Ay Carumba!!!

What a couple of crazy weeks it has been.  I'm feeling very overwhelmed- the typical overwhelming feeling that always precedes a vacation.  I'm so happy that I got a jump start and prepaid all the bills last weekend in anticipation- guess I am learning something!    Hoping that I can get a lot done tomorrow because this weekend is filled with fun, birthday celebrations!   Planning on dancing Friday night and then Saturday after my Body Pump class it's time to get ready for Brooklyn's 2nd Birthday Party- I have an appetizer to make, a cake to pick up and balloons.  We plan to get there about an hour early so that the appetizer can bake and we can put up some of the decorations.   Brooklyn's mommy has been overwhelmed with getting everything in order for vacation as well, so I jumped in to help on the party front!   Sunday is my brother's birthday and we will have a day at the yard and hopefully the Giants will deliver on a Dodger-kicking WIN, in fact it would be wonderful if Sunday was a "Sweep"!   One game at a time.  Let's go Giants.  I have got such a good feeling about this season!  Chills.

My elbow is MUCH better and I taught almost a normal load on Tuesday night and it did not flare up.  Still seeing the Chiropractor and getting my laser treatments, seems to be helping.  I am pretty stoked that I will have 12 days off of teaching.  I will miss it, but I think it's just what I need to fully recover - it's going to hurt like heck to get back into the groove.  I plan to swim everyday on vacation, I need to make sure I do something.  This won't be a dancing vacation and it will probably be too hot to go for walks- and of course my foot is not so agreeable to that.  Still need to set up the Physical Therapy and I will focus on that when I get back from vacation.

I am really looking forward to the down time in Cabo.  Fun times with the best of friends.  We have vacationed with Diane & Mike and we have vacationed with Janet & previous boyfriend, but never with both of my adopted sisters!   It's going to be a blast and I can't wait!   Scott is such a great fit with the family and all of the kids get along, it's really going to be a wonderful time.   It will do me some good to get away from my blood family.  The house situation is going pretty well, but it will just be nice for Bill & I to have our own space for a week with a beautiful ocean view.

While we are gone, my brother will have his surgery and it's time for his kids to take care of him.  I just hope and pray that they have taken notes of how I've taken care of my mom these past months so that they step up to the plate and help to take care of their dad so that he can fully recover.   After lots of investigation and some wonderful, compassionate medical professionals- my brother will be able to have this surgery for approximately $4K out the door.  Very crazy when you consider that the friggin' insurance companies wanted him to have tests that would have cost him $2k+ in order to get insurance and then he would have paid close to $4K in one year to be insured.  There is definitely a lot wrong with our health care system- or as I have called it the health "uncare" system.   In any case, I am very happy that he will finally be able to get this done and get back to feeling well and able to focus on his work afterwards.  Things are going to start looking up for him and this is the start.  

My mom is doing pretty well on the recovery front.  She has gotten out of her slipper and is now wearing a real shoe on the amputated toe foot.   Her leg is still swollen a bit, but it is getting better and this is normal for post-surgery.  She still has a bit of cellulitis on her leg and ankle and today Dr. Gillon was a bit concerned with the sore on the ankle..it is getting dangerously close to exposing the bone, which would not be good - I don't even want to say it, but that could lead to a full foot amputation.  For now, we are going to try to keep it clean and dry so that it can heal.   Mom is depressed and not super happy at her new home.  She is bored, she doesn't feel like she belongs there and this is very hard for me to deal with.  I am sort of out of understanding and out of compassion at this point.   Today I discovered that she has smoked recently- not sure how much, I'd have to guess somewhere between 1-5 cigarettes.  Seemed she bummed a smoke off of a worker in the parking lot at Woodside Terrace.  I will definitely be complaining about this because these people should not be smoking on the property at all, it's a smoke free environment.   I gave her HELL about this.  I just don't get it.   she did take a walk across the street to 7-11 twice this past week. She was oh so proud of herself and I am proud that she got out, that she walked across the street.   She has lost so much that I just hope & pray that she doesn't self destruct.  

I have suggested that she get some therapy, but of course she says she doesn't need it.  I really don't know what to do.  I did tell her that if her actions of abuse put her back in the hospital that I was done, someone else would have to take care of her and visit her and do everything for her.  I've done all that I'm going to do for someone who puts them self into that condition.  Of course, easier said than done, but I am hoping that I scared her enough that she realizes what is important.   I have to just toss up my hands and hope and pray for the best.  I just don't get it though, I realize smoking is an addiction and most people have to hit rock bottom before they decide to change their ways.   Seriously, has she not hit rock bottom this year?   With all she's been through, how is that not motivation enough to do the right thing to stay out of hospitals, to stay away from pain, to stay away from future circulation issues and medical problems.   I told her tonight that she should think really hard about her "friend" (cigarette) and to remember that this "friend" will introduce her to another friend that will never leave (the tank of oxygen) that she'll have to keep by her side forever if she continues to smoke.  I hope that I put the fear into her.    Hoping the Dr Gillon will also scare her about the potential loss of limb if she smokes.

Additional stress- trying to sell mom's car.  The first person interested decided the car was too small and I'm waiting on two others to let me know their thoughts.  If no bites from them, I will advertise on Craigs List when we return from Mexico.  No point in doing this now before we go.  Then need to figure out the house.  We might actually have two interested parties to rent, but need to figure out the timeline of getting the house cleaned out and sell what furniture that we can, get rid of the piano and then decide if we are going to rent or sell.   Yikes, too much going on, too too much!    I've had three people mumble the word "Christmas" in the last week and I'm about to reply "Bah Humbug" because I really can't think about it, but I did buy 3 gifts online today!

One Life I'm Going to Live it UP!

Don't sweat the small stuff...
Yep, that is my motto and something that I am going to strive towards in my day to day focus.   I seem to have so many random thoughts these days and I think that the experiences, trials and tribulations that 2012 has brought to my life this year has made me really gain perspective on what is really important.   Health, family, friends- those are the things that mean the most.   If someone doesn't make time for you, why should you make time for them?   If you don't have your health, you really are limited with the quality of life you can live- so take care of yourself, embrace it and live it!   You can't pick your family, but bottom line- they are your family and you must stick by them through thick & thin.   All very important lessons in life.

Several homeowners in my complex have been reporting "parking issues" and I am on the Board, but in name only.  I did not run the last election but we only had one person get elected with three spots to fill, so two of us stayed on the board even though we have served countless, thankless years!  We've been running things minimally- doing what must get done, but we don't have the time or bandwidth to do the job and we have admitted this over and over again.  Why can't we get people to step up- they all have the excuses, "I'm too busy", "I have too much going on right now", "I can't" - seriously?  So it's ok that by default two of us stay on the board against our will - but we have the same reasons why we can't and don't want to be and we've already served plenty of years.  It just drives me crazy and some of the complainers are the same ones who want nothing to do with being on the board.  I feel like saying, if you want change then run for the board and see if you can make it happen.   In any case, I did reply to an email tonight and my reply was three voices, one as a homeowner, one as a director on the board and one has a neighbor/human being.   As I re-read my email before sending it, I just felt very reflective and could really see how this year has impacted the way I deal with things.   I honestly don't give a rats ass that parking is being violated because there are so many more important things in the world, in life that deserve attention.  We will never have a perfect guest parking space solution for this complex- we have 27 units and 9 extra spaces and about 80% of the units have more than 2 cars.  Guests are temporary, homeowners are permanent and parking is scarce - it is what it is.   Two years ago, this issue would have brought me great stress, now I really don't give a damn!   People should learn to grow up and follow the rules - how hard is that?  But no, we live in the entitlement era where people think following the rules doesn't apply to them.  I knowingly and purposefully broke the parking rules for about 2 weeks!  Yes, I did- I am such the rebel!   When my brother, nephews, kitty and 3 of the 4 vehicles they own moved in they took up 3 guest parking spots and my attitude?  "Hell, I don't care park there until someone says something- everyone else is breaking the rules and have for years- I've lived here 10 years and have never broken the rule, it's about time I do!"   And as soon as someone complained two weeks ago, my brother moved one car out to the street and the other to Redeemer's parking lot.  We still made modifications that others have not made.

Health- I am getting smarter on this front.  My tennis elbow is getting better.  I've been getting some major painful beatings from the chiropractor, but he is seeing improvement (so am I, but I notice the bruises more)..but I have been religiously icing and heating the elbow twice a day and doing my stretches that he gave me.  I decided to get a sub for my class tomorrow night as this would enable me to have 5 days off of Body Pump teaching which breaks my heart, but I'd rather miss one class than be benched for the season!   The sucky thing is that this tennis elbow can recur at any time, so I'm just going to have to be careful and watch what I do so that I don't aggravate things!  

My mom is doing pretty well, she has her good days which seem to be many, but then she has those few days that are not so good and damn I think they take a worse toll on me than they do on her.  She gets so depressed about her apartment is not her house and she doesn't have her car and she should have died last year and blah blah blah blah.   I could see that attitude if she was bed-ridden and in constant pain, but damn she has a good shot at a pretty decent life right now.  She just has to embrace it and I get so mad when she talks like that.  I mean seriously- she has been almost to the dark side and has made it back.  Bill is starting to get a complex because the last two times that he visited her, she was in this "funk"- so he's starting to think it has something to do with him!  It doesn't, but the luck of timing...actually I think it's more related to the weekends.  They are quieter around Woodside Terrace, I think more families come and visit and take their parents/grandparents out or away for the day and the activities are fewer.   I need to think about doing something for her on weekends or find some activities for her to embrace.  I have been trying to keep the weekends as "Pam & Bill" time since I can go see her during the week often.   My brother spent most of Saturday with her, but sadly I think that just helps to depress her even more because as much as she has lost (her home, her car, etc.)- he has lost more.   When you compare- she has an apartment with all her stuff, her furniture, her gadgets.  She has money to buy a few fun things, she's doing pretty well. He on the other hand is living with us for now until he gets his settlement from the trustee..and even then who knows what will happen.  Surgery has to be a priority for him and getting insurance has been problematic, so he's probably going to have to just pay the cash to get healthy.  We have no idea what money will be left and which plan he can follow for rebuilding.

I count my blessings everyday because you just never know when things will change.  When the wind decides to blow the other direction.  I have been reminded of my Senior Yearbook quote several times tonight- some commercial on TV has been playing the Judas Priest song, "You've got another thing coming"- well it starts out "One life, I'm going to live it up" - THAT was the closing line of my yearbook quote.  The start of the quote was "Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life".  Interesting to reflect back upon that - gee am I starting to get nostalgic now that the 30th reunion will be happening next year???? Eeek!  I'm NOT that old!

But the bottom line- we only have one life and we need to live it up!

Body Repair in Progress....

Ok, so maybe teaching 14 Body Pump classes in 11 days wasn't the brightest idea I've had.  Seriously, I had not paid that close attention when I agreed to sub all of these classes, but it has taken it's toll on my body.   I am on the road to recovery though- had a much needed massage yesterday and that made me feel about 70% better and then today I saw the Chiropractor for a long overdue adjustment (it's been a month) and that felt wonderful!   I decided to be brave and ask Dr. Matteo about my elbow and get his opinion and he confirmed that it's Tennis Elbow and proceeded to give me some stretching exercises to do, along with icing and then he "treated" the elbow/forearm and whoa- what pain!!!  He put crazy pressure on my arm in various spots while I was told to flex and unflex my hand at the wrist.  But I have to say that it already feels better.  I have an arm band to wear while I teach and will go to see him again on Friday.  My teaching schedule is settling down a bit with just 1 class Friday and 2 on Saturday.  Thursday and Sunday are days of rest!

This is step one in the mission called "taking care of ME".  Time to get my body back to 100%.  Tomorrow's work will be calling the PT's and setting up the appointments to work on my foot.  It has not hurt much lately- a slight twinge during lunges, but other than that it's been ok.  I have not been doing any of the "triggers" if I can help it at all- so we have not been dancing since Vegas and I have not gone walking in well over a month.   Both of these activities need to return to my life, so PT is the answer for now and hopefully I can get the foot to cooperate without drastic measures.  

My Body is CRANKY!!

I'm not even sure what hurts more...my shoulder, elbow, knees...it all hurts--the result of 14 Classes, mostly Body Pump in 10 days...in fact I think it's 1 spin and 13 Body Pump classes.  Even though I've not been going full with my weights on some classes in an effort to "self-protect"- I think today I hit my limit.  But I am having so much FUN!    The funny part of this is that my cranky toe is not hurting...but I kinda think so much of my body hurts because I'm compensating in an effort not to aggravate the stupid toe.    So I did a very smart thing and made an appointment for a massage tomorrow at 11am- it's a luxury to do this in the middle of the work day- but I NEED it!   I am also going to try to swing by the chiropractor my my way between Spin and the Massage.   I am exhausted and I know that is part of the problem also- need the sleep to let the body heal and rejuvenate - I will be hitting the hay very early tonight (early for me)!   The week is still young as I have 2 classes tomorrow and then 3 more through Saturday!

I have been getting some really great feedback in my classes this past week.  The new release is getting great reviews overall and Saturday I had three new pumpers- they all came up to talk to me after class and said how much they enjoyed it.  Comments like "I never knew I could lift that much" and "I can't believe how fast the time went by, the class was so much fun"- those comments just make me beam ear to ear!    Today I subbed at the JCC for Lloyd. Now Lloyd is an industry veteran and very well respected by members and peers alike.  One of his participants came up to me afterwards and said that he's taken many instructors and that while Lloyd will always be his favorite, I had just moved into the #2 spot for him.   WOW- I was totally flattered by that compliment!   Then I had another participant tell me that she wasn't liking BP82 much until today and she complimented me on having the correct beat of the music and said that I hit every start and every stop to the music perfectly.   Just made for a wonderful day in the fitness world!

I am finally ready (I think) to jump start my own fitness and get things in order on the ME front.  I feel as though life is somewhat settling down.  Mom is settled at Woodside Terrace and starting to LIVE life.  She is very independent- even more than she was prior to 2/3 when this years ordeal all began.   Things with my brother are starting to shape up...just a few more things to fall into place for him, but really nothing for me to do about it.  It just has to be what will be.   I do have some things to tend to for mom like getting her car sold and then we (the family) need to gather all data to determine if it is better to rent or sell her house.  So I am going to start scheduling my own workouts in- I still need to get the physical therapy on my foot- I've sort of been avoiding that in the hopes that things would repair on their own and I really don't want to burn the cash to do it either.  Sigh.    But I do need to lose this damn weight.  It's so frustrating, I know that I've been dealing with circumstances beyond my control and have had to eat on the run a lot these past couple months- understandable.  But now I have to deal with challenges at home that I never had to deal with.  My brother buys crap food- stuff that I love and just don't buy because I know that I have no will power.  So I've been trying to dodge HoHo's and Ding Dong's and it's not easy and I have not been 100% successful at dodging either.  So I really need to regroup and get focused and on track with my eating- I know I'm getting the activity part of the equation- but it does take both to be successful at weight loss!  But I also want to add in more activity and different types of activity.  A few years ago all I was doing was teaching spin- now all I'm doing is teaching Body Pump...I need balance!

How did I get so lucky?

Seriously, how did I get so lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life?  I try not to take this for granted and I appreciate him every single day, but every now and then something clicks and I am just in awe that I have such an amazing life partner!   Tonight the trigger was my friend Kelli commenting on a picture of the two of us and she was feeling sentimental and said she could just see and feel the love by looking at our picture.   That is just SO AWESOME.

Just yesterday when Bill & I were driving to Fairfield for my niece's baby shower, we were listening to 107.7 The Bone Rock N Roll station and we were cracking up at how we could remember words to songs we have not heard in 20+ years, we were talking about how we both enjoy so many different genres of music.  We may have met country dancing- but we are both very well-rounded musical people.  Our iTunes would surprise anyone!   But we just busted out laughing- seriously LOL'd!  And then we commented about just how cool it was that we made each other laugh and we do, daily.  We laugh so much and I honestly believe that laughter is the cure for ANYTHING!   Life is too short to be angry, pissy or just down right mean- you have to laugh at life, at yourself, at everything - it just makes life that much better!

I am just feeling really blessed these days to have such an amazing life partner.  He is my rock, my best friend and is always there for me.  It's the simple things like today I called him at break time and in our conversation I told him I was craving tacos and was going to make them for dinner- explained that I would go to the store after taking mom to the Doctor and he said "text me the shopping list and I'll go after my dentist appointment"- really?  he volunteered to go shopping?  Those are the little things that make you realize that you are in this together, it's a partnership, it's about doing things together but also for each other to make for the greater good.

L-U-C-K-Y..yep, that's me!  Going to bed tonight with a smile on my face.  :)

Crazy week...and it's only Wednesday!

4th of July week has historically been a pretty quiet week for me on the work front- so I've either been on vacation myself or if I'm home, I tend to help out and sub a ton of classes.  From Saturday through Tuesday, I taught a total of 7 Body Pump classes and all but one were the new release.  It was very demanding, but SO MUCH FUN!  I can honestly say that I do not get tired of teaching this class.   Tuesday evening after having been up since 5am to teach at 6am, I was fading fast around 5pm- literally about to drop my head on the keyboard.  Now I think that was partially fatigue, but also allergies kicking in.  I HAD to take a power nap before my 730pm class.  It was so hard to get up but once I hit the gym and hit play on the ipod- I was in character and ready to perform.   I was then up until 2am afterwards- go figure, but not having an early alarm set for today helped!

Anyway, I am still busy with travel this week- but mainly trying to catch up from the previous week and get working on some quotes.  I have not been super successful with getting that work done, because when the phones and emails aren't off the hook, I feel like I want to play hooky.  It's terrible, I should be making the most of this quiet time to get caught up!  I have two more days this week, which hopefully will be on the quiet side, but alas both days are "choppy"- between teaching 3 classes and taking mom to a Doctor appointment!

Mom's leg remained swollen at the start of the week, so after a call and email to Dr. Gillon, she said to bring mom into the ER to rule out a blood clot.  Here we go again!!!  I am HAPPY to report that this was by far my most favorite visit to the ER this year- quick, painless and good news!  No clot, but post-surgery edema (swelling), most likely brought on by mom's activity since moving "home" to her apartment.  From here on out when I refer to mom's home- it is the apartment at Woodside Terrace.  Her "house" is where she used to live in S.F.   Mom has been going gang busters to unpack boxes, display her nick knacks, hanging pictures- she's having FUN!  She is so darn cheerful on the phone when I talk to her and she is just so happy to be alive and doing things when I see her.   She is so proud of her accomplishments, she is enjoying her meals at Woodside Terrace, she is making friends.  Her apartment is looking really nice and very homey..her bedroom is slightly larger than the one at the house, so all of her furniture fits and we have been cleaning out drawers.  Today I took 8 bags to Pick of the Litter for donation.  The other day she said, "why do people hang onto things for so long?" - she finally "gets it" and is getting rid of so many things, it's refreshing.   Now I don't think Imelda Marcos would be proud of the number of shoes that were donated, but a good 14 pairs of pumps still remain in her closet!  Yes, 14 pairs of pumps!    This past Sunday, she went to Church at her new parish and very much enjoyed that, followed by Sunday Brunch at the Terrace.  She's been winning at bingo also!  Today, Bill & I went to the house and picked up some more items that she wanted, so there will be plenty of more pictures for hanging - oh and 4 more pairs of shoes!!!  Good grief, Charlie Brown!

Mom has repeatedly said to me, "I really think I'm going to be happy here" and she loves her view from her room- she has some beautiful trees outside her window and her balcony overlooks the courtyard.   I have a feeling that give it a year and she's going to wonder why she didn't make this move a lot sooner.  I've been feeling a bit reflective and these past 5 months have not been easy- seriously, it was 5 months ago when this ordeal all started.  She has been through so much pain and often times has questioned "why is God punishing me? I should have died last year"- I can't even tell you how many times I've heard those words.  I have also thought and wondered why she was put through so much pain and now I'm beginning to think that God was trying to show her how much worse things could be until she accepted what he really wanted for her- a life of happiness.  She wasn't happy at "the house"- she was lonely and cigarettes were her best friend.  That 83 year old woman who is all of about 90 pounds has fought through such incredible pain and suffering these past 5 months that now I am beginning to believe that my mother can be one of those amazing 90+ year olds, she is so feisty, such a spit fire and is sharp as a tack!  

Tonight when speaking to her on the phone she explains to me about how today she saw another resident at The Terrace trying to get out of her chair, but was unable.  My mom went over to help her- explained to the woman to scoot closer to the end of the chair and the woman still could not get up, so my mom braced herself and then gave the woman a hand to help pull her up!!!  Now part of this scenario scares me because mom could try to help and end up on the floor, so I congratulated her on a good deed, well done- but also cautioned her to make sure she doesn't put herself in a situation where she could hurt herself either.  She felt so good to have helped someone else though and you could just hear the joy in her voice.   I am really feeling good about mom's future right now.  Nothing but good things ahead for her.

Today was a fun day, up in Fairfield with my "ex-family"- a baby shower for my niece Christina.  I am so very thankful to still be a part of the lives of my nieces & nephews from my first marriage.  I've known most of them from birth and now they are all young adults- it's crazy, but so great to see them and spend time with them.  Hard to believe that most of them are parents already!  We have two more occasions this summer for the "ex-family"-  my niece Sami gets married next month in Redding and my Great Niece has a 1st birthday the following week!   I am really blessed that Bill is ok with all of this, he "gets it" and understands that family is family and a divorce doesn't mean you are no longer family - he is still in touch with some of his nieces and nephews also.  I think we are very much the exception to the rule when it comes to this- so many people when they divorce, the entire families divorce...but it is great to see everyone and to be considered still "part of the family" and Bill has been welcomed as part of the family as well. 


So onward to finish off this week, the goal is to get a lot of work done, try to enjoy a low-key weekend...we don't really have anything officially planned- except for teaching two classes and a facial for me.  Although, now I'm thinking this may be a great Sunday to take mom to "real bingo" at the Veterans center for "real money".   The last time we planned on doing this, she ended up in the hospital!