Taking care of me....soon!

There is no doubt that I have been spending a great deal of my life this year taking care of others.  Specifically, my mom with all her health issues.  My nephew with all the college stuff...& my brother with multiple issues.

I am stressed out & exhausted.  I have also gained about 10 pounds in the past three months.  Its so frustrating.  I have no idea when I last logged my weight watchers points.  I have not been able to take any fitness time for me outside of teaching my classes and the few times I have gone walking or dancing lately my foot has been bothering me quite a bit.  I need to figure something out with my foot because I need to get active again, I need to get back on track and start losing weight again.

I am looking forward to our cruise this coming weekend but do NOT want to gain any weight.   Usually, I lose weight on a cruise because we dance do much and I usually get to the gym.  I am skeptical though because this is a conference and there will be a lot of seminars and lots of evening shows that will cut into dancing..and who knows with my foot.  I am going to bring my dance sneakers & hope that they help. Looks like I wont get much sleep on this cruise...but that is another favorite part of our cruising experience.

In any case, once back from the cruise I need to see the doctor about my foot.  I need to get a schedule of workouts on my calendar and stick to it.  I am not even excited to wear my new matching belly button rings with my bikinis now because I feel like a beached whale! 

AIM 1 will have to wait until June.  It would not have been fair to our house guests if I abandoned them that morning.  Bummed because AIM on release 81 would have been sweet...I will just have to put in extra time to learn & master release 82!

So taking care of me...must make this a priority.  Of course much of May will involve moving mom to Woodside terrace permanently & helping Steve & his boys move to wherever will be home now that his house is "sale pending". 

TGI almost F!!  Mom in Rehab....College Trip #1= history!

What a week!  Goodness me!  Mom was transferred to the Jewish Home Rehab facility on Tuesday, I was able to be there for the transfer, see her off at Sequoia and then visit her in her room once she was settled.  It went well.  She has a nice room, very private and large and so far the staff seems very nice and attentive.   I went to visit her again Wednesday morning and bring her a few more personal items and she was in good spirits overall.   I am pretty confident that she will only be there 1- 2 weeks.  She is determined to get well quickly so she can get back "home" and she is now considering Woodside Terrace as "home".    Lots of relief that she was transferred in a timeline that worked into my  schedule.   A huge "thank you" goes out to my friend & nurse at the CSU, Dianne who talked with mom the morning of her release and also to Nurse Marcie who also took some time with mom to help her work through her feelings of loss.  She is really now starting to go through the grieving process of losing her "home"- the place she's lived for almost 60 years.   She is now so much better with her health that I think she can now face the reality that she really can't go back to her home and it's sad.  We are trying to keep her focused on all of the positive and make sure we can get her apartment to feel as much like home to her.  Although, I vote against clutter- hell if it's not a safety hazard,  I don't care what her apartment looks like!   I have spoken to her on the phone yesterday and today while en route and in Alaska and seems she has had some good and productive therapy sessions!   I love that she is so attentive to the Giants and their games- she called me today just to let me know that they won!

Michael & I are now sitting in the Fairbanks airport awaiting our return flight home- it's a 130am flight that arrives into SF at 930am- so unless we get a cat nap on the plane- we will have been up about 26 hours by the time we land and there won't be any sleep anytime soon once we land.  We  have plans to go visit my mom a bring her a few things (newspaper and milkshake) and then get home.  I will work what has to get worked on and then crawl into bed for a long nap!!  I am exhausted and not really sure how my eyes are staying open right now--but they are and I am not an airplane sleeper..so we'll see how this all plays out!   We have had a very successful day in Fairbanks!   1/2 day college tour that was very eye-opening, I like UAF and think that Michael would do well here, but we'll see how both colleges compare once we visit  RIT on Monday.  We finished up around 1pm and then headed to visit a hotel so that I could be "travel professional",.  We toured the Princess Fairbanks Lodge and it was nice to see one of the Princess properties up close and we had a very nice maintenance man who volunteered to take us to see rooms.  Truth be told, we probably got a better tour with him than we would have with any Travel Industry Sales person!    We then went to the visitors bureau and looked over all the exhibits on display and it was nice to learn more about the Alaska way of life in the non-tourist season!    Then finally, a double feature movie- we went to see "21 Jump Street" and then an hour later, "Lockout"- both were good and it was a nice way to pass some time!   Now into our 2nd hour waiting at the airport, in about an hour we will be on the plane- finally! 

Overall, a good week- productive in many ways.  But sooooooooooo looking forward to a nap tomorrow and some downtime on Saturday before the whirlwind continues and we fly to Rochester, NY on Sunday morning!  Oasis of the Seas--you are only 8 days away and this girl needs a cruise really bad!!! STAT!!

The next 8 days...

are going to be nuts and so much will be known by the end of this month.  It's a bit scary on one hand but on the other hand it will be nice to just have some resolution on many things.    My brother should know the outcome of his home sale by Friday and we are hoping that there are multiple interested parties that show up at the court Friday to bid and bid high.   That outcome will determine what he is able to do for a "new life" - he has plans, he knows what has to happen - so it is really in God's hands at this point.

We will know which college Michael will attend in the fall.  He & I travel to both Universities this week and will check them out and make an educated decision; although i think i have a pretty good idea that he will choose RIT.    He did get notification on Friday that he was awarded the Buick Achievers Scholarship for $2000- so every bit helps!    It's exciting to see him go off to college and I'm excited for his future and for his new path in life.  So very proud of him and all he's achieved.

We will know a bit more on mom's prognosis and a better timeline for recovery.  Since my last post we experienced yet one more setback.  Friday morning she had a fever and she had been having some bowel issues- well they ran the tests and the C-diff was back AGAIN!   She did have a very short does of anti-biotics earlier in the week and I had asked the nurse if she was also getting the Vancomiacin - which is the preventative antibiotic for c-diff and she said that it was not necessary.   Grrrr!  I felt so bad for my mom.  To have to go through that horrible infection for a third time- just unbelievable.   She was not well on Friday- so depressed, so achy and just not feeling well.   I hate not being able to help and to fix things.   Saturday she was a bit better- mostly tired.  Today I was surprised to see her wheeling herself down the hallway in a wheelchair and she was in pretty good spirits and was happy to be up and out of bed some.  The good news this weekend is that they took her off the Oxygen completely!    Today after her wheeling around the hallway the Respiratory Therapist came by and checked her Saturation and she was at 98- which is amazing for her, so I feel really good about that.  That is huge!   I'm not sure how long they will keep her at Sequoia- with the c-diff I'm not sure if they can transfer her or if they have to wait; but the Jewish Home rehab facility in SF is waiting for her.

Life is exhausting overall and this weekend was very busy and tiring as well.   Dancing Friday night was "ok"- my foot was giving me grief, so as a result I was not able to dance nearly as much as I would have liked.   Had a great Body Pump class on Saturday and then the rest of the day was crazy- Brynn's play which was very cute and a quick visit to mom, then up to SF where Bill & I went by mom's house to pick up mail, then dinner & Kenny G in concert at Yoshi's, and then we ended up going dancing down on Fillmore @ Lombard.  Old stomping groups from 1985!   We had a pretty good time- it was nice to do something spontaneous.   Today I had to visit mom and bring her the newspaper and then brunch with the RWC gal pals- which was a very fun afternoon, came home and started to relax on the couch but then got an invite from Diane to come up and chill by the pool and BBQ dinner, etc.  We had a good time, but things still don't feel "right" in the world of this friendship and I can't really put my finger on it.

I do know that I am going to have a very busy short week and need to start it off rested, so I am going to get to bed EARLY for once!

Sometimes you just have to let go and let God take care of things!

The control freak in me has a very HARD time doing this sometimes.  I can admit it, I am a serious control freak and I won't apologize for it.  I ams what I am!   Well, as suspected mom is being released tomorrow to a Skilled Nursing Facility.  We were told that Brookside in San Mateo had accepted her and I did my due diligence and determined that it was a place with good reviews & ratings and should work out fine.   Well, today the Social Worker calls me and says that the insurance company won't approve Brookside because mom is still under "Health Net San Francisco County", her "Health Net San Mateo County" does not become effective until 5/1- so we are once again at the mercy of the friggin' insurance companies!   You'd think that someone logical could see through all of this and come to a better resolution and back-date her policy to 4/1 or something like that- but no, seems like it's all black & white- no gray areas to be found!

So I had my typical freak out moment, then the Social worker called me with the "approved" places so I could at least do my homework.  Because the Social Worker works at a San Mateo County hospital, she is not familiar with any of these places in S.F.  I was just happy to learn that the place mom stayed at in February was not on the list.  Thankfully!    There were two in S.F. and one in Pacifica.  By the end of the day, I had received a call from "Jewish home" in S. F. and it sounds like this is the place that mom will be transferred to tomorrow.    My first instinct when faced with something that I cannot control, is to find the positive in the situation.  Thankfully, I am a half full type of person and am normally an optimistic being.   Jewish Home is located on Silver Avenue- right in mom's old neighborhood.   Parking is plentiful and free.  It's a nice, modern facility- I'm not even sure what used to be in its place.  They are not a hospital with SNF attached- this is a placed designed for Skilled Nursing, Rehab and extended stays if needed for Assisted Living.  However, they have a full nursing and therapy staff to tend to all needs.   I think that this place may actually be a good social outlet for mom since she will be in her neighborhood, some of her friends should be able to come visit her and since she has not seen her friends for almost 3 months now- I think it may do all of them some good!

The hard part with this is the distance and my desire to go visit as much as possible.  It sucks to be in a facility of any sort.  I also know that my mother enjoys her daily newspaper.  So I need to figure out a way to get that to her.  It would be ideal if they get the paper at Jewish Home without doing anything with her subscription.   It's all this logistical crap that drives me nuts- but it's important that she's happy and kept occupied with things that make her happy.  She does her jumble puzzle in the paper, she enjoys her wine with dinner (hoping they can accommodate her at Jewish Home with that)..anyway, I hope that this part of her journey goes quick and smoothly and that she is able to recover quickly and get back to life at Woodside Terrace.   I am going to try to coordinate visits with some of her friends so that they can cover days that I know I won't be able to be there.  Of course, the timing is crazy with Alaska College trip Wednesday-Friday of next week and then NY College trip Sunday-Monday following...with 3 days back before I leave for my conference at Sea....leaving me out of touch for 8 days.  Any other time and I would welcome that detachment from society and life and all the "connections" that we have day to day - but unless my mother is safely back at Woodside Terrace by then, it's going to be very hard for me to enjoy being away.

This has certainly been an enlightening, learning process.  I have been touched by so many people through this process.   Tonight I taught my last class at Fitness 101 since they will be closing at the end of the month.  The instructor who teaches the class before mine asked how my mom was doing. Another one of my students asked me after class how my mom was doing.  These are once a week people in my life who have really paid attention, who have really shown that they care.  It's pretty freaking awesome.   It was a great class tonight- even if there were only 3 people there.  With the gym closing, many of the members have moved onto other gyms.

I have had a pretty demanding week otherwise- work has been crazy busy- which is good.  I did experience the "IRS taketh away" on Tuesday as I wrote the painful check, but was fairly relieved today when "cruises lines giveth back" in the form of some commission payments.  Not the total amount and we'll see once I pay all of the upcoming bills just how much that helps...still hate the tax man!   But nice to be busy and know that this too shall pass.    My classes at the gym have been going well, but I need to get in my own workouts, it is just not possible right now.  That part is killing me, I am also not eating right- so feeling like a blimp- the same 5 pounds now for the past 7 months up/down/up/down.  I am determined to lose weight on our cruise- I am going to work out and dance as much as I can.  Of course, my foot has been giving me grief too!  Always something!

I just got word that there is a Body Pump AIM1 workshop in May locally and I really want to go, but I need to discuss with Bill because it will mean deserting him with our house guests and making him drive them to SF to catch their cruise ship- he is not a city boy.  But I really want to do this!

I am very happy that tomorrow is Friday and we have a busy weekend ahead- one that just now got busier with visits to SF...but excited to go dancing tomorrow night, we have Brynn's first play on Saturday (must remember to buy her some flowers for after the performance), then Saturday night- Kenny G at Yoshi's!   Sunday- church and brunch with a fabulous bunch of ladies to celebrate three birthdays!  Should be a great morning/afternoon and I'm hoping that I can enjoy some sunshine in the afternoon...we are expecting great temperatures this weekend!

Where do we go from here?

I am starting to feel uneasy once again.  When visiting my mother today, she mentioned that the cardiologist said that she would probably be released by the end of the week.  My mother reminded her that she can't walk yet, that she has been in the bed for two weeks.   The Doctor said that they would be working on that and that a case manager should be by tomorrow to discuss her discharge options.

So now I have a billion questions and thoughts- is she going to be ok enough to be released into the care at Woodside Terrace?  Or will she need to be released to another skilled nursing type facility?   The main issue right now is the lack of mobility because of the leg/foot wounds.  However, because of this she has been on a catheter and not able to get out of bed for the bathroom now for two weeks.   So  her level of care may be too extreme for Woodside Terrace.   This all makes me very uneasy, I just don't know how much more of this she can take.   I'm not sure how much more of all this I can take.  I just want her to get better and be able to resume a somewhat normal quality of life and enjoy and have fun.  Is this really too much to ask?

I know she is depressed and bummed that she's not having fun.  I can't say that I blame her.  How much fun can anyone have in a hospital?  She is lonely at night and has said that much.   But other than her stupid leg/foot issue- she is doing pretty well overall.  They have her on 1/2 liter of oxygen- of course that may change once she is mobile and starts to walk around, etc.  But then again, maybe not- they always did think she would get off the Oxygen, that it wouldn't be long term.

I am feeling a bit uneasy about all of this because I am a planner, I like to have things in place, I like to have a plan.  I have several trips coming up next week and the week after and I want to be able to feel secure to go away, knowing that she is ok.  I mean let's face it, I am the constant in her life, I go visit her everyday, I try to bring her some level of normalcy or happy to her day.  I know I can get Bill or my brother to visit her on the days that I will be gone, but right now I'm just sort of freaked out not knowing where this will be.  If not Sequoia or Woodside Terrace- then where?   Hopefully, tomorrow the case worker will shed some light on the discharge plan and I'll feel better about that.

Things need to get better, things need to return to "normal" in our lives.  The Harper family (all of us) are very wiped out on so many levels, we are ready for a fresh start- a new year, positive enegy, positive outcomes.  

Have you ever.....

found yourself in a situation that you really wish you weren't in?  I know this happens to everyone at some point in life and probably more often than any of us would wish.   I had an email blow up with my best friend earlier this week and we have not spoken since.  I have been thinking this over and over again, been reading the emails back and forth repeatedly and then had two "aha" moments today.   

I read one post on Facebook today from a LM Tribe member/acquaintance, "I understand the urge to want to "be right". But it also can be a very lonely place as you may isolate yourself in the process".   HA!

 I also had a great chat with my friend Kristy who recently had an issue with a very close friend and in discussing our friendship struggles she basically suggested to me that we probably need to have it out and acknowledge  that we were both hurt by what we said to each other and that  an apology won't change things, we just have to both get over it. We probably need to apologize for hurting each other but at the same time we need to validate each others feelings too without accusing each other of who is more "wrong".  Sometimes knowing someone like the back of your hand can be a disadvantage at times.  Things get taken for granted on both sides of the coin.  

Not that it's an excuse, but Kristy did point out that I am probably more vulnerable right now with all of the stress I've been under for the past couple of months with all that has been going on with my mom's situation and I have been exhausted.  I have been on overload and that is the understatement of the year!  But I also know that my best friend has also been over the top busy with lots of obligations in her life too.

We are having a "Mexican standoff" of sorts right now and I sort of laugh about the phrase because 1) she is part Mexican but more 2) that we are both being stubborn.  I can admit it, I have been wanting her to call me if for no other reason to ask how my mom is doing without regard to our petty, stupid email exchange.   Bottom line, it was petty, it is so stupid that we have not spoken since Monday because of this.   I'm sure it's eating her up inside too (it better be)- LOL, but the bottom line- I love her, I miss her and I am sorry that we had a falling out.   Going to do something about this.  The friendship is too important to let this nonsense go on any longer. 

The Bucket List...of ailments! 

I went to visit mom this evening after being at the Giants Season Home Opening Game and when I walked into her room, she was being transfused!   I was shocked and asked her what was up with the blood transfusion and she disgustingly looks at me and says, "Now, I'm anemic!"  You can tell she's just super frustrated and I don't blame her!  I teased her and said, "What do you have a bucket list of health conditions/ailments or something?"

Seriously though, in the past year or so she has had or been diagnosed with:  duodenal ulcer, leg ulcers,  poor circulation that resulted in the bypass surgery, kidney damage from surgery (recovered on her own), c-diff bacterial infection twice, congestive heart failure, high potassium (kidney related), blood clot, MRSA bacteria carrier and now anemia!   

Well, she was eating her dinner and drinking her glass of wine and she was overall in good spirits.  She was very happy that the Giants won today and she enjoyed listening to the game on her radio.  She said that she didn't get out of bed today- the Doctor didn't want her to; however, they did decide to not bandage her leg today which she said felt good to let it "air out".   She continues to be impressed by the level of care and the fact that all these Doctors are visiting her daily.  They are pleased with her progress.  

I was asking her nurse, Suzanne some things while she was changing out the transfusion packet and while asking how many liters of Oxygen mom was on, she said "one liter, but she can probably live without it.  We are just giving it to her now because of the transfusion".  This is really good news- I mean the Docs had always said when she was in Sequoia last time that they felt the Oxygen would be temporary and it stands to reason that will all the things she has been fighting, she has required additional Oxygen.  If she can get off the O2, she will be able to be much more independent.  Since she really had not been walking at all in over a week, I am sure she will be in the hospital for another 3-4 days at least.  I'm not sure when she will be able to bear weight on her left foot.  That is probably the largest obstacle at this time.  

What a difference some wine makes...

It really can be the simple things in life that make the world of difference.  Yesterday, my mom was in a pretty good mood mainly because she was out of the ICU.   Having a root beer float also brought her some happiness.   Enjoying some black jelly beans that the Director of Sales from Woodside Terrace brought her = more happiness.  Simple things.

Today I had a very quick visit with her.  I had stopped by WT to pick up her newspaper and it wasn't quite the in & out that I had hoped or planned for on my timeline.  But it is very nice to see so many people concerned for her well-being.  First, Ericka at the front desk wanted to know how mom was doing, so I gave her the update and she said, "be sure to tell her that Ericka from the front desk is looking forward to her coming back home."  I ran into one of the nurses at the wellness station, Lourdes and she wanted to know how mom was doing.  I figured since I was at it, I should check in with the Nurse Supervisors and they were both there, so I gave them the update and they were happy to hear she was out of ICU and said they would go visit her.   Just very touching.  It's no doubt that my mother leaves an impression on people and it's a very positive one.  She takes an interest in people, she talks and more importantly LISTENS to people.

I got to Sequoia and she was happy to see me,  I had her newspaper and transistor radio.  She is very happy to be able to listen to 96.5 KOIT, when she is not listening to KNBR 680 to follow the Giants now that baseball season is underway.  I think she is more excited about me going to Opening Day tomorrow than I am.  (I'm just tired, I am excited, but tired)  Today she sat up on the edge of her bed for breakfast, but had to lay back down when her wounds started to drain.  It is also very painful for her to sit up like that right now- the leg just hurts.  I pray that this gets better, she has to be able to walk on that foot.   OT & PT have started their visits.

She called me this evening, she was very chipper on the phone and very chatty.  Seemed to have a good rest of her day and had to let me know that Suzanne her day nurse made sure that she got her glass of wine with dinner.  I think it came a bit after dinner, but she didn't care - she told me she sipped her wine in bed through the straw and it was fabulous.  She was happy to hear about the rest of my day and was just overall talking with a real zest for life in her voice.  We hung up and then about 30 minutes later she called again- right after a very loud boom of thunder- well she didn't hear the thunder, but she saw the light show and called because she was "afeared" (it's the way we would say "afraid" in "babytalk" to each other) - we laughed, but again she sounded so good.  Very refreshing and very good feeling to hear her healing in her voice.

I am a true believer that a positive attitude means everything and can help you to move mountains.  She is one fiesty pistol!  

Ok- so off to bed....almost 1230am...I am going, going, gone!! NOW!

Progress....

A word that takes on so many meanings in my life right now.  Tonight I made a lot of progress with trip research, I have a few more trips to work on, but ultimately am now in a "waiting zone" until people get back to me.   Hopefully, tomorrow I will be able to tackle my taxes and get those finalized and then figure out where the money is coming from to pay for them.  Ugh!

Mom is making progress with her recovery.  Yesterday they removed the catheter and implanted a stent into the femoral artery.  I'm not sure if this is a permanent thing or if it will be removed at a later time.  I need to call the Vascular Physician's office and have a chat.   She was moved into a room today outside of the ICU- so again, more progress.   PT came to work with her and she sat up on the edge of the bed, but was not strong enough to get up out of bed and the pain in her foot was too much for bearing weight.  Much more progress needs to be made.  She was very happy to enjoy a Root Beer float that I brought this afternoon and she asked the nurse about wine with dinner, they said it was too late for today, but to ask early tomorrow.  She is happy.    She called me twice this evening, first to tell me she was moved to another room and also to ask me to bring her transistor radio - she is ready to start listening to baseball!   So that is a good sign of her spirits too.   I was very touched that Ashley, the Sales Director went to go visit her today, even brought her some black jelly beans (something that they both share a love for) - it's nice to see a care giving facility actually "care"- in fact, this entire time while we are still supposed to be negotiating mom's rent for April- Ashley has not been pressing that issue at all.

I am so hoping and praying that this is it for health trials and tribulations for mom.  I want her to be able to get on the healing path, to be able to get back to walking normal, to get rid of the oxygen, to be able to enjoy her new life at Woodside Terrace.  I want to get back to the afternoon phone calls that she would make to me around 430pm every day telling me how her day was and where she went, what she did.   Her birthday is about 6 weeks away and hoping she is well enough so that I can surprise her with a birthday lunch or dinner party at Woodside Terrace.  They have a private room and I was going to invite some of her friends from S.F. to come down- she misses her friends.  One of the first things she did today when she got to a real room was call her friend Anita.

I am going to be making progress with my quest to get to bed earlier- starting tonight, the fact that I'm blogging before midnight is a good step in the right direction.  I have been doing too many 2am nights and then getting up early.  Today I had to be up at 8am, yesterday was the same and Monday 6am..I am bushed and don't want to burn myself out.  The next few weeks are going to be a challenge and I need to be focused and healthy.

We are making progress on Michael's future.  He has been accepted into two Universities and he really wants to check them both out before making his decision.   I think that this is very important and he deserves this shot at a 4 year college.   So he and I will be taking a quick trip to Fairbanks 4/25, returning early on 4/27 and then out to Rochester NY on 4/29 back on 4/30- yes we should be significantly jet-lagged and exhausted after those two whirlwind trips- but I am actually looking forward to it.  Sort of living vicariously through him because I never had the guts to go away to college.  He has been accepted into the Mechanical Engineering program at UAF and the Motion Picture Science program at RIT with a waiting list for their Mechanical Engineering program.   I personally would love to see him do a double major as I think both of these fields will suit him perfectly.   This is going to be fun!

My brother is making progress with his house...the bankruptcy judge will decide at the end of the month who will be the buyer of his house; however, we just got word that a new buyer is going to submit an offer and one of the two offers already with the judge is going to increase their offer- this is EXCELLENT news!   I continue to pray for him.   He deserves a break.  Our entire family could really use a big dose of good news all the way around.  Pray, Pray, Pray...

Going to send out one email blast to everyone about mom's update and then head off to bed!

Passing of the Torch...

Today I received an email that I really was expecting, but am actually a bit mad at myself for not sending the email myself to begin with.  For the first time ever, I've been asked to give up a class at the gym.   I had been thinking, especially the last couple of weeks that maybe it was time to give up my Friday Spin class.  I have had to get people to sub my class for quite a few classes this year and it's only April.  I have felt bad about that, but also know that I can't help emergencies.  Many of the weeks have been related to my mom and that sure has been a journey in and out of the hospitals since February 3rd.  I had planned on finally returning to my Friday class this past Friday, but then mom ended up in the ER Thursday night and I didn't have a good feeling about it at the time, so got coverage to play it safe.  As it turns out I probably could have taught that next day, but had no way of knowing.    Of course, then I start to work on subs for my vacation and realize that I have two Fridays for that and then with the added college trip to Alaska, that was another Friday- making it three in a row.  I didn't have a great feeling about it.  However, I always remain the optimist that "once I get back from vacation, things will get back to normal".  When are things EVER normal in my life?   What is NORMAL?

I'm not terribly heart-broken about giving up this class.  I will teach this Friday and say good-bye to those who are there, although with this week being Spring Break I may miss several of the regulars.  Other than the people who I've gotten to know over the years and the relationships that I have formed, I have been getting burned out on Spin.  So giving that part of my fitness career a break is actually a bit welcoming to me.  I have considered taking the RPM certification and may actually do that next time there is a training that fits my already nutso schedule- but I think it is needed for me to get excited once again to teach on a bike.  In the meantime, I plan to enjoy my free Friday mornings now and take a class here to there.  My favorite Zumba instructor teaches Friday mornings, so I can take her class for a bit, but I think it's wise that I not take on any new classes on Fridays.  We are busy people, we travel, if we don't go away for a full week, we make it a long weekend.  It will be nice not to stress over Fridays anymore.   Of course, as much as I thought things would have gotten back to normal in May, I look at the calendar and I would have needed two Fridays in June covered for Michael's Graduation and then our Vegas weekend.

So after this coming Friday my 5 classes per week will become 4 and then at the end of April my 4 will become 3 with the closing of Fitness 101.  Now that one I am bummed about- my Thursday Body Pump was small, but they are a hard working bunch and we have become a family, so I will miss them - I only have them two more weeks since I will be away on the last Thursday before the club closes.

Everything happens for a reason- maybe this is God's way of telling me that I am taking on too much and that I need to lighten my load - or else!   Really God, I'm trying- I really am...but you know me...I don't slow down hardly ever!   I promise, let me get to June and I will slow down!

As the World Turns....

I seriously feel like sometimes (lately) my life is resembling a soap opera!    I wake up this morning all "Pumped" to go re-launch "81" at Gold's, so I was in a great mood and ready to take on the day.  I called mom's room at the hospital and there was no answer, then spoke to the nurses station and they told me she was still out for her test but that they will be taking her to ICU after.  I found out that she wasn't expected in the ICU until close to 11am.   I went and taught my class and afterwards things were starting to sink in - why were they taking her to ICU after and why has the Doctor not called me?

I went to the hospital and she was in the ICU, the nurse greeted me and filled me in on the status of things.  Well turns out that during the Arterialgram this morning they discovered a blood clot in her upper left leg near the surgery wound and had to intervene with a catheter procedure.  I've no idea what this procedure is, but basically it's a wire thing in her right upper leg that connects through her body to the veins in the left leg and pumps her veins with blood thinner to break up the clot.  She was in ICU because this requires a lot of supervision to make sure she keeps her legs as straight as possible.     Tomorrow they will do the same Aterialgram to see if the clot is gone and determine if the catheter can be removed, if so, then she'll be moved out of the ICU.

She was in pretty good spirits actually and her pain was being managed.  The staff at Sequoia is just so AMAZING, it really is a relief to have her here.  I can honestly say that many nights I went to sleep worried about my mom in the CPMC facilities.   Not the case now that she's here.

So my brother visits tonight also and then he & I have a discussion on the phone because we are trying to figure out how could she get a blood clot and when she was released from the hospital on 3/23 to Woodside Terrace her foot was normal- not swollen and she was being more active with walking to/from the dining room three times a day.  Well we determined that she started to experience problems after the first visiting home nurse who came to see her twice.  Mom has complained that the nurse was not gentle at all, that she really hurt her and was not listening to her.   She had also used an ACE bandage on her thigh (surgery wound) just above the knee - something no other nurse had done during her entire re-cooperation period.  It was so tight and painful that a few hours later my mother yanked it off and after complaining to me, I called Sutter Care at Home and complained about "Patrice" and told them we needed a new home visiting nurse.  It looks like now though that the damage had already been done.  It's a bit peculiar that this clot happened just above where the ACE bandage was placed and the part of her body to stop receiving blood flow was her lower leg and foot!

I'm pissed and disgusted at this!  It's an outrage!  I am also pissed at her Dermatologist who continued to "treat" her skin ulcers and waiting much too long to admit her into the hospital, when she should have been sending her to a Vascular Specialist at least a month prior.  She never once stated that there could be a circulation issue, she's a Doctor- she should know these things and not expect a patient to know.  Quite honestly, my mom's eyes aren't that great- so she could never tell just how swollen her legs were or the fact that her foot was red or purple - but the Doctor should have picked up on this and sent her immediately!   I will be seeing what grounds we have for a lawsuit, she has gone through an incredible amount of pain and suffering and it's looking now like a good portion of it was never necessary!  Incompetent SOB's! 

Exhausted!

Yep, that about sums it up!  I have had so many thoughts over the past several days that I have wanted to sit down and write about, but for whatever reason just never got around to it.  I am beyond exhausted right now but feel the urge to write now.  I promise it's to bed I go after this!     This week has been a variety of highs and lows.  A true roller coaster ride of sorts - go figure, seems to be the nature of my life.

MOM - well, things with mom were going pretty well, she has been adjusting to life at Woodside Terrace pretty well.  She made some new friends, a group of ladies who were from S.F. and they reminisced about their old stomping grounds.  Still she has not been very social outside of meal times.  Her leg wounds had been giving her some grief and I think part of that is dressing changed done without care by the first home visiting nurse and then she seems to have an issue with her left foot.  It's very swollen and hurts her like nothing imaginable.   As the week has progressed, she has gotten more fatigued, has been resting more and has been having more difficulty with walking due to the leg/foot pain and also experiencing some more noticeable shortness of breath.  Really?  Has she not suffered enough?  Apparently, not.   I called the Cardiologist on Monday to describe the swollen foot and she recommended that we come in.  They ordered a sonogram to make sure no blood clots and also blood work.  The sonogram was normal.  The blood work showed high levels of potassium.  They wanted to run the lab work again today, so they did and it was even higher- so back to the hospital we went this evening.   When I showed up at Woodside Terrace, she looked at me with surprise to see me and then i gave her the bad news and she just started to ball her eyes out.  Crying that she didn't want to go to the hospital again and that she wishes she was dead already, etc.  It was one of the most difficult moments of this journey yet.  I totally get her wanting to be dead- she has endured so much suffering, yet at the same time I'm not ready to lose my mommy.  However, I am smart and brave enough to know that I don't want her with me if it means more suffering for her.  It's a really tough position to be in.  So I conclude that she is having kidney functioning issues, which has led to the high potassium levels.  We wait to see how the treatment goes and if her kidneys will recover back to her version of "normal".  I know if they want to do dialysis, she won't want to do that.   Overall, I kept my composure today as best that I could- but did manage a few tears here and there in privacy.  I will say that I am enjoying having her 5 minutes away though and being able to visit her just about everyday is a treat.  We used to talk on the phone everyday- now we have visits in person.  I'm a lucky girl!

FITNESS - this was going to be the week that I get back in my groove!  I figured with back to back Body Pump classes on Saturday, the Les Mills Quarterly on Sunday - that in and of itself would jump start me.  I worked my ass off over the weekend and had so much fun doing it!   The Quarterly was a lot of fun and it was great to see so many instructors who I have not seen in a long time or finally meet the ones that I've only known via Facebook!   It was quality training and I am so glad that I attended the full day!   I then taught Monday morning, Tuesday night (spin & Body Pump) then had a day of rest on Wednesday- much needed!   Although, with the mom ER run today, I had to cancel my class tonight.  I am fortunate to work with people who totally understand and who put family first!   I did get a sub for my Spin tomorrow, which I have not taught this class since I don't know how long- maybe early February?  It has been a long time, but not knowing how long I'd be at the hospital tonight, I didn't want to risk it.  I will sleep in tomorrow- no alarm clock and it will feel wonderful!

BROTHER - well his deadline with the house sale came & went and now he just waits for the judge to approve the offer.  In the meantime, hopefully he gets more offers on the house.  The current high bidder is not high enough for him to achieve the resolution to his life that he has planned.   I continue to pray very hard that he gets what he needs financially out of the house so he can plan a new life for him and his boys.  A clean slate with all the negativity and despair behind him.  He deserves that much at minimum.  I seriously don't understand why bad things happen to good people and on the flip side- why evil people get away with such horrible things.

NEPHEW - out of eight college applications, Michael was accepted to only two of them.  I am very proud of him, but also disappointed in the system and how overloaded some schools are and the ratio of applicants to the numbers accepted.  He was beat out of so many colleges by vast amounts of students!  His two choices are University of Alaska at Fairbanks and Rochester Institute of Technology.  However, he had put Computer Engineering down for RIT's major and he would rather get into Mechanical Engineering now.  So his first choice is UAF and I just set up our airplane tickets for the end of the month to go take a tour and get any questions answered so that we can move forward with this.  His dad has spoken to him and let him know that he'll have to work, that he'll have to take out student loans and that we will help him as much as possible- but it's tough.   We are still waiting on a few Scholarship Applications.   I have to say that I am a bit uneasy with him going away to college.  I know Alaska is still on the West Coast, but it seems so far away and airfares are so expensive- not even sure how often he'll be able to come home.  Oh well, he really wants to go and on the flip side of the coin, I do think the one-on-one time for my brother with younger son will be very beneficial to them both.  Rob has always been in Michael's shadow, this will give him a chance to shine and be his dad's right hand man.  I still can't believe they are growing up so quickly- can we stop the clock already?

I feel as though I have so much more to write- but I am pretty friggin' tired about now..so I am going to call it a night.  Peace out!