Challenges ahead...what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger!

Well, it is official- tomorrow mom is going to be discharged from CPMC to the care of Bill & I.  She is not well enough to go home without 24/7 home care- which is ridiculously expensive and not covered by the insurance.   Today we had a meeting with the care providers to discuss her progress and get the prognosis of her future recovery and needs.  We met with the OT, PT, Case Manager, Social Worker and the Doctor/Hospitalist.   They each gave us their reports and what they recommend going forward.  Mom was there in the meeting, but was very groggy having just woken up from a nap.  She was also having trouble hearing and was starting to freak out about that.  She has never had trouble hearing and lately it has gotten very bad.  We are hoping that it's just a combination of her sinuses recovering from not smoking, the white noise of a hospital room and the new buzzing bed that has been in her room the last week or so for the new roommate- it's horrible and I can see how it would mess with one's ability to hear.

They have ordered and will make sure that we have what we need- potty chair, walker, oxygen, etc.  Unfortunately, mom's oxygen levels are still low when she's active, so she will need to remain on the O2 at least for awhile,  I hope to God that she can get off of it because she has already decided that she will not go out in public with the O2.  Her vanity can get the best of her and it's so discouraging to see that attitude.  But she has also been through a lot and the journey is not close to being over.    I am hoping that we are not taking on more than we can handle- but if it doesn't kill us it makes us stronger- right?    I am trying to be very good about keeping some level or normalcy to our lives,  We have a variety of plans that have been on the calendar prior to mom's hospitalization, so I have put word out to the family that we will need coverage and everyone is on board with doing what they can since Bill & I take on the bulk of the caregiving by default with her at our home.

Mom is very upset that she is "putting us through this" and that she has never wanted to be a burden and wishes that she were dead.  She keeps saying that she's had a great 82 years and that it's not worth living to be suffering or a burden to others.  That attitude of hers is almost worse than her physical condition, what sort of kids would we be if we didn't take care of her?  She has spent her entire life being selflessly giving to all of us, so it's our time to give back.

We had the choice to pick any day between now and Saturday to have her discharged, but since the home care people have 24- 48 hours to check in, and with the weekend coming, it really was in our best interest to have her come home tomorrow, so we can get some level of therapy by Friday.    I am exhausted right now and should be getting some work done- but just not focused or motivated...I keep thinking that I don't want to get old and who is going to take care of me when I'm 82 (God willing I'm still alive)?  I will have to take tomorrow off because after my nail appointment (quite possibly my last bit of "me" time without worrying about mom or having to make arrangements), I then have two appointments with the OT & PT respectively to go over and be "trained" in the needed caregiving.  I won't get home until 330pm and then mom should arrive by ambulance transport sometime between 5-6pm.  I will have dinner ready and then she will soon go to sleep after that.  I plan to have transport get her up the stairs and into bed since it is the evening time.  Thursday will be a long day getting used to the new routine...and I am sure that I will be more than ready to go teach my Body Pump class Thursday night to get a little down time.

I have decided to get a sub for my Friday Spin class for the next three weeks and see how things go.  It's the hardest time slot to get coverage here with family and I think there are other times where I need family more.   This weekend is minimal with plans...we of course won't go dancing Friday night and probably won't get to go dancing for a few weeks (sad)...we have massage appointments set for Sunday and I am already looking forward to that- my brother will "mom-sit" while we go.  Saturday will be a down day at home and I think I will make a corned beef since it is St. Patrick's day and my mom is "Patty"!

My brother and sister have both said that I need to still go to Napa with the gal pals next weekend, so we'll see if we can pull that off with coverage.  I don't want Bill to be 100% responsible on that Saturday, it's not fair- she is not his mother, although he sure does treat her like she is.  I'm lucky.  
Ok, I think I have sufficiently rambled...I had so many more thoughts earlier today, but now tired has interfered with my coherent thoughts!