Where do I even begin?

I really must set aside time to journal at least once a week because here we are a month between posts and I know that I am going to have a hard time keeping these thoughts coherent...eeeks.  Life has been BUSY.  Life has been CRAZY.  Time is flying by faster than the speed of light- I'm almost feeling a little anxious about this.  I mean really the time flies by so fast that I'm starting to look at milestones- 30th High School Reunion,  Close friends beginning their 50's,  Siblings beginning their 60's and then hearing so often about people you know directly or indirectly passing at these ages or dealing with life threatening diseases or challenges - it's just all a bit too "real" and quite scary.  I suppose it's a message to just live life to its fullest because you just never know what tomorrow will bring.

I'll start with mom, her rehabilitation at Lytton Gardens is going well.  We met with her orthopedic Doctor two weeks ago and they took a new x-ray.  Shoulder is healing and they cleared her to do some exercises with her left arm.  She loves therapy, loves doing her exercises and loves her therapists.  Stacy & Mark get two thumbs up and I think they both enjoy my mom and her chatty-ness.   She has made several friends with the staff at Lytton Gardens, it's funny how so many of them remembered her from her October stay there and one of the workers even remembered me in the elevator the other day.  He says to me, "I remember you visiting your mom, you're a big Giants fan" :)  I remembered him too and we chatted about our favorite baseball team!    I've had several of the nursing staff comment about how my mom is so lovely, so nice, so friendly, etc.  Her attitude has stayed positive most of the time.  She has had a roommate for a few weeks that she didn't care for, but she has left and now has another roommate who is much more conversational- which I think is the key point.  We go again this week for another x-ray and if what the Doctor is hoping for proves to be correct, she should be cleared for weight bearing on the left arm, which means she can get back to her walked and presumably get back to Woodside Terrace maybe within the week.  Two things she still has a bit of trouble with- taking her shirt off at night and tying her shoelaces.  So we'll see how Tuesday goes at the Doctor office.    Her leg/ankle wounds are looking pretty good- the ankle still has some scabbing, but it looks very dry- so I'm not worried about it.  If all is going well with Dr Gillon and her back surgery recovery - we have an appointment with her at the end of the month.

We had a lovely Mother's Day today- initially my sister was going to host but since mom couldn't be gone from Lytton Gardens for more than 4 hours, we relocated to our house and it all worked out well.  Given all of the driving I'm doing each day back and forth to Palo Alto to see mom and bring her whatever she needs, it was nice to not have to get on the road today- other than to go pick her up.  My sister took her home, which allowed me to really relax after clean up.  The day was put on jointly by everyone.  I love when you can "host" and not feel exhausted afterwards.  My darling hubs and brother cleaned the patio, killed the annual wasp nests, brought out the cushions so that we could dine al fresco.  Weather was gorgeous.    My sister brought dessert from Nothing Bundt Cakes and it was delicious, she also made a caprese salad and brought a bottle of wine from her Mediterranean Cruise.  My brother picked up the Ice Cream.  I'm actually getting better at allocating tasks.  When I was shopping at Safeway for the food on Friday I was about to get ice cream, realized that it would be better to have Baskin Robbins and instead of going there myself, I just asked my brother to do this.  So proud of myself.  I'm finally learning that I will do it all and people will allow me to do it all, unless I put my foot down and delegate.

The past month has been pretty full with social engagements.  Bruce's 50th birthday bash, Jonathan's birthday party,  Morgan's 18th birthday,  Scotty's birthday.  Brynn's play which was followed by a fun night in the McClymond back yard enjoying beautiful weather and great food with the best of friends.  Lady A concert "date night" with Bill,   "Knight Moves" dance concert at Hillsdale HS- finally after years of wanting to see what a great show this has been, finally got to experience it.  Great show.  Lots of business social engagements- ship tours, vendor meetings, webinars....and let's not forget going to a few Giants games and watching several others on the TV.  They are showing great promise and my favorite MLB commercial this year is where they pose the phrase, "I play for..." and then a variety of players  fill in the blank.  Buster Posey is on the commercial and he fills in the sentence with "3 rings in 4 years"- Hell Yeah!  

As busy as this past month has been, it's about to get much crazier in the coming weeks...a packed two days of work this week, but also have two classes to teach, chiro appt, massage appt, nail appt, mom's Dr appt, trip to Costco to buy goods for Redeemer family fun day, pack and be at the airport by 530am on Wednesday!  Oh fun, I think I am planning on pulling an all nighter Tuesday- I mean heck if I go to bed at 2am, will I really sleep for 2.5 hours?   I just know me and my habits.  Two days on the Celebrity Solstice will be a tease, but I'm looking forward to seeing the ship, having one day of being out of touch - no phone, no email, no technology.  Just the ocean, my hubby and 3000 of my closest TA colleagues.  Come home and hit the ground running with a Mega Fitness Day - starting at the YMCA for a Master Class with the fabulous Susan Renata and preview of Body Pump 86 (have not even received the release in the mail yet), then a technique refresher afterwards.  BBQ at an instructors house with Susan attending as well.  Then it's hop over to Crunch for a workshop with fellow Spin instructors, followed by an instructor social.  Looking forward to it.   Sunday- can't wait to see my friend Kelly perform in The Wizard of Oz, she is the Wicked Witch and I just know she's going to be excellent!   Then to finish up the month...a few more Giants games (can't wait for Pixar at the Park), Morgan's High School graduation (so honored that she gets enough tickets so that I can attend), final preps for mom's garage/estate sale (getting her house cleaned up and ready for the next move- ultimately to sell), the college kid returns home for the summer (YAY!) and then we finish the month with younger nephews 18th birthday!   See, I am getting old- how can this be happening?

College kid is doing so well at RIT, he is loving his studies, is doing very well in his classes.  Loves working on thesis projects and he was just awarded a $5000 scholarship for next year- so very proud of Michael and the success of his Freshman year.  The summer is going to fly by and he is already talking about maybe not coming home next summer and also realizing that he needs a car back there and is probably going to ship his truck back to school.  We'll see if he loves the east coast during the summer when it's ridiculously hot and HUMID.  He is not a hot weather kid and has actually started to complain a bit about the May weather...HA!  This should be fun to see the change in attitude.  I always knew that snowy winters would not bother him.

Fitness World...been busy subbing classes and really enjoying my classes.  I love all of my classes, but my Body Pump crew in Mt View really has a special place in my heart.  I've had so many wonderful compliments and people who have taken such an interest in me and my life- I feel as though we are friends, we are family beyond the actual class.  I have gotten back to tracking my food on Weight Watchers once again and am trying to stay on track.  Pretty much eliminating alcohol outside of weekends.  Keeping the drinking to 2 times per week- which typically will be over the weekends.  So far I've lost 3 pounds and I just need to keep it going.  I have yet to add in more of my own workouts- I need to and have plans to do this- but I also know that I need to find balance with my schedule first.  I think if I can start to get to bed earlier and get up earlier I will be more successful at getting my own workouts in before the work day gets too crazy.  I would like to take on another Les Mills format.  Gold's is going to be getting Body Combat and I am considering going through the training.  I would love for Gold's to get Body Flow...we'll see, I know they are not looking for another format quite so soon...but perhaps.

Starting the refinance process this week.  Our appraisal came in favorably- so moving ahead with the mounds of paperwork that is involved.  It's so much more when you're in business for yourself- so speaking of which, I suppose I must get up to my desk and start scanning because that is due tomorrow!

Overall, feeling blessed and just wishing that time would slow down a bit.

World's Collide...

This has been one friggin' crazy a$$ week and all of my world's have been colliding and I am beyond stressed out!  Not even sure where to begin...but travel work has been busy to begin with and my hours in the office have been very limited.  Yesterday had a cruise ship inspection in SF,  today a lunch meeting for Celebrity Cruise Lines, tomorrow a speaking engagement at my High School's Career Day.   Fitness world has been nuts with preparing for the Gold's Launch Party for Body Pump 85 this Saturday- other than going through choreography any chance I get- which has been more mentally vs. physically- but I NEED to go through it physically at least once before Saturday...guess that will be tomorrow- sink or swim.  Add to all of this, mom was transferred Tuesday to Rehab in Palo Alto- so my drive to visiting her is longer to and from and the next two days it is very unlikely that I will get to visit her at all.   Although, another instructor volunteered to help pick up bars and weights tomorrow to alleviate my stress, which might actually allow me to swing by and see mom for a little bit en route to Santa Clara for Launch Prep.   Saturday is non-stop from 8am until 11pm..launch day in Santa Clara,  CPR renewal in Campbell, then Birthday party in San Mateo with absolutely no wiggle room in between the three stops.

Allergies have been KICKING my butt!  Sneezing,  eye (singular) watering, headache for 3 days now- ENOUGH already!  I am loving the warm weather, but hate this change of seasons when allergies go bezerk.  It has also been dragging me down and caffeine has not helped.  My energy has been completely zapped this week.  Ugh.

Feeling overwhelmed, knowing that I have work to work on, but my head just won't allow me to settle in on it.  Sunday will be my day to rest and hopefully get some things taken care of so that I can start the new week off feeling accomplished and caught up.  Please...hopefully.

Mom is doing pretty well, I must say and that is good.  I actually don't feel as though she is "waiting" for my visit- she is busy during the day with therapy and in between therapy taking naps because the therapy is physically exhausting for her.  This is all good.  She is getting stronger and she is so determined to get well and get back home.  I will of course always be a bit uneasy with her living alone that she will fall again and hurt herself again, but I can only pray and let go and let God take care of her.  So hard for this control freak.  I am a bit worried about the leg once again.  It has gotten crusty and seems a little moist in areas.  I took some pictures and emailed them to Dr Gillon who replied back today- she agrees and thinks that I should go ahead and debride them and hopefully cleaning them up that way will help them to continue to heal.  Looks like maybe mom banged her leg at some point- who knows, maybe during her fall somehow.  Again, just want her to be healed and have some fun.   The wonderful Dr Gillon even said she would meet us at her office if I thought she needed to do the debriding- they just don't make Doctor's like her anymore, she is still recovering from her car accident with 5 fractured vertebrae and has been off work since the beginning of the year.   Although getting mom to her office presents a problem right now with her fractured shoulder.  Ugh.

Ok- going to get to sleep, work is not going to get done, better off trying to get up early to attack a few things before heading to SF!

And the other shoe drops!

Well, just when I was starting to feel really good about Mom's health...back in the hospital.  My biggest fear has come true- she had a fall in her apartment.  Not clear on all of the details, but she woke up from sleeping to go to the bathroom and didn't make it, she didn't remember falling, but was on the floor for hours.  She says she pushed her help button necklace, but I'm also not sure if she was pushing it correctly.  My best guess is that she laid on her bedroom floor with a quilt that she crawled to get for at least 4 hours.  Breaks my heart.  Still not sure how she was found, but I think it might have been the cleaning lady- Good Lord I shutter to think if it had not been cleaning day.  I would normally not have talked to her until late in the day.  Woodside Terrace called 911 and they took her to the ER at Sequoia, they called me and I dropped everything...again, to be there with her.

When I got the ER, I was sort of taken aback, not being sure what to expect, well her lips were bright red- concluded that she had dried blood on chapped lips from being without liquids for hours and having bit her tongue when she fell.   Bruise on her neck and then whoa...her left shoulder/arm a very pretty purple.  I was hoping that maybe she just bruised it badly...but The outcome?  Fractured shoulder- not bad enough for surgery and the bone is as "together" as they would like for easier healing, but it's still a 4-6 week recovery period.  Sigh.   Of course, as a bonus we found out that she has a UTI, which would explain why she's been getting up more often at night to go potty...which probably helped in this whole ordeal because she's been more fatigued with this interrupted sleep pattern.  Good Grief.   It's nasty looking- but here is the shoulder/arm in beautiful purple:

It was a full day at the hospital, she finally got taken to her room around 330pm, but the fun still wasn't over because we had to wait for her nurse to check her in to the floor.  Well, once I found out we had Nurse Steve, I just rolled my eyes and after 30 minutes of waiting for him, I had enough.  I spoke to another nurse, complained about waiting for him and also voiced my displeasure with having him as mom's nurse.  Thankfully, this was taken care of right away.  The Supervisor was meeting with me immediately and changed mom's nurse and ended up putting on her chart "female nurses only"- most of the problem nurses we've had on this floor have been the men.  It just has been that way.  It was very comforting to know that speaking up does work.

So I have been pretty much numb all night long.  Finally got home around 630pm after stopping by mom's apartment to pick up a few things.  I had not eaten anything all day, so I was famished and although I probably needed to be teaching my Body Pump class tonight, sadly I had someone teach a sculpting class in my absence.  I just didn't want to chance not being able to make it, so I contacted the GXM early in the afternoon just in case.

People tell me all of the time what a great daughter I am and how lucky my mom is.  My mom tells me all of the time how sorry she is that she takes up so much of my time.   I'm really having struggles with all of this.  I am definitely happy that I've been able to help my mom and be there for her and "turn the tables" as needed since she did a fine job of raising me...but I have to say that I'm getting a little burned out with all of it.   I'm really not sure how much more I can take.  I've been waiting for my "reward" and I really thought that reward would be to finally enjoy mom's company doing fun things- going to a matinee movie once a week or when the weather gets better - go hang out downtown outside for lunch or take her to music on the square or who knows what- anything that was not a "purpose".  The majority of our time spent together the past year has been for a purpose- going to a Dr. appt, changing bandages- all care-giver roles and I'm really wanting to get back to doing things as friends again.   I'm starting to wonder if that day will ever get here, am I fooling myself into thinking that it will?   We were SOOOOOOOOOOO close to her being completely healed.  All clean bills of health just two weeks ago, just working on the GI stuff with preventing C-diff.  Of course, now with this UTI she has to be treated with antibiotics which have a good chance to bringing the C-diff back for an 8th visit.  Praying that it doesn't.

Prognosis...well not sure how long she'll be in the hospital, but suspect they will keep her for at least 3 days as then she would qualify for skilled nursing and I think she will need that.  How can she live on her own with one arm use?   Discouraged right now.  Sad for her.  Sad for me.  Angry at the entire situation.  Feeling a bit lost.

Renewed, Rejuvenated, Ready...

To think just one week ago, I was writing about how I was annoyed, irritated, frustrated and sad.  Well, happy to say that those sentiments have gone as quickly as they came.  It was a crazy Thursday to get work things wrapped up before heading to Vegas and I had a very huge trip request late in the day on Wednesday, so I moved mountains to get the quote.  In the end all of my efforts were for nothing as I found out this week- they just were not able to process things as quickly as I needed them to with accounting.  I missed out on a huge chunk of business due to technicalities that were out of my control.  As much as this pissed me off, I was able to shake it off and was thankful that this company was seeking my help once again - I feel as though things will happen again with this company.   It becomes much easier to let things go when you come to grips with the fact that you just can't control others and their inability to plan properly.  I think I am growing in this regard.

Somehow, I managed to leave the house on time, I got everything done that I had to get done.  I did pack a few files for loose ends that I expected to wrap up while I was gone, but overall felt pretty good with the way I left things- which doesn't happen that often before going away.  Got to Vegas and everything went very smoothly.  Checked into my hotel room, did some work that needed my attention, got a glass of wine and got to bed relatively early for me.  I knew I needed sleep for my big AIM (Advanced Instructor Module) Training on Friday.  I slept like crap- too many noised in the night and I think I was subconsciously afraid of oversleeping.

Friday I was up early and got to the gym about 30 minutes early, went through my choreography again while driving and waiting and then starting to mingle with other instructors while waiting for our trainers to arrive and get us started for the day.  We had the pleasure and honor of having Susan Renata and Petter Ehrnvall as our trainers.  I have admired Susan since my start with Body Pump, she has been with the program longer than me, so it was literally a thrill to be trained, mentored and critiqued by her.  As luck would have it our group was split into 4 groups and she was in charge of 2 groups and Petter the other 2.  We had Susan- YAY!   She gave us the option to pick our track and really encouraged us to pick a track that was hard or one that we thought we could use some improvement.  I thought long and hard about this and knew that lunges were not the track for me given my ankle injury and my off/on degenerative toe.  I'm so glad that I didn't pick lunges because the floor was super slippery and it was hard just to do lunges and stay in one place as a student.   I did pick Shoulders, which is one of my favorite tracks, but it's always challenging from a coaching perspective because you have to get in so much in such a short time, while trying to keep things concise.  You also tend to have 4-6 different moves in Shoulders, which adds to what could be chaos.

We started with our track presentation, which followed with immediate critique of our track.  Susan had a lot of great things to say about my presentation and for the most part had very little to critique- a slight adjustment on the standing rear deltoid raise was it for technique.  Cutting down the talking was adjustment number 2 both during the track and the track intro.  I was pleased and happy to work on these issues.  During everyone else's track presentations we had a few helpers going around giving us tips on things to correct and my two flaws:  1) legs too spread out while laying down, which I'm not surprised.  2) I seem to have a tendency of moving my thumb in the grip of my bar during back track. Never, ever noticed it.  Have never had it brought to my attention before- clueless.  I tend to like my thumb wrapped over the top for rows, but like it wrapped under for the Clean & Press.  Quick eye-opening and now I catch myself.  As Susan told us- it'll take about 4000 times of doing something to break the bad habits...but I'm on my way.

We had lectures by both Susan & Petter on cueing, layering the cues, bringing in the fitness magic moments, using our 5 voices, riding the peaks and valleys of the music.  We also did several fitness and technique tests with a partner and that was very interesting.  I have pretty crappy upper back strength- had a very tough time doing this one balance/core/hover exercise- it was HARD!!!  But most everything else in the technique session went pretty good.   After all of the technique, lectures and lunch we gave our final presentation.  An attempt of using the things that we learned and working on the things Susan said to work on and then present once again.

I must have gone through my track introduction at least a dozen times in my head and then it was finally my turn and BAM- the words just rolled out - it was quick, it was concise and to the point and even everyone in my group had this look on their faces, like "WOW".   I nailed it and it felt good- not that I nailed it in an approval sense, but just that it felt better as an instructor- I felt like I was taking care of business instead of being conversational.  It was a monumental difference, a turning point.  The instructors in my group said that the way I delivered the track introduction made them want to stop what they were doing and get down to do push-ups.  As tired as I was I encourage everyone to get up on their toes for push-ups at the end and I led by example.  Susan was impressed and said that with as much as we'd been doing, she didn't expect anyone to do that many push-ups on their toes.  I made the correction to my rear dealt raises, implemented a few coaching cues that Susan had recommended and overall it was a phenomenal track presentation.  Really gave me a sense of renewal for my teaching.  This was the highlight of the weekend for me and I can't wait to implement everything that I learned and just keep on working at being the best that I can be.

The rest of the weekend was still awesome, Friday night I networked and socialized with several instructors (some that I knew, some that I didn't or some that I knew only in name on Facebook), several bottles of wine were consumed and we all dispersed around midnight.  Somehow though I was up early after another awful night of sleep and hit RPM at 630am, followed by Body Pump 85 at 8am- both of which were off the hook!   I was a bit nervous for the lunge track in 85 with these new straddle squat jumps- but I did them, they weren't as intimidating as I had expected.  They are tough, but not intimidating.  It was awesome to have the fabulous Emma Barry leading the workout with help from Josef, Ruben (ooo la la) and Sheldon.  2nd row from the stage in the VIP section was awesome.  Did more socializing with people and spectated for the 2nd round of Body Pump to get more choreography in my head, split for lunch time and ended up taking a nap...missed the rest of the afternoon sessions, which I was bummed, but also knew that the body spoke.  Went to the after party and finished off my night line dancing at Gilley's.  It was really a great weekend, very happy that I went - but was happy to get home.

Thinking of this great weekend and thinking seriously of expanding my Les Mills horizons.  I don't think I met any instructors who just teach one format.   I really enjoy RPM and given my spinning history it feels like a natural progression and I do have access to teach it at one of my gyms.  So that may be my next step.  Now that I have networked a bit more with other instructors, I am going to start taking more of these classes myself...I'm ready.

Annoyed, irritated, frustrated, sad...

How can Palm Springs bliss have been just yesterday and then today-  UGH!    Aside from today being a crazy day with lots of work to catch up on, which was expected- I also had to take mom to buy her antibiotics, a break in my day that I needed to take but really didn't have time to take.  Add to that I have to go back tomorrow and pick up the remaining pills because they were out of inventory.   Just not the sorts of things I need to add to my already crazy short week.  Of course, whenever I step away from my office anywhere near the end of the day, I lose all focus and motivation so I have gotten zero done this evening.

I'm frustrated because I have injured my right ankle/leg, I took a stretched step off the escalator at SFO last night and I heard a snap/pop and felt a shooting pain up my leg immediately.  Tried to walk it off. I'm sure I pulled a muscle or ligament. Well, have been RICEing it off and on last night, today and tonight and although the swelling is minimal now, it still hurts.  I got a sub for my class tonight- I probably could have taught without much trouble, but didn't want to risk anything with the BIG Vegas Les Mills Q weekend.  I just hope that I will be feeling better come Friday so that I can participate in the AIM workshop and praying that I don't get lunges or squats - I think I can do any of the other tracks with minimal pressure on my ankle.  But I am also frustrated because tonight was going to be my live run through of Body Pump 84 to practice the release that we'll be using for AIM.   I guess I'll be doing a dry run Thursday night in my hotel room.

I'm irritated because I spent hours working on a huge incentive trip for a client while away in Palm Springs only to have gotten undercut by the hotel and that just PISSES me off!  There is no way in hell that the hotel should be quoting the client a better rate (almost 50% lower) than what they quote to me- it's bad business and I can seriously say there are a few Vegas hotels that I won't be selling EVER again.  Dis me once shame on you, Dis me twice shame on me.  Tomorrow is decision time, so we'll see what the client goes for- if it's not Vegas, then I have good rates at local properties that they will likely take.   But this sort of crap just makes me want to hang up my travel hat.  I never would, but I'm allowed to have a moment.

I'm sad because tonight I missed a phone call and when I retrieved the message it was from the sister of a friend.  Her message asked me to call her when I get into the office tomorrow and that I could call on her cell phone or her sister's home phone.  I could just hear something in her voice and as soon as I googled my friend's name- I discovered that she passed away on Sunday.  Margie was my first "travel friend".  When I first came to work at June Jackson Travel in August of 1990, Margie and I were at the two front line desks.  She mentored me, coached me, encouraged me and praised me.  She was one of the first people in the industry to tell me that I was going to be an awesome Travel Agent.  We were close, heck we spent a lot of our time alone in the office just the two of us as we were the two full time employees and management came and went as they pleased.  We shared similarities of losing our fathers when they were way too young, our moms were very similar.  In fact, I think the last time I saw Margie was at her mom's funeral several years ago.  We have not had our "June Jackson Travel" holiday reunion with her present in probably 4-5 years.  She gave me a bridal shower for my first marriage and I still have the Mickey & Minnie wedding figurine that she gave as a gift.  Even though the first marriage didn't last, Mickey & Minnie forever!  When it was time for me to move on to a new employer, Margie & I had a pact- we were both down with our current situation and she could have left at anytime, but I was the "starving student" so to speak and couldn't leave until I had a job in place that was waiting for me.  So Margie did not leave until I was ready to leave.  Once I had that set up, we both left at the same time and ended up once again at the same agency where she was full time and I was an outside agent...starting to explore my independence and my entrepreneurship.  I knew even then that at some point I wanted to own my agency some day.  Margie & I shared a lot of laughs and some tears, we shared a love for the furry children and she was always there for her friends.  I missed her when she moved to Medford, Oregon and have not seen her for years, so I am even sadder that I didn't cease the moment to call her the times that I had been thinking of her recently.  63 is way too young for someone to go, I know this first-hand with losing my dad when he was only 60.  

So as much as I have been annoyed, frustrated and irritated today-- the sadness of this evening trumps everything else.   I will talk to Margie's sister tomorrow, but I suspect that damn C disease took her.  Margie had battled Cancer about 5-7 years ago and won at the time...I'm guessing not this time.

It's been crazy & it's been nuts, but gotta say that March has been a pretty good month so far.  Still another 2 weeks left, so bring it on!   Work has been super busy, in fact my hopes of not doing any work in Palm Springs fell to the way side...with a huge group of 220 people taking a trip in May with "Destination Unknown", meant that I needed to be on top of this.  It's a great chunk of business that I've already invested quite a bit of time into, so had to keep working on that.  Also, had a few other trips with decision deadlines, but it's all good.  We did miss about 3 hours of pool time on day one here in Palm Springs, but Bill was very understanding.

We have been having a super time in Palm Springs.  We have danced SO FRIGGIN MUCH this weekend-- 3 nights in a row and hours on end!  It feels AMAZING to have that activity back in my life.  I can't believe how much I really missed dancing with my foot injury and then just plain fatigue from last year's stresses.   But even better, seeing the shear joy on Bill's face when we are dancing.  He just lights up, his "fancy feet" go crazy and it just warms my heart to see his joy.   Tonight we were doing a swing dance and I sometimes have to get into "self-protect" mode because he can get a little crazy with his moves and if not careful, I could very easily injure my shoulder.  So I tend to back lead the moves and/or not follow his lead...tonight I had done it 3-4 times in a row and just got into such a giggle.  I was laughing uncontrollably and he was chuckling, it was the deep down belly laugh, I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.  Just AWESOME to have that much fun!   We have decided that now we are going to set aside about 45 minutes each evening to line dance in the garage- for fun and for exercise.  Now that my foot feels pretty good, I want more!

On this trip, we finally took the Tram up the mountain and that was pretty fun, we had a nice dinner and watched the sun set, then see all of the lights in Palm Springs come on- very pretty and boy it gets chilly up there!   It was nice to finally do this as we've wanted to for years!   We also visited the Indian Casino down here, again after passing it during every trip we've taken down here- it's a pretty nice place and had some fun gambling.   Lots of time by the pool, enjoying the 90 degree weather.  My only complaint is that the time has flown.  But we will be back.  We really do love the desert!

Gearing up for a crazy few days of work this week and then it's off to Vegas for the Les Mills Quarterly, which I think will be fun- although I will say that I'm not really "feeling it".  Although I know a lot of people who are going to the Quarterly, most are just acquaintances- so it will be interesting to see how the "social" part of the weekend plays out.  I have a ticket for the after party and hopefully will be able to find and hang out with some of these people and enjoy a fun time.  But as far as I know I am completely on my own Thursday and Friday night.  I get the impression that people have set up their own plans for those nights, so we'll see.   I am looking forward to AIM on Friday as that is 200% for me, it'll be a great workshop and will hopefully jump start the weekend into being the great experience that it is meant to be.  

March has been a month of mostly great news for mom.  We had several follow up Doctor Appointments- Cardiologist did an Echo Cardiogram and said that mom's heart function is much better than it was last year at this time, Dr Giattina was thrilled.   We go back to see her in June, barring anything unforeseen.  Pulmonologist said that mom's breathing test didn't reveal anything unexpected and that the allergy tests revealed common allergies- mold and dustmites- two things that you pretty much can't avoid...but basically said to come back if there are any issues otherwise 4 months to follow up.  We went to see Dr. O'Halleran and he took the unna boot off of the leg and declared the leg wounds HEALED!!  Amen, Halleluiah!  So all GREAT news in one week.  Of course, the one pending appointment was to occur while I was gone this weekend in Palm Springs- mom had to go for a procedure with the GI Doctor 1) to scope down the throat to make sure the ulcer of 2 years ago is healed - and YES, it is, so no worries there.  and 2) to do a "semi-colonoscopy"- to find out why mom has been having some bleeding in her stools.  Well, test revealed that she has that darn C-Diff AGAIN!   Has probably had it for at least a week or two, but the symptoms were so mild that she didn't think that was the issue- but seems her colon is so irritated, hence the blood.   Sigh.  Back on the very expensive antibiotics for 10 days and then try to figure out how we can keep this from recurring again and again.  So much good news all around, but this darn C-diff is just horrible!  On the up side though, at least this case did not send her to the hospital, it is mild and the antibiotics kicked in right away- she had not felt back at all this time around, yet does feel much better already.  I have of course been really drilling to her to stay hydrated, which is a concept she has a hard time grasping but I think I've gotten her to drink tea now so that she can get some hydration and also cut out the caffeine from coffee (hence more dehydration)...I spoke to her tonight and she had a wonderful St Pat's day (her day), went to bingo with my sister and paraded her "St Pat's Bear" around at breakfast and dinner and brought joy to many of her neighbors at Woodside Terrace when they hear the Bear sing "When Irish Eyes are Smiling"...she loves that bear!

Adios February....Hola March Madness...


February- a month of sickness, just a cold that sidelined me for a week.    A month of zero progress in the weight loss arena...so much for that goal.  I seriously have been trying, I have been working out more, I have been dancing, I have been making foods that are so not the old "me".  I have been drinking green smoothies, I have been eating fruit, I have cut back on wine during the week- yet still the scale yo-yo's up/down with the initial 5 pounds that I lost in January.   It's friggin' annoying.  I'm convinced now that this has got to do with the mid-life shit.   I have been Pre-M for years now, but I think I am finally smack dab menopausal now.  The Doctor told me that officially you are considered menopausal once Aunt Flow stops visiting for one full year... well I'm on my way...I think.   I'm going to have to do some more research and see what power foods may help to turn this around.

February - a month of new friends.  We attended a Baptism Open House party for the Pastor at our church and ran into another parishioner.  After chatting at the party, we ended up going out to dinner and have seen each other every weekend since.  It's nice to have new friends who are fun to be around and who live close.  It's been fun ,between dinner out, dinners in, brunch enjoying the sunshine, dancing at the Saddle Rack...really enjoying this new friendship with Lisa & Jonathan.

February- the month of Super Bowl 47 where the 49ers were finally back in the BIG Game..We didn't win, but it was a great game and I can feel confident knowing that we have a very bright future ahead of us with our new leader, QB  Kaepernick.   One more year in Candlestick and then we start the 2014 Season in the new home at the brand new Santa Clara Stadium.  I'm not excited to pay for our seats, but will be beyond excited once the stadium opens and we get to experience the new life that a new stadium brings to a team.  Look what happened to the Giants with the building and move to AT&T Park...3 World Series appearances and 2 wins in 12 years- not bad, not bad indeed.

February- the month of many Doctor visits for mom- but HAPPY to say, NO hospital visits or stays! Taking this month by month and trying to keep her healthy.  The leg wounds are almost healed, some modifications have been made on her medications to try to fix some leg swelling & trying to get her to gain weight and drink more water.  It's a challenge, but we're trying.  

February- our early Easter Family Celebration and Family Celebration for my sister's 60th Birthday.  Since Michael's college break was the last week of the month and with my sister leaving on a very special birthday trip on Easter, we had to celebrate early.  Bill & I hosted a very nice dinner - BBQ'd steaks, baked potatoes, creamed corn, french bread and of course birthday cake.   We also used our outdoor Chimnea fireplace for the first time, it was very cool (as in Fonzi cool) to have a fire out on our patio.

March - hello!  Where the hell did you come from so quickly?  This is going to be a crazy month and today - March 1st did not start out on a good foot, so I HOPE that it's not a sign of the rest of the month.  Started with oversleeping and missing my YMCA Cycle class.  I had to have been so tired because my alarm was set and I unconsciously hit "snooze"  6-7 times before I actually woke up and when I did, a few expletives came out of my mouth.   Nothing I could do at that point, except to email the Director and hope that the 620am instructor noticed that I wasn't there and stuck around to teach for me.  Thankfully, Janet was there and she did teach my class and the Director was very understanding and said it has happened to her as well.  I still felt horrible.   The day just didn't go much better - it was a choppy day with a 1230pm class to sub, I broke a finger nail, mom's Doctor appointment was moved to later in the day since the Dr. got stuck in surgery and then we hit traffic getting there.   As much as dancing was the plan for tonight- well Bill was pooped, I was still tired- so we stayed in.   I need to snap out of the funk that today has put me in - quickly.

March- a month of extended weekend trips.  Palm Springs for a wonderful 4 night stay of R&R..looking forward to that and hoping I can really leave my work at home.  I will check emails for any emergencies- but don't want to do any "work" while gone if I can at all help it.    Vegas the weekend after for the Les Mills Quarterly - which is going to be EPIC, but I'm not excited for how I look- the self-image is just not very good right now.  So at this point, I will be the fat & fit instructor at the Q, the one who has goals that she is going to reach eventually- once this body will start to behave and cooperate.  I will also be going through AIM 1, which will be really awesome.

March - a month of celebrations...Godson Nolan is going to be 7 years old this month..so hard to believe- these kids grow up so quickly.   Spending this weekend catching up with BFF Diane & family and we will get together next weekend as well to celebrate Nolan's birthday.   Spending some time with Lisa & Jonathan on Sunday and they have invited mutual friends- Tony & Lupe- such a small world in Redwood City.  Next weekend - party to celebrate Yvonne's birthday..dinner with my Mercy Alums the night before Palm Springs...a fun, social month.

March- a month of deadlines - taxes must get done, ACE renewal must be met- hoping I will have enough continuing credits after the Quarterly and then I also get to renew my CPR.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed when I see what is on the calendar this month- because it really is never ending.  Not to mention at least 2 Doctor appointments for mom each week, I get to bring my car in for a bunch of things that need to get done (cha-ching)...I am going on record now and saying that March 30th weekend is a NO PLAN weekend...Sunday is Easter, but with 1/2 the family gone, it will be a low-key family get together.

I am ready for the weather to stay nice..although seems we still have another cold front coming--but the longer day light days will start to happen after next weekend- seriously ready.  Need my Vitamin D!

Sidelined....

Why oh why do I have to get a cold now when I am just getting back into my fitness gear?  I mean seriously- I've done more activity in January than I did in most of the second half of 2012.  I am feeling like I'm finally back on the weight loss path and boom- COLD!     Just not fair.     I don't know about other people, but when I get sick I was my comfort food- which equals stuff that is not exactly diet friendly.   I'm trying to work on that and get better- had an apple for lunch today!

I'm anxious to get well so that I can get back in gear.  I am teaching back to back spin on Friday morning and I pray that I wake up tomorrow feeling well enough to do that.  Otherwise, I'm going to have to get subs and I really don't want to do that.  And if I get subs for Friday classes, then that means I'm not well enough to go dancing Friday night.  It's Heide's first night doing dance lessons on a Friday night with the change of guard and I want to be there, plus it's Tiina's birthday celebration.  So I really don't have time to be sick!     Other than a big Friday night, the rest of the weekend is pretty clear.  I am very behind on work because I just can't focus when my head feels like it's splitting apart with all this congestion!  UGH!

Tomorrow I am hoping I feel well enough to get lots of work done- not getting much else done tonight, I'm wiped out.  Mom has two tests in the morning- a breathing test and then an ultrasound on her legs and I'm sure the breathing test will be fine.  I'm hoping that the ultrasound is good as well.  Her legs have been swollen the past few days and the last time that happened she ended up in the hospital with a pretty serious blood clot...always something - can't we just get over this already?  Ugh.

Super Weekend...

It really was a weekend filled with highs and lows...mostly highs.    Friday I was a bit apprehensive about going out Friday night because my eye had been giving me grief all day (had an irritating stye) and wasn't sure I could go out with it, but decided to go and I could always come home early if it really bothered me too much.  I'm glad I went- it was a GREAT night of dancing and I was so excited to see some friends that hardly every come out.   It was the last night for the Rita's Rock 'N Rodeo dance instructional team at the Saddle Rack, so many dance helpers old and new were there for this last night.  In some ways, it was a celebration of a successful run of 10 years at the Saddle Rack and in some ways for some people it was a very sad day as the torch is passed to another instructor.  Change is always hard, but it can also be a very good thing too.   I was thrilled to see friends Robin & Don there who we have not seen in a very long time and I had just been thinking about them the other day, so it was awesome to spend a bit of time catching up!

Saturday Body Pump was off the hook!   Not a full class, but a class full of regulars and it was my first time teaching Release 84 to them in full since launch happened while I was in Maui.  It was a great class and they are such a hard working, fun team.  After class, came home and did some chores then Bill & I headed over the Pastor Eric & Katy's house for their 3 month old son's Pre-Baptism Open House party and seeing that it was an Open House we only intended to stay for an hour tops- but we had a nice time chatting with Eric's family from out of town and then started talking to a Redeemer School parent that I've known briefly in person and through Facebook & her boyfriend.  After an hour, we were having such a great time that the four of us decided to go out to dinner- it was such a fun time, we laughed and got to know each other better and found that we all had quite a bit in common.  Such an unexpected night, but sometimes those end up being the best!

Super Sunday..well as much as I would have loved to continue to hit "snooze" on the alarm, I did get up and got to church just as services were starting.  Witnessed baby Nash's baptism along with two others who were baptized, then rushed home and met Kristy at the gym to take her Body Flow class. It was FLOW-tastic, she is such a great instructor and it was such a wonderful class.  I KNOW that I need this format in my life be it Body Flow or some other form of Yoga, I just need to do this a few times per week to get back my flexibility.  I have very tight quads, surprisingly my hips were not as tight as I would have expected them to be- but class felt wonderful.   Then it was off to Diane & Mike's for the Super Bowl Party.

I put temporary 49er tattoos on the kids, took pictures, decorated the man-cave with my 49er towels, blankets, pillows, flags, etc...330pm kickoff....and then the first half happened and it looked like my Niners didn't show up.   The second half started and was still unsure if they were here or not.  The power goes off at the Superdome and voila- when the lights came back on, my Niners were found!   However, it was a bit of "too little too late"-- they made one helluva comeback and truth be told the refs did play a part in the loss as they did miss a few calls that would have benefited the Niners, but in the end the Niners do not get to return to SF with the Vince Lombardi Trophy.  Although, I am very sad about this and had such high hopes for a 6th Super Bowl Trophy and was already planning my week around the possibility of a Niner Victory Parade (Parades seem to elude me)...I sit here very proud of this team.  They gave us a phenomenal year!  Colin Kaepernick has shown that he is one amazing athlete and quarterback.  He is the future of the 49er organization and he is going to lead us into the next Niner Dynasty.  I feel it with my heart and soul.   We came up short today, but next year we will make it all the way..Niner Faithful...FOREVER!

Warmly Welcomed...

I was super early for my new 730am spin class this morning at the Y, sort of got lost.  I was convinced I knew exactly where I was going but got a bit confused between Embarcadero Road &Oregon Expressway.  Once I realized I was going too far without seeing the street to turn, I frantically pulled out the GPS and still arrived with 15 minutes to spare.

A fellow instructor, Janet who I already know showed me the ropes with the stereo, microphone, etc. and let me know that the 730am cycle crowd is a very nice, easy-going, sometimes older population of people and even introduced me to a few of the members.  Got the music started and we were off!    Of course, still needed to learn a few things like where the fans and A/C are controlled, but the members were very nice in letting me know.    Janet warned that it is usually a small class, between 5-10 people at that hour - her Body Pump class that preceded was about the same.  I had 7 people total and they were all very gracious and thankful after class, complimented me on music and reconfirming that I will be there every week.  I think my suspicions were correct that they would be very happy to have consistency in that time slot - maybe now I can build those numbers.   I love a challenge.  It was a great class and it felt good to take ownership of a cycle class once again.

The best part, however, was after class.  I was in the Ladies room and a member who was not in my class approached me and said she noticed I was teaching cycle and wanted to know if I would be there every week.  She went onto say that she remembered taking Body Pump with me and thought I was the best instructor she had ever had!   OMG- what a compliment and even more mind-blowing was that I only subbed at this facility ONCE and it was months ago, I couldn't even tell you how long ago- but she remembered me.   She just couldn't say enough nice things and she seemed excited to come take a cycle class with me in the coming weeks.

So right now, I'd say that I'm a good fit with the Palo Alto Family YMCA.  It's funny, the Y is notorious for being the lowest pay in the business- but the truth be told, I'm not in it for the money.  I have a Travel Business to financially support myself.   My Fitness Career supports me in so many other ways, ways that are far greater than any paycheck.  

Bye bye January!

WOW- one month down, 11 to go!   Time, please stop moving so quickly!    It's been a crazy start to the year and January has not been a very bad month.   It's been a very busy Travel Business month, my second highest January sales in the last 5 years and that is with me being gone one full week!  I hope this sets the tone for 2013 and that my overall sales will be up.  I don't see any reason why they won't.   The rest of my life has settled down a bit, giving me the time to actively promote some travel ideas.

We just got back from a week in Maui and it was a nice time away with my wonderful hubby.   Warm weather & lots of chill time.  But even more importantly, it gave me the time to test the waters (so to speak) and start walking again.  I have been eager to see how my foot would fair with walking again (as in power walking) and Wailea has a beautiful oceanside path for just that purpose.   I am stoked to say that I went walking on that path 3 of the 4 mornings that we were in Wailea and walked between 3-4 miles each time.  It was fabulous!    Once we relocated to Makena, Bill & I went for a walk through that neighborhood, while not as gorgeous with a beach path, it is still Maui & this walk included some hills, which was good training since my walks at home are filled with hills. I was able to take a yoga class one of the mornings and then also put some time in at the gym one other morning and did the Elliptical trainer.  Ok, I have not used one of those machines in a very, very long time and today my legs are killing me!  It's a great feeling though!   I can't remember the last time that I took a vacation and did this much exercise.  It's been a long time.    I think I am now ready to get back into my daily routines and walking with Diane and experimenting with a few other classes at the gym to get my fitness on!   Today, I planned on doing Body Pump at home and really wanted that to be "first thing", but had some things I needed to do for mom but made sure I did the full release in my living room before dinner.  Served as a good review of choreography for teaching Saturday and it will also help for that class to not hurt too badly!

Tomorrow, I get back in the saddle again!  I was offered a spin class at the Palo Alto Family YMCA and decided that I would jump at the chance.   I had been emailing the director at Crunch letting him know that if any of the early morning spin classes became available, I would be interested- I sub those classes often and it's a good fit - my style of teaching and the participants.  But so far, nobody is moving.  Figured I would try this class at the Y out and see if I am a good fit for their members.  It's always so hard to take over a class, but it seems as though this class has been shared by 3 other people, so maybe they will welcome the consistency.   I have missed teaching spin, so I am ready to get back on the bike!   This will bring me up to 4 classes per week and my goal by summer time would hopefully bring that up to 6-7 classes per week.  Gold's Gym is looking at potentially adding more Les Mills programs and that is very exciting, so I may find myself in a position to train for another one of those formats!

I have resumed my Weight Watchers program with a twist.  Not only am I counting my points, but I have been trying a lot of new things.  I have been stepping out of the box and putting things in my body that I have previously labeled with the big red circle with the slant line through it!   I have been drinking tea in the morning (not hot chocolate, not sugary cider),  I made a green smoothie before my vacation (well it was brown) but it contained baby spinach, kale, strawberries, banana, peach, pineapple and I drank the whole thing and it tasted pretty ok.    I bought some steel cut oats, but have not tried them yet.  I don't drink sodas that often, but can say that I have not had one in weeks- previously I might have had one every 2-3 days. I have also cut back on wine (sadly), but have really limited wine to 2-3 days each week.  While on vacation in Maui- I snacked on grapes and pineapple.  I tried any veggies that happened to be served on my plate, without having my napkin ready to spit it out.   After two weeks on Weight Watchers, I had lost 6 pounds and this was after being in Maui for 2 days!   In fact, I was prepared to take my Wednesday weight for the week (I weigh in on Fridays), but when I was at the Spa on Friday for my massage treatment they had a scale, so I dropped my towel and jumped up!   I was pleasantly pleased that it registered with weight loss for the week.  I will weigh in tomorrow after the rest of our vacation and if the scale is the same or slightly higher, it's ok, I will bounce back quickly.  In fact, I already feel it.  I was chatting with my mom about vacation and eating/drinking/points and that prompted me to review my week in Maui or at least from last Friday (the last WW week) and yes I am -69 points, to be expected from vacation.  However, it was the alcohol that put me in the deficit.   I had eaten quite well throughout the week.   I was able to control my eating environment for several meals.  It felt good to be able to do that.

Back on track today, went shopping and picked up several fruits, a few veggies and plan to make another green smoothie tomorrow for lunch.  I'm on a mission and my goal is to lose 1-2 pounds per week.   I can do this.  I will do this.

It's going to be a great weekend - a friday of spin, work, dancing.  A saturday of Body Pump, work, Baptismal pre-party and then Super Sunday - starting with Baby Nash's Baptism and then 49ER SUPER BOWL SUNDAY!  So ridiculously excited for the game and the fun time with friends.   Might even see about taking Kristy's Body Flow class between the two making it an even more super Sunday.

Update on Mom:
Mom ended up in the hospital once again while I was in Maui, but fortunately she is out now after a 5 night stay.  Darn Colitis and C-diff (related of course)...she just can't win.  I started thinking a bit more about this tonight and for two weeks she had been experiencing some intermittent dry heaving in the morning or before her first meal of the day.  This stopped after being admitted.  I think we've concluded that it was the Iron Supplement that was upsetting her stomach and I wouldn't be at all surprised if this stomach upset left her vulnerable for the darn C-diff to creep back again.  Hopefully, this is IT!  The legs are considered "healed", which is AWESOME news - time for her to live and enjoy life!   As Valerie from Dr Gillon's office said, let's hope for small goals- so right now we're saying no hospital visits for February.    Also, time for us to figure out what we're doing with mom's house.  Spring is a great time to sell, so we really need to get on it if that is the direction we are going to go.    So TIME, please slow the hell down!!!!

Just Amazed...

I was just reviewing the pictures that I've taken along the way of mom's journey last year and now into this year.  When I look at how her legs looked back in February and what they look like now, it is nothing short of a miracle that she has made the progress that she has made.  For a woman who feels like she should have died in 2011, her body has been fighting the good fight so so long.   We had our second appointment today with Dr Mike and his new bandage approach seems to be helping.  Between the bandage and the Lasix, the swelling in mom's leg is next to nothing and without that inflammation, the circulation is improved.  She is also not experiencing any leg pain, which means she is now sleeping better at night- something that is very critical for any sort of healing.

Dr. Mike thinks we probably have 4-6 weeks left of healing, which sounds like an eternity, but when you consider that the healing process BEGAN 2/3/12 and it will be just over a year hopefully by the time her legs are completely healed, yes it's a long time- but she was living with this pain and suffering for so much longer before she ended up in the hospital. I do blame her Doctors in San Francisco for not trying other things sooner.  Her underlying problem was vascular all along because without blood flow, wounds won't heal- simple science.   Just infuriates me that she has had to go through so much suffering and pain because others didn't do what should have been obvious.

I am also mad that I was not as involved, understandably- mom was living very independently in SF on her own and going to all her Doctor appointments alone.  Little did I know back then how much more advocacy she needed.  She would believe whatever the Doctors would tell her and I don't think I fully grasped what was really going on with her legs.   I'm just so thankful that she did finally end up at the hospital and then even more thankful that she ended up here in Redwood City under the care of the great team at Sequoia Hospital.   I feel like we are in the home stretch, that we can finally see a flicker of light at the end of this tunnel.

I hope that the vancomycin has been helping, but hope that it has not been the largest component of her healing.  She has a few more days of the medication and then we'll see if the wounds continue their healing with the bandage.  Although this drug has been wonderful in healing, I am also a bit cautious because I truly believe that this medication has also helped to progress the hearing loss that she has been experiencing.  We have to look into hearing aids, but mom is not so fond of dishing out what they cost.  I think we will experiment with a cheap pair from EBay to "test the waters".

Looks like things should be pretty easy while I'm away in Maui.  Mom should only have one Dr. appt with Dr. Mike and my brother is more than happy to take her (this is the same Dr. who performed his surgery back in August) and no bandage changes- YAY!   Fingers crossed that things continue in a positive direction!

If you are squeamish, I would recommend you stop reading now..but here are a few "progress pictures" of where the leg has been and where it is now....simply amazing.

February 2011

August 2012

October 2012

Today's pictures: 

I AM BACK!

Gosh, I can't believe that I have not blogged for over a month.  Not for lack of thinking about it, I have had so much going through my head in the past month that I attempted to write several times but felt that my thoughts were so "all over the place" that it was just too overwhelming.   Perhaps now, I can write a bit more intelligently and a bit more cohesively.  We'll see, I'm going to try- but be warned that this attempt could still end up being a post that is any which way but loose.

The Holidays have always been one of my most favorite times of year and I think in large part because I am a huge traditionalist.  It's not that I don't like change, I can go with the flow- but I really do love traditions.  But this Holiday season was filled with a variety of things that really challenged me and my traditional self.  We had our annual get togethers with my Travel Gang, with my sister's friends and our annual party with our friends.   We go through great lengths to put together a really fun party for our friends.  We don't entertain much throughout the year, mainly because our place just isn't that conducive for anything larger than 2-3 couples.  Our house is not kid-friendly, so with most of our friends needing baby-sitters, it's just easier to go to their houses, so this one day out of the year we go all out to "treat" our friends to a nice night with a catered dinner, dancing, beverages. While I am grateful for all who attended- well between 25-30 people, I was still annoyed by the select few who are continually invited but then never come.   Adding to that, they wait until the last 2-3 days to finally RSVP- really?  I mean are you waiting to see what else is going to happen that night so you can pick the best offer?   As a hostess who can see just how many times people view the eVite, shit or get off the pot and make up your mind if you're going to join us or not- don't lag.  We give so much notice because it's important to us to have our friends attend and we want to be the first invite people get.   On the flip side, I am extremely grateful and love all who attended, even the BFF who had a bit of an altercation with her BIL at the end of night that brought the fun times to a halting stop and mass exodus. S@!T happens!   No use crying over broken wine glasses.

We had an absolutely AMAZING fun time in SF for Mike's 49th birthday...going out of the 40's in style in a party bus with a total of 12 fun fun people.  Dinner, dancing- lots of laughs, it was a night that will go down in the history books.  Diane kept saying all night how they have the best friends and we really are a great group of people- everyone gets along so well.

We had to set up our annual Gift exchange with the Yelinek sisters,  usually Diane & family are on Christmas Eve, Linda & family are on Christmas Day and Janet & family are on the day after.  This year we had to change things up a bit because Janet had to work the day after, so we got together the day before Christmas   Eve and had a very nice dinner with her & Scott, exchanged gifts with them & Scott's kids, but Janet's kids weren't there yet, so didn't get to watch them open their gifts- but Janet did send over text pictures on Christmas of the kids (teens) with their gifts.  Again, a bit of change in Tradition- but not too big of a deal.

Christmas Eve was all set to be a gift exchange with Diane & family around 3pm, then go to Church together (getting her kids to church is something I've been wanting to do for a long time) and then afterwards they were going to have a low key family night at home.   But their schedule got out of whack and meeting before Church wasn't going to work and then they weren't going to make it to church at all.  They ended up coming over around 10pm that night instead after dinner and after they stopped by another friend's house.  I went with the flow, what I always do- but I was upset that plans had changed and felt a bit like we were pushed to the back burner.  We still had a good time.  After they left, Bill & I did our gift exchange & watched a movie and then crashed earlier than we normally do on Christmas Eve.   Although my mom did come to church with me and stayed for dinner (Steve's famous Spaghetti dinner)- I did miss our tradition of opening gifts with mom and watching "White Christmas" together with Bailey's Coffee.   We kept thinking we'd watch it the next day, but it never happened.  I have NEVER gone a year without watching "White Christmas".  Sad.

Christmas Day was EASY.  Tradition once again- changed.  Bill has been after me for years to change up the menu and this year we finally did Prime Rib and I will give Bill props because it was the easiest meal.  I made a crock pot cream corn that was delish, made creamed spinach, rolls, mashed potatoes and it was a very good meal.  In fact, I enjoyed my meal that night.  Usually, with Turkey- I enjoy the leftovers, but don't enjoy the actual meal.    Linda came over and was running late, but we did gifts with her girls and visited for a little bit and then my sister, Roger and mom arrived and we started doing our family gifts.    Felt weird to send mom "home" because she usually spends the  night- so another tradition that has changed forever.  Aside from the fact that we don't have a guest room anymore, she would never be able to get up the stairs in her condition.

The next day Bill had to work, so I taught a 6am class and then mom wasn't feeling quite up to going to the movie- something we always do the day after Christmas, so that tradition was tweaked this year.  I ended up relaxing most of the day and then taught class that evening.  It was still good.

I think I really realized and I think my mom even realized that this might have been her last Christmas with us.  I know she is worried about me and how I will be when she's gone.  If I had blogged 1-2 days after Christmas, I would have said that it was our last Christmas with mom & I was having a hard time with that realization, but today I'm not so sure about that.  She really is related to the Energizer Bunny!  

Mom did end up in the hospital again before 2012 would end.  She had been showing signs of shortness of breath before Christmas and I was keeping a close eye on it and asking her questions about it- but I didn't push and neither did she- I would presume that we both didn't want her to be in the hospital for Christmas.  So 12/28 we went to the Doctors, tests were ordered and by 4pm, she was in the ER being admitted with fluid in her lungs and very low iron levels.  Sigh.  Fortunately, she was released on 12/31- just in time to ring in the new year at HOME!   She was sent home with 2 more prescriptions and oxygen at night.  She seems to have accepted the Oxygen at night and the more research that I do, I am convinced that her shortness of breath was brought on by the low iron, so I am hoping that her breathing will be much better once the iron levels are up to where they need to be.   Her moods have been up and down, but the past couple of days I am seeing signs of her returning to her happy self.  We finally went to the "after Christmas Day" movie yesterday and loved it.  

We got some bad news right after the New Years, mom's favorite Doctor (Gillon) was in a car accident and is off for 4-6 weeks!  I sort of felt like our footing got pulled out from under us.  But she referred us to a Surgeon friend of hers and we met with him this past week.  He decided to try a different bandaging technique since the two wounds, although almost healed- they are taking their sweet ass time in healing.  The beauty of this bandage- it's on for a week until she sees the Doctor again, so no bandage changes for me!   YAY!   I might lose my touch!   I am anxious to see the Doctor on Tuesday and hope and pray that the wounds show amazing progress.  She is taking the strong antibiotics that do help with the MRSA infection.  It would be such a blessing if these were healed or at least showing significant progress with a light at the end of this very long tunnel.

We rang in the New Year with a great group of friends- we met for dinner and got there by the nick of our chin after getting mom settled at home after her discharge.  Was so happy to be spending the night and we really enjoyed the party- danced quite a bit and laughed a lot, it was a fun fun night.

Of course, reflecting back to the year 2012 and where I was at personally at the end of 2011, I can honestly say that I am ELATED that 2012 is over.   This year was a tough year.  You just never can understand what goes into caring for an aging parent unless you've done it yourself.   I have had to do things for my mom this past year that I never imagined having to do, I have found that I am able to do things that I never thought that I could.  It has been a year of growth for me in terms of emotional strength.   In fact, my brother having seen a lot of what I do for mom sort of tossed his hands up about a week ago and shook his head and said "I don't know how you do all you do, I don't know anyone who could handle all you handle", he has sat and listened to me make the countless phone calls to Doctors or to Billing companies or to Insurance companies to make sure things are done properly.   It's amazing how many people in "business" can't get things right.  Even Doctors, don't get me wrong I love the team of Doctors we have at Sequoia; however, there is a reason they call it "practicing medicine".   I about lost a screw when the attending Cardiologist told mom to discontinue taking the Vanco upon discharge because "that's just for c-diff", which couldn't be farther from the truth.  I told mom, no- we're going to disregard that "doctor order" because we know better.

At the end of 2011, I had lost close to 30 pounds and I was feeling good.  I was looking forward to going to Aulani with Diane & family in January and showing off my cute new belly button rings and cute bikinis.   Now it's 2013, we are 16 days away from going to Maui and by the end of 2012 I had gained all of those 30 pounds back again plus a little bit more.  I'm not at all excited about getting into a bikini or any swim attire.   It's so disappointing, yet I can't beat myself up about it.  I know WHY this happened and in large part it was not being able to take time to take care of ME.   Yet, at the same time- because I didn't have time to go for my walks, because I was too tired to go dancing once the weekend would get here- it did force me to rest my injured foot.   I know if mom's health didn't require so much of my time this past year, I would have continued to walk, to dance and probably would have ended up with foot surgery and still been laid up and probably gaining weight.     I'm beginning to think that the Doctor's initial recommendation to rest was probably all I needed to do, I have not worn my orthotics in months and I'm not convinced that they ever did any good except for taking $500 from my savings account.  

So I am back to square one with my weight, I went 7 years of keeping all of my weight off and the last 3 years have been such a roller coaster ride.   But this past year has really been challenging.  I know my diet is not the best but it's not terrible either.  My main issue is that  I need to MOVE more. I have had virtually zero cardio for 7 months and that is when the weight was creeping up.  But the good thing about losing weight in the past, I know I can do it again.  I need to get moving and I need to scale back my intake- everything in moderation.  I've never subscribed to the theory of removing this or that from your diet.    For some people, that works.

We went dancing at the Saddle Rack this weekend for the first time since July!  Felt so good to be back, felt so good to see friends that we pretty much only see there.  It was a great night.   Of course, past drama came up in discussion, but I maintain that I will still be victorious in the end.   I know that I have not done anything wrong, I know that my family has not done anything wrong.  I know that I never subjected any mutual/common friends to the details of said drama.  I know that I have never attempted to get people to take sides.  Yet, there are plenty of people who have heard one side of the story (not mine), and some have decided that they have heard the truth and definitely treat us differently because of it.   There is one common friend who has stood her ground that she doesn't want to know anything on either side, she loves us both and is friends with us both and I respect that and have not bent her ear on any of the details, but the other person has tried.  It's a competition to her, she wants to be the chosen friend.    I know that several people who have heard the other side who still remain friendly to us probably do so because they know better, but simply do not want to get involved and are probably smart enough to know that there is more than one side to a story.  If someone were to ask me, I'd have no problem filling them in on the details.   When people are always "the victim", things are always someone else's fault, or her third husband was not the man everyone thought he was...at some point you have to consider the source- three failed marriages by age 45 can't all be the other guys fault.  Just sayin.  As a 1 time divorcee, yes my ex-husband had an affair and that was wrong on every level, but I know that I had to play a part in the marriage to send him looking elsewhere.   It takes two to tango, as they say.   Oh well, water under the bridge.  It's 2013 and this drama has been going on for way too long.  I'm done thinking about it, I'm done writing about it and it's time to move on.

2013 is going to be my year, my year to lose the weight for good, my year to get moving more, my year to be happier.  It's also going to be a good year for my mom.  She deserves it.

So nice, but so unexpected!

Tonight Bill & I went to dinner with our friends- Julie, husband Joe and Andrea.  I have known Julie for about 22 years now, she was one of my first clients back in the day at June Jackson Travel.  She chose to follow me throughout my career to my different agencies/positions and over the years we have become friends.   I have sent Julie & Joe on various trips over the years and through Julie I have sent her & Andrea on a few "gal pal" trips.   I have also traveled with Julie & Andrea on a fun weekend cruise!  Our friendship was brought to a new level a few years ago when Julie & Andrea joined my Giants ticket partner group when I had an opening.

Of course with Facebook we are so much more connected on a regular basis and that helps to keep the friendship blossoming.   We are in tune with each others lives and the trials and tribulations of having aging, failing health parents.  So we are VERY connected.   Julie had sent a message a few days ago to see if Bill & I were available to go out to dinner with them, they wanted to check out the Teppanyaki restaurant that Bill & I go to all the time.   I'm always up for a fun night out with good friends...so we met them tonight.  Well turns out that was all a premise with a purpose.

Julie & Andrea had rallied my ticket partners to put together a "thank you" gift for me for being such a great ticket owner.  WOW.   I have always been so grateful to my ticket partners because without them, I wouldn't have season tickets- it would be impossible to go to 80 games a season and very stressful to try to sell off that many games.  I have very reliable, responsible ticket partners who all share a LOVE for our team- the San Francisco Giants.  I feel so blessed to have them all and even though we only get together as a group once a year, to pick our games - it's a blast.  It's like we all know each other intimately because we are all connected because of Giants baseball.

Well, the card and package brought tears to my eyes.  A card that thanked me for all that I do for them and allowing them all to partake in the greatest game on earth.   A gift card from Macy's and a beautiful Giants necklace and earrings.   I found out that Bill knew about this, although he didn't put 2 and 2 together to know that I would be presented with the gift at dinner tonight.   Apparently,  they wanted to get the same bracelet from the Bradford Exchange that my sister bought me for Christmas that I'm not supposed to know about- but that's a different story of how Bradford Exchange sucks as a business and can't deliver anything in a reasonable amount of time.    In any case...come April 5th- I will be sitting at AT&T park on Opening Day and I will be wearing my new jewelry PROUDLY and thinking of my wonderful ticket partners who have become great friends or some who were great friends first who became wonderful ticket partners after the fact.  It works both ways.

It's so nice to be appreciated, so unexpected, so wonderful.  I love my GIANTS family!

50 days and counting...

Yep, 50 days and I'll be blogging from Maui!  I have had a few friends posting pictures from Hawaii this past week and it has gotten me in the mood for some hot weather and down time, but on the flip side- 50 days is not nearly enough time to get myself into bikini shape.  Sadly.    For the second day i a row Bill was snacking on celery- so not like him and when questioned- the answer was Maui.

Isn't it funny how we inevitably change our eating and physical activity habits when vacation is around the corner?  I have not been able to get in the additional workouts yet- each day just seems to go by so quickly - between work, teaching the few classes that I teach and then taking mom to various appointments...well finding time to workout just gets put on the back burner.  Part of this is my stubbornness- I only want to do the workout that I want to do...go walking, dancing or take Angie's Zumba class.   I need to get over myself and just go get moving!

The other day my sister emailed me about having pain while walking on her trip in TX- she has knee and foot issues and of course she knows that losing weight will help these ailments and we have both always said that we are cursed with the Harper Fat Gene.  But really- is there such a thing?  Is it really genetic?  I would certainly like to think so, helps to not feel so terrible about things.  Even my Doctor said that I was probably just one of those fit people who will always struggle with weight loss.  Damn it- I don't want to struggle.  Then I wonder too if the whole menopause shit is really chiming in- my mom uses that as a defense for me everytime I bring it up- but is that really the reason for stubborn fat not wanting to melt away?    Oye.   Everytime I talk to people about wanting to lose weight- I get the reply "but you work out so much"- but the reality of it is that I really don't work out that much- I teach 3 classes a week.  Period.  If I'm lucky I get to 2 more classes to take- or I sub more classes, like this week I am subbing two spin classes and now a last minute Body Pump class for a sick instructor friend.   It is certainly not the norm for me to teach everyday...I just need to get motivated.  I need to get moving- be it walking dancing, swimming- something.

The time is now.  Must get back in shape.  It's going to be a long road. 50 pounds to lose - AGAIN!
3rd time's the charm- maybe?

Reflective...

As I was perusing facebook tonight, I came across a High School friend's re-post of a picture, 3 generations: my friend pictured with her mom and daughter.   I picked up on a comment about her daughter missing her grandma and started to chat with her privately to learn that her mom passed away this morning.  The tears just ran down my face.   She & I got together a couple months ago when she was down in the Bay Area with another friend and we all talked about our mom's and their various ailments.  I knew at that time that her mom wasn't doing well.  She had lost the will to live, wasn't trying to live anymore.  God finally took her today.  My heart goes out to Cathy and her family.

Of course, the tears just poured down my face as I typed to my friend and tried to console her and let her know that I'm here for her- whatever she needs.   Then I look over at Bill and he's teary-eyed from what I was telling him about our meetup two months ago and our conversations about our mom's.  We were both sniffling for quite awhile.  I know part of the tears are in anticipation of when this same very time comes for me, when my mom passes.   I'll admit, I do think of it and know that I will be a wreck, but I also know that I will have zero regrets.

I am very blessed to be such a part of my mom's life and to have her be such a part of mine.  We have a very special bond, a very special friendship and I am so very thankful for that.  As trying as this year has been on me, it has been so much more trying for her.  She has been to hell and back and to hell and back again!   Seriously!   But she just keeps plugging along.  She is amazing.  I have no idea where this gumption comes from, but she is a steam locomotive!

I took mom to bingo this weekend at the Veteran's Senior Center and she was having SO.MUCH.FUN.!!  She was doing her pull tab tickets, playing all of the challenging bingo games.  It was not BORING at all!  She complains about the Woodside Terrace bingo as being "boring" because all they play is straight line bingo.  It is boring.  We didn't win, but we had a blast.  Everyone was so nice and mom was so amazed that they put on such a nice show at the Senior Center- oh boy we got a free hot dog and a free donut.  That's just what they do!   We will be making this bingo game a 1-2 times per month thing.  It's nice that they play every Sunday and then the 1st and 3rd Wednesday each month.

Taking mom to bingo on Sunday just finished off what was overall a pretty great weekend!  Had an amazing time taking a picture with BOTH World Series trophies...just wish mom would have been able to make it.  She was having tummy troubles and was afraid to go while not feeling that great.  She was missed, it was an awesome experience and I know she was bummed because she had her orange sweater on and was ready to go!   But I did get a very nice picture of me and my brother with the two trophies.  Pretty AWESOME!!  Now we need a third trophy..and I still need to attend a parade!

We had a fabulous time Friday night out to dinner and dancing with great people, stayed up way late visiting with Janet & Scott.  Saturday although wiped out, still managed to teach my class and then we had a very low key Saturday night, watching TV and listening to the storms outside.

Look out Weekend, cuz here I come....

because weekends are made for fun!  Yes, they are!   I have had a very busy week, in fact Thanksgiving feels about a month ago and my birthday- did it really already come and go?   Yikes!   Oh well.   This weekend will start around 215pm tomorrow!   I am excited because tomorrow I get to see BOTH World Series Trophies and get a picture with them!   I received the invite last week from Giants management and signed up, then I asked Bill if he wanted/could go and he declined- so then I asked my brother and of course he was in.   I then raffled off the remaining 2 spots to my ticket partners, picked the names and then actually out of all those who could go it ended up being just 1 person who really could, leaving one spot available.   Hmmm, what to do.

I thought long and hard about this and decided to see if my mom would be interested.  After all, regardless of what physical ailment she was battling this year, she was always tuned into KNBR to listen to every Giants game.  Her radio was her best friend in hospitals and skilled nursing facilities this year.  I asked her and of course she had her first initial concerns and I assured her that I could drop her off very close to the portwalk and then park the car. Told her if she got tired walking, that is what her walker seat was for and worst case, she could sit and we could push her.  She laughed and said "that's been done before".   Told her to sleep on it and let me know the next day.  Well, the next day we were discussing wardrobe and looking at her "orange" sweaters.  She did express a concern for rain and that she couldn't possibly hold an umbrella and push a walker- my answer- duct tape.  She laughed.   So she is going and I think she is pretty excited, especially knowing that this is an opportunity of a lifetime and I told her it was also something to give her bragging rights at the Terrace.    Super excited!   I'm just happy to give her the opportunity to have some fun - FINALLY!

Friday night we have plans to co-celebrate birthdays with my friend Kelli.  Bocce Ball and dinner in Los Gatos with a small group of friends.  Something different, something fun and it will no doubt be a night of laughs.   Saturday is pretty open right now, but I'd like to see the downtown tree lighting if possible and who knows- maybe even go dancing Saturday night.  Sunday I am taking mom to "REAL" bingo at the Veteran's Center.  She's excited.  In fact, she has been overall in pretty good spirits the past week and I think a lot of that has to do with purpose.  She has been a busy bee working on my holiday cards.  She's not as fast as my nephews, but she wants to help, she is happy to help and happy to have something useful to do.  I'm happy that I could help!

It's going to be a great weekend and this is actually our last "low-key" weekend until next year.  Seriously, we have at least 2 parties every weekend from now until 2013.  But that is a huge reason why I get all my shopping, wrapping, decorating done by December 1st.   Still not entirely done with shopping, almost there.

Have not been able to move forward with my fitness plan this week.  Have not made it to any gym outside of my teaching.  Hoping to get to Zumba tomorrow.  That will require an early to bed tonight and get up early enough to work before going to class.   I will do this, I have to because I am not a fan of my body these days - feeling very plump.

Remodel projects are somewhat underway.  Cabinets have been ordered for both the garage and the Master Bath.  I'm told that the cabinets for the garage will be hung in time for our Holiday party...hope so.  I am not a fan of cutting things close, but I have a feeling I won't have a choice in this matter.  I think demo starts next weekend on our bathroom..we have made decisions on wood grain, door style, tile..so think we just have to pick out fixtures, sink, counter tops and then we'll be all set.  Exciting but not exactly what I wanted to have going on during the holidays.  Oh well, beggars can't be choosers.