Still exhausted and looking forward to the weekend!  Yes, I realize that it is only Monday - well technically after midnight, so it's Tuesday- woo hoo!

I think the last two weekends and all the mileage & driving that I've done have fit me to be tied!   This past weekend was a Birthday weekend, two celebrations - my nephew Michael's 19th birthday party/Going away to college party in Walnut Creek and then my Great Niece MacKenzie's 1st birthday in Fairfield.   A lot of time on the road, although not nearly as much as the previous weekend going to Redding.  Today, I was just DONE.  I kept trying to get motivated to do some work, but I really did very little today, I wanted to just crawl into bed and take a nap but never really had the time to do it.

I flutzed around between my 7am class and my 1pm appointment to take mom in for an X-ray on her foot.  Once we finished that and I took her home, changed her bandage, got gas and went to the bank it was almost 3pm and then I needed to go with my brother to the H.S. District Office to prove that he lives with me right now so that his son can go to Woodside HS this year.  Got home and by then it was almost 430pm- my quitting time (sort of).   I brought work down to the couch but have not lifted a finger.  Scanned through a few catalogs and magazines while watching the Giants kick some Dodger butt and that was about all I had energy for.

I think I am emotionally drained.  Yesterday in Fairfield, my ex-mother in law Joyce was asking about my mom and how she was doing and I had to really bring her up to speed on everything that has transpired this year.   I mentioned that my mom was smoking again, not sure how much but that she was and I expressed how much that pissed me off.   Joyce had the opinion of, "she's 83, let her do what she wants" and I just about came unglued and explained over and over again that "no you don't get it- she is in the condition she is in right now because of smoking and she has been through hell this year and I've turned my life upside-down to help her this year, it's like a slap in the face for her to smoke now after all of this."   I let out a lot of anger and a lot of disgust that I've let build up because I really am pissed off that mom has picked up cigarettes again and although I know I can't control her and she's going to do what she wants- the reality of things is that I am not prepared nor do I want to be prepared to "clean up after that mess" when she lands herself in the hospital again - maybe next time losing her foot or leg because of circulation issues from smoking.   It's one thing to be supportive when one's parent's health declines naturally, but for it to happen because of willful acts like smoking......grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!    Poor Joyce, she really got an earful and of course she is sitting there smoking while I'm going through my rampage...it was very surprising to me that she did have that attitude because she lost her mom a few years ago and it was not pretty- her mom lost a toe, then a foot, then a leg up to the knees and then the other leg started to go.  She was Diabetic- but even so I don't care if you're a smoker or Diabetic- in either case you can do things to CHANGE your lifestyle to stop these health issues.  You can reverse the effects, the knowledge is there, yet people still self-destruct.  Sigh.

Mom's mood swings lately have been crazy- which I think may also be an indication of smoking and/or having smoked and now going through withdrawals again since I have been grilling her and reminding her of the reality called loss of limb and portable oxygen tanks if she continues to smoke.  She swears that she isn't smoking and maybe her nasty attitude confirms that- sort of like a dry drunk, but the non-smokers wishing she could smoke version.  Who knows.  I just know that I need to come to some sort of peace about this so I can move on because it is weighing heavily on my shoulders right now and I am feeling the stress of it all.  I wonder if my daily bandage changes are for nothing, if she is smoking are these wounds not healing like they should because of that- I just don't know.

She is making some friends that she is starting to talk about..she has her two lady friends who also go to breakfast on the later side of the morning,  Geri and Sara or Sally (can't remember).  Then she seems to have a following at bingo- she is the candy pusher and now has a flock of men who sit with her at bingo- we have Floyd, Boyd, Lloyd & Richard and I swear I did not make up the three rhyming names.  But they all seem to enjoy the candy she brings to bingo which she shares and if that has been the ice breaker for her to make friends, then YAY!  Today she said she might try the painting class on Thursday, so she does sort of "try" from time to time.  But one day she tries, the next day it's the "I should have died last year" bullshit.  And then days like today- we get both moods...she was cranky after her bandage change and then after winning twice at bingo and spending time with her gentlemen friends she was all happy and talking about painting class.  No wonder I'm exhausted!

Speaking of exhausted....good night moon.