and I usually get to the gym.  I am skeptical though because this is a conference and there will be a lot of seminars and lots of evening shows that will cut into dancing..and who knows with my foot.  I am going to bring my dance sneakers & hope that they help. Looks like I wont get much sleep on this cruise...but that is another favorite part of our cruising experience.

In any case, once back from the cruise I need to see the doctor about my foot.  I need to get a schedule of workouts on my calendar and stick to it.  I am not even excited to wear my new matching belly button rings with my bikinis now because I feel like a beached whale! 

AIM 1 will have to wait until June.  It would not have been fair to our house guests if I abandoned them that morning.  Bummed because AIM on release 81 would have been sweet...I will just have to put in extra time to learn & master release 82!

So taking care of me...must make this a priority.  Of course much of May will involve moving mom to Woodside terrace permanently & helping Steve & his boys move to wherever will be home now that his house is "sale pending".