Ode to the GIANTS:

A very creative & clever friend of mine- Dan St. Paul wrote this poem.   I love it and wanted to keep it in a safe place because is so wonderfully summarizes the 2012 season:

The Giants 2012 season in verse

A season like no other. Jam-packed with thrills and spills:
The return of Buster Posey, his replenished wealth of skills;
Buster, Melky, Pablo, they owned the All-Star Game,
It looked while we were rolling and then the bad news came:

Cabrera was caught cheating, and thus besmirched his name,
Melkmen and maids departed, in the shadow of his shame.
Then Angel, Marco

, Hunter Pence suddenly emerge
The Brandons started belting, Barry Zito found his curve,

The Rockies, D-backs, Dodgers were left to eat our dust
We blazed into the playoffs, our confidence robust!
But Dusty and his Redlegs rode in with arms and bats;
They sprayed and whacked and crushed the ball. They racked up monster stats.

We watched in awe, we shook our heads, we stared without a grin.
Is October really over? We're only two weeks in!
Take three in Cincinnati? That's a feat that's not been done.
We're fight against history, after scoring just two runs!

Game One turned out a squeaker. We went an extra frame
Then Rolen boots a grounder and we play another game.
Game Two saw Zito struggle, but our hitters come alive,
And Timmy to the rescue, our hopes are now revived.

Game 3 brought Cain and with him pain, and the biggest blow of all
Mighty Buster at the bat. Grand slam! Son, touch'em all!
Now the Giants are still seeing red, but birds not legs this time,
The Cardinals are gamers, lots of hitters in their prime.

We drop Game One, but then come back, and go to their place tied,
But then we lose, and lose again, down three to one, we're fried!
It's all on Barry Zito, that's right, it's him again.
Can he go at least three innings before Bochy calls the pen?

But wait, it's the 8th. He's still on the mound. I can't believe my eyes.
He shut 'em out and struck out six, that's Sandy Koufax in disguise!
Still two to win, but coming home, returning to our yard
We've got momentum with us, this can't be all that hard!

Vogie's back up on the slab, all business, never smiles
He's waited far too long for this. He's traveled many miles.
He allows one run, 4 hits, one walk, and rattles off 9 Ks,
That's a record for the veteran, his fastball was ablaze.

Game 7 for the pennant and what did we all see?
Belt belting, Crawford leaping, Cardinal hitters absentee.
Affeldt, Lopez hurling, whirling, dealing smoke and pain.
Holliday pops out and I'm screaming in the rain:

"They did it, man! They did it! I can't believe it's true!
I said 'We're dead' two times before, but still these guys came through!"
Now the Tigers beat the Oakland A's and swept the pin-striped crew
But the fences here are long and the ball is smaller too.

You see, our guys are athletes. They run and stretch and dive.
Their bats aren't big but their hearts are, when down they come alive.
You'll outweigh us, not outplay us. That we'll guarantee.
You haven't played in seven days. We're on a winning spree!

Now to understand how Verlander would meet his fate that night
You had to know the Panda would record books rewrite.
A homer then another made Justin not so perky,
Then a boomer out to center went out past Albuquerque!

Suddenly the Giants are ahead one game to none.
I kind of like this feeling. It's not torture. This is fun.
Game Two, we're out of starters. Who's that tall guy with the stubble?
Oh that's Madison Bumgarner. He sure ain't no Carl Hubell.

He hasn't pitched for 18 days. The Reds, they spanked him good.
They say his arm, it's all worn out, it might just be dead wood.
But Gardy and Righetti, they work to make him ready.
They fixed his hitch, erased the glitch, his motion's faster, steady.

Madison he strikes out 8 and just allows two hits
Their fans are all frustrated, their hitters having fits.
Game 3 is Vogie's baby, but Timmy must come in
We've only got a 2 run lead. Let's shut 'em down and win.

He strike's out 3, allows no hits, two innings and third.
The Tigers must be hiding, only kittens can be heard.
Game 4. Let's go do it. Let's finish it today.
Don't let them bring back Verlander. Don't give anything away.

We're leading after one. We know we'll soon be cruising
When Cabrera sticks one in the seats and what’d you say "We're losing?”
We’ll take care of that. Go grab a bat. Things will soon be rosy.
A two run jack! That’s right, we’re back! Thank you, Buster Posey.

Then Scutaro, the guy you want when the chips are down
Knocks in his teammate Theriot to give us back our crown.
So I’ll see you daytime Halloween on Market Street I’ll cheer:
“Let’s go, Giants! You’re the champs! I’ll see you here next year!”

Rock you like a HURRICANE!

Yes, Hurricane Sandy has rocked my world these past few days.  She has rocked the world of so many but I must say that I am very lucky and so are the people who I love.  Probably the very worst of this Hurricane (for me) is the fact that I have been delayed in getting home and this has been VERY HARD on my Mom.   She was so disappointed when I first told her that my flight was canceled and replied with "So I won't see you until Wednesday?" and the tone in her voice broke my heart.    Then I really was not looking forward to telling her that we were canceled again, but it had to be done.  When I called her though she had already heard through the grapevine that I wasn't going to get home until Friday and she was so upset, but then happy to hear that I was getting home late Wednesday.

My plans for visitors while I was gone didn't quite pan out the way I had hoped.  She didn't have any visitors Friday-Sunday for various reasons.  But then on Monday she had 3 visitors including her best friend from San Francisco who felt compelled to visit after talking to her on the phone.  My best friend Diane went to visit and brought her mom and then my friend Mary also went by.  Mom seemed to be in much better spirits today after having those visits and the reports I got back from my friends were that Mom misses me terribly.  :(   I keep trying to be her cheerleader over the phone and reminding her of what she needs to go so that she can get back home to her friends at Woodside Terrace and she says she is working hard.   Fear is her biggest foe.   My brother was supposed to go by tonight and as far as I know, he did.   My friend Sara who may have met my mom once or twice offered to go visit her because she works nearby and plans to go by tomorrow.  I had a few other people who don't know my mother at all offer to go by and bring her anything she might need.  Those offers seriously touch me.  I am blessed to have so many good-hearted people in my life.  I am hoping that Linda, my hairdresser will be able to go by tomorrow and give mom a haircut, she was going to go on Friday but woke up sick with a sore throat, so I can't blame her for not going.

The second impact of Hurricane Sandy is the fact that I won't be at the GIANTS VICTORY PARADE tomorrow.  YES, my SF Giants SWEPT the Detroit Tigers on Sunday.  I had so much fun watching games 3 and 4 with my cousin's boys.  They made their own rally rags and cheered for my Giants - even though they are Yankee fans.  It was fun and the games were good.  Game 4 was particularly stressful, winning in extra innings.  WOW.   What a fabulous series and so exciting.  Thank God for Facebook, it allowed me to celebrate virtually with my friends.   I am super bummed that I will miss the parade; however, I plan to get to the airport early enough so that I can be settled in front of my computer at 2pm to watch the parade online.  Let the tears flow- once again tears of happiness for my team, my GIANTS and also tears of sadness that I am not there live at the parade...AGAIN.   So Giants- you just need to THREE-PETE and win the World Series next year so that I can attend the parade!

The positive note to Hurricane Sandy - I have had a great time with family.  It was initially going to be a quick weekend visit.  It's been a great time with my Aunts, Uncles and Cousins.   Cousin Jamie's union with Jacqui was a beautiful ceremony,  no Hurricane until everyone was safely at home- which was great considering the wedding location was waterfront!   The Hurricane has extended our visit, so that has been nice.  We didn't lose power, we didn't lose internet - so I was able to get some work done.   We have slept in everyday, so I am rested and relaxed.  So that is the bright side!

Off to Boston in the morning to return the car, check-in and board our evening flight and be home just after midnight.   Then to file the insurance claim to get money back for our added expenses of a new flight ticket, extra car rental days and charges - so I am one happy camper that I do have Travel Insurance because the extra expenses were well over $1000 to get home tomorrow vs. Friday.

Ultimately, I am feeling very blessed.  Watching all of the devastation on the news for people who have lost so much through this Hurricane and to know that I was so close to the devastation makes me feel very lucky.  Perhaps this Hurricane was meant to slow me down.  Stop to smell the roses a bit, so to speak.  I am thankful that I am, by nature, a very happy go lucky person.  I may stress out about things, but it doesn't take me long to bounce back and put things into perspective.  I am the perfect mix of Personality A and Personality B. 

What a wonderful WORLD...

SERIES this is shaping up to be!   WOW!  WOW! WOW!  I have had the BEST two days going to the games this week!    Both games wonderful, but so different; however, with the same fabulous and much earned end result.   I sit here right now, remaining a super proud Giants fan.  We are up on Detroit 2 games to zip in a best of 7 show.  We are half way there and no we are not living on a prayer- we are living on talent.  Our team ROCKS!

Yesterday was a super fun game.  Brynn was dropped off at my house early, so I decided to pack up the day and catch an earlier train and I'm so glad we did because we needed every single of those extra 30 minutes!    I fixed her up with tattoos on her face and we took a few pictures, then boarded the train for SF.  This was her first train ride, which surprised me!   She was very excited and on the train I painted her nails black leaving the ring finger unpainted so that the orange "SF" tattoo would show up.  We got to the park, went "shopping" which was a nightmare, but we managed to pick out something for Brynn, her brother and sister and we watched the line up announcements, the National Anthem, Fly-over all from the TV in the Dugout store because we were there THAT long.  We got to our seats in time for the 2nd pitch.   I was bummed, but I'm a big girl- I got over it quickly.   The Giants were on fire right away.  It was clear that Zito was ON with his pitching and then the bats showed up.  Such an exciting game and I'm so happy that it was exciting for Brynn.  Pablo Sandoval made history and joined only 3 others who have hit THREE HOMERUNS in a single World Series game.  He's right up there with THE BABE!   Seriously, he hits one and we're excited, he hits a second and we're excited and then his third at bat, I jokingly said "THREE-PETE" and he did.

Overall, a great game, lots of excitement, lots of cheering and lots of energy.  Brynn soaked it all in and she waved her rally rag proudly and a little recklessly.  I made sure to keep my left eye closed so that I wouldn't lose my left eye!   She would come up with some pretty funny "hollers"...at one point she yells to the umpire "are you kidding me?"..some of the people around us just turned and looked at her and smiled with a chuckle.   She's holler out "c'mon Timmy" or "strike him out" or "one more strike"...it was really very adorable.   Giants won this game 8-3 and there was a lot of great defense as well.  The Tigers star pitcher didn't show up or if he did, he's not quite the star that he's supposed to be.

Tonight's game was so different and I am so happy that Brynn got to go last night.  Tonight's game was also a WIN...2-0 and the two runs came very late in the game.  It was a battle of pitchers- both pitching an amazing game, not a lot of offense- which for a 10 year old's first game could be viewed as boring.  From my perspective, it's still a GREAT game.   My brother and I had a great time and both were a bit sad that it was probably our last game of the year.   If for some reason the Giants do not win 2 more in Detroit, there would be a game 6 and/or game 7 in SF next week.  I don't have any extra tickets and I did draw names from my group and my name was not pulled.  So it was my last game for the year at the park!  Great energy, so much fun- I love my Giants!!

I will be watching them diligently on the TV this weekend and I'm packing my rally rag for CT, and I plan to use it.  All I packed are clothes that are Orange and Black, I intend to live in those clothes all weekend long. Go GIANTS!

My mom called me tonight after the game and she was so excited that they won.  I think secretly she didn't believe that the Giants were going to beat the Tigers and there are still up to 5 more games to play, but they are doing wonderfully.  I spoke to her for a little bit and she seemed to be "ok" with me going away.  I know she's going to miss my daily visits, but I have tried to line things up while I am gone.  I have a variety of people set up to visit her- starting tomorrow with my hairdresser who is going to go and give her a haircut...my brother will be able to visit over the weekend and I have another friend stopping by on Monday.  Might have one other friend stopping by on Saturday.  Hoping.

Of course, the other shoe has dropped.  Mom fell this morning in her bathroom at the nursing facility.  Seems her non-slip sock didn't quite do the trick, but she's ok.  She has cuts/bruises/scratches but nothing is broken, thank God!   She does have a minor case of Pneumonia, but they are not going to treat it because that would mean antibiotics and we know what that will do!    The treatment for her is to exercise, sit up and walk around and do her breathing and coughing exercises.

Off to NYC/CT in 7 hours, up in 4...must sleep now!

So Conflicted...

I really hate the way I am feeling right now.  Yesterday was such a great day, today was so stressful and so filled with challenges and uncertainty.  I didn't even feel very "on" with Body Pump- just very low on energy.  So what is the deal...

Today was a day that just didn't  go as planned.  It was supposed to be a very productive day because I am running out of day this week.  Yes, by choice- but still.   I got a few things done this morning but was distracted by my phone and the long in waiting Android Ice Cream Sandwich Operating System upgrade.  I was hopeful that this upgrade would give my phone the jump start it needed because its performance has been mediocre at best lately.  Well, the upgrade has sent my phone into a new level of annoyance and just left me completely frustrated all day.

Go to visit mom and bring her the few things that she needs and don't feel too good about her disposition.  She seemed very congested and was having a very hard time hearing me speak and she even admitted that she was having trouble hearing and felt like she was in a tunnel and that her ears needed to pop.   Of course, when I got there her greeting was a bit unnerving because she seemed very agitated and although happy to see me, it was almost a desperate happy to see me.  The problem with this?  Well, I am going to be gone Friday-Monday and I am not feeling very hopeful that she will have anyone visiting her.  My sister is also leaving Saturday for vacation and my brother is already way overloaded this weekend between his volunteering at Redeemer for the play, moving/cleaning out storage units and a few other things.  He has so much going on that we agreed to postpone our Demolition of Bathroom #1 until next weekend, which I expected once I saw how his weekend was shaping up.    So of course, me the overachiever is half considering canceling my trip to the East Coast.  I think it will be a very last minute decision, but I just hate not feeling very secure with how mom is doing.  

I made several calls to the Doctor in Charge at Lytton Gardens, only to find out that he checks messages at the end of the day.  Seriously?  The nurses had also left him messages and based on my mom's difficulty in breathing, the low Oxygen Saturation Level, they ordered a chest x-ray.  I was fairly certain that they would either confirm Congestive Heart Failure or Pneumonia.  We are still waiting now for a blood test tomorrow, but things seem to be pointing toward Pneumonia.  This just friggin' baffles me.  How does someone who is on such strong antibiotics contract something like Pneumonia?  Really?   I'm praying that she does not have it, but I'm also a realist and I just don't think her bucket list of health issues would be complete without a case of Pneumonia!   Ugh.   I'm really not sure how much more she can take and I'm really not sure how much longer I can remain the positive cheerleader.  I mean when is the poor woman going to get a break and be able to LIVE again?  Because this existence of life she has right now is by no stretch of the imagination anything close to Living!

Mom was getting so excited about leaving the Rehab place Thursday for a Doctor appointment with Dr. Gillon to check up on her leg wounds, but now I'm not even sure if we'll be able to leave if she has pneumonia.  I doubt it.    Today I spoke to the charge nurse and she said they were worried that mom had lost 6 pounds since being there and told me that she currently weighed 92 pounds.  This just confirmed to me what I suspected- their weigh in when she got there has got to be wrong.  Mom was so excited that she had "gained 2 pounds" being in the hospital and weighed 98 (we had weighed her at the transfusion center just 4 days prior) and I told her the other day that I didn't want to burst her bubble, but you don't spend 2 weeks in the hospital, barely eating anything and having an infection that does what C-diff does to you and gain weight.  More than likely you have lost weight.  So now I'm thinking that she probably weighed in at 88 when she got to Lytton Gardens and has now gained 4 pounds because she is eating much more and her C-diff symptoms are gone.

So I am going to try to have some fun these next few days.  It's going to be a wee bit crazy with trying to balance everything.  My Wednesday is going to consist of some work, then meeting with Social/Discharge Planner at Lytton Gardens, more work and then train to ATT Park for World Series Game #1, hopefully home with some time for a bit more work.   Thursday, early 6am class, work, mom's Doctor appointment (i think), work and then train to ATT park for World Series Game #2.  Friday morning- 7am fight SFO-JFK.   Bill & I should be exhausted by then because he's been putting in really long hours at work - hope we can stay awake to have some fun back east!

Looking forward to the World Series.  My brother will be joining me to game #2, but for game #1 I needed a companion and ran a contest..put all interested names into a hat and drew.  Well, lucky little Brynn will be joining me.

Great story.  Two years ago we were sitting fireside at the McClymond house and Bill was telling me he didn't think he could go to the Giants game the next day and I was thinking how was I going to get someone at this late hour, so Brynn showed an interest but when push came to shove she didn't want to go without her mom.  Nolan all of age 4 pipes up, "Auntie Pammy, I'll go to the game with you".  I was stunned and a bit uncertain how this was going to play out, so after asking him several questions I declared it a date and the next day he and I went on the train and to the game and he lasted all 9 innings, the Giants won, he got to see a Grand Slam Homerun and I got to share with my Godson the love of baseball and the Giants.  It was a great day and a day that he has not forgotten about.  Well, Big Sissy has always regretted not going that day and yesterday told her parents this and hoped that someday Auntie Pammy would invite her to a game again.  She then asked her Dad if he would take her to the World Series.  Well, Dad asked to put his name in the running and as luck would have it- Mike's name came up.   When Diane & Mike gave Brynn the news tonight, they recorded her reaction and she was beyond excited...in fact her reaction sounded more excited than what you'd expect for a Justin Bieber concert!   Brynn also called me to Thank me and then got right down to the game and things she needed - most importantly she wanted to know if I had Black nail polish because she already had Orange and was going to do her nails!   Be still my heart.   I am looking forward to teaching another McClymond the game of baseball and share with them the love for my team, my San Francisco Giants.  Yes, Daddy- I may not have kids but I am doing my best to carry on the Legacy of what you gave me with the game, with the Giants!

Excited much?

In my lifetime, I have lived through 3 significant Giants Seasons and I mean "World Series" Seasons.  1989, 2002, 2010 ....and now going on #4...2012!

I will admit in 1989, I was so excited that the Giants were going to the World Series and a "Bay Bridge" series at that, but that excitement was severely overshadowed by my dad's death on 9/27/89 and then of course the Loma Prieta Earthquake right as Game Three  was underway.  It was not a happy time in life, so I really didn't get to enjoy that World Series showing.  Not to mention that the Oakland A's swept us.

In 2002, I did get to go to a World Series game with my ex-husband.  I remember that this was just one week after I had gall bladder surgery, so I wasn't at my best and couldn't be as celebratory at the game, but I was definitely excited to be at the game and in the new park for such a fun, exciting time with my beloved Giants.  Of course, the series did not end as I would have hoped, the Anaheim Angels won the series after going the full seven games.

In 2010, my first amazing World Series experience.  I got to enjoy the entire season and I got to attend games 1 and 2 of the World Series vs. the Texas Rangers.  I was in Vegas when the Giants won the Pennant.   The mantra was "Don't Stop Believin" all season long, and remains to this day a mantra for the team.  In fact, many people don't know that if the Giants are behind in the score come 8th inning, the song played is "Don't Stop Believin"- if they are up in the count, the song is "Lights".  Two wonderful songs by one of my all time favorite San Francisco home grown bands- Journey!   It was an amazing series and I watched every game without distraction.   The only thing lacking was being able to attend the victory parade due to circumstances beyond my control.    Instead, I watched the parade on my TV from my couch and cried tears of happiness for my team and tears of sadness for me that I wasn't there to be part of the amazing celebration.

It is now 2012 and my team has just clinched the Pennant once again.  We are going to the World Series to play the Detroit Tigers.   I am beyond excited.  I have already attended two playoff games.  For some reason I keep getting invites to buy additional seats when they go on sale, so I've been blessed to attend.  I will also be attending two world series games this week.  It is a pretty amazing time for San Francisco fans- we are loyal, we are celebratory, we have a team made up of the best players with great heart.  They play with heart and soul day in and day out.  They exemplify what good sportsmanship play is all about.  I am a very PROUD Giants fan.    The fans- good, happy go lucky people.  Again loyal to a fault.  In the pouring rain, fans stayed to celebrate with the Giants and the Giants shared the celebration with the fans in the rain.  When most teams would take the celebration into the locker room, the Giants saluted the fans.  Makes me so proud to be a Giants fan. We have won 6 "must win" games in a row.  Each of the last 6 games were "win or your season is over" types of games.   That is true resilience!

As always, whenever the Giants do something this amazing, I can't help but think of and miss my dad, but then also realize that he's watching from above.  In fact, tonight I think when it started raining in the 8th inning, those were probably tears of joy from heaven from my dad.  So happy that his Giants were doing this good and even happier that his baby girl and son were sitting side by side watching the game together - carrying on the tradition that he taught us.  I'm sure some of those tears were also for his wife, who through so many trials and tribulations, so many health issues and the fight that she has been fighting this year- that she too remains faithful to her Giants and listens to every game.   Together, this family is GIANT.  We are one, we are faithful, we are there for each other- much like the GIANTS family.

I have forewarned my cousins in CT that I am going to have to find a TV to watch the games while back there.  I am excited to watch Saturdays game with my Uncle Ray.  He and my dad were the best of friends- more like brothers (they were brother-in-laws) and Uncle Ray has always loved the Giants, probably because they were my dad's favorite team.   Sunday's game may prove to be problematic since we will be at a wedding and I don't know what time that will end and we have a decent drive back to my cousin's house afterwards.  I'm sure the games will be on the radio.

So very excited. It has been such a wild ride this post-season and I'm ready for the World Series and I BELIEVE.  I am looking forward to a parade that this year, I will attend.  Come hell or high water, I am going to this parade.   Right now, I bleed ORANGE.   Cheers to Orange October!  GO GIANTS!!

Pretty GREAT day!

Had a glorious 8 hours sleep, maybe 9 - I can't remember what time I went to bed.   Taught my Saturday Body Pump class in Mt View and had some new participants, it was a great class.  You know it's great when your hands are so sweaty you are grasping on your plates during shoulder track for dear life!

Went to visit mom and was so happy to see that she was sitting up, she informed me that she was using the bathroom- AMEN!   Thankfully, I think the incontinence issues have passed and we can probably attribute that to a combination of the medication on an empty stomach and a diet that has been lacking.   She has been getting up and walking down the hallway a few times a day- I walked with her today and she was doing very well.  She is motivated.  She is driven.  She wants to get the flock out of there and get back home and she considers Woodside Terrace her home.  Double AMEN!

After my visit, I came home to have a quick lunch, shower and then Bill & I went to the tile store to finalize our tile choices for Bathroom Remodel #1.  We changed gears and are actually quite happy with our choice.  It's going to look beautiful once it's all done, I am officially very excited but I really do hate this "picking out" process.  So hard to know what will look best.  Then we met Jocelyn, Dan & Gabriel for Frozen Yogurt downtown Redwood City and FINALLY give Jocelyn her birthday gift that was 1-1/2 months late.  Life has been that crazy!   I think she really likes her bracelet.  I fell in love with it and thought she would totally love it too.

That was supposed to be the end of our day, but Bill & I were hungry and decided to go to Sakura for dinner.  Yummy Teppanyaki for me and Sushi/Shashimi for Bill- we were both happy campers.  Well as if that wasn't enough, we then decided to stroll down the street and see a movie.  "Here comes the Boom" was a really good movie.  Very funny, heart-warming story-line..a perfect movie choice for us.   All in all, a great day and so far an excellent weekend that kicked off with a Friday night GIANTS win!    Hoping to end the weekend the same way- a great GIANTS win.

I am so nervous and excited for tomorrow's game, I can barely contain myself!  Hoping to get some work done tomorrow before heading up to SF.  Will visit mom in the morning and if in the cards, go to church before that.  It's been waaaaaaaaaaay too long since I've made it to church and I do miss it and my Redeemer family.  Maybe squeeze in a bit of work between all of this too...

Feeling pretty blessed and happy right now.  Going to be sleeping with a smile on my face tonight.

GO GIANTS!!!!

The Wild Ride Continues...

I don't think I know how not to have a wild & crazy life.  Lots of exciting things going on right now, I'm a bit overwhelmed when I stop to think about it and I'm a bit frightened for next week.  Waaaaaay too much going on! 

First and foremost, mom has been moved to Skilled Nursing in Palo Alto.  The move went smoothly, the hospital had a wheelchair van transport her which made that a bit easier on me and I met her once she was settled.  This was Wednesday.   Yesterday, I wanted to go visit her, but realized that it just was not going to happen with timing and leaving early for the 49er game.  I felt guilty at first but then my brother told me not to feel guilty that I needed a break and that I can't be there every single day.   Well, I am an over-achiever, so it is hard for me to not push!   I spoke to my mom and she seemed to understand and didn't want me to push the clock, but I could tell that she was a bit  disappointed that I was not coming by.   Today she left me a voice message asking for me to bring a few things and at the end of her message, "I'm looking forward to seeing you".    Warmed my heart yet at the same time broke it because yes I felt guilty for missing a day.   Sigh.  I had a nice visit with her today, but also frustrating too.  There are still incontinence issues, even though the C-diff symptoms are cleared up mostly and that is really my biggest fear.  Would if she does not overcome this issue- that lifestyle would be a fate worse than death for her.   I am hopeful that it is just a by-product of the C-diff and that with the medication and resuming a substantial food diet, things will auto-correct.   I'm guessing she will be at this place for a minimum of two weeks.  The case worker set up an appointment with me for next Wednesday to discuss her treatment and desired discharge outcome.   She is definitely having trouble hearing, although she denies it and maybe it's just selective hearing and/or she tunes out at times.  This did also happen when she was at the hospital in the city.

Today mom was upset wondering why this was all happening to her and wondering where she went wrong, what mistakes she's made to have deserved this.  I told her that the only mistake she made was smoking.  We had a long talk about that and I think it hit home.  I hope it did.  Whatever we discussed stuck with her because tonight I got a phone call from her before the Giants game saying, "I'm so sorry for disappointing you, you're very special to me and I don't want to disappoint you, etc."  Again, heart-breaking.  I told her that she didn't disappoint me and that I loved her, she is my mother and my best friend and that she needed to get well again so that we can do fun things again soon.  When we finally hung up the phone, she seemed to be in a better mood.  

Giants game tonight was OFF THE HOOK!  And they live to play another game...it's one game at a time right now and they pulled through tonight.  It was awesome, it was magical and I'm really feeling the magic of 2010!   Mom called when the game was over and she was excited that they had won also.  It was a great game!   I love that she is so into the Giants too!   

This weekend is a bit wild and crazy.  What was going to be a free afternoon is now completely scheduled with a visit to mom after Body Pump, then home to shower and head up to the tile store to go over things with Bill and make final decisions.  Then meeting up with the Semkes for a belated Jocelyn birthday celebration.  Sunday- church, visit mom, baby shower for Katy and then heading up to ATT Park for the playoff game!   I had planned on getting work done this weekend, but have no clue now when that will be. 

Looking ahead to the week coming.  It's a 4 day work week since we leave Friday morning for CT for cousin Jamie & Jacqui's wedding.  Super excited for that weekend in CT to see my cousins and Aunts & Uncles.  Going to stay with my cousin Jeannie and her 3 boys, it will be fun but not long enough of course!  The upcoming week has the potential to attend 1-2 World Series games once the Giants win the NLCS.  Work, meetings, visits to mom, classes at the gym, clean out bathroom so that it's ready for demo while we're gone.  Breathe- I must breathe.  Yikes!  Then the fun when we return and don't have our Master Bathroom to use..hoping all goes smoothly. 

Well, sleep is a must otherwise I'm going to get sick.  5 days up at 5am and I'm pooped!  I need my sleep for strength to get through this craziness!!! 

Waiting....

We are now waiting for mom to get a bed at a Skilled Nursing Facility.   Her Doctor officially wrote up discharge papers yesterday, but one SNF didn't have a female bed available (the place of choice), so now they have been working with a few others to see their availability.   Mom is mentally ready to get out of the hospital and move onto the next phase of recovery.   It's amazing how ones perspective changes when the recovery is happening.  She was so sick for days and days and at that point she was DONE.   Now that her symptoms have been showing some improvement and she is starting to eat "anything she wants", her attitude has improved also.

Today the Doctor told me she could have anything she wanted and to feel free to bring her whatever she wanted because he wants her to eat.  At this point it's not a matter of good foods, bad foods - he even made a joke about her use of the word "Salt"..often.   Yes, she is a salt addict and at this point, that's fine.   We have a Harper family joke- I think we are the only family I know who will sit down with 3-4 salt shakers at the dinner table with 8 people at the table! 

Mom seems determined once again to beat this and get back to her apartment, to her bingo games and to a point where she can go out and have FUN again.   Today I spoke of a coffee shop that I stumbled upon in Redwood City that I think would be a perfect hangout for her.  Told her where it was downtown (next to our favorite Mexican restaurant) and explained that it looked like it had the same atmosphere as "Tiffany's" that she would visit daily in her old neighborhood.   She seemed intrigued by the idea.  I know that she yearns to be out socializing with different people, all ages, all walks of life - not just the Senior Community and I just need to help her break the ice to do this. 

As of now, we should get word tomorrow on her next place of care and hopefully we can get her settled in her new place easily.  Then hopefully she won't be there very long.

This has been one crazy journey and I honestly don't think I would be nearly as sane if I didn't have this outlet to voice my feelings, my fears, my thoughts, my hopes and dreams.  I'm now starting to see and realize that my blogging is also helping others who are facing or have faced similar situations and they in turn have been helping me with their private messages and sharing their stories and own challenges with similar situations.  I just want to say a huge THANK YOU to all of you- you know who you are.  I feel as though some friendships or acquaintances have graduated to new levels because of this common bond. 

What an AMAZING BUCKET LIST type of day!

I was FINALLY able to participate on the field at AT&T park to unfurl the American Flag for the National Anthem.  I have had this invite as a season ticket holder several times, but every previous time either I didn't have tickets for the specific game or had a conflict.  This time around when I was offered NLCS game #1 or game #2, not knowing which day these games would get played, by the time I clicked the link ONLY game #2 was available- so I signed up for 4 people.   Then I prayed that we'd play the Cardinals in this playoff series so that game #2 would be today.   If we were playing the Nationals, then game #2 would be Thursday when I will already be at the 49er game!  What a life!

Anyway, I was very selective in who I asked to go with me.  I wanted to have someone who was a Giants fan, someone who has not done this before and of course someone who would be fun.,  I, of course, would have wanted Bill or my brother to join me, but both of them had critical work schedules that they just couldn't mess with.  I was very happy when my friend and wonderful hair stylist, Linda texted back to me "OMG, yes yes yes".  We met on the train this morning and had a quick lunch before meeting up with the staff to go over our "flag unfurling training".  

It was a GORGEOUS day in San Francisco, never needed my dad's pullover sweater that I brought or my warm jacket.  In fact, at times it was downright HOT and we had to get out of the sun.  We ran through the practice twice and it was exciting and also a little unnerving because we were on the "running" side of the flag- having to run while you pull the flag out and making sure you don't fall.  In fact, they said if you fall- just stay there and wait until the flag is fully unfurled and then crawl to daylight.  "nobody will notice" they said.  Gosh, I would have been mortified, but thankfully, no problems.

After practice we had about an hour to kill, so we went to the Public House and had a glass of Champagne to kick off what we both knew was going to be a great game, then back to our flag post and we waited until it was time to walk the flag into the stadium.  So thrilling to be entering the field from the Portwalk, so exciting to see some of the players still on the field warming up.  Taking pictures left and right of whatever I could until it was time to unfurl.  I can't even explain the pride, the joy and the uttermost coolness of this experience.   Of course, I easily reflected upon my dad, who I am sure was watching me from above and was no doubt so proud of his baby girl taking the family love of the Giants and the game of baseball to an entire new level!   Gosh, I wish he was still around, he would have loved to do this today.  He was there...

Once we were done returning the flag, we hustled to get into the game and got to our seats about 1/2 way through the bottom of the first inning and we were already up 1-0.  The Giants ended up winning 7-1 in grand style.  The stadium was filled with so much energy, I tear up with wonderful memories of two years ago and the World Series journey...feeling like it will happen again this year.

I am also really believing my gutt when it comes to the Giants.  The last game vs. Cincinnati I had posted on Facebook that I had a feeling we were going to have a big 5th inning and we did!  Buster Posey hit a friggin' Grand Slam HR!   Today I posted something similar before the 4th inning and low and behold we put 4 runs up on the board to take a 5-1 lead.  It's like I have this inter-planetary connection to the Giants.  :)

Well, it is time to get some Zzzzzz's.   Early morning and if I'm going to survive this week, sleep is key!   Some pictures to commemorate the wonderful day!

Linda & I waiting for our Flag Training to begin!

 My boy Brandon Crawford, warming up...I was so excited to be on the field that close to him!!

Wow- we're going to run with the flag any minute now!! 

Excited to be holding the flag!!

 I am right in the middle below..to the right of the Halo girl! :)  It was smart to be next to those Halo girls as we knew they would make it on camera!

Done..

A word that speaks such volumes.  It was a word that I heard today from my mother's mouth.  After a visit of almost an hour she says to me, "I'm done."  Of course, I try the "pep talk" and she says, "how would you feel if you were me?"   I had to be honest and told her that if I were her I've be so pissed, so frustrated, so tired, so done with being sick and that she had every right to feel that way.  She seemed relieved that I would feel that way too- almost justifying and making it ok that she feels that way.  I don't know anyone who wouldn't feel "done" with all that she's been through this year.

Yet at the same time it has made me sad and has bothered me today that she said those words.  During this experience this year she has often said that she should have died last year, that she shouldn't be alive right now, but never until today did she say that she felt "done".   Strangely, as I was not sure I had time to go visit yesterday my brother said that he felt she was done and encouraged me to go visit since "you never know".   Just a bit unnerving.

Looking at her in that hospital bed, I do see a woman who is tired, she is losing the will to fight.  She is beginning to wonder if fighting is even worth it.  Weeks ago she mourned the fact that her life was so different from what she was used to, today she was worried that should would not return to the life as she knows it two weeks ago.  Perspective...a crazy thing.  She had gotten out of bed probably a handful of times in the last 10 days- wow, she's really been in the hospital 10 days already- I think i'm starting to become immune from this ordeal.  She is tired of not feeling right, she is tired of not having he ability of getting up to use the toilet or potty chair.  Today she reflected upon her "cute" apartment and how she would just die if she ruined it.  I tried to assure her that she would not be returning to her apartment until she was symptom-free.  

Today she also said that she wasn't fun anymore and I think she feels as though in some ways she is letting me down by not being "fun" since we have always shared such fun times together.  I know in her heart of hearts these days, these memories of her pain and hard times are not things she wants to stick with me when she is gone.  She would prefer that I remember all the fun times we have shared.  The cruises we've taken, the bowling leagues we've participated in, the bowling tournament trips throughout California, even the low key Christmas Eves we've shared doing our traditional gift exchange, "White Christmas" viewing & Baileys coffee consuming.  The nights when she has stayed with Bill & I and we've stayed up late just chit chatting and laughing.   We have had a lot of fun over the years.  I want so much to be able to share more fun times with her, but this year has really jaded my thoughts that this can once again be a reality.

It is so hard to be positive and be encouraging her when even I doubt if that is the right place to be, but then on the other hand I don't want to tell her to just "go and die" either.   I mean I seriously "get" both sides of things and while I would miss my mother terribly and be a wreck for an indefinite amount of time- I do understand her feelings of being "done" and wanting God to take her.  On one side, I don't wish her to die- mainly for my own selfish reasons, but for my complete selflessness reasons, I don't want her to live a life that is miserable for her either.  Right now she is miserable.

Tomorrow is another day and we will just take things one day at a time.  We don't have much else of a choice.  Last I heard, she may very likely be moved to Palo Alto Nursing tomorrow for rehab.  Stay tuned and keep the prayers and positive thoughts going.  

Round and Round...

what goes around comes around.   HA- went to an 80's band show/concert tonight and this was one song that they missed playing.   Today was a good day.  I've always believed in karma that what goes around comes around and you reap what you sow, etc.  Cliche as they may be - it is true.

Let's just say that someone who has hurt people in my life tremendously, someone who had pretty much made it their mission to ruin someone in my life is now reaping what they sow.  What goes around, comes around.  Amen.

Emotionally Drained....

And I have the SF Giants to thank for that!  WOW...the Giants are on FIRE!  After losing the first two games of the NLDS at home, they went to Cincinnati and took the three games that they needed in order to advance to the NLCS.  It has been one day by day, stressful week.  The games have been at very odd times, so I have moved my office to the living room everyday to "work" and "watch" the game.  Didn't get much work done.    Had fun sharing this experience with my brother as he took some time off during his work day to come home and watch the game.   Today though was the most stressful because I had a meeting that interfered with the game.  It worked out and I was able to watch the final two outs (nail biting inning) and see the Giants win the series!   I have been a true orange fan for so long and it is these moments that just make me get all choked up.  Today Buster Posey hit a Grand Slam HR, about 5 minutes after I posted that I felt like it was going to be a BIG 5th inning.  MVPosey...no doubt.

I am stoked for the upcoming week of games that begin on Sunday and looking forward to attending a few!   It's going to be an EPIC sports week with the NLCS and then two 49er games, Sunday which I will watch from the comfort of my couch and then Thursday night.  That is going to be ONE, FUN game- I love night games and this one will be extra special with Jewels singing the National Anthem!  Plus we have friends joining us to this game...just can't wait, it's going to be a blast!

Update on the last week of non-baseball events.  Mom has been in the hospital since last Wednesday.  Sigh.  She has C-diff AGAIN and resulting Colitis.  The poor woman just can't cut a break with this shit.  I mean seriously!   She has been on the oral vanco since she was admitted, but it's not working as effectively, she is still having the diarrhea and has been unable to get out of bed to use the bathroom or potty chair.  She is just so sick and tired of being sick.  They are talking about releasing her tomorrow to a SNF, but I'm not sure how they can do that when she has only gotten out of bed for very brief PT sessions of some walking.  This potty issue has got to get under control before she moves.  She's also still very weak and scared that she's not going to be able to walk like she had been.  I just don't understand why this stuff keeps happening to her.   I have not seen her leg wounds in over a week.  However, Dr Gillon visited her in the hospital and said that they are looking very good.  I brought her some Stouffer's Macaroni & Cheese yesterday for dinner and she was still raving about it today.  It's the simple things in life that can mean all the difference.

Bill & I flew to Arizona the day after mom was admitted to visit his family and help his parents celebrate 50 years of marriage.  What a fantastic accomplishment.  They really enjoyed their party and it was great to be around family.  Lots of laughing, lots of catching up, lots of rest and relaxation.  In fact, I slept in everyday and it felt wonderful!  Even with screaming kids, I was able to sleep!   It also felt good to finally give back to Bill for all the time and effort he's put forth for my family.  I helped with party preparations and clean up, ran errands, etc.  He was very appreciative and I was happy to attempt to even the score of "helping family".   It was also good for me to be away while mom was in the hospital.

We will be starting bathroom remodel one in two weeks.  I went and picked out some sample tiles before going to Arizona and Bill & I agree on our two favorites, so I think we may have just picked out the options for both bathrooms.   We have a few decisions to make on the mosaic accents and which colors to go with- to be bold or to blend.  I'm excited to see this project underway and hopeful that we can keep things into a manageable budget.  I think we can.  Can I win the lottery like STAT? LOL

Going to get a good night sleep so that I am ready to take on the day and weekend ahead.   Tomorrow night we are going out to dinner with the RWC crew and then dancing at the Fox '80's style.  Definitely going to be a fun time.  Saturday some much needed office time while Bill helps my brother move storage stuff to his new venue and then Dee & Dave over for dinner, Sunday massage and 49er football and Giants baseball.  Doesn't get much better than that- I just pray that the two games do not air at the same time!  Hopefully, Giants game will be a 5pm start!  :)