My BODYPUMP Journey

Well new year & I'm going to attempt to blog somewhat regularly.  I'm in shock that I did not blog a single blog in 2016!!  WOW

My BODYPUMP Journey....I have been a fitness instructor for almost 17 years & my love for fitness all started in a Group Exercise room in 1999 when I took my first BODYPUMP class.  I was terribly overweight, I had joined Weight Watchers & even though I had sporadically visited the gym for a few years in the mid-90's,  I was a consistent dues payer--you know, the ones that gyms MAKE money off of because we never use the membership!   I was ready for a change and wanted to lose weight, so in addition to changing my evil eating ways, I started to work out.  It took awhile to gain my confidence to actually attend a group exercise class, but when I did it was BODYPUMP.  I had no idea lifting weights could be so much fun, I was hooked and began taking classes 3 times a week.  I became friends with my instructors & asked them various questions to help me along with my fitness journey.

After almost a year of taking classes, I was distraught when my favorite Saturday instructor (Elizabeth) announced that she needed to give up her class due to triathlon training commitments & there was nobody available to take over her class.  I was heartbroken at the thought of losing this class, even just one day of the week.  I knew one of my other instructors was also the Group Exercise Director (Antoinette), so I asked her what it took to become a BODYPUMP instructor.  She explained that there were training workshops where you get certified & there was one coming up, but it was sort of far away.   Well "far away" is a relative term, she mentioned that it was in Fairfield, which to me was not very far away at all since my in-laws lived in that area.  We got the ball rolling & I took the leap of faith to take the Initial Training workshop at the end of July- two weekends back to back.  I was trained on "Launch Mix 1"- which to be honest, I'm not even sure which release number that was in regards to the New Zealand release numbers because the program was relatively new to the USA at that time.  I *think* that it would have been a mix of the late 20's of releases.

The two weekend training was brutal, there were times that I was not sure I would get through it but after sharing my weight loss journey with everyone in the training module, I had full support from everyone & though training was tough, it was extremely rewarding & I felt like a new person when it was done.  Good thing because on my way home on the last night, I received a phone call from Elizabeth asking if I could sub a class the next day in San Carlos.  I just about choked at the idea, but they needed someone, I was technically available & she was certain that I would do just fine TEACHING AN ENTIRE CLASS BY MYSELF THE DAY AFTER INITIAL TRAINING!!   I was a nervous wreck, not only teaching but having to familiarize myself with the stereo, the microphone, etc.  Well I taught that first class, when I introduced myself, I told the class it was my first class ever to teach & that I just got out of initial training.  I told them that I knew my stuff, but if I looked or sounded nervous, that was why.  I taught the class, was told by several members that I did a great job & that they would never have known it was my first class if I had not told them...I have never looked back from then.

Soon after, I began getting my own classes at the gyms & got into my teaching groove.  I remember asking Antoinette more questions about the industry & she encouraged me to attend more instructor workshops & trainings, stating that I was more valuable to her if I taught more formats.  So I started to dip into other formats.  I certified to teach Spinning,  PiYo,  TKB, Aqua Aerobics, Boot Camp & several "24 hour" branded programs.  However, BODYPUMP remained my first love.  I believe it was in 2003 when 24 hour decided that they were going to get ride of BODYPUMP.  I was HEARTBROKEN.   They were entering a partnership with Reebok & Reebok was designing their own program with weights called REP REEBOK, so as much as I hated this change, I went with the changing times & started teaching REP.  It was no where near as awesome as BODYPUMP, but you do what you have to do.  In my area, there were very few clubs that had BODYPUMP & it was a tough market to break through to try to get a class.   About a year later, one of the local clubs (Pacific Athletic Club) decided to bring on BODYPUMP,  I was hired on a sub basis, mainly because all of their current instructors were going through the training and would occupy the regular time slots on the schedule.  It wasn't until 2007 that I was asked if I could take on a class for a temporary sub while an instructor recovered from surgery.  I was thrilled & immediately started studying BODYPUMP 60 for launch at Pacific Athletic Club, it was awesome & I was so happy to be back in the saddle again with my first fitness love.   After John came back after surgery,  Gina was out on maternity leave, so I covered her classes for a few months and then I was contacted regularly to sub, though the opportunity for my own class never really presented itself.

Life happens & things change and my fitness career started to change quite a bit, I changed clubs, added clubs & with a new husband, busy travel career & busy social life (dancing),  I had slimmed down my teach schedule considerably...so I maintained about 5 classes a week, most of them being spin classes & I really missed my strength training.   Then a Gold's franshisee purchased a local gym in Redwood City & they were going to have BODYPUMP.  It had been awhile since I taught, so they required that I submit a video assessment, which I did & that still did not result in a class of my own, but I did sub from time to time & still subbed  at Pacific Athletic Club.  I remained positive that something would happen in my favor & eventually the JCC in Palo Alto opened up, I applied & though I did not get a class there right away, one of the Spin instructors there was managing the Gold's in Mountain View & they were in need of a BODYPUMP instructor & I was hired on the spot to take over the Tuesday night class,  soon afterwards the Saturday afternoon class became available & I took that over as well.  I was BACK HOME AGAIN!   I developed great friendships with my Gold's peeps & then shortly after that I received an offer for a Monday 7am class at the JCC.  Then I was hired with the Silicon YMCA group to sub and did so randomly for a few years.

Change is inevitable & sadly Gold's closed 10/31/15, so I lost those two classes, but gained a new one at Gold's in Santa Clara to build from the ground up.  I was also having conflicts with 7am Monday at the JCC, so I had given that class up.  What a roller coaster, but things work out the way they are supposed to & later that same year, after subbing several classes at the JCC in the mid-morning and noon time slots, two classes because available & I was offered both of them- back in the saddle again (again).   And after a year of teaching Sundays in Santa Clara, though I loved the people, I wanted my weekends back & decided to give that class up.  I no sooner make that decision & I am offered a Tuesday class at the YMCA located 3 blocks from my house.

BODYPUMP has been my first love, though LES MILLS  in general is my great love.  I have since been certified & actively teach BODYCOMBAT  & have been certified in BODYFLOW  & even 3 years later still eagerly await the opportunity to teach this beautiful format, the clubs that offer are few and far between in this area.

It's amazing that today we launched BODYPUMP 100,  celebrating 25 years of this fabulous program, the one that made me fall in love with fitness, the one that allowed me an outlet for teaching.  (I always wanted to be a teacher when I was little & was on the college path to become a teacher, but was detoured to the wonderful Travel Industry with zero regrets because I LOVE what I do)  I'm fortunate to get to live all of my passions every single day.

Social media has definitely changed the tribe and the connectivity that everyone has with each other.  Things were oh so so so different 17 years ago, we never took pictures of our classes, we had no place to post them so there was no need.  We did have launches, we did have mini quarterlies close to home (which I'm so glad these have come back, they are golden) & we did have larger events that you had to travel a bit farther to attend.  I've seen a lot of change over the years.

Some highlights to my BODYPUMP/fitness journey:

In 2002, there was a Quarterly workshop in Portland, Oregon at the Nike HQ.  I decided it was time to visit a childhood friend who lived in the area & attend the workshop.  I did this without knowing a single person at the event & having zero clue what I was going to experience.  Now this was much smaller scale vs. the Megas that we've had in Vegas, NOLA, etc.  but it was so much larger than the ones we had locally & this one was going to be led by the master, Mike McSweeney.  I was star struck & was also the lucky name pulled out of a hat to go up on stage & shadow the biceps track...it was AWEsome...

In 2013 ,  at the Mega Quarterly in Vegas, I went through AIM 1 with Susan Renata, one of my heroes from early BODYPUMP VHS &DVD training releases and it was awesome.  I also met another fitness idol- Emma Barry.

 This Quarterly also taught me to "BE BRAVE"..and I decided to expand my Les Mills horizons & that's when I decided to take BODYCOMBAT training..we were bringing the format to Gold's, so we hosted the training & were led into fighting awesomeness by Rebecca Garity Pinto & Lynn Kaneshiro....

these workshops inspire & get you fired up for more...and it was just a few months later that I attended BODYFLOW TRAINING with the fabulous Rachel Taggart Harris.

In 2014,  again Las Vegas Quarterly, I went through AIM 1 for BODYCOMBAT with a full team of inspiring International trainers and this was just 6 months after I had received my initial training certification & I was fortunate to be in the care of Will Pritchard for my small group and of course the entire group gained valuable knowledge from program director Dan Cohen.  He was so REAL & made it a point to talk to everyone who attended & we were a very large group.

I had plenty of opportunities where I could have gave up, I could have thrown in the towel.  I've gone through body transformations over the past several years due to outside stress factors & mid-life woman crap (Ok- menopause) & it's not easy knowing that you don't necessarily "look the part", but I continue to remind myself that there are people who believe in me & who have taken a chance on me, who continue to help me grow as an instructor & know that I am capable of leading a class full of participants through a safe & effective workout.   My Doctor said once my ovaries stop being confused, I should see my efforts pay off in the weight loss department & happy to say that part of my journey has begun.  2017, I'm making you my bitch!  THANK GOD.

Anyway, life is a journey, fitness is a journey & we all have a story to tell.  BODYPUMP might very well have saved my life back in 1999, I was very unhealthy & I know that though I am not perfect (who is, really?)- I know that my quality of life is so much better with this fitness part of my life.   This launch of BODYPUMP 100  was very special,  I taught tracks at three clubs with amazing instructors & backed by Directors who really believe in their instructor team AND in the Les Mills programs.  I'm excited to see what is next on this journey,  I'm not getting any younger and at the age of 51, I know plenty of instructors who are well into their 60's, so I plan to keep on keeping on until I'm not able to do this any longer.  I'm hoping that I can stick with all of this to see BODYCOMBAT celebrate 100 releases...that is 30 releases away..so another 7 years.  I think that would be a good time to reassess the situation.  Here are some pictures of the awesome groups that I taught with this weekend along with some members who were not camera shy!

2015 is a BIG year...

In my last post, which was my first entry to the story of 2015...I reflected on 2014 and talked about the highlights and also focused on the dreaded birthday at the end of this year.....but I'm starting to feel a little better about that.  I started to think though about how significant 2015 is for me and that it's going to be a BIG year and I have absolutely nothing to say or do about it...it's going to happen regardless if I embrace it or not.

This month I am celebrating 10 years as owner of Pams Path to Travel.  It's so hard to believe that it's been that long since I opened up my own agency.  I had no idea how successful I'd be, if I would flip or flop but I had the undying support of my husband (who was just a boyfriend of 6 months at the time)...he assured me that I could do this and he was right.  Sometimes all you need is that gentle nudge to go after your dreams.  I'm so glad that I did- it still stands as the best business decision I've ever made.  

Also on the Travel Career front- this August marks 25 years that I've been in this business...and yes by November that means I've been working the same career industry for 1/2 of my life...unbelievable.  However, as the old saying goes if you are doing what you love you never work a day in your life and I do believe that.  I don't dread going to work, I love what I do, I love making travel dreams come true for my clients.  I take great pride in what I do and I know that I do it well...25 years in the business and 10 years standing alone at my own agency speaks to that.

What I realized today as I was teaching my Saturday back to back classes at the gym, I will also be celebrating 15 years in the fitness industry as a Group Exercise Instructor.  If you had ever asked me 20 years ago or told me that I would be doing this for any portion of my life, I would have laughed at you.  I am the girl who got a Doctors note in High School to "get out" of running 3 miles for Freshman P.E.  Instead I wrote a term paper on the dangers of running on cement.  I got an "A".  I still hate to run and will never be a runner.  Yes, I said it- I will NEVER be a runner.  I can walk pretty darn fast and leave smoke behind me when I power walk--that's as close to running as I will get.  In my adulthood, I have completed two sprint distance triathlons and did run 3 miles in each of them and I hated every minute of the run!  I was out to prove to the world that I could it it, I did and I'm done!   But I found my fitness niche with group exercise.  I love the pre-choreographed programs that I teach and love the interaction with the members and other fitness instructors.  I was walking down memory lane a bit today while cleaning out my office and came across notes and paperwork from a variety of trainings that I went through my first several years while working for 24 hour fitness- many formats that don't even exist anymore.  But my love for fitness started with Les Mills BODYPUMP and has grown with the other Les Mills formats that I've taken on in recent years BODYCOMBAT and BODYFLOW - I just wish I was teaching BODYFLOW.  When the time is right, it will happen and I have not exactly been pro-active on that endeavor.

Anyway, 2015- a year of many milestones to come:  10 years agency owner, 15 years as fitness instructor, 25 years as Travel Professional and 50 years of living...almost like it's written in the stars to have all of these milestones in the same year!    Crazy- if I was still married to my first husband, we would have celebrated 20 years in May...but that is one milestone that I'm thankful to not achieve.  He's a friend to this day, but we are much better off without each other in those roles of  spouses!

Happy New Year...2015, let's do this!

I have not been here in quite awhile..just over 3 months.  I had 94 posts in 2012, 30 in 2013 and a mere 8 in 2014.   The reason is simple...I just did not have a lot to say.  I read a blog entry from a travel colleague of mine who I have connected with on a variety of levels, but 2014 gave us a new connection- we both lost our mom's early in the year.  Although the journeys were somewhat different and somewhat similar--we both became orphans.  She lost her father 6 years prior and I lost mine a whopping 25 years ago!   Anyway, Stacy's blog post said so much of what I've been thinking of these past couple of weeks.   I certainly don't want to plagiarize what she wrote, but there will likely be some similarities just because of our journeys being so similar.

The last two weeks we have all seen the "year in review" and "it's been a great year" posts on Facebook.  I even participated in the video, but my caption did not say it's been a great year because at the end of the day- the year you lose your mom is not a great year.  It never should be, though I suspect for some people it might.  I do know people who simply do not have a good relationship with their moms- that saddens me.   I am blessed to have had a wonderful relationship with my mom all of my life and even more so in the last several years.  I know this and it does on some level help to relieve some of the pain that exists by losing her.    But quite honestly January 12th set the tone for 2014 and try as I might, it was not a great year, though there were some great things that happened during the year.  

Some highlights...January I passed my third Les Mills training and added BODYFLOW to my repertoire though sadly I'm not actively teaching this beautiful format and who knows if an opportunity will present itself.    February we joined Mandi and her line dance group on a fabulous cruise..it was awesome to be on a ship with fun people, dancing every single day.  I thought of my mom a lot on this cruise because she loved to cruise too and we went on our first cruise together back in 1990.   March was mom's Celebration of Life and it was truly a celebration, something she would have been proud of and a day that I will remember forever.  It was a beautiful tribute to a beautiful person.  Lots of support from long time friends & family friends along with some re-connections with family friends.  Our Redeemer family was amazing and offered such wonderful support with the ceremony and reception- truly a blessing!   April- the start of baseball and I will say that it was written in the stars back in March..I announced it to my ticket partners that the Giants were going to win the World Series in 2014.   May - the month that I decided to get out of my slump and get refocused on ME.  I started getting back to my power walks, started to feel good physically and that just trickled down to every single part of my life.  I was on a roll and kept going through the summer.

June took us to Vegas for my annual travel conference which overlapped with our 8th wedding anniversary- we had a blast, a good mix of business and pleasure with Shania Twain concert, Rock of Ages show, great dinners with our friends Mandi, Pat, Suzy & Charles, pool time..a great getaway!   Ending the month a huge soiree for Bill's 50th birthday that he never saw coming!  I love surprises, especially when I'm responsible for the delivery...a great event, a fun time, lots of loving friends & family to help celebrate this love of my life and he totally deserved the honor!   I could never have pulled that off without the help & hospitality of our friends Lisa & Jonathan!   July we continued to celebrate on a 3 day cruise to Ensenada with a group of 10..again a fun time with great people, gorgeous weather, yummy wine tasting, dancing, sunshine..it was a fabulous time had by all!   July brought a very long overdue sisters weekend trip to Reno for a bingo tournament- an actual road trip, though truth be told, I'm too old for that drive to Reno- I hate highway 80!  But we had a great time and I won $2000 on a bingo game!   AWESOMESAUCE!   It was also wonderful to spend a weekend with my sister!    August took us on two road trips, both to Tahoe- one long weekend with our second family- the McClymonds to their house with our Godkids - BBQ's, days at the beach, mini-golfing, relaxing by the firepit, waking up to little Brooklyn chatting with her Uncle Bill on the deck = priceless fun!    Followed by a family trip to celebrate my nephew Michael's 21st birthday!   That long weekend was nice because we did things together as a family, but also split up to do things on our own.  Some time by the pool, some time taking a nice walk down the highway & by the Lake (6 miles roundtrip),  hiking up to the top of Heavenly, showing Michael how to gamble and my favorite part- seeing him get carded for alcohol at dinner and when he sat down at a table to gamble!  I was definitely more excited about that than he was...must be an Auntie thing..or a girl thing.

September brought the start of football season and what looked like a promising season...oh well.  It was also the month when two beautiful people said their wedding vows.  My bestie from college, Janet and her sweetheart Scott had an amazing wedding that was just such a perfect day for the two of them and I could not have been more happy for them and so honored to be a part of such a special day.  October was ORANGE...what can I say- I am a Giants fan through and through and if it's an Orange October, I'm a happy girl.  God bless my sweet husband for tolerating the Harper family in this house during baseball season- he is literally a saint!  But as predicted back in March- the Giants did make it all the way and won their 3rd Championship in 5 years!  It was truly magical and I can't help but think that my mom had something to do with all of this.  I wore her "SF" pin all season long, she was cheering them on right alongside me every step of the way.  This year, I went to the parade..finally.  Bill & I stayed at the Hyatt Embarcadero the night before and then we stood 6 hours in the same spot, never moved, never ate, never went to the bathroom, in the rain to watch this parade.  He really does deserve the husband of the year award.  It was AWESOME!!  Definitely something that I had to do.  I don't know that Bill will ever do it again, but it was an amazing experience even if we were frozen and soaked!  I even made it onto the KRON4 news coverage and have a copy of my interview thanks to Lisa Tringali!

November started out with a long weekend travel to Kona - I have not visited this island in 15+ years and Bill had never been, it was a great time and I even had a chance to meet up with clients who were there at the same time.  We had a really enjoyable evening in town with them!   The weather was gorgeous, we took a sunset sail one night, we took a circle island tour another day and had a really great time!   I definitely enjoyed waking up early on our Sunday to get to the poolside bar to watch the 49er game on TV with other guests..it was an 8am game time in Hawaii, but lots of fun and the Niners won!    The month rounded out with my birthday- always a trying time since people are away and out of town--but I did have a nice weekend.  Actually decided to stay home on my birthday and do some house decorating, we did go to the Niner game on Thanksgiving and then had our family Thanksgiving on Friday.  Saturday I had dinner with friends and then went to the Sharks game..all in all a fun weekend...the celebrations carried over into the next week with more friends!  But one thing was missing and that was the birthday wishes from mom.    December started out with a bang- I won a trip to Cabo as a top producer for Pleasant Holidays so we had 3 glorious nights at Secrets Puerto Los Cabos and it was an awesome trip, probably exactly what I needed to kick off the month.  The following weekend we celebrated the season with our annual holiday party.  We missed several regulars, but did manage to have a great time with the friends who were able to make it.   Two days later we headed to Disneyland with BFF Diane, her hubby and the kids (including our Godkids)- it was a surprise to the kids and we all had a super great time!   There is nothing like Disneyland at Christmas to put you in the holiday spirit!  It was a fabulous trip and so fun to see Brooklyn's reaction to everything!  Quite magical!  She adores her Uncle Bill and that simply warms my heart!  We come back and really Christmas was right around the corner and Michael was home from college!

The last two weeks of the year have been filled with a variety of celebrations.  One of my life long friends kicked off the year of birthday celebrations as the first one to flip both digits to 50!   I'm not even sure how to take this...I don't know when this happened and how we got to this age.  Didn't we just graduate High School like 10 years ago?   Ick.  But it was great getting together with life long friends to celebrate.  I plan to make 2015 a huge celebratory year for my 50th!  I am pretty close to the last one in our group, so I plan to celebrate ALL. YEAR. LONG!   We changed up tradition this year.  For the last 10 years or so, Christmas Eve was one of my favorites because my mom would come stay with us (until the last couple of years when she could no longer go up the stairs- but she'd still come over just not stay overnight)..we'd hang out for a few days, watch movies, prepare for the Christmas Day meal, watch "White Christmas" together, drink Bailey's coffees and just enjoy.  On Christmas Eve my brother would have us up to his house and he'd make his famous spaghetti in between church services.  The last couple of years that Spaghetti dinner would still take place, but at my house since he lives here now.  This year with my mom gone I asked my brother what he wanted to do, his reply, "whatever you want to do".  So I made the executive decision that we should have the traditional spaghetti another night when he's not cramming it in between working two church services- he agreed.  We had an invitation to Janet & Scott's for Christmas Eve and it was very nice night with her family & Diane's family...people who I consider my second family.  We didn't get home until very late, but that was fine- we slept in on Christmas Day and had our traditional visit with Linda, Bruce & their girls, followed by my family Christmas...which was another late night..I think we finally went to bed around 130am.  Mom was missed, but she was remembered.  Things are not the same, how could they be- but they were OK.   The one thing that was missing from my holiday season- I did not watch "White Christmas"- just didn't find the time to watch it, almost started to watch it on TV one late night, but then I went to bed because I would have been up way too late.  I want to see it, but the last time I watched it was last year with mom at the movie theatre.  I took her to the Cinemark Classic Series on a Wednesday afternoon and we had a blast together watching it on the big screen.

So yes there have been plenty highlights, lots of friends, family and love.  Lots of fun times and travels.  Not as much fitness and weight loss as I had set my goal to achieve- but I was plagued with two injuries...a fall in September that injured my leg pretty severely and then in October I strained/sprained my back.  It's still not 100% and I'm not really sure what to do about it at this point except to maybe stretch more and get more massages until it's all better.   I need to get my fitness on and don't have time for these types of distractions!   I will get it back in 2015!

We had a wonderful New Years Eve with Jonathan & Lisa...low key house party, good music, good food, fire pit, relaxation...all in all a great way to bring in the new year.  I'll never forget these special friends who were the first ones to come visit me the night I lost my mom.   In fact, there were so many people who showed such kindness and love in the ensuing days/weeks/months after losing my mom that I can honestly say I am so very blessed.  When you go through something like this you definitely learn who your friends are, the people who will be there through thick and thin, the ones you can count on.   You also start to see others for who they really are and I simply do not have time for phony people, people who talk behind your back and try to entertain others at your expense.  Life is too short and it's getting shorter...shit I'm turning 50 this year!  WTF???  Seriously.

I had a really tough time when my sister turned 50, it seemed so surreal to me that I could have a sister turning 50, it seemed so old to me at the time.  Now it's my turn and it does seem so old to me..I'm really in disbelief and while I am excited to make plans and celebrate because that's what you do when there is a BIG birthday...I'm also a bit sad..where has my life gone?   Though I've achieved a lot of success thus far, will I have time to continue to do all that I want to do?  You're never promised tomorrow, but when you hit these milestones the reality of this becomes more real.  I have a lot more to do, so I hope that I have another 30 years ahead of me- healthy years that is, years that I am functioning and living life.   Like I sign every Christmas Card...Live, Love, Dance & Cheers!

Four Months- really?

Actually, exactly 4 months ago was my last post...guess I have some catching up to do.  Summer has come and gone...way too quickly.  Weather was not as hot as I prefer it to be, did not get as much sunshine time as I like- but summer has been pretty good for me.

June brought our 8th wedding anniversary and we celebrated in Vegas!  I had my vacation.com conference that overlapped- we had a great 5 nights in Vegas between conference goings on, we also went to see Shania Twain in concert and also Rock of Ages Broadway Show.  We had some wonderful dinners, we danced at Gilley's, spend time with great friends who were also at the conference and spent our Anniversary day poolside in a private Cabana being waited on- it was perfect.   Back from Vegas and full steam ahead to finalize preparations for Bill's surprise 50th birthday party.  It could not have gone over any better.  It was a fabulous evening with the best of friends and family to celebrate someone who we all call a great friend, someone who has made me the happiest woman in the whole wide world for the last 10 years, someone who just deserved to be honored.  I love him to pieces, he did not see it coming and there is no way I could have pulled this off without the help and love from our friends Jonathan & Lisa.  It was a great time for everyone.

July brought Bill's continued birthday celebration on a 3 day cruise to Ensenada with a group of 8 others and we had a GREAT time.  Everyone got along, we had a wonderful 4th of July in Ensenada wine tasting.  The tour was great, the wines were yummy, weather just perfect.  I learned from the tour guide that Ensenada is a very consistent 80 degrees year round.  I felt good on this cruise that I did my walking every day either out on the track or in the gym on the treadmill.  We danced, we enjoyed the sunshine- it was really a nice little getaway.  Finished off the weekend with Sunday Brunch on the Queen Mary with part of our group and that was a great experience.    As for the rest of July- we bid farewell to Candlestick Park with a "Legends of Candlestick" flag football game that was a lot of fun- we spent some time with friends tailgating (OK- drinking) and then met up with my niece Jenifer with her man and adorable daughter, we met up with my ex-inlaw Kerry and her hubby, it was really a great time had by all.   More fun for July included a sister's weekend to Reno for the bingo tournament- we drove because the flights were not good.  But we had a great time, I even won $2000- very quickly too.  I believe the mom gambling mojo has been given to me.

August included two trips to Tahoe- one weekend at the McClymond's place with the family- it was a fun weekend, relaxing, BBQing, Beaching, being entertained by the kids (Brooklyn specifically).  One of my favorite memories of the weekend was waking up Friday morning to the sounds of Brooklyn talking to Bill out on the Balcony.  I peeked through the window blinds to see her on his lap looking at him and fully engaged in conversation.  She LOVES him so, so much.  It just confirms to me every time that he is such a good man.  Kids KNOW these things and she just gravitates to him.  It was a great weekend with the best of friends.   The following weekend it was time for Michael to come home for his 21st birthday- I think I was the most excited about this.  He arrived on his birthday around 10pm- Bill & I were at a concert (Kool & the Gang at Mt Winery- which was AWESOME, by the way) and once we got home I had Bundtini cakes & candles to sing to the boy.  The next day we all left for Tahoe and celebrated this special birthday.  Again, another perfect weekend- this time with family- we spent time together and time apart doing out own things.  Bill & I went for a great 6 mile walk- a lot of reminiscing for me, reflecting on all the family vacations of years past with my mom & dad- now just memories, but it felt good to get out there and be active.  We had some pool time, we took a day and took the gondola up to Heavenly and then hiked up to the top- it was a beautiful hike and day.  Overall, a fabulous weekend with family.    Finished off August with a wedding for one of my Gym friends & a new car purchase for Bill.  It's amazing his Nissan Sentra lasted 9 years and 230K miles!

September- well it's almost over.  Labor Day we celebrated Lisa's birthday and it was a great BBQ/Pool day with the people who mean the most to her...fun day and gorgeous weather.  Way too much food, said no Italian hostess ever!   Had a very fun Girl's Day Out to celebrate Janet's upcoming wedding with lunch, movie and then rolled it into Girl's Night out to celebrate Diane's birthday-  SO.MUCH.FUN!   It was a great, great day and evening, lots of fun!   More baseball (hunt for Orange October), some football, some sunshine/pool time at Casa M&M and then this past weekend Janet & Scott's wedding.  An event that I've been waiting for because these two are so meant to be together.  It's a fairy tale story, two people who found each other in a world of so many lost souls.  They belong together and it was so heart-warming to see my beautiful friend marry her soulmate.  Just a great day and I find myself constantly reviewing the pictures, just awesome, beautiful day.

Now although the summer and up until now has been pretty awesome overall, there have been several sad things...I've had a friend lose her mom, I've had a friend lose her dad and I also had a friend lose her beloved boy kitty.  To make things even worse, I was "cat-sitting" for said kitty to come and find him passed away brought back memories of when we came home to find Spaz.  I just felt so bad.  Such a good kitty, but I know he's in a good place.  This year continues to bring so much heartache to people that I love.  I can't even keep track anymore- but I think it's something like 7 deceased parents this year...I am more than ready for 2015 in this regard, just hope this heartache does not continue, but I fear that with age I'm going to have to get used to this.

Weight loss journey is coming along- as of last Friday, I have lost 20 pounds since May 2nd.  I have slowed down these past two weeks- in large part due to injury- I took a spill after the 49er game and fell very hard on my leg- my knee is a bit angry with me, the road rash is finally healing enough where I can do workout things- I taught BODYCOMBAT & BODYPUMP last night and it felt good to MOVE!  I am hoping to get out walking tomorrow, but we are expecting RAIN, not sure how much we'll get, so might try to get in a few miles.  See how the knee fares.  I do know that the weight loss progress slows down when I am not active- I need to work out.  Doesn't matter how good I am with diet, I need both!

Still Missing my mom...EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.  But I don't expect that to ever change. It's becoming part of the norm.  To think she's been gone for 8 months already is a bit surreal.   I do believe that I have some of her very best parts in me and when I see those similarities, it makes me smile.   I know she's in a good place, I know she's not in any pain and I know she is in good company.  This year there have been so many additions to Heaven, both personally known people and some comedic relief with Robin Williams and Joan Rivers.  Our beloved in heaven are being very entertained, I'm sure.

3, 2 , 1 - yep that is as quick as the rest of the year will go- 3 more months, then poof - 2015!   Trying to get the Holiday shopping done, looking forward to our trip to Hawaii in November and very much excited for our trip to Disneyland in December with the Godkids.  They have no idea, they are going to be so surprised, I can't wait!   Lots still to look forward to for the rest of 2014...going to make the best of it!

The Month of May

I had actually intended on blogging on the 1st of May and never got around to it.  Maybe it's better that I didn't.  I was dreading this month because of Mother's Day and my Mom's 85th birthday.  May has always been a month that I looked forward to because I loved to celebrate my mom even more than I always did to begin with.   I knew that I would be missing her this month and really didn't know what to expect quite honestly.   Well, something clicked for me.   I decided to make a choice.   A choice to be happy, a choice to be good to myself and do what I need to do for ME.

I think things started to click in part after listening to a Nutritional webinar on April 30th.  I have several friends who have adapted this new lifestyle of eating plant-based, going Gluten free and Vegan and while I know that will NEVER be me, I was still able to pick up some helpful tidbits from the hour+ presentation.    May 2nd was going to be my start date to begin taking care of me and changing some habits to find my old self that used to be comfortable in her own skin.   These last few years have not been kind on my body- too much stress, too much taking care of others and lacking time to take care of myself.

The other thing that clicked is that I am not getting any younger.  I have always teased people that when you have a birthday you have just completed the # of years that you just "turned"-  so when we celebrate a 1st birthday, that person completed 1 year of life.  Well, hubby is turning 50 next month, which means he will be completing his 50th year of life and on his birthday his 51st year of life begins.  I'm a year behind him.  Many of my girlfriends are all starting to talk about the big birthday next year and what we are all going to be doing to celebrate.  Well, I for one am going to be one FABULOUSLY looking 50 year old!   Appropriately, I need to lose 50 pounds to be realistic...55 or 60 would be even better- but I'm a realist - first goal is 50, when I get there if it feels like more should go, then I will continue the loss efforts.  First things first.

So back to May- I know that weight loss is a combination of diet and exercise and for me I needed to adjust both parts of the equation.  So many people say "but you teach all those classes at the gym- how come you can't lose weight?" - well I teach, yes- but those are not MY workouts and they are simply not enough in the overall scheme of activity needed.  My other career is very sedentary and it comes with vacations where eating is a challenge.   So I have gotten back to my power walking and have taken walks 15 days this month- some by myself, some with Bill and some with friends.  I have successfully lost weight in the past with Weight Watchers and with counting my points- I know it works and when I'm focused and tracking- I DO make better choices.  For well over a year, I've been tracking- but not focused on my eating and I simply did not care if my end of week had a big RED deficit.  It's pretty simple, if you have a RED deficit you have eaten too much, not been active enough or both.  That does not equal weight loss.  If you have leftover points and have tracked honestly- you should see some weight loss.  My Weight Watchers weigh in day/restart day is Friday- so May 2nd- I decided it was time to refocus.  I knew there was no way that I would remove the full RED 90 point deficit that I've been regularly attaining, but I was aiming to reduce that deficit on week one and I did- to RED 77, then on week two, RED 34 and then this last week, I ended up out of the RED with 6 leftover points!

It's about progress, not perfection.  It's about making choices that are better for ME, choices that work for me.  Everyone knows I am not the veggie and fruit person- well I am back to making my smoothies with my fruits- I will soon get adventurous and try to add in a little green stuff.  I never trust anyone who says "you won't taste it"- it's usually not the case for me. Nobody understands my palate.  I remember when I did Weight Watchers in 1999 and BobbyJo said that Jicama was like Tortilla Chips.  Oh, I gave that a try- EPIC FAIL!   I started to add Chia seeds to my smoothies- again progress.  I am measuring everything.   I am drinking my Shakeology about 5 times a week- and that works for me.  I like the taste, it fills me up and I can fell the energy from it. When I know that I'm going to have an "extreme" meal in a day- then I have tried to do two shakes in a day to minimize my point usage.   The result so far?  I've lost 5 pounds after three weeks of being focused.  I know it's not much- but it is 10% of my total weight loss goal.  I feel skinnier, I feel better.   It feels great to be out walking again and other than normal aches and pains from activity- I can say that my foot issues are fine now (YAY).

So back to May--well decided that my mom would want me to take care of myself.  Over the last few years, she knew I was not happy with my weight, but she would always tell me, "You look like you've lost weight dear"- even though I knew that I had not lost anything- perhaps even gained.  She was my biggest cheerleader.   Mother's Day- I took a "lay low" day- watched the Giants game, chilled out, enjoyed family time.   Mom's birthday- I took the day off of work- well most of it and drove to Gilroy for a pool day since we were spending the night at a hotel for an evening wedding- it was perfect.  The wedding was beautiful and a very nice, fun night.  I started out mom's birthday by teaching back to back spin classes and played my favorite "Happy" song.  I know mom would have loved that song- she loved the Despicable Me movies, but the song had not really taken off with the movie right away.   Mom would be proud that I am taking care of myself and she is still cheering me on with every pound I lose, with every step I take on my walks- she is cheering for me.

GAME is ON and I've got this--I'm saying goodbye to 50 pounds and they are staying away for good- when I begin my 50th year of life on my 49th birthday this November- I will be 50 pounds lighter and fitting into clothes that have been collecting dust in my closet for years!  

Reflections on Megamadness 2014

It's been almost 48 hours since MegaMadness ended on Saturday night and I've had to give it some time to sink in.  This was my 2nd MegaMadness that I've traveled to, I've done plenty of local quarterlies, but those are on such a smaller scale.  This event just seems to get more and more amazing.   I thought a good place to start would be to re-read my reflections from last year's Mega and see how differently or the same I feel this time around.  Here is the link to last year's reflections:
http://pamharperhorst.blogspot.com/2013/03/renewed-rejuvenated-ready.html

Well, this year was an overall different experience for me.  Work, like expected was ridiculously busy before leaving and I literally had to work through the night on Wednesday to try to get as much done as possible.  As I sit here and write this, I am still very behind with travel quotes.  After working through the night, I went to the gym to do a peer review for a fellow spin instructor, then back to my office to work, finally pack, shower and get to the airport.  I brought files with me, but really did not have time to do any work.  Once I arrived, got to the ARIA resort, checked-in and then met up with Jocelyn and several other friends for dinner.  Before dinner, I ran into both my BodyFlow trainer Rachel and my BodyCombat trainer Rebecca- so good to see them both and that made me stop and think. Just a year ago, I only taught 1 Les Mills format and now I am certified to teach three!  I have got to believe that it was last year's Mega experience that really inspired me to take on more - yes, me the crazy busy person taking on more!   There is still a possibility that I may take on two more formats, but we'll see.  I really would like to do the RPM training, Jocelyn just got certified and loves it - and at this Mega, they did the launch preview of the new Born to Move program for kids, which I think is going to be a super program.  Time will tell.

Thursday dinner went well, did a little gambling with Jocelyn & Gediz- they gambled, I watched and we finally got to our rooms around 1230am..yes I had been up since 830am on Wednesday morning, so about 40 hours by the time I got to bed and then was up at 615am to start Day One with full day of AIM 1 for Body Combat (Advanced Instructor Training).  Initially, I was nervous for this AIM because I am still a rookie with Body Combat- last year for Body Pump, I was a seasoned instructor and very comfortable in my Body Pump skin.  But this year, I had the comfort of knowing a BUNCH of people taking AIM, last year I went in alone.  It was awesome!  Not only was this training led by Dan Cohen- the program director for Body Combat, but he had several Rock Star trainers with him to assist...Angel, Jericho, Will, Ben, Petter & Peggy - all well know Body Combat Trainers/Presenters.  I was in Will's group and we had our track assignments, which we randomly signed up for - I got Track 8- which is such a fun boxing track with great music.  After we each did our presentations, we received immediate feedback and Will simply had to say, "AWESOME, that track was made for you, you completely dialed into the music, you coached, you motivated" - he went onto say if he had to pick on anything and it would be nit-picky it would be to work on my uppercuts and I know that- I'm much better than I was 6 months ago, but that strike is still a challenge for me.  I felt really great afterwards.  After all of our group presented - and we had a total of 19 presentations per group x 6 groups- so we had about 130 people in this training!  We then continued the afternoon with lectures by Angel and Dan and then drills - learning about the essence of each martial art.  This was so beneficial and eye opening.  In many ways, I loved this AIM more than Body Pump and it could very well be just that I learned so much more that is going to help me as an instructor of Body Combat.  Dan Cohen is simply amazing, he's funny, he's approachable, he made a point of meeting with each and everyone of us in small groups...just awesome, amazing, phenomenal...Friday finished on a serious HIGH and we had so much more to come!

Friday evening we had the cocktail party and Reebok fashion show, it was a very nice event and ended about 915pm and we still hadn't had dinner!  After a day of bagels, nuts, protein bars- we wanted something to stick to our gut- so Jocelyn and I decided to go to the Steakhouse and it did not disappoint.  Very nice dinner, conversation, champagne and we finished up around 1130pm, strolled by the casino tables to find Gediz still up and gambling...I think I finally got to bed around 1am- with another early morning on Saturday- up for Body Pump at 730am!  That was a struggle, but worth every bit of it!  They launched for us Body Pump 90, the release that we won't even receive until May 9th!  It was awesome and fun to take a class where you have no idea what is coming next!  Holy Chest & Shoulder tracks!   This set the pace for an awesome day that was filled with Education Sessions for Body Flow with Josef, Body Combat with Dan & Rach and Body Pump with Susan - lots of great takeaways from each of those sessions.   And a few more workouts- Body Combat 60 (again the release that we will receive in May) which was amazing- marking Body Combat's 15th year!  To take a class like that with 1000 people, there just are no words.  We finished off the day with a Glow in the Dark Body Flow class with release 64- the one that is coming out this month.  Beautiful release and I hope that I get a chance to teach it soon.

Adding to this amazing day- a preview of the new program for kids - Born to Move, a group of kids from the local YMCA came to enjoy the class and boy what fun they had doing it and what fun we had watching the program in action.  It's going to be an amazing addition and something our society needs- we need to get kids moving again, start the fight on globesity at a young age!  I'd love to teach this program, but we'll see if we can find time for that and where it will be offered.   The evening keynote speaker- incredible!  Kyle Maynard gave such an amazing and inspirational presentation - lots of messages, but what I got from it:  live life to its fullest, there are no excuses and there is always going to be someone in a worst predicament than yourself.  If he can feel that way with virtually no arms/legs.  Just incredible...if you'd like to find out more about him- check out this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czXTkNyzF98

After the day was over, we still had the After Party and Les Mills & Reebok know how to do this in style and Les Mills Instructors love to party!   We had exclusive use of the HAZE nightclub for 2.5 hours with open bar and heavy appetizers and it was a ton of fun and I'll tell you- instructors clean up nicely!  We finished off the night with some gambling and a late night breakfast before finally heading to bed around 130am- of course, I had to enjoy a quick bubble bath since the tub was amazing- but couldn't enjoy it for too long, I was tired.

Overall, a great weekend of spending time with Tribe friends, meeting some who I've only known via email or facebook, making brand new friends, connecting with a few Las Vegas ladies who were in my Body Pump AIM last year, meeting the world class trainers and program directors- it was just a fabulous experience and I can't wait to go again!

Sunday was the day of getting home (smoothly), chillin' on the couch - Ok napping on the couch, trying to do work (didn't get any of it done) and then today after getting up for my 7am Body Pump class, chiropractic adjustment, I ended up crawling back into bed and sleeping until 2pm..I'm still tired and don't feel well.  Usually, my allergies flare up after a trip and they also flare up when in a smoky environment (casinos)- so I am hoping that is all, but only time will tell.  I've gone through enough stupid Kleenex though and I'm about to hit the hay and get some sleep- lots of it.  Still have a ton of work to do, but I just can't focus when I feel like this.  Hoping tomorrow is a better day!

So happy that they had a photo booth with a scheduled time to take pictures with your favorite "Les Mills Celebrities"-  The One & Only Body Combat Duo:  Dan Cohen & Rachael Newsham!

Tribute to my Mom - Read at her Celebration of Life 3/9/13

Memories of my mom - Patricia Maureen Harper  5/23/29 - 1/12/14

My mother was a wonderful woman.  She was strong, loving & would do anything for her kids and grandkids.  She would listen to us, offer advice if we asked for it, lend support in any way she was capable of lending, she cried with us, she laughed with us and if we were hurt she was hurt, if we were happy she was happy.  She was our biggest fan, our number one cheerleader and supporter.  My mom was in every definition what a mother is supposed to be. I was also lucky to call her my best friend.  She loved to garden, cruise, play bingo, gamble & listen to the Giants games on her transistor radio.  She loved music and dancing - in fact one could hear her music playing down the hallway at Woodside Terrace (she never did get that hearing aid that she never really wanted to get).  And as for dancing, we have several pictures of her and her signature dance move!   She loved to help people; she had a HUGE heart and was so very giving.  She was silly, goofy and got a kick out of herself- often.  She loved her collections and in her lifetime she collected a lot of things:  thimbles, plates, spoons, dolls, teddy bears, music boxes, jewelry, decorations and anything butterfly...and yes many times she was over the top with her collections. But she loved them, they made her happy.  She also had a collection of singing/dancing holiday stuffed animals and she would just light up when she would play them.  Of course she had to share that joy with others, so she would bring these with her to her senior clubs, bingo sessions, coffee shops, and she loved to see other people loving these little entertainers.

 She was always aware of her appearance and took great pride in looking good.  It bothered her when she would see others who seemed to not care about their appearance.   Even in the ER the day before she passed, she asked if her hair looked OK and if she still had on lipstick.  The last thing I did for my mom before she passed the next day- I straightened her bangs and put on her lipstick. And although she couldn't speak, I think she knew and appreciated this gesture.  She went to heaven with snowmen on her thumbnails- she recently discovered nail art and looked forward to her manicures every other month to get a new nail design.

My mom was a fighter and a survivor.  When I look back at these last few years, the years when she battled one health crisis after another and some were more like wars quite honestly- her little body kept fighting even when she had made peace and was really ready to die.  I reminded her often that it was not up to her and that it just was not her time to go.    I am just so very thankful that this time, God decided he was ready for her because the Cancer war would not have been an easy or fair battle for her to fight.  At the end of the day, we really do have a kind and loving God.

I miss her terribly; we would talk on the phone every day and see each other several times a week.   It's a great loss. That being said, she is with me every single day and I can honestly say that every day since she has passed, she has spoken to me in one way or another.  I just don’t have to pick up the phone and dial 7 digits; I can just talk to her whenever and wherever. She & I had an incredible bond as both mother/daughter and best friends.  I know this is rare and I am very lucky.  At one point during her medical battles, she was in tears and feared that going through all of her medical issues with her would ruin our friendship, quite the contrary.  It was an honor and a privilege to be able to be her cheerleader, her supporter and help her like she had done all her life for me.

I have been told and will happily admit that I am very much like my mom.  She & I have the same kind of silliness, goofiness & sense of humor.    That’s a gift that I get to keep with me always.  And while I have a lifetime of memories with my mom, I'd like to share some of my most special ones:  anytime we traveled together and we did travel often after my dad passed away, but I most remember our first cruise together - a first for both of us in 1990 and we laughed so much because it was such a rocky ride up the coast to Vancouver.  We both fell in love with cruising on that trip & mom was so excited to meet the Captain.   

We had numerous weekend visits when she would come down to stay with Bill & I and it didn't matter what we did together, we just enjoyed being together laughing, taking naps, going to movies, playing bingo.  I especially loved our Christmas Eve tradition, my mom would do the prep work for the Turkey (breaking the bread) and I would cook the Turkey, reverse roles from when I used to do the same for her when I was growing up.  We'd do our little gift exchange with her and then watch "White Christmas" together while sipping Bailey's Coffees.  She would always say that we spoiled her too much, but we were happy to do that, it was fun to watch her open her gifts and get excited about them.  We'd all go to bed late and  then on Christmas Day, I'd be the one up early getting the bird into the oven and making Cinnamon Rolls & Coffee for breakfast.  

More recently, this past Christmas, I helped her decorate her apartment and she was just so excited to have all of her decorations out.  It was fun doing that together, while listening to Christmas Music and sipping on our Starbucks.  We had not decorated for the holidays together since I lived with her over 20 years ago.  She had the reputation at Woodside Terrace for having the most decorated doorway - always, holiday or not! Her doorway brought joy to all who passed by.  It was a blessing to know that in her very short time at Woodside Terrace, she had made her mark and people loved her there as well.

We had many Tahoe vacations as a family starting in my late teens and I'd like to share one year that involved a Kool & the Gang concert and Long Island Iced Teas.  It was "Ladies Night" for sure and "oh what a night" it was.   The Place:  Harrah's Showroom,   The Players:  My Sister,  mom,  Aunt Kitty,  Cousin Jeanne, friend Deanna and myself.   Two drink minimum, the waitress starts to take our orders - Deanna,  my sister &  I start off and order Long Island Iced Teas,   my Aunt orders a Pina Colada and  Jeanne orders one as well (although they brought her a Virgin one without asking for her ID and yes she wasn't 21, but she gets an A for effort) and then the waitress gets to my mom.  Mom asks, "what did they order?" and points to my sister and I, we tell her and she says "I'll have that".   My sister and I just smiled at each other knowing that this could become an interesting night.  The concert begins and of course mom's favorite song comes on, "Celebration"- her signature song and she bolts out of the booth and heads down to the stage to presumably dance with the band, she had a blast and we of course all enjoyed watching her.  The concert comes to an end, we are waiting for our pictures to purchase and mom needed to use the rest room, so we said we'd meet her out in the casino.  Well we couldn't find her anywhere, we found my dad and Uncle and they had not seen her. We headed back to our cabin at the Hacienda and there was mom in her bed fast asleep.  Seems two Long Island Iced Teas were more than she expected.  The next morning, the first words out of her mouth, "What was in that drink?"   Needless to say, she never had one of those again.

I mentioned that she liked to gamble, well she loved her lottery scratchers and would usually budget to buy her weekly allotment, and she was very lucky with them.  In fact, she was always so lucky with them that if I was with her when she bought tickets, I'd buy some for myself and I did not share her same luck..at all.  It was so frustrating to me.  While cleaning out her apartment, I found about $35 worth of tickets that she had not turned in yet, so I decided to reinvest them for her and had a good run for about 5 weeks- her luck finally ran out this past week.  But of course, I had not learned my lesson and all these weeks while reinvesting for her, I'd get a few for myself and would not do nearly as well as her tickets were...until this week.  Low & behold, I bought two tickets, one $5 and one $3 and scratched it on Friday night and it was a $1000 winner.  Like I said, she is with me every single day and as excited as I got about the winning ticket, I believe that she was probably even more excited for me.

I'd like to close with two poems that I found that I think are very fitting:

Thank You Mother

© Nicole J. Heath

Thank you mother- for all that you have done,
You took great care, of your daughters and sons.

You loved us all from the very start,
with your warm, kind, and loving heart.

Thank you mother, for being strong,
While trying to teach us right from wrong.

If anytime, we had a problem,
you were there to help us solve them.

You'd lift us up, when we were feeling blue,
Thank you mother, for we could always count on you.

You were such- an awesome mother,
The love you showed was like no other.

Thank you mother- for your dear, sweet love,
Now you'll watch over us from heaven above.

Source: Thank You Mother, Mother Death Poem http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/thank-you-mother#ixzz2sWcLOfr2
Family Friend Poems 

A Daughter's Promise

© Allie B. Quaglieri

Every time that I smile,
Every time that I sigh,
I think of your face,
And a tear escapes my eye.

You were my world,
My inspiration and my heart,
But when you left me,
I thought I would fall apart.

You were my best friend,
My one true 'confidante',
And that's not all you were,
You were also my mom.

I didn't want to live without you,
But you would have wanted me to,
And if there's anyone I want to make happy,
That anyone is you

I would have given anything to have you back,
But I know now that it was meant to be,
For you are still watching from up there,
And I know you're watching me.

I'll make you proud mom,
I'm going to fulfill your wish,
You're going to see me and smile,
That's a daughter's promise.

Source: Poem From Daughter To Departed Mother, A Daughter's Promise http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/a-daughters-promise#ixzz2sWbvUuUG
Family Friend Poems 

God is working overtime in 2014

February 10th and already there has been a lot of heartache for myself and several friends of mine.   Some may only be friends in the name of "Facebook", but I think if you've maintained a connection for a few years over the social media and have some one on one conversations or "chats"- then you are friends on some level.

I remember finishing up our New Years Cruise at the beginning of the year and one of my friend's had posted on Facebook that she just had a feeling that 2014 was going to bring a lot of heartbreak. I read that post and was not in a place to really reply to it, but the thought did sink into me and struck a chord.  Of course, 10 days later my mom passed away and she & I had a conversation about that post and I shared that when I read it, I had that sinking feeling myself.  Not sure why, but perhaps it's that feeling that at any time life can change.  People who are special to you could be here today and gone tomorrow.  I think a lot of that comes from being with my mom these last few years through all of her medical ups and downs on her late roller coaster of life.   But it did stick with me.

Well, 2014 has been a year of heartbreak for too many people already.  At this point, we have Barbara (Jan 5), Myself (Jan 12), Stacy (Feb 2) all having lost our moms- two at the age of 67 and one at the age of 84.  All touched by Cancer.   We have Diane (Jan 14ish),  Tiina (Jan 31st) and Suzy (today) having lost dads..I'm not sure of all the ages here, but at least one touched by Cancer, another a stroke and not sure about the third.  Then we have Linda/Jennie (Feb 9th) who lost their sister/cousin at the age of 50 to F'N Cancer!    So much loss, it's really quite horrible.

I can only think and feel that God must really be in need of more angels to help Him out.  There is no doubt that death is a good thing for the dearly departed, it is only hard on those of us who are left behind.  But with faith, we are able to move on with our lives and with faith know that this is all part of a greater plan, one that we have absolutely no control over.  For a control freak, this can be tough.  It's hard to swallow, it's something you want to change and make different- but you just can't. But everything does happen for a reason- that I am very sure.

I will say that grieving sure has come a long way in 24 years- when I last lost someone dear to me, my dad.  We now have so many more ways to connect to people, ways from where we can gain support, ways where we can reach out and talk to others- in person or even virtually via "chat" avenues.

This past weekend we met Tiina for dinner for her birthday before going dancing- it was just the three of us and it was perfect- it had been two months since seeing her and of course since the last time we saw each other, we have both now lost a parent.  Over dinner as we were getting closer to going dancing, we realized that we were both in the same spot - we were both going to be coming face to face with many friends who knew of our loss and who were ready to give us hugs and want to share their support- which always leads to teary eyes, but we were bonded and in this together.  It's amazing the love and support we both received from our dance monster friends. It was a very perfect night returning to the Saddle Rack after a long absence.

Barbara and I have shared numerous conversations and due to my premonition before my mom passed about the two of us sitting someplace tropical chatting about our moms and about cancer sucking- I think we really do need to take a mini-vacation together.  In fact, it may be really cool to include others from this list- the list of "Pam's friends who have lost a loved one in the first 40 days of 2014".  Sigh.  Although the trip has not been planned yet, I do think there is a pre-game date lurking on April 8th at AT&T park with another friend from the gym.

Stacy is a travel colleague- we have never met face to face.  I have admired her success, have taken tips that she has shared in a travel magazine column, she has reached out to me to join forces with her and I have reached out to her for her expertise at times.  We had a lovely chat this past weekend about our moms, ourselves, our relationships with our moms and who we are today.  Come to find out, we are both travel pros in our 40's, both child-less, both have two nephews, both have lost both parents, both have a connection to Rochester NY- and it is Facebook that really brought us together and made us a part of each other's virtual lives.

Anyway, I don't have all the answers- but I do take comfort in my newfound friendships.  There is a commonality that brings us together, that helps us help each other along this process of grieving.  I do have wonderful family and great friends...but quite honestly when something like the loss of a parent happens- most people do not know what to do for you or how to support you unless they have been here themselves.  Some keep their distance because they just don't know what to do.  Some are afraid to ask "how are you doing?" because they aren't sure if they should ask...and it's all OK- that is what makes us all so different, makes us individuals.  Emotions are funny things- there are no wrong or right ones- we just have to own our feelings and know that they are ours and that they are OK.

Today, I miss my mom -but now that we have hit the 4 week point and nearing in one the one month mark- I am more concerned for my friend's who have experienced loss more recently than I and hope that I can help them in any way.  I think that is part of my mom's legacy that I have inherited- she was always concerned about others and wanted to help others in any way that she could.  What an amazing person to replicate.

Hello February

January sure flew by- gee whiz!   I really don't know where all the time goes, but it sure does go quickly!   This month I think more than any other, really went by super fast and I suppose that is much to do with everything that had to get done.  We were extremely busy with getting mom's apartment emptied by the end of the month.  Certainly did not want to pay any additional rent to Woodside Terrace.

It took five visits to get everything packed up- several trips to donate to Good Will and Pick of the Litter.  An incredible amount of clothing, nick knacks, pictures...it's sad to see all of ones favorite possessions be reduced to that, but what can you do?   You can't take it all home.  My sister and I did pretty good I think.  She has taken mom's bedroom set and sold her previous set which was our grandmother's that she's used for 30 years.  I took the bedding for mom's bed - it was fairly new and replaces the Laura Ashley comforter set that moved in with Bill 10 years ago, which was his previous marriage comforter set- it was time to be rid of that.  I have a few of mom's teddy bears on my mantle, a few of her butterfly magnets to go on my fridge.  There are a few things here and there that we both picked up in memory of mom.  What we also did was pack up and ship something special to our cousins & Aunts so that they had something special from our mom.   That has been so well received.

It amazed me at how things work.  We sent my cousin Jamie a ceramic white butterfly, not knowing that ever since her father-in-law passed away a year ago that they have seen an abundant amount of white butterflies and always feel as though those butterflies are "dad"- Jamie was so surprised by our gift and that it was a white butterfly.   We sent my cousin Beth a ferris wheel music box with teddy bears on the ferris wheel for her granddaughter's room.  The music box has played on its own a couple of times ~ I think my mom has been visiting CT.!   It felt good to send a few special people something special of mom's.

We were lucky enough to sell most of her furniture- although there are still a few small pieces & a few lamps sitting in my living room right now.  Soon my house will return to normal, I just know it will- it has to before I go cray cray crazy!

While cleaning out her apartment, we had visits from several of her neighbors- so many people just in shock that mom was gone.  I got the impression that she was popular at Woodside Terrace, she was someone that people all liked and weeks later I was told that they are still talking about her and miss her.  That's pretty cool to know that she really did make lasting impressions with people.  I gave her Skeleton decoration to her neighbor Frances and gave her neighbor Maryann a plant stand and plant - she in return promised to care for the plant in mom's honor.  I told her the truth- I kill plants!

Closure is the name of the game right now.  We emptied her apartment last week,  tomorrow we have the internment ceremony at the cemetery.  I'm not too sure how I feel about this, I'm not a cemetery person- never have been, never will be.  I do not need to go to the cemetery to visit my dearly departed parents.  I think in 24 years, I've probably gone to see my dad's gravesite a handful of times.  Cemeteries are depressing places.  I'd much rather remember my loved ones everyday in the course of my daily life.  But we need to do something as we bury her ashes alongside my dads.  So Pastor Draeger will be coming with us and officiating this ceremony.

Next Friday- more closure- our family, childhood home closes escrow and a new family- The McCord's will be calling 1032 Goettingen Street "home" and making their own family memories.  While I am so happy a good family will be moving into our home, it's still very bittersweet.  You always think you have a home you can go back to, or parents you can always go visit.  Not anymore.

I am looking forward to March 9th, we will be having a Celebration of Life and it's going to be awesome.  A time to honor my mom in front of friends and family and really celebrate the life that she lived, the fights that she fought and the love that she shared with everyone she met.  Although, it will be our "last" official mom thing - I'm not worried.  She is with me every single day, I feel her near me, I hear her talk to me -I can't even really explain it- but she is here.  All the time.

Here we go into February....hopefully a month of catching up on work, getting estate stuff in order and ending with a fabulous Line Dance cruise to the Caribbean.  I am looking forward to 7 days of dancing!

She Touched So Many

Today things still don't feel real.  I got some much needed rest and lounged in bed until noon, making some phone calls, reading emails, Facebook posts, etc.  The out-pour of love and support is absolutely amazing and I know that I am truly blessed to have such amazing, loving and supportive people in my life.

What has touched me the most is how so many people have told me that they feel as though they knew my mom because of my posts, my stories, my pictures.  That is just so awesome and warms my heart.  I have also been touched that I've heard from 4 of my mom's Drs.  Yesterday, an email from her Vascular Doctor (our favorite)- Dr. Gillon and she had this to say:

 "So sudden!  I am grateful I got to see her in her sweet little apartment.  I loved your mother.  You did such an amazing job of taking care of her.  She will be missed.  Much love, Jean"

Then today, I had called her GI Dr. office to cancel her next appointment and had a long talk with the receptionist- their offices had already received the word, but she just went on and on about how good my mom looked on Thursday and how she was always so pleasant.

Next up, I called her Cardiologist and left a message, it did not warrant a call back, but she called back this afternoon and left me this beautiful voice mail about how she was shocked but that she knew that my mom would not have wanted to suffer with liver cancer.  She went onto say how much she enjoyed being mom's Dr. and that she was such a fun & sweet person.

At the end of the day, I received a call from her Primary Care Physician, Dr. Aron and he was also so shocked.  To the point that he went back and reviewed previous test results and did confirm that in the Spring of 2013 (her last chest x-ray)- there were no signs of the cancer, so this was indeed a very aggressive, fast growing and spreading cancer that came on very recently.  He also said that her liver readings were slightly abnormal in November (which we knew) but they were fine prior to that, so again proof that the cancer had not impacted her liver until November.  He too went onto say how much he enjoyed mom and what a lovely lady she was, always dressed to the nines and he even commented on her OCD with taking her blood pressure multiple times per day.   He went onto say how she was a joy to have as a patient and that he will miss seeing her.  He was so happy that she had overcome so many health obstacles and said she was such a fighter.

After meeting with the Mortician to make the arrangements, we went to her apartment to start to clean things out.  We informed the gal at the reception desk and she literally went into shock.  She had to take a moment.  She simply could not believe that she saw her Friday and everything was fine and she looked good, walking around and gone today.  She also went on to tell us how much she would miss mom and that she really was well liked around Woodside Terrace.  I realize that a place like Woodside Terrace has a high move in/move out rate- it's a senior community, but I did feel like the gal at the front desk really knew mom and really did not expect to hear this and was deeply saddened by this.

While I am still super sad and miss her terribly, I am so happy to hear these stories and to know that she really did touch so many lives.  She was a woman who everyone loved, she left her mark with you after one meeting.  She made you feel that you mattered and to her - you did matter.  She loved people, she was a social butterfly (wow what a name- she loved her butterflies).  Tonight was a bit freaky when my phone (my office phone that never rings at night- except for when mom calls) rang at 830pm- the time she would normally call on a Monday night right after bingo.  I caught myself getting up off the couch to run to get the phone.  Then I stopped- she won't be making those phone calls anymore.

One Life Changing Day

January 12, 2014 is a day that I will never forget, the day that my mother and best friend was called to Heaven.  It has been a long and winding road these past few years and she has been to hell and back, she fought and fought and fought even when she didn't know she was fighting or that she wanted to fight.  She overcame so many nasty medical issues time and time again.  It's actually quite amazing that she had a full 84.5 years on this God given Earth.   Although, she has said over and over again that she should have died back in 2011 when she had the Duodenal Ulcer,  on Saturday while at the ER she was talking with excitement about the coming Giants Season, she was talking about the Gardening Club at Woodside Terrace that she was going to join...and then 12 hours later she was gone.

Am I surprised that she had cancer?  No, she smoked for 65 years- surely there had to be some damage from that.  But what I was surprised by was the fact that we find out Saturday night that she had cancer and then Sunday that she has 4-5 days to be with us and then once we get adjusted to that idea, we get the message that it didn't look good and we should get to the hospital ASAP.   She went from being so "with it" and "coherent" at midnight Saturday when I left the hospital to being completely out of it Sunday afternoon.

While I know that I was blessed with an amazing mother and friend, I am so pissed that she didn't get to enjoy more of her "second life" here in Redwood City.  She was just getting fully adjusted to her new home at Woodside Terrace, loving her cute little apartment and very proud of her decorations.  She LOVED decorating for this Christmas and was so happy that I convinced her to put up her miniature tree.  We had fun decorating her place together.  She was loving feeling useful and volunteered to help Colleen the activity director with stapling the weekly activity sheets.  She processed over 500 Holiday cards for me with stamps, stuffing and labels.  I know that life is not fair, but this is just not fair at all.

I think I knew on Friday that her time with us was coming to an end.  We went for blood work and she was in pain, but did not want to go to the hospital.  Saturday when I saw her she agreed that she needed to go to the hospital.  She was in a lot of pain and it showed.  In hindsight, she knew as well.  She had me trying on some of her rings while we were in the ER, she was telling me what bills needed to be paid and what she wanted to pay on them.

 I had a very strange premonition on Saturday.  I was taking a Body Flow class and during the meditation/relaxation track, the instructor who was guiding the meditation just got to me, she took me to a place that was outside of my head- almost like a dream state.  However, I found myself tearing up and my "dream" or "vision" that I had during this brief time was of myself and a friend Barbara and we were at a resort together and talking about our moms and how cancer sucks.   Barbara lost her mom a few weeks ago and I have had her on my mind ever since her mom started to battle Cancer last year.  Barbara and I are not even close friends, we met 10 years ago at the gym and have stayed in touch via Facebook.  When the class was done, I was feeling very melancholy....I knew that something was wrong.

After 9 hours at the hospital, when I came home I did my research online and read up on Liver Cancer and pretty much looked at my brother and said "Mom's screwed"- we didn't know for sure if she had Liver Cancer, but it was 99.9% likely and I knew going to bed Saturday night that she was dying. I woke up feeling pretty much the same way Sunday morning, I hoped it was something else, but how else do you explain masses on the liver?  You don't.

My mother was a wonderful woman.  She was strong, loving, would do anything for her kids and grandkids, she loved to garden, cruise, play bingo and gamble.  She loved to help people, she had a HUGE heart and was so very giving.  She was goofy and got a kick out of herself- often.  She loved her collections and in her lifetime she collected a lot of things:  thimbles, plates, spoons, dolls, teddy bears, music boxes, jewelry, decorations and anything butterfly...and yes many times she was over the top with her collections..but she loved them.   She was always aware of her appearance and took great pride in looking good.  Even in the ER Saturday night, she asked if her hair was messed up and if she still had on lipstick.  The last thing I did for my mom before she passed- I straightened her bangs and put on her lipstick..and although she couldn't speak, I think she knew and appreciated this gesture.  She goes to heaven with snowmen on her thumbnails- she recently discovered nail art and looked forward to her manicures every other month to get a new nail design...her next appointment was set up for this week..she was going to have a flower.  On my next nail appointment, I will get the flower or a butterfly in her memory.

I will miss her terribly, I already do.  We would talk on the phone every day and see each other several times a week.   It's a great loss.  I find my comfort in knowing that she is not suffering, I think she suffered more than she should have these past few days or even weeks because she was not ready to leave us, I also think she did not want to be sick before I left on vacation- she wanted me to go have a fun cruise for New Years.  That's the type of woman that she was- extremely selfless, almost to a fault.   I find my comfort in knowing that she is now with my Dad- their marriage was not perfect, but they did find a renewed happiness together in his last few years and that is the man who is waiting for her in Heaven.   I find my comfort in knowing that I maximized my time with her and that we had quality time together, especially these past three years.  It was a gift that I am so grateful to have been given.

Rest in Peace, Patricia Maureen Harper, my sweet, sweet mom.  I will love and think of you always.