It sucks to get old.

I took my mom to the Doctor today for our weekly check up on her leg wounds.   The ankle one is clearing up pretty nicely and although I thought the one on the leg is looking worse, Dr Gillon thinks it's about the same.  She took a culture just to make sure there isn't something else going on.  Praying that it is nothing to worry about.   She & I also noticed mom's toes to look a bit on the purple side- well two of them anyway.  I see my mom's foot everyday and they have not been purple.  Dr. G used the ultrasound to check for the vein activity and the veins in your foot are very thin to begin with and although they are all pumping, it doesn't take much for one of them to become blocked.   I saw this as the perfect time to rat my mother out and let the Doctor know that she has been smoking.

I figure that we need all the ammo in our corner to convince mom that she just cannot smoke, it is not an option, it is out of the question.  She says she has not smoked since last week- that was when I called her out and told her that I saw her smoking in front of WT.  Well, I didn't actually see the cigarette- but my bluff worked.  I know her too well.   I also know when she is lying.  But Dr. G basically said point blank if you smoke, it's not a matter of IF you'll lose the leg, it's just a question of WHEN.  You will face amputation.

Dr. G asked her why she is smoking, if she was having cravings, etc.  Mom says no and I think we concluded that she is not so much experiencing a physical craving, but more of the emotional need.  She is lonely at times, she is bored at times, she is unhappy at times and she is depressed at times.  She sees so many residents at WT that are so much worse off than she and although that makes her grateful that she's not like that, it also depresses her.  I totally get it, but I have also made numerous suggestions of things she could be doing, ways she could expand her horizons and she bats each suggestion down.  It's always a no with some explanation of why it won't work/happen.  Today she says to the Doctor of how she envies people who have fun and that she doesn't have fun anymore.  It's really very heart-breaking.

She also has not been sleeping very well and we just can't figure out why- she is beyond exhausted and says her prayers, lays down and watches the clock turn hour to hour- this doesn't help anyones disposition.  Without proper sleep we all get grumpy, we all get depressed, we all start to have a pity party.  I just wish I knew what to do for her.  It's hard.

Dr. G was going to get a prescription called in for a drug that would help with depression and with nicotine withdrawals/cravings for smoking.  Hopefully, we'll have that tomorrow.  It's supposed to be a drug that does not have ill effects.  Let's hope.

For as much as she is depressed, she still does say that she likes WT and that she has met some very nice people and I hear her talking about many of the same people- she just needs to nurture those acquaintances and turn them into friendships and start to do things together.  I told her today, when someone else says "it's just another boring day", why not reply with "we don't have to have a boring day- let's go catch a movie" - of course, that got the quick "no" reply with all the reasons of why this would not work.  Sigh.

Anyway, that was my sad part of the day- I felt bad ratting mom out, but also feel that she has so much respect for Dr. G that she would do what she tells her to do.   Here's hoping.

Time for bed..it's a very early morning for me with 6am spin class...lots of work to get done so that I can call it a weekend by 4pm!!   Look out weekend, cuz here I come - because weekends were made for fun!