Four Months- really?
Actually, exactly 4 months ago was my last post...guess I have some catching up to do. Summer has come and gone...way too quickly. Weather was not as hot as I prefer it to be, did not get as much sunshine time as I like- but summer has been pretty good for me.
June brought our 8th wedding anniversary and we celebrated in Vegas! I had my vacation.com conference that overlapped- we had a great 5 nights in Vegas between conference goings on, we also went to see Shania Twain in concert and also Rock of Ages Broadway Show. We had some wonderful dinners, we danced at Gilley's, spend time with great friends who were also at the conference and spent our Anniversary day poolside in a private Cabana being waited on- it was perfect. Back from Vegas and full steam ahead to finalize preparations for Bill's surprise 50th birthday party. It could not have gone over any better. It was a fabulous evening with the best of friends and family to celebrate someone who we all call a great friend, someone who has made me the happiest woman in the whole wide world for the last 10 years, someone who just deserved to be honored. I love him to pieces, he did not see it coming and there is no way I could have pulled this off without the help and love from our friends Jonathan & Lisa. It was a great time for everyone.
July brought Bill's continued birthday celebration on a 3 day cruise to Ensenada with a group of 8 others and we had a GREAT time. Everyone got along, we had a wonderful 4th of July in Ensenada wine tasting. The tour was great, the wines were yummy, weather just perfect. I learned from the tour guide that Ensenada is a very consistent 80 degrees year round. I felt good on this cruise that I did my walking every day either out on the track or in the gym on the treadmill. We danced, we enjoyed the sunshine- it was really a nice little getaway. Finished off the weekend with Sunday Brunch on the Queen Mary with part of our group and that was a great experience. As for the rest of July- we bid farewell to Candlestick Park with a "Legends of Candlestick" flag football game that was a lot of fun- we spent some time with friends tailgating (OK- drinking) and then met up with my niece Jenifer with her man and adorable daughter, we met up with my ex-inlaw Kerry and her hubby, it was really a great time had by all. More fun for July included a sister's weekend to Reno for the bingo tournament- we drove because the flights were not good. But we had a great time, I even won $2000- very quickly too. I believe the mom gambling mojo has been given to me.
August included two trips to Tahoe- one weekend at the McClymond's place with the family- it was a fun weekend, relaxing, BBQing, Beaching, being entertained by the kids (Brooklyn specifically). One of my favorite memories of the weekend was waking up Friday morning to the sounds of Brooklyn talking to Bill out on the Balcony. I peeked through the window blinds to see her on his lap looking at him and fully engaged in conversation. She LOVES him so, so much. It just confirms to me every time that he is such a good man. Kids KNOW these things and she just gravitates to him. It was a great weekend with the best of friends. The following weekend it was time for Michael to come home for his 21st birthday- I think I was the most excited about this. He arrived on his birthday around 10pm- Bill & I were at a concert (Kool & the Gang at Mt Winery- which was AWESOME, by the way) and once we got home I had Bundtini cakes & candles to sing to the boy. The next day we all left for Tahoe and celebrated this special birthday. Again, another perfect weekend- this time with family- we spent time together and time apart doing out own things. Bill & I went for a great 6 mile walk- a lot of reminiscing for me, reflecting on all the family vacations of years past with my mom & dad- now just memories, but it felt good to get out there and be active. We had some pool time, we took a day and took the gondola up to Heavenly and then hiked up to the top- it was a beautiful hike and day. Overall, a fabulous weekend with family. Finished off August with a wedding for one of my Gym friends & a new car purchase for Bill. It's amazing his Nissan Sentra lasted 9 years and 230K miles!
September- well it's almost over. Labor Day we celebrated Lisa's birthday and it was a great BBQ/Pool day with the people who mean the most to her...fun day and gorgeous weather. Way too much food, said no Italian hostess ever! Had a very fun Girl's Day Out to celebrate Janet's upcoming wedding with lunch, movie and then rolled it into Girl's Night out to celebrate Diane's birthday- SO.MUCH.FUN! It was a great, great day and evening, lots of fun! More baseball (hunt for Orange October), some football, some sunshine/pool time at Casa M&M and then this past weekend Janet & Scott's wedding. An event that I've been waiting for because these two are so meant to be together. It's a fairy tale story, two people who found each other in a world of so many lost souls. They belong together and it was so heart-warming to see my beautiful friend marry her soulmate. Just a great day and I find myself constantly reviewing the pictures, just awesome, beautiful day.
Now although the summer and up until now has been pretty awesome overall, there have been several sad things...I've had a friend lose her mom, I've had a friend lose her dad and I also had a friend lose her beloved boy kitty. To make things even worse, I was "cat-sitting" for said kitty to come and find him passed away brought back memories of when we came home to find Spaz. I just felt so bad. Such a good kitty, but I know he's in a good place. This year continues to bring so much heartache to people that I love. I can't even keep track anymore- but I think it's something like 7 deceased parents this year...I am more than ready for 2015 in this regard, just hope this heartache does not continue, but I fear that with age I'm going to have to get used to this.
Weight loss journey is coming along- as of last Friday, I have lost 20 pounds since May 2nd. I have slowed down these past two weeks- in large part due to injury- I took a spill after the 49er game and fell very hard on my leg- my knee is a bit angry with me, the road rash is finally healing enough where I can do workout things- I taught BODYCOMBAT & BODYPUMP last night and it felt good to MOVE! I am hoping to get out walking tomorrow, but we are expecting RAIN, not sure how much we'll get, so might try to get in a few miles. See how the knee fares. I do know that the weight loss progress slows down when I am not active- I need to work out. Doesn't matter how good I am with diet, I need both!
Still Missing my mom...EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. But I don't expect that to ever change. It's becoming part of the norm. To think she's been gone for 8 months already is a bit surreal. I do believe that I have some of her very best parts in me and when I see those similarities, it makes me smile. I know she's in a good place, I know she's not in any pain and I know she is in good company. This year there have been so many additions to Heaven, both personally known people and some comedic relief with Robin Williams and Joan Rivers. Our beloved in heaven are being very entertained, I'm sure.
3, 2 , 1 - yep that is as quick as the rest of the year will go- 3 more months, then poof - 2015! Trying to get the Holiday shopping done, looking forward to our trip to Hawaii in November and very much excited for our trip to Disneyland in December with the Godkids. They have no idea, they are going to be so surprised, I can't wait! Lots still to look forward to for the rest of 2014...going to make the best of it!
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Sunday, May 25, 2014
The Month of May
I had actually intended on blogging on the 1st of May and never got around to it. Maybe it's better that I didn't. I was dreading this month because of Mother's Day and my Mom's 85th birthday. May has always been a month that I looked forward to because I loved to celebrate my mom even more than I always did to begin with. I knew that I would be missing her this month and really didn't know what to expect quite honestly. Well, something clicked for me. I decided to make a choice. A choice to be happy, a choice to be good to myself and do what I need to do for ME.
I think things started to click in part after listening to a Nutritional webinar on April 30th. I have several friends who have adapted this new lifestyle of eating plant-based, going Gluten free and Vegan and while I know that will NEVER be me, I was still able to pick up some helpful tidbits from the hour+ presentation. May 2nd was going to be my start date to begin taking care of me and changing some habits to find my old self that used to be comfortable in her own skin. These last few years have not been kind on my body- too much stress, too much taking care of others and lacking time to take care of myself.
The other thing that clicked is that I am not getting any younger. I have always teased people that when you have a birthday you have just completed the # of years that you just "turned"- so when we celebrate a 1st birthday, that person completed 1 year of life. Well, hubby is turning 50 next month, which means he will be completing his 50th year of life and on his birthday his 51st year of life begins. I'm a year behind him. Many of my girlfriends are all starting to talk about the big birthday next year and what we are all going to be doing to celebrate. Well, I for one am going to be one FABULOUSLY looking 50 year old! Appropriately, I need to lose 50 pounds to be realistic...55 or 60 would be even better- but I'm a realist - first goal is 50, when I get there if it feels like more should go, then I will continue the loss efforts. First things first.
So back to May- I know that weight loss is a combination of diet and exercise and for me I needed to adjust both parts of the equation. So many people say "but you teach all those classes at the gym- how come you can't lose weight?" - well I teach, yes- but those are not MY workouts and they are simply not enough in the overall scheme of activity needed. My other career is very sedentary and it comes with vacations where eating is a challenge. So I have gotten back to my power walking and have taken walks 15 days this month- some by myself, some with Bill and some with friends. I have successfully lost weight in the past with Weight Watchers and with counting my points- I know it works and when I'm focused and tracking- I DO make better choices. For well over a year, I've been tracking- but not focused on my eating and I simply did not care if my end of week had a big RED deficit. It's pretty simple, if you have a RED deficit you have eaten too much, not been active enough or both. That does not equal weight loss. If you have leftover points and have tracked honestly- you should see some weight loss. My Weight Watchers weigh in day/restart day is Friday- so May 2nd- I decided it was time to refocus. I knew there was no way that I would remove the full RED 90 point deficit that I've been regularly attaining, but I was aiming to reduce that deficit on week one and I did- to RED 77, then on week two, RED 34 and then this last week, I ended up out of the RED with 6 leftover points!
It's about progress, not perfection. It's about making choices that are better for ME, choices that work for me. Everyone knows I am not the veggie and fruit person- well I am back to making my smoothies with my fruits- I will soon get adventurous and try to add in a little green stuff. I never trust anyone who says "you won't taste it"- it's usually not the case for me. Nobody understands my palate. I remember when I did Weight Watchers in 1999 and BobbyJo said that Jicama was like Tortilla Chips. Oh, I gave that a try- EPIC FAIL! I started to add Chia seeds to my smoothies- again progress. I am measuring everything. I am drinking my Shakeology about 5 times a week- and that works for me. I like the taste, it fills me up and I can fell the energy from it. When I know that I'm going to have an "extreme" meal in a day- then I have tried to do two shakes in a day to minimize my point usage. The result so far? I've lost 5 pounds after three weeks of being focused. I know it's not much- but it is 10% of my total weight loss goal. I feel skinnier, I feel better. It feels great to be out walking again and other than normal aches and pains from activity- I can say that my foot issues are fine now (YAY).
So back to May--well decided that my mom would want me to take care of myself. Over the last few years, she knew I was not happy with my weight, but she would always tell me, "You look like you've lost weight dear"- even though I knew that I had not lost anything- perhaps even gained. She was my biggest cheerleader. Mother's Day- I took a "lay low" day- watched the Giants game, chilled out, enjoyed family time. Mom's birthday- I took the day off of work- well most of it and drove to Gilroy for a pool day since we were spending the night at a hotel for an evening wedding- it was perfect. The wedding was beautiful and a very nice, fun night. I started out mom's birthday by teaching back to back spin classes and played my favorite "Happy" song. I know mom would have loved that song- she loved the Despicable Me movies, but the song had not really taken off with the movie right away. Mom would be proud that I am taking care of myself and she is still cheering me on with every pound I lose, with every step I take on my walks- she is cheering for me.
GAME is ON and I've got this--I'm saying goodbye to 50 pounds and they are staying away for good- when I begin my 50th year of life on my 49th birthday this November- I will be 50 pounds lighter and fitting into clothes that have been collecting dust in my closet for years!
I think things started to click in part after listening to a Nutritional webinar on April 30th. I have several friends who have adapted this new lifestyle of eating plant-based, going Gluten free and Vegan and while I know that will NEVER be me, I was still able to pick up some helpful tidbits from the hour+ presentation. May 2nd was going to be my start date to begin taking care of me and changing some habits to find my old self that used to be comfortable in her own skin. These last few years have not been kind on my body- too much stress, too much taking care of others and lacking time to take care of myself.
The other thing that clicked is that I am not getting any younger. I have always teased people that when you have a birthday you have just completed the # of years that you just "turned"- so when we celebrate a 1st birthday, that person completed 1 year of life. Well, hubby is turning 50 next month, which means he will be completing his 50th year of life and on his birthday his 51st year of life begins. I'm a year behind him. Many of my girlfriends are all starting to talk about the big birthday next year and what we are all going to be doing to celebrate. Well, I for one am going to be one FABULOUSLY looking 50 year old! Appropriately, I need to lose 50 pounds to be realistic...55 or 60 would be even better- but I'm a realist - first goal is 50, when I get there if it feels like more should go, then I will continue the loss efforts. First things first.
So back to May- I know that weight loss is a combination of diet and exercise and for me I needed to adjust both parts of the equation. So many people say "but you teach all those classes at the gym- how come you can't lose weight?" - well I teach, yes- but those are not MY workouts and they are simply not enough in the overall scheme of activity needed. My other career is very sedentary and it comes with vacations where eating is a challenge. So I have gotten back to my power walking and have taken walks 15 days this month- some by myself, some with Bill and some with friends. I have successfully lost weight in the past with Weight Watchers and with counting my points- I know it works and when I'm focused and tracking- I DO make better choices. For well over a year, I've been tracking- but not focused on my eating and I simply did not care if my end of week had a big RED deficit. It's pretty simple, if you have a RED deficit you have eaten too much, not been active enough or both. That does not equal weight loss. If you have leftover points and have tracked honestly- you should see some weight loss. My Weight Watchers weigh in day/restart day is Friday- so May 2nd- I decided it was time to refocus. I knew there was no way that I would remove the full RED 90 point deficit that I've been regularly attaining, but I was aiming to reduce that deficit on week one and I did- to RED 77, then on week two, RED 34 and then this last week, I ended up out of the RED with 6 leftover points!
It's about progress, not perfection. It's about making choices that are better for ME, choices that work for me. Everyone knows I am not the veggie and fruit person- well I am back to making my smoothies with my fruits- I will soon get adventurous and try to add in a little green stuff. I never trust anyone who says "you won't taste it"- it's usually not the case for me. Nobody understands my palate. I remember when I did Weight Watchers in 1999 and BobbyJo said that Jicama was like Tortilla Chips. Oh, I gave that a try- EPIC FAIL! I started to add Chia seeds to my smoothies- again progress. I am measuring everything. I am drinking my Shakeology about 5 times a week- and that works for me. I like the taste, it fills me up and I can fell the energy from it. When I know that I'm going to have an "extreme" meal in a day- then I have tried to do two shakes in a day to minimize my point usage. The result so far? I've lost 5 pounds after three weeks of being focused. I know it's not much- but it is 10% of my total weight loss goal. I feel skinnier, I feel better. It feels great to be out walking again and other than normal aches and pains from activity- I can say that my foot issues are fine now (YAY).
So back to May--well decided that my mom would want me to take care of myself. Over the last few years, she knew I was not happy with my weight, but she would always tell me, "You look like you've lost weight dear"- even though I knew that I had not lost anything- perhaps even gained. She was my biggest cheerleader. Mother's Day- I took a "lay low" day- watched the Giants game, chilled out, enjoyed family time. Mom's birthday- I took the day off of work- well most of it and drove to Gilroy for a pool day since we were spending the night at a hotel for an evening wedding- it was perfect. The wedding was beautiful and a very nice, fun night. I started out mom's birthday by teaching back to back spin classes and played my favorite "Happy" song. I know mom would have loved that song- she loved the Despicable Me movies, but the song had not really taken off with the movie right away. Mom would be proud that I am taking care of myself and she is still cheering me on with every pound I lose, with every step I take on my walks- she is cheering for me.
GAME is ON and I've got this--I'm saying goodbye to 50 pounds and they are staying away for good- when I begin my 50th year of life on my 49th birthday this November- I will be 50 pounds lighter and fitting into clothes that have been collecting dust in my closet for years!
Monday, March 31, 2014
Reflections on Megamadness 2014
It's been almost 48 hours since MegaMadness ended on Saturday night and I've had to give it some time to sink in. This was my 2nd MegaMadness that I've traveled to, I've done plenty of local quarterlies, but those are on such a smaller scale. This event just seems to get more and more amazing. I thought a good place to start would be to re-read my reflections from last year's Mega and see how differently or the same I feel this time around. Here is the link to last year's reflections:
http://pamharperhorst.blogspot.com/2013/03/renewed-rejuvenated-ready.html
Well, this year was an overall different experience for me. Work, like expected was ridiculously busy before leaving and I literally had to work through the night on Wednesday to try to get as much done as possible. As I sit here and write this, I am still very behind with travel quotes. After working through the night, I went to the gym to do a peer review for a fellow spin instructor, then back to my office to work, finally pack, shower and get to the airport. I brought files with me, but really did not have time to do any work. Once I arrived, got to the ARIA resort, checked-in and then met up with Jocelyn and several other friends for dinner. Before dinner, I ran into both my BodyFlow trainer Rachel and my BodyCombat trainer Rebecca- so good to see them both and that made me stop and think. Just a year ago, I only taught 1 Les Mills format and now I am certified to teach three! I have got to believe that it was last year's Mega experience that really inspired me to take on more - yes, me the crazy busy person taking on more! There is still a possibility that I may take on two more formats, but we'll see. I really would like to do the RPM training, Jocelyn just got certified and loves it - and at this Mega, they did the launch preview of the new Born to Move program for kids, which I think is going to be a super program. Time will tell.
Thursday dinner went well, did a little gambling with Jocelyn & Gediz- they gambled, I watched and we finally got to our rooms around 1230am..yes I had been up since 830am on Wednesday morning, so about 40 hours by the time I got to bed and then was up at 615am to start Day One with full day of AIM 1 for Body Combat (Advanced Instructor Training). Initially, I was nervous for this AIM because I am still a rookie with Body Combat- last year for Body Pump, I was a seasoned instructor and very comfortable in my Body Pump skin. But this year, I had the comfort of knowing a BUNCH of people taking AIM, last year I went in alone. It was awesome! Not only was this training led by Dan Cohen- the program director for Body Combat, but he had several Rock Star trainers with him to assist...Angel, Jericho, Will, Ben, Petter & Peggy - all well know Body Combat Trainers/Presenters. I was in Will's group and we had our track assignments, which we randomly signed up for - I got Track 8- which is such a fun boxing track with great music. After we each did our presentations, we received immediate feedback and Will simply had to say, "AWESOME, that track was made for you, you completely dialed into the music, you coached, you motivated" - he went onto say if he had to pick on anything and it would be nit-picky it would be to work on my uppercuts and I know that- I'm much better than I was 6 months ago, but that strike is still a challenge for me. I felt really great afterwards. After all of our group presented - and we had a total of 19 presentations per group x 6 groups- so we had about 130 people in this training! We then continued the afternoon with lectures by Angel and Dan and then drills - learning about the essence of each martial art. This was so beneficial and eye opening. In many ways, I loved this AIM more than Body Pump and it could very well be just that I learned so much more that is going to help me as an instructor of Body Combat. Dan Cohen is simply amazing, he's funny, he's approachable, he made a point of meeting with each and everyone of us in small groups...just awesome, amazing, phenomenal...Friday finished on a serious HIGH and we had so much more to come!
Friday evening we had the cocktail party and Reebok fashion show, it was a very nice event and ended about 915pm and we still hadn't had dinner! After a day of bagels, nuts, protein bars- we wanted something to stick to our gut- so Jocelyn and I decided to go to the Steakhouse and it did not disappoint. Very nice dinner, conversation, champagne and we finished up around 1130pm, strolled by the casino tables to find Gediz still up and gambling...I think I finally got to bed around 1am- with another early morning on Saturday- up for Body Pump at 730am! That was a struggle, but worth every bit of it! They launched for us Body Pump 90, the release that we won't even receive until May 9th! It was awesome and fun to take a class where you have no idea what is coming next! Holy Chest & Shoulder tracks! This set the pace for an awesome day that was filled with Education Sessions for Body Flow with Josef, Body Combat with Dan & Rach and Body Pump with Susan - lots of great takeaways from each of those sessions. And a few more workouts- Body Combat 60 (again the release that we will receive in May) which was amazing- marking Body Combat's 15th year! To take a class like that with 1000 people, there just are no words. We finished off the day with a Glow in the Dark Body Flow class with release 64- the one that is coming out this month. Beautiful release and I hope that I get a chance to teach it soon.
Adding to this amazing day- a preview of the new program for kids - Born to Move, a group of kids from the local YMCA came to enjoy the class and boy what fun they had doing it and what fun we had watching the program in action. It's going to be an amazing addition and something our society needs- we need to get kids moving again, start the fight on globesity at a young age! I'd love to teach this program, but we'll see if we can find time for that and where it will be offered. The evening keynote speaker- incredible! Kyle Maynard gave such an amazing and inspirational presentation - lots of messages, but what I got from it: live life to its fullest, there are no excuses and there is always going to be someone in a worst predicament than yourself. If he can feel that way with virtually no arms/legs. Just incredible...if you'd like to find out more about him- check out this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czXTkNyzF98
After the day was over, we still had the After Party and Les Mills & Reebok know how to do this in style and Les Mills Instructors love to party! We had exclusive use of the HAZE nightclub for 2.5 hours with open bar and heavy appetizers and it was a ton of fun and I'll tell you- instructors clean up nicely! We finished off the night with some gambling and a late night breakfast before finally heading to bed around 130am- of course, I had to enjoy a quick bubble bath since the tub was amazing- but couldn't enjoy it for too long, I was tired.
Overall, a great weekend of spending time with Tribe friends, meeting some who I've only known via email or facebook, making brand new friends, connecting with a few Las Vegas ladies who were in my Body Pump AIM last year, meeting the world class trainers and program directors- it was just a fabulous experience and I can't wait to go again!
Sunday was the day of getting home (smoothly), chillin' on the couch - Ok napping on the couch, trying to do work (didn't get any of it done) and then today after getting up for my 7am Body Pump class, chiropractic adjustment, I ended up crawling back into bed and sleeping until 2pm..I'm still tired and don't feel well. Usually, my allergies flare up after a trip and they also flare up when in a smoky environment (casinos)- so I am hoping that is all, but only time will tell. I've gone through enough stupid Kleenex though and I'm about to hit the hay and get some sleep- lots of it. Still have a ton of work to do, but I just can't focus when I feel like this. Hoping tomorrow is a better day!
So happy that they had a photo booth with a scheduled time to take pictures with your favorite "Les Mills Celebrities"- The One & Only Body Combat Duo: Dan Cohen & Rachael Newsham!
http://pamharperhorst.blogspot.com/2013/03/renewed-rejuvenated-ready.html
Well, this year was an overall different experience for me. Work, like expected was ridiculously busy before leaving and I literally had to work through the night on Wednesday to try to get as much done as possible. As I sit here and write this, I am still very behind with travel quotes. After working through the night, I went to the gym to do a peer review for a fellow spin instructor, then back to my office to work, finally pack, shower and get to the airport. I brought files with me, but really did not have time to do any work. Once I arrived, got to the ARIA resort, checked-in and then met up with Jocelyn and several other friends for dinner. Before dinner, I ran into both my BodyFlow trainer Rachel and my BodyCombat trainer Rebecca- so good to see them both and that made me stop and think. Just a year ago, I only taught 1 Les Mills format and now I am certified to teach three! I have got to believe that it was last year's Mega experience that really inspired me to take on more - yes, me the crazy busy person taking on more! There is still a possibility that I may take on two more formats, but we'll see. I really would like to do the RPM training, Jocelyn just got certified and loves it - and at this Mega, they did the launch preview of the new Born to Move program for kids, which I think is going to be a super program. Time will tell.
Thursday dinner went well, did a little gambling with Jocelyn & Gediz- they gambled, I watched and we finally got to our rooms around 1230am..yes I had been up since 830am on Wednesday morning, so about 40 hours by the time I got to bed and then was up at 615am to start Day One with full day of AIM 1 for Body Combat (Advanced Instructor Training). Initially, I was nervous for this AIM because I am still a rookie with Body Combat- last year for Body Pump, I was a seasoned instructor and very comfortable in my Body Pump skin. But this year, I had the comfort of knowing a BUNCH of people taking AIM, last year I went in alone. It was awesome! Not only was this training led by Dan Cohen- the program director for Body Combat, but he had several Rock Star trainers with him to assist...Angel, Jericho, Will, Ben, Petter & Peggy - all well know Body Combat Trainers/Presenters. I was in Will's group and we had our track assignments, which we randomly signed up for - I got Track 8- which is such a fun boxing track with great music. After we each did our presentations, we received immediate feedback and Will simply had to say, "AWESOME, that track was made for you, you completely dialed into the music, you coached, you motivated" - he went onto say if he had to pick on anything and it would be nit-picky it would be to work on my uppercuts and I know that- I'm much better than I was 6 months ago, but that strike is still a challenge for me. I felt really great afterwards. After all of our group presented - and we had a total of 19 presentations per group x 6 groups- so we had about 130 people in this training! We then continued the afternoon with lectures by Angel and Dan and then drills - learning about the essence of each martial art. This was so beneficial and eye opening. In many ways, I loved this AIM more than Body Pump and it could very well be just that I learned so much more that is going to help me as an instructor of Body Combat. Dan Cohen is simply amazing, he's funny, he's approachable, he made a point of meeting with each and everyone of us in small groups...just awesome, amazing, phenomenal...Friday finished on a serious HIGH and we had so much more to come!
Friday evening we had the cocktail party and Reebok fashion show, it was a very nice event and ended about 915pm and we still hadn't had dinner! After a day of bagels, nuts, protein bars- we wanted something to stick to our gut- so Jocelyn and I decided to go to the Steakhouse and it did not disappoint. Very nice dinner, conversation, champagne and we finished up around 1130pm, strolled by the casino tables to find Gediz still up and gambling...I think I finally got to bed around 1am- with another early morning on Saturday- up for Body Pump at 730am! That was a struggle, but worth every bit of it! They launched for us Body Pump 90, the release that we won't even receive until May 9th! It was awesome and fun to take a class where you have no idea what is coming next! Holy Chest & Shoulder tracks! This set the pace for an awesome day that was filled with Education Sessions for Body Flow with Josef, Body Combat with Dan & Rach and Body Pump with Susan - lots of great takeaways from each of those sessions. And a few more workouts- Body Combat 60 (again the release that we will receive in May) which was amazing- marking Body Combat's 15th year! To take a class like that with 1000 people, there just are no words. We finished off the day with a Glow in the Dark Body Flow class with release 64- the one that is coming out this month. Beautiful release and I hope that I get a chance to teach it soon.
Adding to this amazing day- a preview of the new program for kids - Born to Move, a group of kids from the local YMCA came to enjoy the class and boy what fun they had doing it and what fun we had watching the program in action. It's going to be an amazing addition and something our society needs- we need to get kids moving again, start the fight on globesity at a young age! I'd love to teach this program, but we'll see if we can find time for that and where it will be offered. The evening keynote speaker- incredible! Kyle Maynard gave such an amazing and inspirational presentation - lots of messages, but what I got from it: live life to its fullest, there are no excuses and there is always going to be someone in a worst predicament than yourself. If he can feel that way with virtually no arms/legs. Just incredible...if you'd like to find out more about him- check out this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czXTkNyzF98
After the day was over, we still had the After Party and Les Mills & Reebok know how to do this in style and Les Mills Instructors love to party! We had exclusive use of the HAZE nightclub for 2.5 hours with open bar and heavy appetizers and it was a ton of fun and I'll tell you- instructors clean up nicely! We finished off the night with some gambling and a late night breakfast before finally heading to bed around 130am- of course, I had to enjoy a quick bubble bath since the tub was amazing- but couldn't enjoy it for too long, I was tired.
Overall, a great weekend of spending time with Tribe friends, meeting some who I've only known via email or facebook, making brand new friends, connecting with a few Las Vegas ladies who were in my Body Pump AIM last year, meeting the world class trainers and program directors- it was just a fabulous experience and I can't wait to go again!
Sunday was the day of getting home (smoothly), chillin' on the couch - Ok napping on the couch, trying to do work (didn't get any of it done) and then today after getting up for my 7am Body Pump class, chiropractic adjustment, I ended up crawling back into bed and sleeping until 2pm..I'm still tired and don't feel well. Usually, my allergies flare up after a trip and they also flare up when in a smoky environment (casinos)- so I am hoping that is all, but only time will tell. I've gone through enough stupid Kleenex though and I'm about to hit the hay and get some sleep- lots of it. Still have a ton of work to do, but I just can't focus when I feel like this. Hoping tomorrow is a better day!
So happy that they had a photo booth with a scheduled time to take pictures with your favorite "Les Mills Celebrities"- The One & Only Body Combat Duo: Dan Cohen & Rachael Newsham!
Monday, March 10, 2014
Tribute to my Mom - Read at her Celebration of Life 3/9/13
Memories of my mom - Patricia Maureen Harper 5/23/29 - 1/12/14
My mother was a wonderful woman. She was strong, loving & would do anything
for her kids and grandkids. She would
listen to us, offer advice if we asked for it, lend support in any way she was
capable of lending, she cried with us, she laughed with us and if we were hurt
she was hurt, if we were happy she was happy.
She was our biggest fan, our number one cheerleader and supporter. My mom was in every definition what a mother
is supposed to be. I was also lucky to call her my best friend. She loved to garden, cruise, play bingo,
gamble & listen to the Giants games on her transistor radio. She loved music and dancing - in fact one
could hear her music playing down the hallway at Woodside Terrace (she never
did get that hearing aid that she never really wanted to get). And as for dancing, we have several pictures
of her and her signature dance move! She loved to help people; she had a HUGE heart
and was so very giving. She was silly, goofy
and got a kick out of herself- often.
She loved her collections and in her lifetime she collected a lot of
things: thimbles, plates, spoons, dolls,
teddy bears, music boxes, jewelry, decorations and anything butterfly...and yes
many times she was over the top with her collections. But she loved them, they
made her happy. She also had a
collection of singing/dancing holiday stuffed animals and she would just light
up when she would play them. Of course
she had to share that joy with others, so she would bring these with her to her
senior clubs, bingo sessions, coffee shops, and she loved to see other people
loving these little entertainers.
She was
always aware of her appearance and took great pride in looking good. It bothered her when she would see others who
seemed to not care about their appearance.
Even in the ER the day before she passed, she asked if her hair looked
OK and if she still had on lipstick. The
last thing I did for my mom before she passed the next day- I straightened her
bangs and put on her lipstick. And although she couldn't speak, I think she knew
and appreciated this gesture. She went
to heaven with snowmen on her thumbnails- she recently discovered nail art and
looked forward to her manicures every other month to get a new nail design.
My mom was a fighter and a survivor. When I look back at these last few years, the
years when she battled one health crisis after another and some were more like
wars quite honestly- her little body kept fighting even when she had made peace
and was really ready to die. I reminded
her often that it was not up to her and that it just was not her time to
go. I am
just so very thankful that this time, God decided he was ready for her because
the Cancer war would not have been an easy or fair battle for her to
fight. At the end of the day, we really
do have a kind and loving God.
I miss her terribly; we would talk on the phone
every day and see each other several times a week. It's a great loss. That being said, she is
with me every single day and I can honestly say that every day since she has
passed, she has spoken to me in one way or another. I just don’t have to pick up the phone and
dial 7 digits; I can just talk to her whenever and wherever. She & I had an
incredible bond as both mother/daughter and best friends. I know this is rare and I am very lucky. At one point during her medical battles, she
was in tears and feared that going through all of her medical issues with her
would ruin our friendship, quite the contrary.
It was an honor and a privilege to be able to be her cheerleader, her
supporter and help her like she had done all her life for me.
I have been told and will happily admit that I am
very much like my mom. She & I have
the same kind of silliness, goofiness & sense of humor. That’s a gift that I get to keep with me
always. And while I have a lifetime of
memories with my mom, I'd like to share some of my most special ones: anytime we traveled together and we did
travel often after my dad passed away, but I most remember our first cruise
together - a first for both of us in 1990 and we laughed so much because it was
such a rocky ride up the coast to Vancouver.
We both fell in love with cruising on that trip & mom was so excited
to meet the Captain.
We had numerous weekend visits when she would
come down to stay with Bill & I and it didn't matter what we did together,
we just enjoyed being together laughing, taking naps, going to movies, playing
bingo. I especially loved our Christmas
Eve tradition, my mom would do the prep work for the Turkey (breaking the
bread) and I would cook the Turkey, reverse roles from when I used to do the
same for her when I was growing up. We'd
do our little gift exchange with her and then watch "White Christmas"
together while sipping Bailey's Coffees.
She would always say that we spoiled her too much, but we were happy to
do that, it was fun to watch her open her gifts and get excited about
them. We'd all go to bed late and then on Christmas Day, I'd be the one up
early getting the bird into the oven and making Cinnamon Rolls & Coffee for
breakfast.
More recently, this past
Christmas, I helped her decorate her apartment and she was just so excited to
have all of her decorations out. It was
fun doing that together, while listening to Christmas Music and sipping on our
Starbucks. We had not decorated for the
holidays together since I lived with her over 20 years ago. She had the reputation at Woodside Terrace
for having the most decorated doorway - always, holiday or not! Her doorway brought joy to all who passed by. It was a blessing to know that in her very
short time at Woodside Terrace, she had made her mark and people loved her
there as well.
We had many Tahoe vacations as a family starting
in my late teens and I'd like to share one year that involved a Kool & the
Gang concert and Long Island Iced Teas.
It was "Ladies Night" for sure and "oh what a night"
it was. The Place: Harrah's Showroom, The Players:
My Sister, mom, Aunt Kitty,
Cousin Jeanne, friend Deanna and myself. Two drink minimum, the waitress starts to
take our orders - Deanna, my sister
& I start off and order Long Island
Iced Teas, my Aunt orders a Pina Colada
and Jeanne orders one as well (although
they brought her a Virgin one without asking for her ID and yes she wasn't 21,
but she gets an A for effort) and then the waitress gets to my mom. Mom asks, "what did they order?"
and points to my sister and I, we tell her and she says "I'll have that". My sister and I just smiled at each other
knowing that this could become an interesting night. The concert begins and of course mom's
favorite song comes on, "Celebration"- her signature song and she
bolts out of the booth and heads down to the stage to presumably dance with the
band, she had a blast and we of course all enjoyed watching her. The concert comes to an end, we are waiting
for our pictures to purchase and mom needed to use the rest room, so we said
we'd meet her out in the casino. Well we
couldn't find her anywhere, we found my dad and Uncle and they had not seen
her. We headed back to our cabin at the Hacienda and there was mom in her bed
fast asleep. Seems two Long Island Iced
Teas were more than she expected. The
next morning, the first words out of her mouth, "What was in that
drink?" Needless to say, she never
had one of those again.
I mentioned that she liked to gamble, well she
loved her lottery scratchers and would usually budget to buy her weekly
allotment, and she was very lucky with them.
In fact, she was always so lucky with them that if I was with her when
she bought tickets, I'd buy some for myself and I did not share her same
luck..at all. It was so frustrating to
me. While cleaning out her apartment, I
found about $35 worth of tickets that she had not turned in yet, so I decided
to reinvest them for her and had a good run for about 5 weeks- her luck finally
ran out this past week. But of course, I
had not learned my lesson and all these weeks while reinvesting for her, I'd
get a few for myself and would not do nearly as well as her tickets
were...until this week. Low &
behold, I bought two tickets, one $5 and one $3 and scratched it on Friday
night and it was a $1000 winner. Like I
said, she is with me every single day and as excited as I got about the winning
ticket, I believe that she was probably even more excited for me.
I'd like to close with two poems that I found
that I think are very fitting:
Thank You Mother
© Nicole J. Heath
Thank you mother- for all that you have done,
You took great care, of your daughters and sons.
You loved us all from the very start,
with your warm, kind, and loving heart.
Thank you mother, for being strong,
While trying to teach us right from wrong.
If anytime, we had a problem,
you were there to help us solve them.
You'd lift us up, when we were feeling blue,
Thank you mother, for we could always count on you.
You were such- an awesome mother,
The love you showed was like no other.
Thank you mother- for your dear, sweet love,
Now you'll watch over us from heaven above.
You took great care, of your daughters and sons.
You loved us all from the very start,
with your warm, kind, and loving heart.
Thank you mother, for being strong,
While trying to teach us right from wrong.
If anytime, we had a problem,
you were there to help us solve them.
You'd lift us up, when we were feeling blue,
Thank you mother, for we could always count on you.
You were such- an awesome mother,
The love you showed was like no other.
Thank you mother- for your dear, sweet love,
Now you'll watch over us from heaven above.
Source: Thank You Mother, Mother Death Poem http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/thank-you-mother#ixzz2sWcLOfr2
Family Friend Poems
A Daughter's Promise
© Allie B. Quaglieri
Every time that I smile,
Every time that I sigh,
I think of your face,
And a tear escapes my eye.
You were my world,
My inspiration and my heart,
But when you left me,
I thought I would fall apart.
You were my best friend,
My one true 'confidante',
And that's not all you were,
You were also my mom.
I didn't want to live without you,
But you would have wanted me to,
And if there's anyone I want to make happy,
That anyone is you
I would have given anything to have you back,
But I know now that it was meant to be,
For you are still watching from up there,
And I know you're watching me.
I'll make you proud mom,
I'm going to fulfill your wish,
You're going to see me and smile,
That's a daughter's promise.
Every time that I sigh,
I think of your face,
And a tear escapes my eye.
You were my world,
My inspiration and my heart,
But when you left me,
I thought I would fall apart.
You were my best friend,
My one true 'confidante',
And that's not all you were,
You were also my mom.
I didn't want to live without you,
But you would have wanted me to,
And if there's anyone I want to make happy,
That anyone is you
I would have given anything to have you back,
But I know now that it was meant to be,
For you are still watching from up there,
And I know you're watching me.
I'll make you proud mom,
I'm going to fulfill your wish,
You're going to see me and smile,
That's a daughter's promise.
Source: Poem From Daughter To Departed Mother, A Daughter's Promise http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/a-daughters-promise#ixzz2sWbvUuUG
Family Friend Poems
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
God is working overtime in 2014
February 10th and already there has been a lot of heartache for myself and several friends of mine. Some may only be friends in the name of "Facebook", but I think if you've maintained a connection for a few years over the social media and have some one on one conversations or "chats"- then you are friends on some level.
I remember finishing up our New Years Cruise at the beginning of the year and one of my friend's had posted on Facebook that she just had a feeling that 2014 was going to bring a lot of heartbreak. I read that post and was not in a place to really reply to it, but the thought did sink into me and struck a chord. Of course, 10 days later my mom passed away and she & I had a conversation about that post and I shared that when I read it, I had that sinking feeling myself. Not sure why, but perhaps it's that feeling that at any time life can change. People who are special to you could be here today and gone tomorrow. I think a lot of that comes from being with my mom these last few years through all of her medical ups and downs on her late roller coaster of life. But it did stick with me.
Well, 2014 has been a year of heartbreak for too many people already. At this point, we have Barbara (Jan 5), Myself (Jan 12), Stacy (Feb 2) all having lost our moms- two at the age of 67 and one at the age of 84. All touched by Cancer. We have Diane (Jan 14ish), Tiina (Jan 31st) and Suzy (today) having lost dads..I'm not sure of all the ages here, but at least one touched by Cancer, another a stroke and not sure about the third. Then we have Linda/Jennie (Feb 9th) who lost their sister/cousin at the age of 50 to F'N Cancer! So much loss, it's really quite horrible.
I can only think and feel that God must really be in need of more angels to help Him out. There is no doubt that death is a good thing for the dearly departed, it is only hard on those of us who are left behind. But with faith, we are able to move on with our lives and with faith know that this is all part of a greater plan, one that we have absolutely no control over. For a control freak, this can be tough. It's hard to swallow, it's something you want to change and make different- but you just can't. But everything does happen for a reason- that I am very sure.
I will say that grieving sure has come a long way in 24 years- when I last lost someone dear to me, my dad. We now have so many more ways to connect to people, ways from where we can gain support, ways where we can reach out and talk to others- in person or even virtually via "chat" avenues.
This past weekend we met Tiina for dinner for her birthday before going dancing- it was just the three of us and it was perfect- it had been two months since seeing her and of course since the last time we saw each other, we have both now lost a parent. Over dinner as we were getting closer to going dancing, we realized that we were both in the same spot - we were both going to be coming face to face with many friends who knew of our loss and who were ready to give us hugs and want to share their support- which always leads to teary eyes, but we were bonded and in this together. It's amazing the love and support we both received from our dance monster friends. It was a very perfect night returning to the Saddle Rack after a long absence.
Barbara and I have shared numerous conversations and due to my premonition before my mom passed about the two of us sitting someplace tropical chatting about our moms and about cancer sucking- I think we really do need to take a mini-vacation together. In fact, it may be really cool to include others from this list- the list of "Pam's friends who have lost a loved one in the first 40 days of 2014". Sigh. Although the trip has not been planned yet, I do think there is a pre-game date lurking on April 8th at AT&T park with another friend from the gym.
Stacy is a travel colleague- we have never met face to face. I have admired her success, have taken tips that she has shared in a travel magazine column, she has reached out to me to join forces with her and I have reached out to her for her expertise at times. We had a lovely chat this past weekend about our moms, ourselves, our relationships with our moms and who we are today. Come to find out, we are both travel pros in our 40's, both child-less, both have two nephews, both have lost both parents, both have a connection to Rochester NY- and it is Facebook that really brought us together and made us a part of each other's virtual lives.
Anyway, I don't have all the answers- but I do take comfort in my newfound friendships. There is a commonality that brings us together, that helps us help each other along this process of grieving. I do have wonderful family and great friends...but quite honestly when something like the loss of a parent happens- most people do not know what to do for you or how to support you unless they have been here themselves. Some keep their distance because they just don't know what to do. Some are afraid to ask "how are you doing?" because they aren't sure if they should ask...and it's all OK- that is what makes us all so different, makes us individuals. Emotions are funny things- there are no wrong or right ones- we just have to own our feelings and know that they are ours and that they are OK.
Today, I miss my mom -but now that we have hit the 4 week point and nearing in one the one month mark- I am more concerned for my friend's who have experienced loss more recently than I and hope that I can help them in any way. I think that is part of my mom's legacy that I have inherited- she was always concerned about others and wanted to help others in any way that she could. What an amazing person to replicate.
I remember finishing up our New Years Cruise at the beginning of the year and one of my friend's had posted on Facebook that she just had a feeling that 2014 was going to bring a lot of heartbreak. I read that post and was not in a place to really reply to it, but the thought did sink into me and struck a chord. Of course, 10 days later my mom passed away and she & I had a conversation about that post and I shared that when I read it, I had that sinking feeling myself. Not sure why, but perhaps it's that feeling that at any time life can change. People who are special to you could be here today and gone tomorrow. I think a lot of that comes from being with my mom these last few years through all of her medical ups and downs on her late roller coaster of life. But it did stick with me.
Well, 2014 has been a year of heartbreak for too many people already. At this point, we have Barbara (Jan 5), Myself (Jan 12), Stacy (Feb 2) all having lost our moms- two at the age of 67 and one at the age of 84. All touched by Cancer. We have Diane (Jan 14ish), Tiina (Jan 31st) and Suzy (today) having lost dads..I'm not sure of all the ages here, but at least one touched by Cancer, another a stroke and not sure about the third. Then we have Linda/Jennie (Feb 9th) who lost their sister/cousin at the age of 50 to F'N Cancer! So much loss, it's really quite horrible.
I can only think and feel that God must really be in need of more angels to help Him out. There is no doubt that death is a good thing for the dearly departed, it is only hard on those of us who are left behind. But with faith, we are able to move on with our lives and with faith know that this is all part of a greater plan, one that we have absolutely no control over. For a control freak, this can be tough. It's hard to swallow, it's something you want to change and make different- but you just can't. But everything does happen for a reason- that I am very sure.
I will say that grieving sure has come a long way in 24 years- when I last lost someone dear to me, my dad. We now have so many more ways to connect to people, ways from where we can gain support, ways where we can reach out and talk to others- in person or even virtually via "chat" avenues.
This past weekend we met Tiina for dinner for her birthday before going dancing- it was just the three of us and it was perfect- it had been two months since seeing her and of course since the last time we saw each other, we have both now lost a parent. Over dinner as we were getting closer to going dancing, we realized that we were both in the same spot - we were both going to be coming face to face with many friends who knew of our loss and who were ready to give us hugs and want to share their support- which always leads to teary eyes, but we were bonded and in this together. It's amazing the love and support we both received from our dance monster friends. It was a very perfect night returning to the Saddle Rack after a long absence.
Barbara and I have shared numerous conversations and due to my premonition before my mom passed about the two of us sitting someplace tropical chatting about our moms and about cancer sucking- I think we really do need to take a mini-vacation together. In fact, it may be really cool to include others from this list- the list of "Pam's friends who have lost a loved one in the first 40 days of 2014". Sigh. Although the trip has not been planned yet, I do think there is a pre-game date lurking on April 8th at AT&T park with another friend from the gym.
Stacy is a travel colleague- we have never met face to face. I have admired her success, have taken tips that she has shared in a travel magazine column, she has reached out to me to join forces with her and I have reached out to her for her expertise at times. We had a lovely chat this past weekend about our moms, ourselves, our relationships with our moms and who we are today. Come to find out, we are both travel pros in our 40's, both child-less, both have two nephews, both have lost both parents, both have a connection to Rochester NY- and it is Facebook that really brought us together and made us a part of each other's virtual lives.
Anyway, I don't have all the answers- but I do take comfort in my newfound friendships. There is a commonality that brings us together, that helps us help each other along this process of grieving. I do have wonderful family and great friends...but quite honestly when something like the loss of a parent happens- most people do not know what to do for you or how to support you unless they have been here themselves. Some keep their distance because they just don't know what to do. Some are afraid to ask "how are you doing?" because they aren't sure if they should ask...and it's all OK- that is what makes us all so different, makes us individuals. Emotions are funny things- there are no wrong or right ones- we just have to own our feelings and know that they are ours and that they are OK.
Today, I miss my mom -but now that we have hit the 4 week point and nearing in one the one month mark- I am more concerned for my friend's who have experienced loss more recently than I and hope that I can help them in any way. I think that is part of my mom's legacy that I have inherited- she was always concerned about others and wanted to help others in any way that she could. What an amazing person to replicate.
Friday, February 07, 2014
Hello February
January sure flew by- gee whiz! I really don't know where all the time goes, but it sure does go quickly! This month I think more than any other, really went by super fast and I suppose that is much to do with everything that had to get done. We were extremely busy with getting mom's apartment emptied by the end of the month. Certainly did not want to pay any additional rent to Woodside Terrace.
It took five visits to get everything packed up- several trips to donate to Good Will and Pick of the Litter. An incredible amount of clothing, nick knacks, pictures...it's sad to see all of ones favorite possessions be reduced to that, but what can you do? You can't take it all home. My sister and I did pretty good I think. She has taken mom's bedroom set and sold her previous set which was our grandmother's that she's used for 30 years. I took the bedding for mom's bed - it was fairly new and replaces the Laura Ashley comforter set that moved in with Bill 10 years ago, which was his previous marriage comforter set- it was time to be rid of that. I have a few of mom's teddy bears on my mantle, a few of her butterfly magnets to go on my fridge. There are a few things here and there that we both picked up in memory of mom. What we also did was pack up and ship something special to our cousins & Aunts so that they had something special from our mom. That has been so well received.
It amazed me at how things work. We sent my cousin Jamie a ceramic white butterfly, not knowing that ever since her father-in-law passed away a year ago that they have seen an abundant amount of white butterflies and always feel as though those butterflies are "dad"- Jamie was so surprised by our gift and that it was a white butterfly. We sent my cousin Beth a ferris wheel music box with teddy bears on the ferris wheel for her granddaughter's room. The music box has played on its own a couple of times ~ I think my mom has been visiting CT.! It felt good to send a few special people something special of mom's.
We were lucky enough to sell most of her furniture- although there are still a few small pieces & a few lamps sitting in my living room right now. Soon my house will return to normal, I just know it will- it has to before I go cray cray crazy!
While cleaning out her apartment, we had visits from several of her neighbors- so many people just in shock that mom was gone. I got the impression that she was popular at Woodside Terrace, she was someone that people all liked and weeks later I was told that they are still talking about her and miss her. That's pretty cool to know that she really did make lasting impressions with people. I gave her Skeleton decoration to her neighbor Frances and gave her neighbor Maryann a plant stand and plant - she in return promised to care for the plant in mom's honor. I told her the truth- I kill plants!
Closure is the name of the game right now. We emptied her apartment last week, tomorrow we have the internment ceremony at the cemetery. I'm not too sure how I feel about this, I'm not a cemetery person- never have been, never will be. I do not need to go to the cemetery to visit my dearly departed parents. I think in 24 years, I've probably gone to see my dad's gravesite a handful of times. Cemeteries are depressing places. I'd much rather remember my loved ones everyday in the course of my daily life. But we need to do something as we bury her ashes alongside my dads. So Pastor Draeger will be coming with us and officiating this ceremony.
Next Friday- more closure- our family, childhood home closes escrow and a new family- The McCord's will be calling 1032 Goettingen Street "home" and making their own family memories. While I am so happy a good family will be moving into our home, it's still very bittersweet. You always think you have a home you can go back to, or parents you can always go visit. Not anymore.
I am looking forward to March 9th, we will be having a Celebration of Life and it's going to be awesome. A time to honor my mom in front of friends and family and really celebrate the life that she lived, the fights that she fought and the love that she shared with everyone she met. Although, it will be our "last" official mom thing - I'm not worried. She is with me every single day, I feel her near me, I hear her talk to me -I can't even really explain it- but she is here. All the time.
Here we go into February....hopefully a month of catching up on work, getting estate stuff in order and ending with a fabulous Line Dance cruise to the Caribbean. I am looking forward to 7 days of dancing!
It took five visits to get everything packed up- several trips to donate to Good Will and Pick of the Litter. An incredible amount of clothing, nick knacks, pictures...it's sad to see all of ones favorite possessions be reduced to that, but what can you do? You can't take it all home. My sister and I did pretty good I think. She has taken mom's bedroom set and sold her previous set which was our grandmother's that she's used for 30 years. I took the bedding for mom's bed - it was fairly new and replaces the Laura Ashley comforter set that moved in with Bill 10 years ago, which was his previous marriage comforter set- it was time to be rid of that. I have a few of mom's teddy bears on my mantle, a few of her butterfly magnets to go on my fridge. There are a few things here and there that we both picked up in memory of mom. What we also did was pack up and ship something special to our cousins & Aunts so that they had something special from our mom. That has been so well received.
It amazed me at how things work. We sent my cousin Jamie a ceramic white butterfly, not knowing that ever since her father-in-law passed away a year ago that they have seen an abundant amount of white butterflies and always feel as though those butterflies are "dad"- Jamie was so surprised by our gift and that it was a white butterfly. We sent my cousin Beth a ferris wheel music box with teddy bears on the ferris wheel for her granddaughter's room. The music box has played on its own a couple of times ~ I think my mom has been visiting CT.! It felt good to send a few special people something special of mom's.
We were lucky enough to sell most of her furniture- although there are still a few small pieces & a few lamps sitting in my living room right now. Soon my house will return to normal, I just know it will- it has to before I go cray cray crazy!
While cleaning out her apartment, we had visits from several of her neighbors- so many people just in shock that mom was gone. I got the impression that she was popular at Woodside Terrace, she was someone that people all liked and weeks later I was told that they are still talking about her and miss her. That's pretty cool to know that she really did make lasting impressions with people. I gave her Skeleton decoration to her neighbor Frances and gave her neighbor Maryann a plant stand and plant - she in return promised to care for the plant in mom's honor. I told her the truth- I kill plants!
Closure is the name of the game right now. We emptied her apartment last week, tomorrow we have the internment ceremony at the cemetery. I'm not too sure how I feel about this, I'm not a cemetery person- never have been, never will be. I do not need to go to the cemetery to visit my dearly departed parents. I think in 24 years, I've probably gone to see my dad's gravesite a handful of times. Cemeteries are depressing places. I'd much rather remember my loved ones everyday in the course of my daily life. But we need to do something as we bury her ashes alongside my dads. So Pastor Draeger will be coming with us and officiating this ceremony.
Next Friday- more closure- our family, childhood home closes escrow and a new family- The McCord's will be calling 1032 Goettingen Street "home" and making their own family memories. While I am so happy a good family will be moving into our home, it's still very bittersweet. You always think you have a home you can go back to, or parents you can always go visit. Not anymore.
I am looking forward to March 9th, we will be having a Celebration of Life and it's going to be awesome. A time to honor my mom in front of friends and family and really celebrate the life that she lived, the fights that she fought and the love that she shared with everyone she met. Although, it will be our "last" official mom thing - I'm not worried. She is with me every single day, I feel her near me, I hear her talk to me -I can't even really explain it- but she is here. All the time.
Here we go into February....hopefully a month of catching up on work, getting estate stuff in order and ending with a fabulous Line Dance cruise to the Caribbean. I am looking forward to 7 days of dancing!
Monday, January 13, 2014
She Touched So Many
Today things still don't feel real. I got some much needed rest and lounged in bed until noon, making some phone calls, reading emails, Facebook posts, etc. The out-pour of love and support is absolutely amazing and I know that I am truly blessed to have such amazing, loving and supportive people in my life.
What has touched me the most is how so many people have told me that they feel as though they knew my mom because of my posts, my stories, my pictures. That is just so awesome and warms my heart. I have also been touched that I've heard from 4 of my mom's Drs. Yesterday, an email from her Vascular Doctor (our favorite)- Dr. Gillon and she had this to say:
"So sudden! I am grateful I got to see her in her sweet little apartment. I loved your mother. You did such an amazing job of taking care of her. She will be missed. Much love, Jean"
Then today, I had called her GI Dr. office to cancel her next appointment and had a long talk with the receptionist- their offices had already received the word, but she just went on and on about how good my mom looked on Thursday and how she was always so pleasant.
Next up, I called her Cardiologist and left a message, it did not warrant a call back, but she called back this afternoon and left me this beautiful voice mail about how she was shocked but that she knew that my mom would not have wanted to suffer with liver cancer. She went onto say how much she enjoyed being mom's Dr. and that she was such a fun & sweet person.
At the end of the day, I received a call from her Primary Care Physician, Dr. Aron and he was also so shocked. To the point that he went back and reviewed previous test results and did confirm that in the Spring of 2013 (her last chest x-ray)- there were no signs of the cancer, so this was indeed a very aggressive, fast growing and spreading cancer that came on very recently. He also said that her liver readings were slightly abnormal in November (which we knew) but they were fine prior to that, so again proof that the cancer had not impacted her liver until November. He too went onto say how much he enjoyed mom and what a lovely lady she was, always dressed to the nines and he even commented on her OCD with taking her blood pressure multiple times per day. He went onto say how she was a joy to have as a patient and that he will miss seeing her. He was so happy that she had overcome so many health obstacles and said she was such a fighter.
After meeting with the Mortician to make the arrangements, we went to her apartment to start to clean things out. We informed the gal at the reception desk and she literally went into shock. She had to take a moment. She simply could not believe that she saw her Friday and everything was fine and she looked good, walking around and gone today. She also went on to tell us how much she would miss mom and that she really was well liked around Woodside Terrace. I realize that a place like Woodside Terrace has a high move in/move out rate- it's a senior community, but I did feel like the gal at the front desk really knew mom and really did not expect to hear this and was deeply saddened by this.
While I am still super sad and miss her terribly, I am so happy to hear these stories and to know that she really did touch so many lives. She was a woman who everyone loved, she left her mark with you after one meeting. She made you feel that you mattered and to her - you did matter. She loved people, she was a social butterfly (wow what a name- she loved her butterflies). Tonight was a bit freaky when my phone (my office phone that never rings at night- except for when mom calls) rang at 830pm- the time she would normally call on a Monday night right after bingo. I caught myself getting up off the couch to run to get the phone. Then I stopped- she won't be making those phone calls anymore.
What has touched me the most is how so many people have told me that they feel as though they knew my mom because of my posts, my stories, my pictures. That is just so awesome and warms my heart. I have also been touched that I've heard from 4 of my mom's Drs. Yesterday, an email from her Vascular Doctor (our favorite)- Dr. Gillon and she had this to say:
"So sudden! I am grateful I got to see her in her sweet little apartment. I loved your mother. You did such an amazing job of taking care of her. She will be missed. Much love, Jean"
Then today, I had called her GI Dr. office to cancel her next appointment and had a long talk with the receptionist- their offices had already received the word, but she just went on and on about how good my mom looked on Thursday and how she was always so pleasant.
Next up, I called her Cardiologist and left a message, it did not warrant a call back, but she called back this afternoon and left me this beautiful voice mail about how she was shocked but that she knew that my mom would not have wanted to suffer with liver cancer. She went onto say how much she enjoyed being mom's Dr. and that she was such a fun & sweet person.
At the end of the day, I received a call from her Primary Care Physician, Dr. Aron and he was also so shocked. To the point that he went back and reviewed previous test results and did confirm that in the Spring of 2013 (her last chest x-ray)- there were no signs of the cancer, so this was indeed a very aggressive, fast growing and spreading cancer that came on very recently. He also said that her liver readings were slightly abnormal in November (which we knew) but they were fine prior to that, so again proof that the cancer had not impacted her liver until November. He too went onto say how much he enjoyed mom and what a lovely lady she was, always dressed to the nines and he even commented on her OCD with taking her blood pressure multiple times per day. He went onto say how she was a joy to have as a patient and that he will miss seeing her. He was so happy that she had overcome so many health obstacles and said she was such a fighter.
After meeting with the Mortician to make the arrangements, we went to her apartment to start to clean things out. We informed the gal at the reception desk and she literally went into shock. She had to take a moment. She simply could not believe that she saw her Friday and everything was fine and she looked good, walking around and gone today. She also went on to tell us how much she would miss mom and that she really was well liked around Woodside Terrace. I realize that a place like Woodside Terrace has a high move in/move out rate- it's a senior community, but I did feel like the gal at the front desk really knew mom and really did not expect to hear this and was deeply saddened by this.
While I am still super sad and miss her terribly, I am so happy to hear these stories and to know that she really did touch so many lives. She was a woman who everyone loved, she left her mark with you after one meeting. She made you feel that you mattered and to her - you did matter. She loved people, she was a social butterfly (wow what a name- she loved her butterflies). Tonight was a bit freaky when my phone (my office phone that never rings at night- except for when mom calls) rang at 830pm- the time she would normally call on a Monday night right after bingo. I caught myself getting up off the couch to run to get the phone. Then I stopped- she won't be making those phone calls anymore.
One Life Changing Day
January 12, 2014 is a day that I will never forget, the day that my mother and best friend was called to Heaven. It has been a long and winding road these past few years and she has been to hell and back, she fought and fought and fought even when she didn't know she was fighting or that she wanted to fight. She overcame so many nasty medical issues time and time again. It's actually quite amazing that she had a full 84.5 years on this God given Earth. Although, she has said over and over again that she should have died back in 2011 when she had the Duodenal Ulcer, on Saturday while at the ER she was talking with excitement about the coming Giants Season, she was talking about the Gardening Club at Woodside Terrace that she was going to join...and then 12 hours later she was gone.
Am I surprised that she had cancer? No, she smoked for 65 years- surely there had to be some damage from that. But what I was surprised by was the fact that we find out Saturday night that she had cancer and then Sunday that she has 4-5 days to be with us and then once we get adjusted to that idea, we get the message that it didn't look good and we should get to the hospital ASAP. She went from being so "with it" and "coherent" at midnight Saturday when I left the hospital to being completely out of it Sunday afternoon.
While I know that I was blessed with an amazing mother and friend, I am so pissed that she didn't get to enjoy more of her "second life" here in Redwood City. She was just getting fully adjusted to her new home at Woodside Terrace, loving her cute little apartment and very proud of her decorations. She LOVED decorating for this Christmas and was so happy that I convinced her to put up her miniature tree. We had fun decorating her place together. She was loving feeling useful and volunteered to help Colleen the activity director with stapling the weekly activity sheets. She processed over 500 Holiday cards for me with stamps, stuffing and labels. I know that life is not fair, but this is just not fair at all.
I think I knew on Friday that her time with us was coming to an end. We went for blood work and she was in pain, but did not want to go to the hospital. Saturday when I saw her she agreed that she needed to go to the hospital. She was in a lot of pain and it showed. In hindsight, she knew as well. She had me trying on some of her rings while we were in the ER, she was telling me what bills needed to be paid and what she wanted to pay on them.
I had a very strange premonition on Saturday. I was taking a Body Flow class and during the meditation/relaxation track, the instructor who was guiding the meditation just got to me, she took me to a place that was outside of my head- almost like a dream state. However, I found myself tearing up and my "dream" or "vision" that I had during this brief time was of myself and a friend Barbara and we were at a resort together and talking about our moms and how cancer sucks. Barbara lost her mom a few weeks ago and I have had her on my mind ever since her mom started to battle Cancer last year. Barbara and I are not even close friends, we met 10 years ago at the gym and have stayed in touch via Facebook. When the class was done, I was feeling very melancholy....I knew that something was wrong.
After 9 hours at the hospital, when I came home I did my research online and read up on Liver Cancer and pretty much looked at my brother and said "Mom's screwed"- we didn't know for sure if she had Liver Cancer, but it was 99.9% likely and I knew going to bed Saturday night that she was dying. I woke up feeling pretty much the same way Sunday morning, I hoped it was something else, but how else do you explain masses on the liver? You don't.
My mother was a wonderful woman. She was strong, loving, would do anything for her kids and grandkids, she loved to garden, cruise, play bingo and gamble. She loved to help people, she had a HUGE heart and was so very giving. She was goofy and got a kick out of herself- often. She loved her collections and in her lifetime she collected a lot of things: thimbles, plates, spoons, dolls, teddy bears, music boxes, jewelry, decorations and anything butterfly...and yes many times she was over the top with her collections..but she loved them. She was always aware of her appearance and took great pride in looking good. Even in the ER Saturday night, she asked if her hair was messed up and if she still had on lipstick. The last thing I did for my mom before she passed- I straightened her bangs and put on her lipstick..and although she couldn't speak, I think she knew and appreciated this gesture. She goes to heaven with snowmen on her thumbnails- she recently discovered nail art and looked forward to her manicures every other month to get a new nail design...her next appointment was set up for this week..she was going to have a flower. On my next nail appointment, I will get the flower or a butterfly in her memory.
I will miss her terribly, I already do. We would talk on the phone every day and see each other several times a week. It's a great loss. I find my comfort in knowing that she is not suffering, I think she suffered more than she should have these past few days or even weeks because she was not ready to leave us, I also think she did not want to be sick before I left on vacation- she wanted me to go have a fun cruise for New Years. That's the type of woman that she was- extremely selfless, almost to a fault. I find my comfort in knowing that she is now with my Dad- their marriage was not perfect, but they did find a renewed happiness together in his last few years and that is the man who is waiting for her in Heaven. I find my comfort in knowing that I maximized my time with her and that we had quality time together, especially these past three years. It was a gift that I am so grateful to have been given.
Rest in Peace, Patricia Maureen Harper, my sweet, sweet mom. I will love and think of you always.
Am I surprised that she had cancer? No, she smoked for 65 years- surely there had to be some damage from that. But what I was surprised by was the fact that we find out Saturday night that she had cancer and then Sunday that she has 4-5 days to be with us and then once we get adjusted to that idea, we get the message that it didn't look good and we should get to the hospital ASAP. She went from being so "with it" and "coherent" at midnight Saturday when I left the hospital to being completely out of it Sunday afternoon.
While I know that I was blessed with an amazing mother and friend, I am so pissed that she didn't get to enjoy more of her "second life" here in Redwood City. She was just getting fully adjusted to her new home at Woodside Terrace, loving her cute little apartment and very proud of her decorations. She LOVED decorating for this Christmas and was so happy that I convinced her to put up her miniature tree. We had fun decorating her place together. She was loving feeling useful and volunteered to help Colleen the activity director with stapling the weekly activity sheets. She processed over 500 Holiday cards for me with stamps, stuffing and labels. I know that life is not fair, but this is just not fair at all.
I think I knew on Friday that her time with us was coming to an end. We went for blood work and she was in pain, but did not want to go to the hospital. Saturday when I saw her she agreed that she needed to go to the hospital. She was in a lot of pain and it showed. In hindsight, she knew as well. She had me trying on some of her rings while we were in the ER, she was telling me what bills needed to be paid and what she wanted to pay on them.
I had a very strange premonition on Saturday. I was taking a Body Flow class and during the meditation/relaxation track, the instructor who was guiding the meditation just got to me, she took me to a place that was outside of my head- almost like a dream state. However, I found myself tearing up and my "dream" or "vision" that I had during this brief time was of myself and a friend Barbara and we were at a resort together and talking about our moms and how cancer sucks. Barbara lost her mom a few weeks ago and I have had her on my mind ever since her mom started to battle Cancer last year. Barbara and I are not even close friends, we met 10 years ago at the gym and have stayed in touch via Facebook. When the class was done, I was feeling very melancholy....I knew that something was wrong.
After 9 hours at the hospital, when I came home I did my research online and read up on Liver Cancer and pretty much looked at my brother and said "Mom's screwed"- we didn't know for sure if she had Liver Cancer, but it was 99.9% likely and I knew going to bed Saturday night that she was dying. I woke up feeling pretty much the same way Sunday morning, I hoped it was something else, but how else do you explain masses on the liver? You don't.
My mother was a wonderful woman. She was strong, loving, would do anything for her kids and grandkids, she loved to garden, cruise, play bingo and gamble. She loved to help people, she had a HUGE heart and was so very giving. She was goofy and got a kick out of herself- often. She loved her collections and in her lifetime she collected a lot of things: thimbles, plates, spoons, dolls, teddy bears, music boxes, jewelry, decorations and anything butterfly...and yes many times she was over the top with her collections..but she loved them. She was always aware of her appearance and took great pride in looking good. Even in the ER Saturday night, she asked if her hair was messed up and if she still had on lipstick. The last thing I did for my mom before she passed- I straightened her bangs and put on her lipstick..and although she couldn't speak, I think she knew and appreciated this gesture. She goes to heaven with snowmen on her thumbnails- she recently discovered nail art and looked forward to her manicures every other month to get a new nail design...her next appointment was set up for this week..she was going to have a flower. On my next nail appointment, I will get the flower or a butterfly in her memory.
I will miss her terribly, I already do. We would talk on the phone every day and see each other several times a week. It's a great loss. I find my comfort in knowing that she is not suffering, I think she suffered more than she should have these past few days or even weeks because she was not ready to leave us, I also think she did not want to be sick before I left on vacation- she wanted me to go have a fun cruise for New Years. That's the type of woman that she was- extremely selfless, almost to a fault. I find my comfort in knowing that she is now with my Dad- their marriage was not perfect, but they did find a renewed happiness together in his last few years and that is the man who is waiting for her in Heaven. I find my comfort in knowing that I maximized my time with her and that we had quality time together, especially these past three years. It was a gift that I am so grateful to have been given.
Rest in Peace, Patricia Maureen Harper, my sweet, sweet mom. I will love and think of you always.
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