C-Diff!

Well, just when you think maybe mom is making progress, the next shoe drops!   Turns out the several days in a row of Diarrhea was a "sign"- she has the C-Diff bacterial infection that is very common with long term facilities.  It seems to stem from antibiotic use, which in essence kills the bacteria that fights that bad bacteria, making one susceptible to this type of infection.  I find it hard to believe that the last few days when the nurses did not tend to her in a timely enough manner has not had an impact on this infection.   The response time of 10 minutes to the call button seems to be normal, but not quick enough for my mother and her needs.  Keep in mind that she only calls when she needs assistance with the bathroom.   Then she beats herself up because she has an "accident" and is embarrassed, when it's the nurses fault for not tending to her quickly enough.

I get that the nurses are understaffed and that they have too many patients, making it very hard to keep with the expected standard of care.  However, it is still unacceptable.  Take in fewer patients, hire more nursing staff!  It's absolutely appalling!

I reached out to my Facebook family today to get some advice and input on how to handle this, who to reach out to, what to say, what to do.  Half of the problem is that we've never really had a point of contact at this new facility- so who do you talk to?   In any case, I received a lot of helpful advice.  I also had a long chat with a Mercy Alum who is a nurse and read my posting and felt compelled to help me with advice.  She gave me key words to say, told me who I should be checking in with regularly, etc.  She also mentioned that her cousin works at the facility and has for 20 years, she's a highly respected nurse.  One phone call to her and it now appears that my mother has a new "niece" or guardian angel.  Her Niece is going to make it known to the staff that her "Aunt" is in their care and hopefully that will step up the level of care that she is receiving.

The good news- her wounds are healing nicely - in fact, I took some progress pictures today and I feel they are actually not too gross to avoid posting.   So here goes:

The Surgery Wound:

The "bad" leg, but seriously, this is so much better!

 The "good" leg...no longer needing bandages!

It's nice to see that her legs are "normal" color, ok she could use a tan, but she's not red, red swollen and she's not purple for lack of circulation!

So today mom expressed her concern for "returning to her normal life" and she doesn't think it will happen and that has been her whole premise, she didn't want to get "fixed" if she couldn't return to her quality of living.  I tried to tell her that if the Doctors have not told her it's not going to happen to not think about it.  That she needs to fight through this and that she could do this.  I didn't want to completely set her up for disappointment, so I told her that I wasn't sure she'd be able to go back to living alone at home or maybe she could with a stair chair, but then would she feel comfortable living alone?  I did try to "sell" her on the Assisted Living/Independent Living place- Woodside Terrace that we checked out last year and told her that she could very possibly have a better quality of life in a place like that with shuttle service to take here where ever she needed to go, new friends, new activities and she seemed to take it in for thought.  I know that she is concerned about the "rent" taking up all her income and leaving no "fun money"- so we need to help her to start thinking creatively, she could rent out her house and use that rental income for fun, she could sell her house and bank the proceeds and then tap into that for fun and I believe there is some government assistance that she may be eligible to apply for given my dad's Veteran's status.  But we can't dump all these ideas onto her at once, it must be a gentle process.

So it is still one day at a time and we keep hoping for forward progress.  So far she has shown that she can fight, even when she doesn't feel like fighting - her body still does.

A week later...

Wow, has it really been a week since my last post?  Time is flying by way quicker than I can handle.  I am overwhelmed and THAT is an understatement!

ME- well I have been busy this week, back to teaching all 5 of my classes, did 3 walks with Diane, went dancing Friday night, travel work (crazy busy) off the hook and of course visiting mom.  I am trying to find balance, which is always a challenge for me- but I managed to visit her Monday, Wednesday, Friday and today.  I will go again tomorrow and think I will fit the MWF schedule in for next week.  I am the only one to visit this week since my sister is in Hawaii and my brother's schedule is even more overwhelming than mine right now and much more critical.  I am still nursing the "cough" from last weeks's sickness and still don't have my full energy level back.  It is very "tough" to teach my classes right now, but I am pushing through.   I had a few very productive days with travel work, but alas still have quite a bit to accomplish.  I am hoping that I can get some time in tomorrow night on work to start the week off on the right foot.   I am blessed to be so busy and keep getting new requests from strangers that are finding me on Yelp!  I just looked tonight and I have the best and most reviews for Travel Agencies in Redwood City!  Woot woot!!

MOM - overall her week in Skilled Nursing at CPMC has gone well.  There is definitely a different vibe in the place M-F vs. the weekends.  I am not at all pleased with the weekend service, but don't see a way to change it at this point.  It seems that the weekends are times for the employees to be lackadaisical because there aren't that many "eyes" at the place.  No PT's, no OT's, no nursing students-- it's just the nursing staff and their aides.    I find it so appalling that my mother has to wait 10+ minutes for someone to respond to her call button.  It's not just her because I asked her roommate and she's not happy with the response time.  Neither of these ladies "ring" for the fun of it- they ring because there is a real need and for my mother it is usually associated with "potty" assistance.  Last night they took over 20 minutes to respond and she ended up having an "accident" and they had to clean her up. This is UNCALLED for and completely unacceptable.  I will be voicing my opinion about this to the people who matter on Monday when they return to work.    On the up side- yesterday mom walked 35 feet with the assistance of a walker and a wheelchair to sit for breaks and she also climbed 2 stairs. This is progress and they will be doing a lot more of that in the week to come.  Her pain seems to be getting a bit better.   They changed the type of dressing on the ulcer wounds and that seems to have made the world of difference on the pain level.  Unfortunately, the "nurse" makes a difference as well.  Nurse Colby seems to actually care for his patients and was so careful in changing her wounds that he was "sweating" and my mother really appreciated his care and concern to make sure he could minimize the pain she would feel.  He is the exception to the rule for the staff working here.

Overall, I am not impressed with "skilled nursing" and am so upset that my mother has to be in a facility like this.  I have no idea if this is the "norm", but it sucks.  I sort of relate this to my experience on cruise ships.  The newer cruise ships have the best of the best crew, the older cruise ships do not and the service is indicative.  I feel as though "skilled nursing" must be the equivalent to the "old ships".

WEIGHT LOSS - well I thought we were moving in the right direction when I weighed in at 166, but then this friday was back at 169.  I blame "womanhood" on this, because my points were in check.   I've been good, I've been working out again and eating relatively well "for me".  But low & behold it's the "non-period" period time.  Should have had it a week ago, but once again a "no show" (thanks to the 'change')...so seems like I gain weight on that week if I don't get a period, but if I do get a period I drop a few pounds.  Go figure.  The body- what a crazy thing!  However, I am trying to remain focused on the goal for the May 5th cruise...really want to drop 10 pounds by then- need to get serious about this and see how I can jump things up!

OTHER - I took a great Photography class today, although was yawning through the entire class just out of overall exhaustion.  My motto, keep on pushing!    It was nice to do something out of the ordinary and I did learn a lot- now if I can only remember it all!   Tomorrow will be fun, hopefully up early enough or church, then 1030am hitting the road to visit mom first and deliver the Sunday paper to her, then up to Fairfield for a visit/lunch with niece Jenifer and her baby girl MacKenzie.  Looking forward to the visit and to a lunch at Chevy's since our two locations are closed!  May go visit mom on the way home, we'll see how she sounds on the phone.  The weekends are so lonely there for her, I think she really enjoys the visits during the week from the nursing students- they actually care and show compassion!   Then it's Monday again- and hello March this week- YIKES!! I better start Christmas Shopping!

I'm better...but Mom..not so sure...

After two days of rest, working in PJ's and laying low, I was finally up and out today.  I don't feel 100%, but I do feel as though the worst of this cold is behind me.   Been stuffed up tonight, but I think that was the Mexican dinner and Margarita!   I got up and taught Body Pump this morning- this was HARD!  I really pushed through and it was great to see my regulars and one new person, all in all a great class and I truly LOVE my Saturday peeps!   It is just a more relaxed class on Saturdays- nobody is in a rush to get out of there, or a rush to set up (we have a 15 minute window between classes)- so it's just very relaxed.  Love it!

After lunch, a mani/pedi, Bill & I headed up to SF to go visit mom in her new temporary home "CPMC- Davies".  Well, we got there easily, we found parking very easily- but walking into the hospital based on first impressions- was not very impressed.  It is an older facility and just doesn't seem to be kept up like the Pacific Campus.  Found mom's room, she as a bit uptight- my bad, I should have called her and given her an ETA- she knew we were coming to visit today, but not sure of the time.  She was happy to see us, but still very uptight about being there.  She keeps thinking that things are "shady" there, that she is "being kept in the dark", that she is "all alone" and things like that.  Now when she was telling me these things over the phone the last two days- I thought she might be losing it.  However, after visiting, I can see how she might feel this way.   Not being familiar with "Skilled Nursing", I don't know if this is normal or what.  She is really only visited once per hour by the nurses to take vitals and see if she needs anything, she does have a call button, but overall it just doesn't appear to be a very "caregiving" place.   Don't get me wrong, the nurses when they are taking vitals and such seem to be very nice and caregiving- but I guess it just seems like a very understaffed place.  Maybe it's just normal for the weekend, but overall just felt very desolate of a place.  I did not get a warm & fuzzy feeling.  Then tonight I get a call from the nurse from my mom's room asking when I would be coming by again and if I could bring mom's Lumigen (eye drops)- they seemed to have misplaced them.   I could tell that my mother was upset by this as she asked to speak to me and I think I will need to go up there tomorrow to bring more eye drops, which means another stop by mom's house to get them- but this sort of thing should not happen.  

The other fiasco that is very upsetting is that mom kept trying to call me from her room and was not having luck, she would ask the nurses for help and still couldn't get in contact with me.  Fortunately, I call often and she was happy to hear from me, but she was feeling trapped and somewhat imprisoned and I made some calls to find out that anything considered long distance or a toll call is blocked, but nobody explained this to her.  So she spent two days very frustrated and trapped that she couldn't get in touch with her kids.  I felt horrible because I wish I had been with her for the move to the new facility, but of course we didn't have any notice of the move until literally a few hours prior.  Then the next day I was sick.  I just can't imagine how horrible it must have been for mom to be in a new surrounding with nothing familiar and then have to wait 3 days for a familiar visitor.   Of course, today she had myself, Bill, my brother and two nephews visit.    Just seems like this facility makes a lot of assumptions.

Additionally, mom is complaining about the food.  It seems that she is now on a low-fat, low-sodium, low-cholesterol menu and the food tastes like crap.  This is another issue of concern because unless there are kidney function reasons for restricting her diet, she is not and never has been a candidate for any of these diet restrictions- which of course now makes me question the competence and is she getting the correct diet?

Ultimately, I am very concerned and feel a bit helpless right now because since the move, I really don't have anyone to contact except for the surgeon who supposedly makes calls at this skilled nursing facility and that is why she is there.  I need to call his office Monday morning so that I can try to get some answers and make sure that she is getting everything she should be getting.  She is going to be there too long to be this freaked out.  She was saying that she is getting so uptight about being there that she was afraid she was going to have a heart attack.  That is not a good feeling to have.

So, ready to hit the hay here shortly- Bill is already shut-eye on the couch - go figure!   Tomorrow, well seems like I may be going up to SF to visit and bring eyedrops to mom.  I need to feel better tomorrow and ready to start off a new week and get back into my routine!   Need to find a new balance in my life to get through this mom ordeal.

Down for the Count!

Well, crapola!!  I am SICK!  I was in denial yesterday, thought it was allergies because sometimes climate changes from traveling mess with my sinuses...but nope- full blown chest/head cold.   I realize that my body is telling me to "slow the hell down", I've been pushing and going full steam ahead between work, fitness, traveling and taking care of mom (be that going by her house or just simply spending time with her).   All in all, very overwhelming.  So when I get sick, my M.O. is that I lose my voice- God is not stupid, he knows that I'll keep pushing ahead as much as I can- but it's really hard to teach fitness without a voice and it can be hard to do my travel job if most clients are using the phone- which of course was the case today!

I got subs for my Body Pump class tonight and my Spin class tomorrow.  I was really looking forward to getting back in the saddle again- I have not taught that class in over a month, with really just one Friday planned off for Hawaii, but then work was overwhelming with deadlines when I got back from Hawaii, then the next week overwhelmed with mom's surgery and lots of time away from the office and now this week- sick.   Just hate not being there for my participants.   Sucks, but very thankful that I have a very supportive team in the gym arena to help cover in times of need.  I do wish there were more options for Thursday nights at Fitness 101- none of the Body Pump instructors are ever available to help out, so I'm caught between a rock and a hard place whenever I need someone.  I really dislike having to change the class format to Sculpting...so would never have done that unless I was truly in need.

Mom was moved yesterday to Skilled Nursing at the Davies Campus of CPMC and is settling in.,  I feel terrible that I have not been able to go by there yet.  With being sick, I don't want to bring any germs with me.  I don't see myself being well enough to go tomorrow either, so hoping I am able to go visit on Saturday.   She needs the visit, tonight she was very uptight thinking that nobody (drs./nurses) were going to be around over the weekend.  I will need to find out exactly what the situation is.   I just hate that she's alone with no visitors there since she was moved.   So I am praying that I am much better tomorrow so that I can go see her Saturday.   I know that they have started to work with her on exercising to regain some upper body strength to help her with getting herself up and being able to push herself up off the bed/chair or whatever.   It's going to be a long, hard road for her - but I am feeling as though she wants to push through and get better.   Time will tell.

Time to get some rest- lots of it and tomorrow is a work in PJ's type of day.  I really don't think I will be well enough to dance tomorrow night- bummed about that, but I have to take care of myself.   I want to be well enough to teach Body Pump on Saturday.

TTFN!

Exhausted...'nuff said!

So I am back from a whirlwind trip to Disneyland with Diane, Brynn & Nolan.  We had a really good time, it was fun experiencing the parks once again with small children!  We went on many rides and got to see the new World of Color show, which I had not seen yet - all in all a great time away, but an exhausting time away!  Brynn tried everything and love everything.  Nolan was apprehensive to try everything, most things once he went on them he decided he loved them, but the "fear of the dark/unknown" was a tough battle the entire trip.  He definitely can do without Tower of Terror & Indiana Jones!

I called my mom every morning to check in, Sunday after I spoke to her I had my doubts that I had made the right decision in going away, she sounded very depressed and was talking the "I'm ready to die" talk.  Of course, after I hung up I broke down in tears and was instantly consoled by Diane & the kids.  In fact, Brynn automatically wrapped her arms around me and said, "It's ok Auntie Pammy, we had to go through the same thing with my Grandma."  I was touched and proud of her maturity at that instant.   We then found my happy face and proceeded to go have fun, although thoughts of my mother were never far out of my mind.  Monday morning she sounded better and Tuesday morning she sounded like her old self again and was very talkative.  I had heard from my sister that she told her not to come visit because "she was going to be around a bit longer" and then said she was going to fight to get better.

We got home last night and I didn't stay up too late, but still got up early enough to tend to a few work emails before heading up to SF to visit and also meet with her Drs.  We had a nice visit and she was excited to see some of my Disneyland pictures and hear about the trip.  The Drs. came and explained the prognosis & next steps.  They were planning (& probably already have) to move her to skilled nursing today where she can have Physical Therapy and additional wound treatment.  They anticipate a few weeks at the facility and they will re-evaluate in about 10 days to see her progress and determine once again where they think she will end up.  They did say today that medically, they doubt she will be able to move back home and live by herself.   So we will be faced with looking at options and seeing what is the best scenario.  Of course, I would prefer that she move to Woodside Terrace so that she is closer and also so that she is in a facility that provides a lot of Independence, but also has the assistance when needed.  So we are trying to get her to consider the possibility and think over the next steps.  Really trying to emphasize that a move like that could improve her quality of life to even better than before the hospital.  One day at a time..for her and for me.

I was able to get some work done today, but not even close to being caught up.  I am very exhausted and starting to feel run down.  I am going to really try to get to bed EARLY tonight, I need to get a full night's rest and hopefully wake up tomorrow feeling refreshed.  I keep hearing my friend Julie in the back of my head, "I had to learn to say 'no' and not over extend myself".  I am starting to feel the over extension.  I am also starting to get a little anxious that time is flying by so quickly.  Today is the mid-way point of February, it's scary!   Hard to believe this time last year we had just gotten off a cruise and were excitedly planning for our first trip to Paris!  Feels like such a long time ago!

Well, the agenda for the rest of the evening - fold laundry from last week, unpack & then settle on the couch with the hubs with a little work & wine.  We'll see how much work gets done!  The way I feel, not even sure the laundry will get done.

Quite the Roller Coaster Ride of Life...

Going to keep this one short as I need to get some sleep before getting up at 6am tomorrow to head off to Disneyland...to ride real roller coasters!    This entire week has been a roller coaster ride of emotions with mom in the hospital.  Add to that the stress level of trying to do my life with a lot less time- something that I never seem to have enough with when everything is peachy!  I've been trying really hard not to over-extend myself during this time, knowing how I operate- but I'm still in a position with too many things to do and not enough time to get them done.   I'm trying to let it roll off my shoulders, but it's not easy when you're a perfectionist like me.  Thank God for my classes at the gym, they have helped to keep me sane and have also gotten me out to be active a few times during the week - because of course what happens when I get crunched for time?  My personal workouts go out the door.  I also had my two biggest Body Pump classes at Gold's this week with 19 on Tuesday and 24 today!  We used all the equipment today- talk about psyched!

Anyway, the day after surgery mom was still in ICU and not very "with it", which is to be expected and she was still in a lot of pain while they try to get the right combination of medications set for her.  Friday's afternoon visit was the sort of visit that makes your heart sink.   My mom kept saying that she was "tired" and it wasn't the "i have not slept and I'm tired", it was the "I'm done, tired of fighting" type of tired.  She was also not making a lot of sense and was also having hallucinations from the meds.  I left her feeling like she may just not have the will to live, especially with the road she has ahead of her.    This put me in a very somber mood to say the least, but I am trying to deal and cope and realize that it is her life and only she can decide to fight or not.   Bill & I went out to dinner for Tiina's birthday and his friend Joe met up with us as well.  We had a really nice dinner and then went dancing.  I was very touched by the number of dance friends who came up and wanted to know how my mom was doing- and of course I somewhat lost it with a few of them - but it was great to have that support and I know I was vulnerable at that time due to the visit that afternoon.

Today- different story.  Bill came up to visit with me, I didn't even ask him to- it was a Saturday and he is not working and simply asked "what time are you going to visit? I want to go with you".  Well, mom was sitting up, she was somewhat talkative and although she was saying things like, "If it's my time, I am at peace with that and you all need to realize that I may die this time."  Now unlike the night before, this wasn't sounding like "wishing to die", it just sounded like someone who was at peace with it, if it's going to be God's will.   She said the same thing last year when she was in Sequoia hospital.   I told her that I understood and that she needs to fight for herself.  The Kidney specialist came in to chat because there are some issues with her kidney functions and he told her that he may need to put her on dialysis temporarily to get things jump-started and asked how she felt about that.  Her reply, "well temporary is fine, but not forever.  Do what you need to do"- so that is not a statement from someone who wants to die.  The difference today- she doesn't want to die, but she's ok if she does.  Yesterday, I thought she really wanted to die.

So yes, it is a roller coaster ride for sure.  And tomorrow who knows what mood she'll be in, I hope a good one because she is going to have several visitors.  I am going to head off to Disneyland with the BFF and her two older kids for 2 nights and am going to have a good time.  I know my mom would expect nothing less of me and she was happy that I was still going on this trip.  The Drs. also didn't see any problem with me being gone for a few days.  Now time for zzzzzzzz's!

You get ONE life...make the most of it!

I am feeling very reflective tonight after spending an entire day at the hospital while my mother was in surgery.   After several tests over the last few days since her admission into CPMC, the Drs. concluded that she needed to have bypass surgery on her left leg so that the circulation could be restored and she could then have a shot at healing those damn ulcers on her legs...or at least the left leg for now.  It was supposed to be a 2-3 hour procedure that ended up taking 4 hours in total.  While in there, they also really cleaned out the ulcers since she would not feel it while being under anesthesia.  Once she was settled into the ICU, my sister & I went to visit her and it was so hard to see her in such pain.  She has the button so that she can get more pain meds every ten minutes- I can't even imagine the pain.

When the Dr. came to talk to use after the surgery he was quite frank about mom's situation and said that her wounds are so deep that he doesn't think they will be able to do skin graphs later, so not sure what that means in terms of how the healing will look once they are healed.  He also stated that her right leg is probably not far behind from needing this same procedure as well.   He said that her lungs are at the "end stage of disease" - and seemed very surprised that she gets around like she does without any oxygen assistance.  Not sure if she will be discharged w/o oxygen orders...she will not like that one bit if she has to tote around a tank with her everywhere.    So the next step is tomorrow she should be out of ICU (at least that is what the nurse just told me on the phone), so probably a new room for one night and if Dr. Long gets his wish- she'll be transferred to Skilled Nursing on Friday where she will remain for probably a month.  Sigh.   Of course, these places are all in S.F. which presents its own set of challenges to all family members who wish to visit- we're all looking at a 2 hour RT driving time, which really sucks!!!!!!!!!  The Dr. said they will have her up and walking around a bit right away, I can't even imagine how that will be for her, but I realize it has to happen to avoid other issues that can arise from being sedentary too long in a hospital bed.

My biggest fear is that my mother will just give up, decide that she's too tired to do the work to get healed, that she'll think she's lived a good, long life so why bother?   Then I wonder, well do I fear for her or for me?  Of course, I fear for me- what will I do when my mother is no longer here with us?  For starters, I will be a wreck for an undetermined amount of time.   Bill always said to me that there were two days that he was never looking forward to:  the day our kitty would eventually pass (2 years ago) and the day my mom passes - and he's right to fear those days!  My mom is not only my mom but we are best friends- she was my very first best friend in this world.  I've always been able to talk to her about everything and anything.  I've been able to be honest with her when she's not so honest with herself.  We just have a very unique relationship that surpasses the normal mother-daughter bond.  It's hard to explain, but we always have.

So back to my title- one life.  My mother has had a very good 82, almost 83 years.  She has been married, raised three kids, has many friends (of course many have left this earth), she has traveled (albeit not as much as she would have liked and not with my dad who left this earth way too soon at the age of 60)..but I guess what is really bothering me is that if she's had 82+ years here with the way she has abused herself with smoking the way she has- imagine what a life she would have had without the smoking?   So in her way, she has made the most of it.  But selfishly, I want her to make more of it - I don't believe she is done with this life.  I picture her having a new lease on life after this recovery period and being better than she was before.  Don't know- perhaps that is the pollyanna in me speaking again.  Am I setting myself up for disappointment?  Maybe.  Am I preparing for the worst?  In the back of my mind, yes I know what can happen.  Am I ready for that?  No- really are we ever ready?  I'm still not ready to lose my dad and he's been gone for 22 years!   All I know is that I do prefer to look at the glass as 1/2 FULL.  Life is too short to be on the 1/2 EMPTY side of the argument.

I have been overwhelmed with all of the support, love & prayers from friends, colleagues and clients.  I "lost it" a few times today, but was able to pull myself together.  Had a nice chat with Diane for about 45 minutes this morning and I walked the labyrinth outside of the hospital front door.  I never knew there was one there- amazing what you see when you stop and take the time to look.  It was kind of cool.  Then after surgery I called my brother and needed to move around- I guess all the nervous energy bottled up inside of me so I talked to him for about 20 minutes and walked the streets up/down/around the hospital- it was a beautiful sunny day!   I spoke to both my sister & brother to get their opinion about me going to Disneyland Sunday-Tuesday and they both agreed that  I should go and that mom would be mad at me if I canceled the trip.   Diane had mentioned today that they would understand if I needed to cancel for this reason.   The reality of things is this- should my mother turn to the worse and become critical or codes- well she has a DNR- so it wouldn't matter if I was coming from Redwood City or Anaheim, I would be too late in any case.  So I plan to get in a few good visits between now and Sunday before I go and I will go visit when I return.

I spoke to my friend Julie on my way home, she has been dealing with her "oldsters" aka- parents and their ailing health issues for some time now and it was nice to talk to someone who has learned that she needs to set boundaries, needs to set aside "me" time and needs to learn to say "no".  Some great sound advice and she too said I should go to Disneyland- she faced a similar situation with a recent trip to Vegas.  You just always think you'd have regrets if something did happen while you were away, but can't do that- it's out of your control.

Ok- think i have rambled enough.  I helped Michael a bit tonight on his scholarship apps, but we still have lots to do- so again tomorrow night more of the same.  Work- oh yes, lots of that to do as well.   I am exhausted-- off to bed I go for about 7 hours of Zzzzzzzzzz's!

Curve Balls!

Yep, that is what yesterday & today were all about.  Don't you just hate when you have a plan and then POOF, it all just goes up in your face!  Well, yesterday (thursday)  I had a super busy day with work and most of it was urgent corporate travel needs based on weather related flight cancellations, etc.  That meant the trip research that I was intending to do wasn't getting attention and then towards the end of the day I received three trip requests for President's week!  Yikes- two weeks notice if that!   So I frantically put out a call for a sub for my Friday spin class.  I hate to do that, but sometimes you just have to and thankfully, Sara was able to sub for me.  I did what I do best- I stayed up until the wee hours (almost 4am) working on trip research and then slept in.  I know my M.O.- I am not very disciplined at getting up earlier to do work, I'm much better working late and going to bed at 4am!  I must have seriously passed out when I hit the pillow because I have NO recollection of Bill's 420am alarm or the 5am kiss good bye!

I slept in until just before 10am, got up briefly to try to get the Mega Ticket for the Country Concerts this season, but to no avail- only crappy seat locations and this was after two days of pre-sale attempts with the same crappy seat choices.  I found out today that I am not alone- another friend and her husband didn't get seats either for the same reason- crappy seat choices!   1030am, I was back in bed for another two hours, then finally got up after checking emails from my phone.  Good thing, I attacked work - one of the President's week trips was ready to confirm and another client was ready to rebook a canceled maiden voyage cruise and things were going so well....until...a call from my mom around 1pm.   She called me from her Dermatologist office to let me know that indeed they wanted her to admit into the hospital.  Now we did talk about this yesterday and I  knew it was a possibility, but I just didn't quite equate that to "TODAY".  So I scrambled to get ready, get a few loose ends tied and then headed up to SF at 315pm to get her and then get her "checked in" by 5pm at CPMC.

Now I'm not really sure what I was thinking, "checked in"- I think I had visions of a hotel, I mean she was a letter from her Dr. to admit her, should be easy- right?  Well, not quite!   We had to admit through the ER so we registered, then were quickly seen by the Triage nurse..then we waited..and waited..and waited until about 7pm when we were finally taken into the ER exam room..where we spent approximately another 4+ hours.  This test, that test, etc. to get all information needed.  By 8pm I was about to eat anything in sight (cafe closed at 7pm) and ended up having the most nutritious dinner of Doritos, M&M's & a few peanuts.  Mom had Corn Chips for dinner!   By 9pm, my phone had died so now I was faced with "killing time" with nothing to OCCUPY myself with...it's amazing how glued to our smart phones we are these days!    Finally, around 1130pm we were escorted up to her room, officially admitted and after some paperwork with her nurse, I finally headed home around 1215pm on a conference call with my sister & brother to fill them in.   Now that is technology at its best!

So the deal with mom is this- she has these AWFUL ulcers on her legs- more on the left and they are seriously nasty and cause her a tremendous amount of pain.  I am surprised she has lived with/coped with this sort of pain for so long.  They were bothering her at Christmas and causing her to not sleep very well and have continued to do that daily ever since and not sure how long before.  She has been seeing Dermatologist regularly and they keep giving her treatments, dressings and oral antibiotics and nothing is really helping.  There have been very slight improvements, but slight.   Well, it's very frustrating because the main cause of these ulcers or lack of them healing is a combination of poor circulation and lack of oxygen.  And these are both results of smoking!   When she left our house back in June last year after her 3 month recovery from her hospital ordeal, any ulcers she had were pretty much healed or very close- she wasn't smoking!  She has gradually started smoking again and I have no idea how much she really has been smoking- she doesn't exactly tell the truth to us kids and she is in a bit of denial herself about the entire thing.  It's so hard to see someone do this sort of damage to themselves- KNOWINGLY!   I think (ok- maybe I hope because I am a Pollyanna type of person) that she finally "gets it"!  She is pissed off at herself for "doing this to herself", she is upset that she is in so much self-caused pain and the Dr. told her point blank- you cannot smoke and if your oxygen levels are not at the right level w/o oxygen assistance you will go home with a tank and my mom does not want that at all!   It's just really hard to see your parents age and have to deal with these health issues and battles.   I told my mom that its very clear that she never really WANTED to quit smoking and that I have a hard time believing and accepting how someone could willingly and knowingly cause themselves this sort of harm.   Time will tell and I hope & pray that she sees that she can't smoke and that she gets whatever help is available to her- counseling, support groups or whatever!  They do want to run a CT scan to make sure there is not something else going on like blood clots that would get int he way of her healing- we'll find out more on that tomorrow.

So of course, all the work that I had planned on getting done this afternoon went out the window as I headed up to SF and spent from 5pm until midnight at CPMC...finally getting home at 1am!    I tried to get a sub for my Body Pump class tomorrow because I knew I'd be getting home late and that I'd be too wound up to go right to bed (go figure)...but nobody replied affirmatively- so up in about 7 hours for me so I can shower and get somewhat ready for my 1030am class and immediately following class I need to "freshen up"- no time to shower and head up to SF to attend a funeral for my friend's father who passed earlier this week.  He was one year older than my mom!  :(   Then since I am already in SF, I'll go visit my mom for a bit before heading back home.   So a curve ball that I was not expecting- but I'll figure it all out!  That's what I do.

Off to bed I go now..think I can finally wind down enough to get some sleep and be ready to attack the day.  All I can say is that I am soooooooooo ready for my massage on Sunday.  

February Already?

I am not liking how time is flying by so quickly!  It seems like just yesterday that we were cheering in the new year and that Hawaii was a month away.  We just returned back from Hawaii!   Speaking of which- we had a super time at Aulani.   It is a beautiful resort, but definitely an expensive place to be - thankfully, we bought wine and snacks at Safeway so we eliminated some dining expenses.   Also, good on the calorie intake.

So February- what do you have in store for me?  Well, let's see in less than two weeks, I'll be visiting Disneyland with Diane, Brynn & Nolan.  I am really looking forward to experiencing the parks with kids for a change and super excited to see World of Color.  Just hoping the normally great Southern California weather cooperates with us.   That will be it on the travel front.  I'm trying to have something travel related planned every month this year, be it a weekend getaway, short trip or full trip.   I need to work on April and then the second 1/2 of the year.  I have ideas...just need to play with them to make it all work out.

I am ready to get back on track now with Weight Watchers and bump up my workouts.  I think I am going to cancel my membership at PAC- it breaks my heart to do that because I love that gym, but I am paying a pretty penny to belong there and simply put, I'm not getting my money's worth- my schedule just won't allow me to.  I am now teaching at three facilities that I can go workout at anytime, so it really is silly for me to have the Country Club membership.  (Yes, I am trying to convince myself)  I had my thoughts that if I made myself be seen by the Director there often enough that I would at some point be offered a class on the schedule.  Well, I sub there and I think that is all I will be doing there- she never acknowledges my emails when I casually comment about "if a class become open", etc.    It's ok, it really is her loss and unfortunately the member's loss.  The last time I subbed there I had a long conversation with a member who was complaining to me about other Body Pump instructors on the schedule.   She's not the first to have the same complaint.   Oh well, time to let it go.  Also, my favorite Zumba & Kick Boxing instructor at PAC has slowly been giving up the majority of her classes there and setting up shop elsewhere, so another motivating factor is gone.  

The great news is that while at the Honolulu airport, I received a call from the Director at the OFJCC (the place that had initially given me a Wednesday night class that was abruptly taken away by no fault of my own, but an inner- administration glitch) - well, it turns out that the 7am Monday class is available starting this month and I was given the offer- YAY!!!  I jumped on it because I have been wanting a class there and also wanted to expand my Club One teachings- I currently have a 401K plan with them and have been trying to "bank" most of my Club One earnings into that account.  So I am super excited about that and will now have 4 Body Pump classes per week - this is perfect!   I do need to do something to re-invent myself on the Spinning front.  I have been getting bored teaching the format and think I need to attend some seminars to get back on track with that one and if that doesn't do it, then maybe it's time to hang up my spin shoes for awhile.   Time will tell.   Next, I need to either re-cert with PiYo or see about some other Yoga certification.  I am contemplating taking the Yoga Fundamentals I & II with SCW in March.  I took the first class several years ago, but could use the refresh.

So I am ready for February...lots of classes, lots of trips to plan for clients (maybe 1-2 for me), a few dinners planned:  Tiina's birthday, Jenifer's birthday and Bill's friend Joe wants us to meet his girlfriend when she comes out here for a visit, Disneyland and dancing every Friday night!  Hopefully, we'll get in a few Wednesday nights as well!

February- bring it on, I'm ready!