So Conflicted...

I really hate the way I am feeling right now.  Yesterday was such a great day, today was so stressful and so filled with challenges and uncertainty.  I didn't even feel very "on" with Body Pump- just very low on energy.  So what is the deal...

Today was a day that just didn't  go as planned.  It was supposed to be a very productive day because I am running out of day this week.  Yes, by choice- but still.   I got a few things done this morning but was distracted by my phone and the long in waiting Android Ice Cream Sandwich Operating System upgrade.  I was hopeful that this upgrade would give my phone the jump start it needed because its performance has been mediocre at best lately.  Well, the upgrade has sent my phone into a new level of annoyance and just left me completely frustrated all day.

Go to visit mom and bring her the few things that she needs and don't feel too good about her disposition.  She seemed very congested and was having a very hard time hearing me speak and she even admitted that she was having trouble hearing and felt like she was in a tunnel and that her ears needed to pop.   Of course, when I got there her greeting was a bit unnerving because she seemed very agitated and although happy to see me, it was almost a desperate happy to see me.  The problem with this?  Well, I am going to be gone Friday-Monday and I am not feeling very hopeful that she will have anyone visiting her.  My sister is also leaving Saturday for vacation and my brother is already way overloaded this weekend between his volunteering at Redeemer for the play, moving/cleaning out storage units and a few other things.  He has so much going on that we agreed to postpone our Demolition of Bathroom #1 until next weekend, which I expected once I saw how his weekend was shaping up.    So of course, me the overachiever is half considering canceling my trip to the East Coast.  I think it will be a very last minute decision, but I just hate not feeling very secure with how mom is doing.  

I made several calls to the Doctor in Charge at Lytton Gardens, only to find out that he checks messages at the end of the day.  Seriously?  The nurses had also left him messages and based on my mom's difficulty in breathing, the low Oxygen Saturation Level, they ordered a chest x-ray.  I was fairly certain that they would either confirm Congestive Heart Failure or Pneumonia.  We are still waiting now for a blood test tomorrow, but things seem to be pointing toward Pneumonia.  This just friggin' baffles me.  How does someone who is on such strong antibiotics contract something like Pneumonia?  Really?   I'm praying that she does not have it, but I'm also a realist and I just don't think her bucket list of health issues would be complete without a case of Pneumonia!   Ugh.   I'm really not sure how much more she can take and I'm really not sure how much longer I can remain the positive cheerleader.  I mean when is the poor woman going to get a break and be able to LIVE again?  Because this existence of life she has right now is by no stretch of the imagination anything close to Living!

Mom was getting so excited about leaving the Rehab place Thursday for a Doctor appointment with Dr. Gillon to check up on her leg wounds, but now I'm not even sure if we'll be able to leave if she has pneumonia.  I doubt it.    Today I spoke to the charge nurse and she said they were worried that mom had lost 6 pounds since being there and told me that she currently weighed 92 pounds.  This just confirmed to me what I suspected- their weigh in when she got there has got to be wrong.  Mom was so excited that she had "gained 2 pounds" being in the hospital and weighed 98 (we had weighed her at the transfusion center just 4 days prior) and I told her the other day that I didn't want to burst her bubble, but you don't spend 2 weeks in the hospital, barely eating anything and having an infection that does what C-diff does to you and gain weight.  More than likely you have lost weight.  So now I'm thinking that she probably weighed in at 88 when she got to Lytton Gardens and has now gained 4 pounds because she is eating much more and her C-diff symptoms are gone.

So I am going to try to have some fun these next few days.  It's going to be a wee bit crazy with trying to balance everything.  My Wednesday is going to consist of some work, then meeting with Social/Discharge Planner at Lytton Gardens, more work and then train to ATT Park for World Series Game #1, hopefully home with some time for a bit more work.   Thursday, early 6am class, work, mom's Doctor appointment (i think), work and then train to ATT park for World Series Game #2.  Friday morning- 7am fight SFO-JFK.   Bill & I should be exhausted by then because he's been putting in really long hours at work - hope we can stay awake to have some fun back east!

Looking forward to the World Series.  My brother will be joining me to game #2, but for game #1 I needed a companion and ran a contest..put all interested names into a hat and drew.  Well, lucky little Brynn will be joining me.

Great story.  Two years ago we were sitting fireside at the McClymond house and Bill was telling me he didn't think he could go to the Giants game the next day and I was thinking how was I going to get someone at this late hour, so Brynn showed an interest but when push came to shove she didn't want to go without her mom.  Nolan all of age 4 pipes up, "Auntie Pammy, I'll go to the game with you".  I was stunned and a bit uncertain how this was going to play out, so after asking him several questions I declared it a date and the next day he and I went on the train and to the game and he lasted all 9 innings, the Giants won, he got to see a Grand Slam Homerun and I got to share with my Godson the love of baseball and the Giants.  It was a great day and a day that he has not forgotten about.  Well, Big Sissy has always regretted not going that day and yesterday told her parents this and hoped that someday Auntie Pammy would invite her to a game again.  She then asked her Dad if he would take her to the World Series.  Well, Dad asked to put his name in the running and as luck would have it- Mike's name came up.   When Diane & Mike gave Brynn the news tonight, they recorded her reaction and she was beyond excited...in fact her reaction sounded more excited than what you'd expect for a Justin Bieber concert!   Brynn also called me to Thank me and then got right down to the game and things she needed - most importantly she wanted to know if I had Black nail polish because she already had Orange and was going to do her nails!   Be still my heart.   I am looking forward to teaching another McClymond the game of baseball and share with them the love for my team, my San Francisco Giants.  Yes, Daddy- I may not have kids but I am doing my best to carry on the Legacy of what you gave me with the game, with the Giants!