2021- Goals & Adventures

 New Year, New Beginning and to be cliche- New Me!   I'm overdue!   

2020 was not kind to me.   My Travel Business came to a stand-still, I lost more earned money than ever before.  I do not have any hope of making money until late 2021 and even that is shaky at this point.  Seems every day we get another blow.  This past week was a new CDC requirement for travelers to test negative before flying back to the USA.  Enough already! 

My fitness career also came to a stand-still.  Gyms had to close with the pandemic and even though my home club, the JCC has re-opened with outdoor classes, there are very few and they are not Les Mills.  During the course of the year, the JCC "broke up" with their management company, so we are all supposed to be employees of the JCC now, I completed everything but never heard a thing.  I don't even receive instructor emails anymore.  I spoke to another instructor who I know does not want to get back to teaching until the pandemic is gone or at least controlled with vaccines & she was told that she's on the sub list.   I kept procrastinating getting in touch with my Director about this but of course began all of the negative self-talk.  "They don't want me", "I'm not good enough to teach there", "I'm too fat", "I'm not fit enough"--the list goes on.   At this point, I'm going to let it ride.   I don't know when/if they will bring back the classes that I teach and I'm not sure that I'm ready to go back to teaching with masks, etc.  At this point in time, I am fat and I am not fit.   2020 was not kind.

All of this being said, we have a new beginning this year and that will be a move to Reno, NV.   Bill's work is relocating and we decided to take on the new adventure.  Of course, I am also a realist and given that he's worked there for 32 years and is currently our sole supporter financially, it makes sense.  We are both excited about this & have put a deposit down on a new build in an Active 55+ Adult community.   It's really time to get back on track.  Honestly, the physical aspect of moving might kill me (not quite literally) but I am so out of shape and not very strong anymore, it's pathetic.  I weigh the heaviest that I have ever weighed.  EVER.  I don't eat right, I drink too much wine and I am not exercising.  

Eating: probably the least part of the problem.  I am aware of what I am eating, I just don't think I'm being consistent or on a good schedule.  I wake up and usually have my coffee first and then I'm not really hungry for hours, then I get my Isagenix shake, maybe a decent snack later in the day and then it's too close to dinnertime.  We normally cook something decent for dinner and I eat small portions. But I do act out.  I will have chips, cookies, ice cream, etc.  Not all of the time, but if I splurge I'm all in. 

Wine: well the drinking starts in the evening and I often will drink a bottle over the course of 4-5 hours. Honestly, it's not a terrible amount but I should not be doing this every night.  I get bored or I get depressed and then I don't care and it becomes this vicious circle.  I have tried and been successful to limit the drinking to 2-3 days a week and that's what I need to get back to.  OR restrict myself to 2 glasses per night.  I know what I need to do, I know that I can do it and I think I am finally at the point where I want to do it. 

Exercise: with all the free time that I have, you'd think I would be going for 4-5 mile walks every day (like I used to when I was busy), you'd think that I would do BodyPump, Combat or Flow in the living room to one of my training videos but I lack serious motivation.  As for the walking, I think I need to delete the Citizen App from my phone.  I get alerts of all sorts of crazy crimes going on in the neighborhood, I don't know if it's because of the pandemic and people are desperate but I'm just not comfy going walking by myself like I once was.   I did have a good spree of dancing in the living room but then I got burned out with that and it's just not the same as dancing with my friends.  I have probably worked out (including dancing) maybe 30 days in the last 10 months.  Maybe.  I know it'll be hard to get going again but I also know once I get going, I will feel energized and will get back into the routine.

Sleep & TV & Social Media:  though I track my sleep and most nights I am getting enough sleep: 7-8 hours per night, I stay up way too late.  I am a night owl, this I know.  I have always been a night owl, but I need to start going to bed earlier so that I can get up earlier and drink my shake, attack my workout and then have my coffee.  I need to develop the good routine that I once had.  I waste hours late at night watching the game show network & scrolling around on Social Media.  Good Lord.  Obviously, this is all new since the pandemic because I don't have anything to get up early for--but I really do, I need to get up earlier for me.  It would be one thing if I was staying up late to work on trip quotes or catching up on paperwork! 

I know when I exercise, I make better choices with food and alcohol.   I want to lose at least 50 pounds before we move, it would be even better to lose 70 pounds by then.  I think that would put me at a very comfortable weight.  It's still not my Wedding Day weight, but it would still be a healthy weight and good size for me.   Though I had body image issues when I was teaching classes.  Over the last few years, I experienced weight gain due to Menopause (twice), I think I'm over that hurdle by now but now the weight gain is covid weight gain and lack of lifting weights means that I've lost muscle mass, so I am fat and flabby.  I usually like to say fluffy but I'm beyond fluffy.  I was sitting on the guest room bed the other day while the house cleaners were cleaning my office.  I was in direct view of the full mirrored closet doors- OH EMMMM GEEEEE!   Not pretty, it was disgusting if I'm being really honest with myself. 

I am coming up on the renewal of my ACE Primary fitness certification and my CPR (which is required to renew the CPR), I've considered letting it lapse and hang up my teaching hat, but doing that means that I am doing it because Covid happened, not because I decided to stop teaching.  Today I looked up online to see where there might be Les Mills classes close to where we will be living in Reno.  I discovered that there is an Athletic Club about 10 minutes away that offers just about every Les Mills format.  I decided to be brave and posted in the LM Instructor group on Facebook to see if anyone taught at this club or knew anything about this club.  Well, the Group Exercise Director messaged me & another well-respected industry friend of 20 years chimed in on the post.  I feel good about this and  having hope to teach again will help to get me back on track, will keep me focused.  I know that teaching kept me accountable with my own healthy choices and it also did wonders to my mental health.  There is no way that I will audition to teach at a new club in the current state of my body! 

I just want to feel good and healthy again.  Once we do get to Reno, I want to feel in shape, I want to go line dancing and fit into my cute jeans and cute tops.  I have not been to a Ross store in over a year. I've had no need!    I want to get back into my cute bikinis since we will have a Community pool, it's an Active Community- I want to be Active.  I also want to feel as though I can go hiking and exploring around Nevada.  As we make new friends and start doing things with others, I don't want to be that person that holds everyone up because she can't keep up.  I have always been the one that people couldn't keep up with!! 

The time is now.  I need to do this for myself.  I want to enjoy our new adventure.  I want to get back to having a purpose and right now my purpose is to get back in shape to make the move as easy as possible and to get back to teaching.  I think I will have plenty of free time for the next 1-2 years until my business fully recovers or comes close to recovered.  I can't continue to eat cookies, ice cream, chips, popcorn and drink wine and expect to be healthy!  Behaviors need to be reframed. The time is NOW. 

CORN DIP RECIPE

 

CORN DIP RECIPE

Many of you have had the yummy Corn Dip and wanted the recipe- so here goes

I typically make a double batch--but here is the single batch measurements:
 
1 cup mayonnaise
2 cups shredded cheese (I usually mix Jack and Cheddar)
3/4 cup parmessan cheese grated
1 small can green chiles
1 can (15 oz) corn
1 small can of jalapenos-diced

Mix it all up, put into 8 X 8 baking dish (spray first with my namesake), 

then bake at 375 degrees for 40 minutes.
 
FYI- a double batch will still fit in the 8X8 dish, even though 

you won't think that it would!
 
Serve with Tostitos Scoops!
 
Another tip- I wanted to make this for a girls weekend in Tahoe, 

but didn't want to take up all the ingredients- 

so I mixed it the night before and put it in a ziploc bag- 

when we got up to Tahoe, I transferred it into the pan and baked.
 
Another tip--the Double Batch is SUPER EASY because the 

ingredients come in proper amounts-

get a 2 cup bag of shredded jack, a 2 cup bag of shredded cheddar,  

one tub of grated parmesan cheese, 2 cans corn, 2 cans chiles, 2 cans jalapenos-

-the only mess is the mayo that you need to measure out into 2 cups

...then mix it all up! 

2020- Reflections on an "unprecedented year"

 

2020 - you were a challenge, but you weren't all bad!! 

January:  started out with sickness, I was sicker than I've ever been starting 1/4/20 and it lasted at least 3 weeks.  I will forever wonder if I didn't have covid.  I had all the Classic symptoms:  dry stubborn cough that would not go away,  fever that would look like it was breaking only to come back again and some breath shortness when moving around.  Of course, we didn't know what covid was in January!   That being said, I pushed myself to attend both 49er playoff games at Levi's and they earned their ticket to the Super Bowl.

February:  Super Bowl!! Though the Niners didn't win, we still enjoyed the thrill of cheering them on during the game!   We enjoyed time with friends & celebrated Valentine's Day at a great party.

March:  I got to meet a fellow TA friend from Nebraska as she was visiting the SF Bay Area.  We had a lovely dinner down at Fisherman's Wharf & we stayed overnight in the city (little did we know)...and we also went out to dinner to celebrate our good friend Linda's birthday- again having no idea that would be our last time to eat out at a restaurant- inside!    I taught my last Body Pump class on March 11th & danced my last night of dancing at the Saddle Rack that same night.  The Saddle Rack closed the next night, taking a prevention stance before official lockdown (which is to be respected) & March 17th the state of CA was on lockdown orders, only allowed out for "essentials". 

April:  I surprised my sister with a special Zoom for her birthday, she thought it was just going to be the immediate family, but I arranged to have our cousins in CT & some of her best friends to join in.  She cried.  It was a success.   We also changed with the times and celebrated Easter over zoom!  Being empathetic to friends who live alone, we also surprised another friend on her birthday with a plant and card that we delivered to her doorstep.

May:  A bittersweet month.  The Saddle Rack announced that they would not reopen when the pandemic was over or under control or whenever they would be given the green light to re-open.   Our dance family was shattered & heartbroken.  However, we did get together on Memorial Day weekend for a parking lot party with all the necessary precautions and it felt so good to dance with friends again - even though we found out later that we were not allowed to do this- yet.   More zoom social hours, sunshine arrives and I spent numerous afternoons taking in "Vitamin D"

June:  No real graduation ceremony for Nolan (8th grade) or Brynn (HS), but we watched ceremonies on the internet.  I also watched the very last graduating class on FB live graduate from Mercy.   I had a picnic lunch with my sister on her patio. Bill & I celebrated our 14th wedding Anniversary and we were super thankful that restrictions began to be lifted, so we stayed overnight at the Ritz Carlton Half Moon Bay, ate at their outdoor restaurant twice, enjoyed an afternoon at Filoli Gardens and then had a nice dinner outside in downtown Redwood city.  We felt human again!   We got to go out to dinner two weeks later for Bill's birthday!  We finally got to see our Godkids and their parents with a lovely outdoor gathering in their backyard.  However, June did not come and go without sadness, my fitness family lost a truly beautiful & sunny soul when Wendy passed away after several cancer battles. 

July:  A fairly quiet month.  Many days on the patio enjoying the sunshine.  We were finally cleared to have another Parking Lot Dance Party.  Brynn had a graduation party that we sadly had to decline, with covid guidelines we just did not feel as though going was the right thing for us to do. 

August:  We enjoyed more days on the patio both by day and night.  Card games, dice games, Mexican Train - all to keep us busy and entertained.   We had a few more parking lot dance parties, which were always a highlight.  Zoom happy hours on a weekly basis, which were truly a Godsend to stay connected with great friends...and then a Thunderstorm induced fire storm throughout much of the greater Bay Area.  There were 3 huge complex fires that burned for months.  Thankfully, everyone we know remained safe and free from any property loss.  Bill & I also started having outdoor dining lunch on Fridays to help support our favorite restaurants.

September:  Got to enjoy a lunch out with Diane and Mama Yelinek to celebrate Diane's birthday.  More Zooms.  More parking lot dance parties & 49er football season began!  I also had a sister lunch in Walnut Creek on her patio! 

October:  We went on vacation!!  Took a trip to Cabo for 10 days and had the time of our lives!   Our dance family even went "live" from their parking lot party to include us from Mexico!!  Went out to dinner with the Barron family to celebrate Shelby's birthday!  We enjoyed a wonderful parking lot party for Halloween with live music provided by the Rob Tracy Band & I finally got to see my very good friend Tiina!  More football, more baseball (LA won the world series- boo!  But it is 2020!!!) 

November:  An election to remember.  The earliest that I've ever decorated the house for Christmas, my combined Thanksgiving/Birthday celebration and my first Thanksgiving to cook!  We decided to be "covid safe" and did not gather outside of our house for Thanksgiving.  I did receive a wonderful surprise visit from the Barron girls who delivered the Happy Birthday song and flowers.  Made me feel super special!  And of course, more zooms!   Lockdowns started to be implemented again and Santa Clara County was one of the first so our November parking lot party ended up being canceled. 

December:  Usually our busiest month because we have a gazillion social gatherings.  Not this year.  We missed seeing our friends & we missed hosting our annual party that has become a big hit with all of our friends.  It was heartwarming to see people post memories of our parties showing that they miss it too!   However, we had time to do things that we never had time to do before:   we visited Filoli with the holiday lights at night & we did Christmas in the Park in San Jose which became a drive through event this year.  Both were fantastic!  Of course, more zooms with friends and colleagues, many nights of playing cards or dice with Bill and other friends over zoom, binge watching various shows and movies.  Christmas Day was just our household & it was nice.  We did manage to have a drive by Christmas Day Mimosa toast with the Barron family (modifying tradition slightly).  We also did a quick getaway to Reno to contemplate our future.   It was a really great mini-getaway. 

Overall, 2020 may not have been the year we expected to have, but it wasn't all that bad.  We have connected even more deeply with certain friends,  we have strengthened what was already a strong marriage (we really do love being together), we are thankful for our health & for the health of our family & friends.  I completed all of my photo books & have enjoyed reliving the memories.  I did a puzzle & confirmed that I really am not a puzzle person. We are grateful for the roof over our heads, food on our table & for Bill's steady income/employment! 

Excited for 2021.  I know that this year won't magically be "back to normal"  & we probably won't be back to normal anytime soon, but there is hope with a new year that things will change, things will get better.  I have already received inquiries for travel for late 2021 and into 2022, I won't see any income from trips traveled until late this year and early next year, but we're prepared to continue to weather this financial storm. I did not invest 30 years into this career to walk away from it, my business will flourish once again.   We are also looking at some other changes that will be happening this year, more news to come.  😁

Happy New Year everyone!  

Thanksgiving 2020

 

Thanksgiving is always a time to reflect and to be Thankful for our blessings.   I know that this year for many, trying to find the blessings of 2020 can be difficult.  When things are rough, we can find it so easy to focus on the negative and forget to find the positive things, the blessings in our lives.    The other day I posed a question on FaceBook,  "Say something Positive about 2020",  it generated over 80 replies and I have to say that it was a helpful exercise for all involved to find & focus on the positives.

The positives that people listed were varied, but many celebrated things like no traffic, healthy families, covid-free families/friends, being alive, spending more time with family because so much of the "busy" in our lives is temporarily on pause, welcoming new family members of the human or furry variety, slower pace of life, finding new hobbies, being employed and an overwhelming number said the biggest positive of 2020 is that it is almost over!    Yes, we are close to the last month of 2020 & I think we will all be thankful when this year is behind us and we can only hope that 2021 starts to resemble a better version of the life that we are all missing. 

As much as I have had several pity parties for myself this year, I am thankful that my family is healthy.  We have a roof over our heads and food on our table.  And wine, we have plenty of wine . 😂😂 I am thankful to be married to my best friend, who is just a really kind, loving, gentle human being who makes me laugh daily.  I'm thankful that he's employed and has been working non-stop all year long.  I am thankful for the friends who have made an effort to stay connected during these unprecedented times when we all want to stay safe, still live life but also keep the more vulnerable protected.  I'm thankful for Zoom, seriously.  Making connection possible to many during this crazy year.   I'm thankful that we were able to take a much needed vacation to Cabo last month.  I am thankful for my dance family & our covid-safe, socially-distanced, masked-up parking lot dance parties that we've had together.   Many, many blessings.  I am grateful.  I am blessed. 

Lifetime Friends

 

Lifetime Friends are special!

I have known Cyndi since 1986-ish.  We met working at the Republic Airlines Credit Union (renamed US Federal Credit Union).  I was actually her boss eventually, but we had a really sweet deal.  There were 4 of us working in the office when I became the manager, located in Redwood Shores, just a few blocks away from Cyndi's house.   If I do say so myself, I was a very "cool" boss.  There were 4 of us who worked in the office:  Tanya, Marianne, Cyndi & myself.  We all worked together and I had no problem allowing everyone to have 2 hour lunches so that we could all have some fun.  Often times Tanya & Marianne would take lunch together as Tanya lived close to the office  & Cyndi & I would take a later lunch once they got back.  Many afternoons sitting by her swimming pool.  We both loved our sunshine & hot weather days were never in shortage in Redwood Shores.  My boss was in the Minneapolis office, so he was usually gone from the office by the time we went to lunch given the time difference.  It worked out well.  We all got the work done, did what we needed to do.  We had a lot of fun working together.

Cyndi & I would also hang out together often outside of work.  I remember her teaching me how to drive a stick shift in the Great America Parking Lot after a day of fun at the Amusement Park.  That is still the one and only time in my life that I've driven a stick shift.  Growing up in San Francisco, on a hill, there was no way that I was ever going to drive a stick shift.  However, in an emergency I can probably make it happen. 

Cyndi was a Bridesmaid in my 1st wedding, we celebrated her 30th birthday on a cruise in 1998 and we were very much in each others lives for a good 10 years until she moved to Abu Dhabi to work in the Radiology field.   She probably spent maybe 10 years abroad, we kept in touch via email & we'd try to see each other when she came home to visit her family.  

She moved back for good, around 2002-ish.  It was pretty close to when my 1st marriage fell apart as I have memories of sitting on my couch having "friend therapy" & wine!   Though we wouldn't see each other that often or even talk that regularly, it never fails that we can pick right up from where we left off and it never feels as though we've been apart.   We've met for lunch several times and it's never a short visit.  I don't even want to remember how many bottles of wine we consumed at her house one Saturday night, but boy it was a fun time together many years ago.  This photo above was taken almost 2 years ago as we cruised together for New Years 2018-2019.   Our husbands get along, which is an added benefit ~ they are both whiskey boys, must be the Irish blood!  We were supposed to cruise together again this New Years to ring in 2021; however, due to Covid she has not been able to secure the vacation time (working in the hospital) & in all likelihood this cruise is not going to happen.  I am fully expecting cruises to be canceled through the end of 2020.   I wish the cruise lines would just pull the band-aid off quickly and get it done already!  

Cyndi called me today. It was quite unexpected & it brightened my day.  We talked for over 2 hours.  It amazes me at how we can just pick right up from where we left off & it also amazed me at how we can be so connected and think so much the same.  We are like soul sisters on so many levels.   She is a lifetime friend & I am very thankful for her. 

20 Years of Fitness!!

20 years!!  What a journey it has been.   I know that I've said it in other posts that I was NEVER a fitness person.  I was that girl in 1979 as a Freshman in High School, horrified that in order to pass P.E. class I would have to run 3 miles.  I was not a runner back then & I'm still not a runner.   I got a Doctor's note to excuse me from running the 3 miles, instead to pass I had to write a term paper.  What topic did I choose?   The dangers of running on concrete!  

I was never into playing sports, I did in grammar school because everyone did.  It's what you were expected to do, but I was never very good at competitive sports.  I played Volleyball & Basketball.   I was usually the bench warmer in Basketball & was really heartbroken by it because my dad would take me to the courts every weekend to practice.  Unfortunately, in those days it really did come down to who you knew & if you were friends with the coaches or your families were friends with the coach's family, etc.   

Dance always has and always will be my preferred form of exercise. In grammar school, I was always taking dance classes at a studio a few times a week.  In High School, for my P.E. electives I took dance.  In college, for my required G.E. Physical education classes, I took dance.  I will ALWAYS choose to dance. 

In 1999, when I actually started to visit a gym on a regular basis I fell in love with Group Exercise, specifically Body Pump.  In 2000, I went through a two weekend training the last two weekends of July.   On Sunday July 30th while driving home from training with a conditional pass,  I received a call asking if I could sub the next day.  So Monday, July 31, 2000 at 9:30am in San Carlos at the 24 Hour Fitness, I taught my first Body Pump Class.   I remember that Sunday night taking a hot bath to sooth my aching body & reviewing all the choreography over and over again because I needed to know all 10 tracks to teach.  

FUN FACT:  Part of all Les Mills (formerly Body Training Systems) trainings back then and still today include some sort of "challenge".   Wouldn't you know it that my Body Pump training challenge was running 3 miles???!!!!!  Seriously, I can only imagine the  look on my face when our trainer said that was our challenge.  It's almost as though my High School P.E. teacher (Ms "Log" Lagomarsino) had something to do with this! 

And so it began, my side-gig of teaching group fitness!  I eventually took on more formats over the years, attended numerous training classes and loved every bit of it.  But Body Pump always remained my first love.  In 2002, 24 hour fitness decided to stop offering Body Pump, my heart was broken!   They brought in "Rep Reebok", which was a half-assed wannabe version of Body Pump, I taught it nonetheless.    At that time in 2002, there weren't any clubs along the Peninsula who offered Body Pump.  It took awhile before clubs in the area brought in Body Pump, I was always looking.  A few years later Pacific Athletic Club brought in Body Pump, but they didn't need instructors because all of their existing instructors who were interested became certified.  I was put on their sub list and it literally took about 2 years before I was called to sub; however, it was a long-term sub while an instructor had surgery.  It felt wonderful to teach Body Pump again and I even ran into some of my old 24 hour members who had ditched 24 when they learned they could take Body Pump at PAC.   I remained a sub at a few clubs for Body Pump until I finally landed my own regular class at the OFJCC in Palo Alto back in 2011 & shortly after that I landed 2 classes at Gold's in Mt View.

Over the last 10 years or so, I have modified my teaching schedule and stopped teaching formats that no longer brought me joy.   I also went back to my roots and picked up line dancing along the way roughly 16 years ago.    I've picked up two more certifications in the last 7 years: Les Mills Body Combat and Les Mills Body Flow.  I love Les Mills programs & I love teaching Les Mills programs.  Due to various injuries, a thriving Travel Business & scheduling conflicts I had to give up my Combat & Flow classes in 2018, but remained a sub for both & participated in launches at both the YMCA's and OFJCC up until Covid-19. 

What a way to bring in 20 years of fitness, 2020- the year of Covid-19!   I have not taught class since March 11th.   I have not even looked at the last 2 releases.  Our gyms closed about 2 weeks before we would have launched the 1st quarter releases & I had not gotten to learning them yet.  2nd quarter releases arrived, I downloaded them, I uploaded them to my devices but still have not looked at them.  3rd quarter releases are coming in about a week.  I will make a better effort with these releases.   It's been pretty depressing these past several months & I'm not normally one to be depressed.  As many of us have experienced this year- the loss of so much & in my case the decimation of my travel business, the loss of the fitness job, the inability to gather with friends, the inability to go dancing 2-3 times a week.  It's been rough! 

I have thought off and on over the last 2 years with various injuries if I should step down and stop teaching fitness, but then I go teach a class and a member will give me a compliment or I'll get an email from my Director telling me they received a favorable comment card & then I'm on cloud 9 again and want to continue teaching.   I can't say that I've missed teaching these past almost 5 months, but I'm sure if I was back in that room with my people I'd feel right at home again.   I think saying that I don't miss it is also quite possibly a defense mechanism to protect myself from the unknown at this point.

I don't know when my gym will resume classes.  They have just started offering outdoor fitness machines/training but currently no group fitness classes.   With the way California is looking with Covid-19 cases right now, I have a feeling it's going to be a long while before they can offer indoor classes & to be honest, right now I want no part of it.  I do not want to be responsible for cleaning equipment, I do not want to go early to set up, stay after to clean up, I'm not comfortable being in closed spaces with too many people &  I don't want to teach in a mask.  I won't teach in a mask.  

I do know that I won't let Covid-19 determine my fitness instructing retirement date.   I will either go out of my own choice saying that I taught 20 years or I will get back at it when this challenge is behind us and be happy that I kept my foot in the game.  Time will tell. 

Pictured above:  My ORIGINAL certificate from Les Mills Body Training Systems in my 1st married name & then sometime along the way I asked Les Mills if they would reissue my certificate in my new name which was a combination of my maiden name and newly married name. 

Be Kind & Pay it Forward

I wanted to share a story that touched me yesterday.  One of my Facebook friends was out having dinner with her daughter, the server was working the entire restaurant & in conversation shared that she had been working since 10am and was closing at 1030pm.   That's a long day & she was the only server.

My friend admired just how hard of a worker she was and how hard of a job this is for one person, non-stop.  She posted on Facebook about this waitress & that she'd love to bless her with an extra tip.  If anyone would like to donate to this tip, to send her via Venmo the donation & she would pass it all along to the server.  Within an hour, she raised $250 for this waitress.  When she settled the bill, she asked the server if she had a Venmo account, she did not.  My friend explained what she had done, they made arrangements to meet up today.  There ended up being a few more people who wanted to donate, so the final tip ended up being $290.  Of course, the server (Melissa) has already said that she's taking the kindness and paying it forward. 

Good things come to good people.  Feeling so blessed, lucky, happy and with a restored belief in the human race, Melissa stopped at the store on her way home from work last night.  She purchased a scratch off lottery ticket for $30 and she ended up winning $500.  It was definitely her day! 

We're living in a very sad time right now.  Our country is so divided, people are so mean & angry.  You can't voice your beliefs for fear that you'll be attacked.  Everyone has to be "right" at all costs, it's exhausting.  All of it. This was a bright light in my day & I wanted to share.   It was very refreshing to see and to be a part of this act of kindness (yes, I did send a donation). 

Let's Get Real

So this blog is supposed to be about pretty much anything that I feel like writing about.  However, the summary of the blog implies that I post about my weight loss journey.  I have not done that in a VERY long time.   I am coming upon my 20 year anniversary of teaching Group Fitness.  July 31st will be 20 years since the day that I taught my first BODYPUMP class.

Blogging wasn't a thing 20 years ago, so here is the hopefully short story!  Who am I kidding, I am my mother's daughter- we can tell stories.   July of 1999,  I started Weight Watchers.  I knew that my diet was lacking severely.  I was the junk food junkie.  In hindsight, I believe I was also depressed with regards to my 1st marriage at the time.  I was married to a man who said a number of times, "If you blimp out, I'm gone."   I think he said it enough times that I finally figured that I better do something about it.   I went to WW completely expecting that it would not work for me.  I even told the leader (my dearly departed friend BobbyJo) at my first weigh-in, "this isn't going to work for me, I don't eat any vegetables."  She asked me a few questions & reassured me that I would be successful.  I began my journey.

All my life, I've struggled with a little extra weight.  I was teased in grammar school, I was never "FAT" during my school years, but I always had some extra padding.   Once I started to see results with WW, I wanted to start getting active.  The "rule" with WW is that they don't push activity on you until you've lost 10% of your starting weight, but I was eager to get started.  I joined 24 hour fitness and went to my first BODYPUMP class.  I was the student in the back of class, not sure what to expect & God forbid if I couldn't do it all, I did not want to be up front for everyone to see.    I fell in love with the program & began going 3 times a week.  In addition to class, I started going for walks in the neighborhood.   By the end of 1999, I had lost close to 40 pounds & soon hit  50 pounds a few months into 2000.   July of 2000, one of my favorite instructors (Elizabeth) gave up her Saturday class & there wasn't an available instructor to take it over.   That is when I inquired about what was needed to become an instructor.  As luck would have it, there was a training in July up in Fairfield, back to back weekends.  I signed up & was on my way!    In between the two training weekends, I visited a weeknight class taught by Elizabeth & she called me up to teach the Bicep track in her class.  I just about died, but I did it.  It was amazing!   As I was driving back from Fairfield at the end of training having a provisional pass until I submitted my certification video, I received a phone call from Elizabeth asking if I could sub a class Monday at 930am.   Not many instructors get the chance to teach a full class all by themselves the day after completing training.  The confidence that Elizabeth had in me was amazing.  She talked me off the ledge & I agreed to teach the class.

The rest as they say is "history".  It didn't take long before I had several of my own regular BODYPUMP classes.  Over the years, I took training in a variety of other formats & at my peak I was teaching 18 classes a week ranging from BODYPUMP, yoga, aqua aerobics, turbo kickboxing, boot camp, spin, etc.  I had a pretty awesome & busy instructor schedule. 

Because my husband was an avid triathlete, I encouraged him to get certified to teach Spin class.  He did & he started to teach classes at the gym.   Eventually, that suggestion backfired on me but in hindsight everything works out for the best.  He met a personal trainer at the gym & they had an affair.  I found out pretty early in the affair, we separated and a year later we were divorced.  I met Bill a few weeks later, we knew right away that we were meant to be together.  We were engaged a year later and married the year after.  We have now been together for 16 years.

Eventually, I scaled back on my classes when they started to conflict with my new life with Bill.   For a long time though I had maintained between 5-10 classes per week & we went dancing 2-3 times a week as well.  I was in the best shape of my life.  But then you live the good life of eating out, wining and dining, staying home more because you just love to be together and the weight starts to come on. I did pretty well at maintaining a 20 pound gain for a long time & I was very healthy regardless.  My Doctor has said on many visits that all my test scores are where they need to be, it's just my weight that doesn't fit what they like to see.

Then Menopause happens....TWICE. Yes, twice!  You are officially in Menopause if you can count 2 years without a period.  I went 23 months and then bam, my ovaries came out of retirement for two months.  After that I was back on track & officially made it to full on Menopause.  Well one of the side effects of Menopause is weight gain.  I gained 10 pounds with round one and started to lose it when round two arrived.  With round two, I gained close to 20 pounds.  I kept teaching classes, though not as often. But it helped to keep me accountable.  We were still dancing 1-2 times a week, so I was active.

I started consuming Isagenix products, which I know have made me healthier.  I love them & they did help me lose about 20 pounds, it is a lifelong commitment and it can be a challenge.  I don't always want to have 2 shakes a day, but I'm not always making better choices if not a shake.  Covid-19 has presented me with a whole other challenge.  March 11th was the last time that I taught BODYPUMP, over 4 months ago.  I have been eating crap, drinking more often than normal because I usually don't drink when we go out dancing, which was 2-3 days a week.  I stress ate, I stress drank, it's been a rough couple of months.   I have had little to zero motivation to work out.  Though the scale says that I've only gained 4 pounds, I know that I've probably gained 10 pounds of fat and lost lots of muscle.  I am VERY fluffy, flabby, whatever you want to call it.  I DO NOT like the way that I look in photos and a photo surfaced this weekend at a group line dance gathering and OMG.

20 years ago, it took me seeing a photo of myself to see how bad I had gotten.  Here we are again with a photo telling me I need to get my crap together- AGAIN.   But now more than ever it feels more urgent.  Covid-19 is no joke.  If I were to get sick, just being obese  puts me in the "at greater risk" for a less than favorable outcome.   I'm actually not entirely convinced that I didn't have Covid-19 back in January. I have never been so sick & I had the main 3 symptoms: fever that was hard to get rid of, persistent cough for weeks and shortness of breath in situations that would normally be easy like going up the stairs.

I need to get serious AGAIN.  I need to get on the weight loss train.  Back to measuring portions, logging all food and beverage intake & limiting the empty calories: i.e.  wine and ice cream!   And getting my ASS moving again!   I will get back to doing BODYPUMP at home 3 times a week & start my walks or do my line dancing to get my 10k steps per day.  I know that part of me has held back at doing these things because I feel as though I'm so out of shape, it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.

I don't know when my gym where I taught BODYPUMP will resume classes, it may be awhile & I'm OK with that.  I'm not eager to rush to the gym anytime soon.  They are just about to open with outdoor fitness options only.  At this point, I'm embarrassed to go teach.  I would not feel comfortable in front of a class right now.   It may very well be time to retire from teaching fitness, but I think I need to get comfy in my own skin again before making that decision to make sure that I'm making it for the right reasons.

Original Journey before & after:

 2nd Journey, photos are backwards--but after & before, about 6 months between.

3RD JOURNEY STARTS HERE!! HEAVIEST THAT I'VE EVER WEIGHED & I'M DISGUSTED THAT I'VE LET MYSELF GET TO THIS POINT. 

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Random Thoughts on Covid-19

It's been a rough beginning to 2020.    Aside from the immediate and direct impact from Covid-19 to my business, my livelihood, I find myself in very uncomfortable territory regarding the entire situation.

My job is to sell travel dreams.  My job is to help people explore the world, meet new people, new cultures, explore new beaches, new ships, etc.  Even though some destinations are starting to re-open to tourism, I find that I just can't promote travel just yet.  Part of me wants to get up and get out of town, take a vacation even if it's just a road trip in CA & part of me says "stay home, it's the right thing to do", then devil's advocate says, "but your husband has been going to work every day this year, he needs a vacation.  A stay-cation won't do because he will still get on the computer."  Part of me wants to get on the next plane to Mexico because I have several colleagues who have been in the last few weeks and have talked about how wonderful it was & then part of me just wants to curl up in a ball & wake up when this is all over.

Aside from not being able to travel or to sell travel, I miss our life.  I miss going dancing, I miss going to sporting events, I miss just deciding to go out to brunch or dinner, I miss getting together with friends on a whim.  I am a planner by nature, but the planning required around Covid-19 is a whole other game.

I hate being conflicted.  I have strong feelings, but then they change on any given day.   I know that this virus is very real, I don't doubt that it's contagious and that it can be deadly.   I also believe that we are being played to some degree.  I don't think the numbers are being reported accurately.  I've heard too many stories & read too many articles that cast that shadow of doubt.    I think it's bad, but not as bad as the numbers portray.  I do believe a large part of what is being reported is politically motivated.

I hate the mask as much as the next person.  But I'd rather wear one when required & find out months from now that it was not necessary vs. not wearing one now and being dead in 3 months or infecting a loved one who dies or has serious health issues from being sick.  I do not think wearing a mask makes me a sheep, I do not think wearing a mask makes me a liberal & I don't think wearing a mask says that I live in fear.  I believe wearing a mask means that I err on the side of caution, it means that I want to protect you just in case I am a silent carrier of this virus, I would hope that you want to protect me.  Sadly, that's not the case in our "ME" society.   I'm saddened by the level of selfishness that our nation has become.   I do not believe that wearing a mask is a 100% way to prevent Covid-19, but they can reduce the spread of the virus, they can slow the spread of the virus.

I hate that some people simply do not get it.   The people who think it's OK to co-mingle with multiple households every weekend, have gatherings, have parties, disrespect social distancing guidelines and wearing masks in close social situations.  Just because your gathering is outside does not mean you don't have to keep 6 feet apart or wear a mask.   I feel that these people are part of the problem.  I fear for some of my friends & loved ones who I see disrespecting these guidelines & pray that they don't inadvertently infect their loved ones or get sick themselves.

Do I think we should SIP indefinitely?  No.  I support the re-opening of our economy.  That being said, there are too many people who think because the economy is opening up, it means that precautions do not need to be taken.  I've seen tons of social media posts of people at bars, boating parties on the lakes, NO social distancing, NO masks, taking group photos with friends who clearly are not living in the same household.  It's the actions of these people who are causing several of our counties to dial it back a bit and close some businesses again.  This is not fair to those of us who have been staying at home, not seeing our friends, pretty much not going anywhere outside of essential and if we have it's been with the required protocols.  My business will be one of the last to recover & the fact that I have to reply upon others to "do the right thing" so that my business can get back to planning trips is very upsetting because our society has forgotten how to do the right thing.

Bill goes to work every day.  He's had 2 possible Covid scares at work in the last 5 months.  He did have to get tested & fortunately, tested negative as have everyone else at work.  He goes shopping during the week at Costco and/or Trader Joe's since the stores near his work are very low key, no lines, etc.  We both visit the chiropractor and go shopping on Fridays.  We have gotten our hair done since the salons have re-opened & I've gotten my nails done.  Both salons exercising all the required precautions, all of us wearing masks, etc.  Other than that, we've attended one social distanced line dance parking lot party that was perfect, I've had a socially distanced picnic lunch with my sister & we had one evening gathering with our best friends in their backyard mostly socially distanced.  It's hard to say "no" to your 10 year old Goddaughter when she asks if she can give you a hug.  It's also very awkward that we even have to have that conversation & ask permission to hug someone when you would have naturally done so to begin with.

We have dined outside 4 times & felt that every precaution was taken and we felt safe.  We also spent one night at a hotel on the coast for our Anniversary and felt very safe there as well.  I firmly believe that we can't stay locked up forever or until there is a vaccine.  We have to live our lives to some degree, but I still remain guarded.

It all makes me very sad, depressed & at a loss for words. Some days are better than others.  I wake up and wonder "what is going to happen today?", Sometimes I am happy to be home alone & escape to the patio, take in the sunshine and pretend that I'm on vacation somewhere.   I'm not sure what I'm going to do when fall & winter roll around and I don't have that escape.  Maybe then I will finally bite the dust and plan that vacation.

Our First Hotel Stay & Restaurant Outing during Covid-19!

No doubt 2020 has been a challenging year for all of us.  Between stay at home orders, places being closed up for months and months, mixed messages from the media & Scientists, I think that we all feel as though we've been put through the spin cycle in the washing machine at least 100 times.

I am grateful that Bill's job is considered essential & that I have been able to collect unemployment.  A bit humbling as I've never applied for any Government program for assistance my entire life & have always been gainfully employed since the age of 15.  Even though I am still working in the Travel Business, most of the work that I'm doing is not bringing in any income.    I think a lot of people don't understand how Travel Agents get paid.  If we don't charge fees of our own (which many agents do, I never have but am considering putting some changes in place going forward), we don't get paid until clients travel and take the trip.   So though I've been spending plenty of time the last three months canceling trips & rescheduling trips, I am essentially doing all of this work for free.   It can be downright depressing to be honest & I am not a person prone to depression. 

Add to this, we are travelers!  We love to travel.  We have been home since January 4th.  This is just not normal for us.  We've had 2 cruises cancel on us & I had my conference get canceled.  We are hopeful that our cruise in September will happen as planned, but we wait and see for now.   I have made frequent trips to "El Patio" & am getting a noticeable tan that looks like I've been on vacation.  I call this my "Quaran-TAN"!

Bill & I always do something special for our Anniversary.  We both agree that it is the most important day on the calendar for both of us.   We have been successful in always doing something & most cases it involved at least an overnight stay somewhere.   Initially, I would have been flying home from my conference in Orlando the morning of June 10th, we figured we would go to dinner that night and then the next day head away someplace for a long weekend.  I never got around to planning this because of Covid-19 & the uncertainty that brought to our lives.

Imagine my excitement when San Mateo County announced last Friday that restaurants could begin to open up for outdoor dining.  A quick check on my weather app determined that the weather would be favorable, I checked my Open Table app to see which restaurants were ready to be open & secured a dinner reservation for our Anniversary.   Then over the weekend, I caught a Facebook post for the Ritz Carlton Half Moon Bay announcing that their Ocean Terrace Patio was open for sit-down service.  The traveling wheels in my head began to spin around a bit.  I asked Bill, "Do you think you can take off Wednesday?"   I then explained that if he could, we would drive over to Half Moon Bay Tuesday evening, check-in to the hotel for 1 night and then we'd have the entire Anniversary day to spend together before dinner that night.  He texted his boss, day off was approved, so I began to put the plans in motion.

I was actually surprised to see that the rates at the Ritz Carlton did not reflect any sign of our current economic times, it was either going to be $500+ for the night or 60K Marriott Reward points.  I have a hard time parting with that much cash or points for one night under normal circumstances.  No TA rates to be found, so I decided  to pull the trigger and use my 60K Reward points to book a room, just a standard room.  I REALLY wanted a fire pit room though, but that was going to either be another 60K points or $325 additional to the points.   I am really good at asking for favors and perks on behalf of my clients, but I usually SUCK at asking for favors for myself.  Another colleague of mine encouraged me to reach out to the sales department at the hotel.   Through another colleague, I was able to get email addresses for the sales people, I emailed & asked if they might be able to upgrade us to the fire pit room.  Sure enough, it was not a problem.  Not only did the hotel upgrade us, they gave us a free glass of wine at the Ocean Terrace.

We really enjoyed getting OUT.  We really enjoyed having conversations with the staff and even some of the other guests who were also dining at the patio.   We had a nice long conversation with Erin who works in the Accounting department.   She was walking around to see if anyone needed help & ended up clearing our dirty dishes from our table, which started the conversation.  The Ritz never closed, but of course scaled back on staff, so most on board had to wear multiple hats during the last three months.  She said it's really hard for them because "rules" make it very difficult for them to deliver the Ritz Carlton expected experience, but they are doing the best that they can to make guests feel welcome & taken care of. 

We had dinner Tuesday night at the Ocean Terrace and food & service was great.  We enjoyed sitting there watching the sunset and we could not have had a better evening with regard to weather.  We spent the rest of our evening outside by our fire pit enjoying the bottle of wine that we brought from home & we had thought ahead to order a cheese platter "to go" from the Ocean Terrace for the late night munchies- it was perfect.  With the current restrictions, there is no room service and the restaurant closes at sundown.

We woke up on our Anniversary late, sleeping in was needed  the bed was so comfortable.  We got ready leisurely & then visited the Ocean Terrace for lunch before leaving the resort.   Again, excellent service & when the waiter learned that it was our Anniversary he comped our drinks.  Those are the things that they can do to bring that Ritz experience right now.  They made us feel special.

On our way home, we stopped at the Filoli Gardens to visit.  Neither of us had ever been & we thought it was a nice outdoor activity for our Anniversary.  The place is beautiful.  I was not thrilled that a mask is required during your entire visit.  We were definitely more than 6 feet away from anyone else during our visit, so I think that policy should be relaxed.  The county policy says "face coverings are required if you can't maintain the 6 ft. social distance", so I think Filoli takes it a bit to the extreme.  We did take our masks off when we were far away from others.  In 80 degree heat, they are not comfortable at all.





We then had dinner in downtown Redwood City at Arya Steakhouse.  Again, they bent over backwards to serve us & make sure everything was perfect.  We asked my brother to be our "Uber" driver to/from dinner so we could enjoy our cocktails and not worry about driving home, he was more than happy to do that for us.  I'm not comfortable yet getting into a strangers vehicle during the covid-19 health crisis.

It felt amazing to "travel" even if only for 1 night.   It was nice to be at a restaurant, 3 times in 2 days! 

As for Covid-19 protocols that I witnessed:  

At the hotel:

• you can only valet park your car but the valets are using hand sanitizer in between handling cars.  When we left, we still used a wipe to clean all surfaces in the car.
• I had checked-in via the mobile app, so the front desk clerk only had to verify information. I did not need to present an ID or credit card.  There was plexi-glass to divide us & she was wearing a mask.  There was also a barrier to prevent you from leaning against the front desk, keeping social distance.
• Signs all around the hotel advise to wear a mask in all public spaces.
• Signs at the elevators ask you to wait for the next empty elevator car so that you do not ride with people outside of your group.
• Masks are not required once you're sitting at the outdoor dining/patio area & they are not required as you walk around outside as long as you can maintain social distancing.
• Hand sanitizer stations are located around the resort.  
• Most doors have handicap buttons at hand & foot level, so you can easily tap with your elbow or foot to open the door without touching.
• In the room, there were no glasses. 
• Currently, there are no bellboy services but they will provide you with a cart so that you can bring everything to your room.
• Currently, there  is no room service or indoor dining.  We were told that the Conservatory was open for breakfast.  You have to call in the order & then pick it up to either eat outside or in your room. 

At the Ocean Terrace Patio at the Ritz:

• All staff were wearing masks and gloves.
• They sanitize each table once guests leave & then change gloves afterwards
• All tables were easily 6 feet apart, so social distancing was easy.

At Filoli Gardens:

• masks were required for the entire visit both indoors and outdoors.  
• the paths were all marked with one way arrows dictating which direction you visit the gardens
• limited bathroom facilities available & signs that require only one party in the bathroom at a time, there were about 8 stalls in the woman's bathroom, it was not a busy day so this was easy to follow

I'm looking forward to more adventures, but will be proceeding with caution of course.  We can't afford to let our guard down when it comes to Covid-19, so wash your hands,  don't touch your face (I touch mine so often it's hard not to!!), make good use of your knuckles/elbows when touching public surfaces & wear a mask when you are unable to maintain social distancing!  Be Safe!

Covid-19 - F You!

It's been a long time since I've blogged, but here I am.  I will warn that this post may be a bit raw.  I'm usually not one to cuss and swear but sometimes those words are necessary to emphasize raw emotion.  (My mother would not be proud, but she'd still love me anyway)

2020 has SUCKED royally.  This will be a year that will go down in history as a year that I wish to never repeat!

Before Covid-19 really wreaked havoc on all of us, it (I refuse to assign a gender to this fucked up pandemic) decided to hit the travel industry first.   My life as a Travel Professional was tossed upside down since the end of February.   For a good 2 months, my days were spent canceling, rebooking, canceling, rebooking the travels of my clients.   I spent a lot of time checking and re-checking policies of airlines, tour companies, cruise lines as clients worry about their future travel plans.  There has been nothing FUN about my career this year.  Aside from dealing with clients who have had their travel dreams shattered & working hard, sometimes fighting with tour companies to make sure they get as much as possible of a refund from their travel investment, I am also dealing with my own travel losses. 

Traveling is a BIG part of my life.  It's how I make my living, it's how I pass my free time. I live to explore so when that ability is cut off, well it just plain sucks.  I have already had to cancel 3 trips this year.  I had an inaugural season cruise planned on the Virgin Voyages Scarlet Lady in April, I was also going to be sharing that experience with a travel colleague & good friend who was probably going to get engaged on that sailing.  We are both bummed.   I was supposed to join my IC's annual line dance group to Bermuda out of NYC this month, but that is not happening.  Finally, my annual travel conference was supposed to happen in Orlando in June and that has been canceled.  It's all disappointing.   I do not have anything planned until September, however, if we have the green light to go anywhere before then you can bet that I'll be planning something!

I've been weathering the travel shit-storm for the past 3 months in stride.  I've gotten to the point where I have become numb.  There have been days of sadness, of anger, of disbelief  in both situations and in humanity, but alas I do my job professionally.  You want to cancel you trip?  Sure, I'll take care of it.  Then there will be those very rare days when someone wants to book a trip for June 1st (corporate travel) or a family of 30 who are going to Puerto Vallarta for New Years "unless Covid has other plans".  It's been a roller coaster ride for sure.

I am an optimist by nature & I roll with the punches better than most but this weekend I think I hit my breaking point.  I was already not feeling well--not sure if it was bad food from take out or a little sun poisoning but I had two prominent symptoms for 2-3 days.  Then Friday I learned that my two bestie dance friends can't make our weekly 430pm Zoom call. I was disappointed but figured, "OK".  I decided to take a nap instead.  I woke up about 530pm for my 6pm weekly zoom with 2 other friends.  It was at that point that I saw the announcement that my home away from home was closing for good.

The Saddle Rack announced that they would not be reopening.  They had shut down March 12th because of Covid-19.  I still have not read the entire notice that they posted.  I got as far as "we won't be re-opening" and that is all I had to read before my eyes were blurred with tears. This place has meant so much to so many.   It's a place that has been very successful in match-making, Bill & I are one of many successful couples who have met at the Saddle Rack.  Bill & I met unofficially mid-May 2004, we went on our first date 6/10/04, we were engaged on the stage at the Saddle Rack 6/24/05 and we were married 6/10/06 in Tahoe.  This place means everything to us.  It's not just the place, it's all the wonderful friends we have made, our dance family.  We've been dancing here for 16 years, many of the waitresses, bouncers, bartenders have been here the entire time.  We've become friends with all of them, the band members are friends, it's one big family.  There is something special about a country family, I can't even explain it.  I've been helping with dance lessons for the last 1-2 years, this place is a piece of my heartbeat.

I have been heartbroken & devastated all weekend.  I'm still in disbelief.  I'm not OK.  It's going to be along time before I'm OK about this.  I keep praying that something will change but I am also a realist and have said for weeks, "what will be the new normal when the Saddle Rack opens?"  Realistically, how do you socially distance when dancing?  How do you wear masks when dancing?  (it's not a healthy option for most) - so many questions but I think most of us figured it would all work it's way out...until it didn't.  I think the Saddle Rack management realized that it would be too difficult a task to stay profitable while ensuring customer & staff safety.  I have to give them props for that, I can't even imagine what an incredibly difficult decision that this must have been.  I know that this is an organization where even the "top dogs" of ownership/management have always valued the Saddle Rack "family".  It's a business but they genuinely cared about those who walked through the doors. 

This blow took the wind out of my sails. I've had very little on my mind this entire weekend.  This will be bothering me for weeks, months or maybe longer.   I only hope that someway, somehow a newer version of the Saddle Rack is able to open up again when all of this Covid shit is over.  In the meantime, I know that my dance family is strong & we have some fierce leaders who are keeping us together with weekly FB live/Zoom line dance lessons.  They are doing everything that they can do to keep our  Bay Area Line Dance community together & DANCING!!   For that I am grateful & will celebrate the small victories.

I do have to say that many friends reached out to me privately when they heard the news about the Saddle Rack.   Some friends who I rarely talk to thought of me as soon as they heard the news.  Saddle Rack = Pam & Bill.  It was comforting to know that people who I may not deal with on a day to day basis KNOW how much of a blow this was to me & they took the time to check in with me.  For those of you who did this, thank you.  Your kindness & selflessness has not gone unnoticed.

Of course, this all happens on Mother's Day weekend.  Probably my least favorite weekend since my mom passed away 6 years ago.    Though I appreciate other moms & those who have been like a mom to me, I don't have my mom here to celebrate.   It's also bittersweet because I am not a mom, I may be an Awesome Aunt, I may be a Great Godmother---but I am not a MOM.   I usually feel pretty left out come Mother's Day, so it's a day that I can take or leave.   However, it was nice to receive two messages today:  one friend messaged "Happy Godmother's day" because she has noticed how much our Godkids mean to us & another friend messaged  "Happy Mothers Day, I wanted to thank you for all you do for my son, we are lucky to have you in our lives"   I will not lie, receiving these messages completely brightened my day.   They were both so unexpected.   It's nice when people are thinking of others & not staying all wrapped up in their own shit.

I can't lie, I'm happy that this weekend is over, but the impact will not go away.  I just can't even imagine a post-COVID world without the Saddle Rack.   Through this entire pandemic HELL,  the two things that have been getting me through other than seeing my sister & friends is having the ability to travel again & to resume my dancing 2-3 times a week with my dance family at the Saddle Rack.  I don't think even I realized just how LARGE a part of my life this special place was until it was taken away.  I'm sad.  I'm heartbroken.  I'm devastated.

Here are just a few photos from the Saddle Rack, impossible to find photos of all the special people & friends we've made over the years.

6/24/05- the night Bill proposed on stage (his birthday)

BODYFLOW & BUTTERFLIES

Well....I'm sort of chuckling at my title of this blog!   So today was the day that I FINALLY taught my very first BODYFLOW class.   I took my training December 2013, knowing full well that I had no place to teach this format, but I loved it & wanted to experience the training. I had blind faith that someday "my ship would come in".

On Saturday, January 11, 2014, after teaching my back to back Combat/Pump at Gold's in Mountain View, I headed over to the El Camino YMCA to participate in their BODYFLOW 63 re-launch.   I wanted the practice since I was going to be filming my assessment soon & wanted to learn more from instructors who had been teaching this format for awhile.  It was a great class & then the guided meditation happened.   My instructor friend, Judie was leading the guided meditation & I have no recollection of what she said, but during this 8 minutes of class, she took me to a place that I can't even explain.  I had chills, I had tears in my eyes, I had this sick feeling in my gut that something terrible was happening to my mother & that she would not be with us for much longer.

My mom was not feeling well at Christmas, but she brushed it off.  When Bill & I returned from our New Years Cruise, she said that she thought she should go see the Doctor to find out why she was having this pain in her side.  So I took her to several Doctors, she had several tests & had more scheduled for the week of January 13th.   She definitely was not feeling well, but we really weren't thinking bad things.  I had no doubt that our fabulous team of Doctors would figure it out & she'd be back to normal in no time.

Back to January 11th, after this BODYFLOW class, I had plans to go to my mom's & meet our real estate agent to sign a few counter-offers on mom's house in SF.  (It had been on the market for a few weeks)  When I arrived, I could tell that my mom was really feeling terrible, she looked awful.   So I told her, once we sign these papers with our agent, I'm taking you to the ER, there is no reason to have you suffer through the weekend.  When our Real Estate agent arrived, she commented on how "in pain" my mom appeared to be.   I took my mom to the ER about 3pm that afternoon, I was there until after midnight & they admitted her with the suspicion that she had liver cancer.   I left her once she was settled, not really realizing what any of this meant & of course not having a solid diagnosis, just that they were going to run more tests in the morning, but had her comfortable for the moment.

Sunday, January 12th, the Doctors confirmed in the morning that mom did have liver cancer and they were going to keep her on comfort care & suspected she had 3-5 days.   I was completely BLINDSIDED by this news, but we felt we had 3-5 days.   When my sister tried to call mom to let her know she was coming over to visit, my sister did not get the "mom" we all knew & loved on the phone & she called me saying that we should all get to the hospital ASAP, she had a bad feeling.   At 3pm that afternoon, after my mom had "heard"  (I say heard because she was so drugged up with the morphine that she could not speak to us) - from her entire family - including her grandson in college back in Rochester, NY- she quietly passed away with all of us in her room.

I contacted Les Mills and let them know what I was dealing with & if possible, could I get an extension for my video submission for final certification.  They had no problem giving me the extra time, but I decided that my mom would want me to finish what I started, so I went ahead and video taped myself 3-4 times before finally having a submission that I felt was a decent attempt and one that I thought would warrant a "pass".    Once I submitted my video, 10 days later, I had the "Pass" email from Les Mills.    But still, no class to teach.  In all honesty, I probably could not have handled "more" on my plate at the time, so I kept myself current with auto-ship & decided that my time would come- I just had to be patient.

Well, to my delight- when I was informed that the Palo Alto YMCA was going to bring BODYFLOW, I was overjoyed!   Just like that, I was given a class to teach and the program would start up April 1st.     When this quarter's releases came out- I immediately watched BODYFLOW 76 & I assumed that since our new program was being added April 1st- then we must be launching all the new releases that weekend!   I was wrong,  our re-launch was scheduled for April 8th, this meant that I was going to have to teach one class with something "old", anything but release 76.  Well, the only release that I have someplace in my head is my training release #63, so I started to review & prepare to teach this release for my very first ever BODYFLOW class.

I will not lie, I was a bit apprehensive and wondered if I could handle teaching this emotional release given all of the surrounding circumstances.   Today was the day.  I had a busy Monday starting with my normal BODYPUMP & line dance classes at one gym.  After those were done, I started to focus on my next class-- my 410pm BODYFLOW class & instantly started to get butterflies in my stomach.  Of course, I've been listening to the music to/from anywhere in my car & after I visited my chiropractor this morning as I got into my car I noticed the most beautiful BUTTERFLY fluttering around my side mirror, my driver's side window & I kept staring at this butterfly.  Call me weird, but I felt like the butterfly was looking right back at me, that butterfly was telling me two things:  1) yay- you finally got your car washed!!!   2) don't worry honey, you've got this, you'll have a great class, it'll be just fine.    I smiled and realized that the butterfly was my mom.     Those who know me & know my mom-- she LOVED butterflies & she would never hold back when she thought I needed to get my car washed & she would certainly comment about it once it was cleaned!

I truly believe that our dearly departed ones come to us in certain places & spaces and they make it known that they are there when we need to know that they are there.   In all of the three years since my mom has passed, I've seen butterflies here or there--but NONE compared to this one today, this one made such a point of getting my attention & once it had my attention, it didn't fly away.  I wish I had taken a picture- it was probably the most beautiful butterfly that I have ever seen.    This doesn't surprise me because my mom was the most beautiful person that I've ever known and probably the most beautiful person that I'll ever know.

My class?  Well, it went well.  Was I perfect?  NO...not by a long shot--I made a few timing mistakes, but I did get in all of the poses, I recovered from my timing mistakes without my participants noticing...and it was GREAT to finally teach this beautiful format!   I can't wait for Saturday when we launch BODYFLOW 76...in many ways, I feel that #76 will be my "go to" release in the future when I want to bring back something "old"...I just love this release from start to finish.   I never really felt that "LOVE" with #63...I liked it--but was not in love with it.

Happy to be continuing on with my fitness journey--not too bad for a 51 year old!  WHAT????  That must be a typo!!!   More to come...but I won't get into that YET!!

Just happened to turn my "day at a glance" calendar (1 day late) and WOW-  April 3rd's saying is so "on point" and has a butterfly too!