Exhausted!

Yep, that about sums it up!  I have had so many thoughts over the past several days that I have wanted to sit down and write about, but for whatever reason just never got around to it.  I am beyond exhausted right now but feel the urge to write now.  I promise it's to bed I go after this!     This week has been a variety of highs and lows.  A true roller coaster ride of sorts - go figure, seems to be the nature of my life.

MOM - well, things with mom were going pretty well, she has been adjusting to life at Woodside Terrace pretty well.  She made some new friends, a group of ladies who were from S.F. and they reminisced about their old stomping grounds.  Still she has not been very social outside of meal times.  Her leg wounds had been giving her some grief and I think part of that is dressing changed done without care by the first home visiting nurse and then she seems to have an issue with her left foot.  It's very swollen and hurts her like nothing imaginable.   As the week has progressed, she has gotten more fatigued, has been resting more and has been having more difficulty with walking due to the leg/foot pain and also experiencing some more noticeable shortness of breath.  Really?  Has she not suffered enough?  Apparently, not.   I called the Cardiologist on Monday to describe the swollen foot and she recommended that we come in.  They ordered a sonogram to make sure no blood clots and also blood work.  The sonogram was normal.  The blood work showed high levels of potassium.  They wanted to run the lab work again today, so they did and it was even higher- so back to the hospital we went this evening.   When I showed up at Woodside Terrace, she looked at me with surprise to see me and then i gave her the bad news and she just started to ball her eyes out.  Crying that she didn't want to go to the hospital again and that she wishes she was dead already, etc.  It was one of the most difficult moments of this journey yet.  I totally get her wanting to be dead- she has endured so much suffering, yet at the same time I'm not ready to lose my mommy.  However, I am smart and brave enough to know that I don't want her with me if it means more suffering for her.  It's a really tough position to be in.  So I conclude that she is having kidney functioning issues, which has led to the high potassium levels.  We wait to see how the treatment goes and if her kidneys will recover back to her version of "normal".  I know if they want to do dialysis, she won't want to do that.   Overall, I kept my composure today as best that I could- but did manage a few tears here and there in privacy.  I will say that I am enjoying having her 5 minutes away though and being able to visit her just about everyday is a treat.  We used to talk on the phone everyday- now we have visits in person.  I'm a lucky girl!

FITNESS - this was going to be the week that I get back in my groove!  I figured with back to back Body Pump classes on Saturday, the Les Mills Quarterly on Sunday - that in and of itself would jump start me.  I worked my ass off over the weekend and had so much fun doing it!   The Quarterly was a lot of fun and it was great to see so many instructors who I have not seen in a long time or finally meet the ones that I've only known via Facebook!   It was quality training and I am so glad that I attended the full day!   I then taught Monday morning, Tuesday night (spin & Body Pump) then had a day of rest on Wednesday- much needed!   Although, with the mom ER run today, I had to cancel my class tonight.  I am fortunate to work with people who totally understand and who put family first!   I did get a sub for my Spin tomorrow, which I have not taught this class since I don't know how long- maybe early February?  It has been a long time, but not knowing how long I'd be at the hospital tonight, I didn't want to risk it.  I will sleep in tomorrow- no alarm clock and it will feel wonderful!

BROTHER - well his deadline with the house sale came & went and now he just waits for the judge to approve the offer.  In the meantime, hopefully he gets more offers on the house.  The current high bidder is not high enough for him to achieve the resolution to his life that he has planned.   I continue to pray very hard that he gets what he needs financially out of the house so he can plan a new life for him and his boys.  A clean slate with all the negativity and despair behind him.  He deserves that much at minimum.  I seriously don't understand why bad things happen to good people and on the flip side- why evil people get away with such horrible things.

NEPHEW - out of eight college applications, Michael was accepted to only two of them.  I am very proud of him, but also disappointed in the system and how overloaded some schools are and the ratio of applicants to the numbers accepted.  He was beat out of so many colleges by vast amounts of students!  His two choices are University of Alaska at Fairbanks and Rochester Institute of Technology.  However, he had put Computer Engineering down for RIT's major and he would rather get into Mechanical Engineering now.  So his first choice is UAF and I just set up our airplane tickets for the end of the month to go take a tour and get any questions answered so that we can move forward with this.  His dad has spoken to him and let him know that he'll have to work, that he'll have to take out student loans and that we will help him as much as possible- but it's tough.   We are still waiting on a few Scholarship Applications.   I have to say that I am a bit uneasy with him going away to college.  I know Alaska is still on the West Coast, but it seems so far away and airfares are so expensive- not even sure how often he'll be able to come home.  Oh well, he really wants to go and on the flip side of the coin, I do think the one-on-one time for my brother with younger son will be very beneficial to them both.  Rob has always been in Michael's shadow, this will give him a chance to shine and be his dad's right hand man.  I still can't believe they are growing up so quickly- can we stop the clock already?

I feel as though I have so much more to write- but I am pretty friggin' tired about now..so I am going to call it a night.  Peace out!