The journey begins again!

I am quickly approaching 5 years of blissful Marriage to the most wonderful man in the world and although it has not happened specifically like this- I can say that I have gained 10 pounds per year...most of it in the last two years and I truly believe that a good portion of the last two years has been due to hormonal things - but at this point, it doesn't matter now how I got here, what matters is what am I going to do about it.

I have been toying with the idea of going back to Weight Watchers- after all, it is the program that helped me to lose 50+ pounds 11 years ago and at that time I was not very active.    Well, even though I am a part-time fitness professional now, I am not teaching anywhere near the number of classes that I was 4-5 years ago and I know that is partly to blame for the poundage because I have not been making a good enough effort to put in time at the gym for "me" outside of my teaching hours.

Today I woke up early (7am), which is out of the ordinary for me on a Friday and I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting in years.  They have a new points program and calories are non-consequential - it's all about fat, fiber, protein and carbs and finding the right balance of those nutrients - not all calories are created equal!   I need to embrace this program because I think it can really help me and I think that I can once again lose 40 pounds in 5 months- which is my primary goal.  I am going to step up my workouts and my goal is to get in 10 hours of activity in a week- that means an hour each day and 3 days toss in an extra hour- I am going to find balance so that I am getting cardio, yoga and strength training.

I am realizing that I am on the brink of revitalizing my fitness career.  I have been stagnant for awhile- and I am sure much of that is due to my self-image and not feeling like a visual role model.  I don't think I need to be a twig like so many fitness profesionals- but I need to look healthy and I don't feel that way right now and I don't look it.   I am very excited that I have just been offered my own Body Pump class starting 5/25 in Palo Alto.  This has been something that I have been striving for for years now and had just about given up and figured that I would just be happy subbing my most favorite class - well guess what now I get to teach this class once a week!! I am also schedule for the Launch of Body Pump 78 to teach two tracks in July with a team of instructors!!!  I am psyched! 

12-15 years ago I blamed stretch pants and leggings for allowing me to deceive myself about my weight gain...today we have so many "stretch" fabrics- I mean almost every brand of jeans now has a stretch element to them- that is really wrong!  It's like clothing manufactures are working to keep America fat!  (Big Surprise- I suppose any corporate entity is ok with keeping America fat if it helps the bottom line)

Anyway, I have to say that seeing all of my Les Mills friends who are always posting things about the programs on Facebook and seeing one of my new friends (Kristy), who is also a new instructor and all of her excitement, reminds me of me when I was new to the industry and I want that excitement back again, I want that feeling back again!  I know it's there for the taking- I just have to do the work and then take it! 

I'm back!!!!!

This is another memory worth keeping documented:

Well, can you believe that I have been married to this wonderful man for over a year now?!! The time has flown by so quickly, it just amazes me! I will say that these past 3 years since I met Bill, I have been having the time of my life! We have been to so many places and done so many fun things. We've shared many of nights simply sitting and talking with each other over a bottle of wine ~ everything with him is so very easy. Since our wedding, we've done a bit of travelling: our honeymoon last August in Kauai and Maui, 2 day Coastal Cruise from Vancouver to SF, Thanksgiving weekend visiting his family, the Grand Canyon & Sedona, Club Med Punta Cana and now our 1st Anniversary 10 day Alaska Cruise! And I know I've left out weekend trips to Tahoe and Capitola and probably a few others! This man sends me flowers for no reason other than to say "Because I love You", he tells me at least 5+ times a day that he loves me, always says hello, goodbye and goodnight with a kiss. I love to have my back scratched and he completely indulges me ~ all I have to do is meander up near him with my back to him and voila he just starts to scratch my back - HE SPOILS ME!!! Our one year anniversary started at midnight since we were still up packing and getting things ready for our June 10th cruise out of San Francisco to Alaska. We exchanged gifts and he gave me this beautiful diamond Palm Tree necklace. We had seen this necklace when we honeymooned in Hawaii ~ he remembered and ordered it from the jewelry store in Hawaii. He is always thinking and remembering things like this! And then the significance that we saw it while on our honeymoon ~ just amazing! We embarked on our cruise ship around 2pm and the 10 day party began. We had the outside of our cabin decorated with "Happy Anniversary" balloons and our good friend Maura (who was on the cruise with us) sent us a wonderful bouquet of flowers that lasted the entire cruise! They were beautiful. We really didn't do anything super special that day except "BE TOGETHER" ~ we had dinner with the family and just explored the ship and then spent the remaining 10 days together 24/7, which was wonderful! We shared some wonderful experiences: zipline touring in Juneau, Dog Sledding in Skagway ~ simply amazing! We danced every night and we LOVE to dance! We had a really great time, although we did miss our furry child! All in all we had a wonderful cruise and it was a fabulous way to celebrate our 1 year anniversary! Not sure we will "vacation" on our 2nd anniversary, we have a nephew's 8th grade graduation the same weekend next year! But that's ok! I love this man more than words can explain! He is amazing and I am a very lucky woman! Thank you God ~ you did good!

WEDDING DAY MEMORIES:

Decided that closing my "MySpace" account was a good idea, but I did have a few blogs worthy of keeping that were hosted there. This blog entry that documents my wedding day - June 10, 2006. Didn't want to lose it:

Well, this is taking me a lot longer to get to this-I have officially been married for just over one month! ;) I am extremely happy and really want to re-cap the wedding day events-if for no other reason to keep the memory alive.

June 10, 2006-Bill and I woke up around 8am, ordered room service breakfast and then after a few pictures and last kisses as "fiance's" we parted ways for a few hours. My two maid/matron of honors (Lisa & Sherry) and I were off to the salon for hair and make-up, I was very relaxed- but quiet, which for me is not common, and oddly enough I was very quiet the day of my first wedding at the salon. I guess the last few hours of calm before the storm, but this was a different type of calmness the second time around. A calmness of knowing I was exactly where I needed to be in my life and that I was about to marry the perfect partner, companion and love for my life.

According to plan, Lisa & Sherry were back at the room before me, getting dressed and fine tuning make-up, and then I returned back to the room at 1145am- as planned. I didn't have much to do other than get dressed, so I just took my time- my girls were so helpful and attentive, making sure I was getting my shoes on right, that the dress was hanging correctly, making sure I wasn't shining from the sweat on my brows! ;) 1215 or so, almost ready and I ask "what time is it"- Lisa replies "you don't want to know" (nobody would let me wear a watch)--well needless to say, it was time to take the elevator down to the chapel for my 1220p schedule. My emotions were getting the best of me all morning and my eyes would tear up from time to time, as we rode the elevator, deep breathing was helpful--then we arrive to the chapel level and get out and I was not prepared to see all of the guests outside in the lobby area-- thought they would all be in the chapel already--so that was a blow and made it hard to keep my emotions in check, I was so on the verge of tearing all morning-- Sherry and Lisa safely whisked me to the "bridal room"- helped me freshen up, put kleenex in my arm pits cuz I was already sweating--think that was probably from the shot of tequila before we left the room (thanks Sherry!). ;)

Wedding planner comes in to check on us, photographer comes in to review his job and then minister- "you ready Pam"- Hell yeah! So my girls leave me alone in my bridal waiting room as I try to wait patiently-- I hear the first song "drifting" from one of my yoga cd's - my groom, his best man, and remainder of the bridal party were all walking into that song, I kept trying to sneak a peek from the room, but Sherry caught me-- gave me that look to "go back into my room"!

Wedding Planner comes and gets me--my dear friend Diane is still outside the chapel as she needed to make sure her daughter Brynn did her flower girl duty. I could barely talk to her, the emotions were just so strong as "our/my" song started to play- "Keeper of the Stars", that was my "bridal march" and I started to walk into the chapel and thanks to the photographer for reminding me to breathe! Each smile that I saw as I walked into the chapel brought me one place closer to tears welling up in my eyes. I could just feel so much happiness in the room, all these people so happy for Bill and I and the love that we found with each other. It was an amazing feeling to know how loved we were by all these people. People who took the time to travel to Lake Tahoe to share in our wedding weekend. It was really special.

I kept my eyes on my destination- Bill's waiting arm and noticed his eyes to be a bit blurry also and I was apparently shaking when I arrived (so he says)- but the video does clearly show my chest beating at a very quick pace- good thing I didn't hyper-ventilate.:D All kidding aside, the minister asked if we were ready and he proceeded to go through our ceremony- it was very beautiful, covered exactly what it needed to, my sister did a beautiful reading on marriage:

excerpt from The Art of a Good Marriage, by Wilferd Arlan Peterson

"A good marriage must be created.
In marriage the "little" things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say, I love you" at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is having a mutual sense of values, and common objectives.
It is standing together and facing the world.
It is forming a circle that gathers in the whole family.
It is speaking words of appreciation, and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is not only marrying the right person -- it is being the right partner."

We exchanged our vows, rings and then lit our unity candle. The minister then finished up with a reading that was indigenous to the founds of Lake Tahoe and it was a very beautiful reading, bringing new meaning to the beautiful place on the Lake. We were then announced at Mr & Mrs Horst - and walked out of the chapel to "Feels Like Love" by Vince Gill with smiles from ear to ear and still those teary eyes- neither of us really cried, but we were on the verge and thanks to Morgan (my niece, BFF Janet's daughter) for the tissues that she gave us during the ceremony.

Chapel Pictures with wedding party and then family pictures outside the chapel in the ballroom lounge area, then the party was ready to begin for the guests- they were all escorted upstairs to the reception location. What I learned later is that my two nephews insisted that they go up first because they wanted to make sure everyone found their seats properly. (earlier in the day, my nephews along with my sister and her husband went to the reception location and put out place cards, favors, disposable cameras and just made sure everything else was in order. It was well worth their payment in extra chocolate bar favors that they snatched-15 in total oink oink) :) :) But I thought it was very sweet that they wanted to take their job one step further and make sure everyone found their tables. Someone has raised those boys right!

We took a few more couple pictures around the hotel and then to the reception we were, the DJ announced the wedding party playing "Difference between living and living well" by George Strait and when we were introduced the words used were: "Two-stepping their way into a new life, the dance begins for a husband and wife. Introducing Pam & Bill Horst" -- and "Forever and For Always" by Shania Train started to play and we entered with our first two-step dance as a married couple. Dancing is how our relationship all began, so it was only fitting that we start the party with a dance. It was a little shaky in the wedding shoes (not my boots)- but after a few times around with basic, I gave Bill the ok to do tricks! :) We had a good time, ended with a photographic dip and then started to mingle with the guests and make our way around the tables.

We got a chance to visit with some before lunch and then my matron of honor said Grace before we started the buffet. After lunch, we exited for a few outside pictures and then returned to visit with more tables and do some dancing. The afternoon flew by, but we managed to spend time with everyone, managed to get in several dances, we did the traditional things- cake cutting to "Love will keep us alive" by the Eagles, the bouquet toss to "This one's for the girls" by Martina McBride, the garter toss to "Getcha Some" by Toby Keith. Our traditional first dance was "Amazed" by Lonestar and the wedding party joined us for "I can't help falling in love" by Elvis Presley

Toasts, started with the Best Man toast, well I know he (my brother) had good intentions, but he did make an inappropriate toast considering my ex-husband (who is now a good friend) was there--there were references made to "finally finding the right man" etc etc and how "dad would be proud of this one"- Bill and I were actually very embarrassed and felt very badly for my ex, who took it like a trooper. We did speak to him afterwards and he understood, not that it felt any better--but we reassured him that we were happy he was there for us.

Toasts were then made by Sherry and Lisa- both wonderful friends who made heart felt loving speeches, while trying to keep emotions in check. :) Then the mic was opened up to the guests and my friends Diane, Brynn (flower girl), Diana and Denise all made toasts and it was very emotional to hear the pouring out of friendship and love from these ladies (even 3 year old Brynn with her 'congratulations Aunty Pammie and Uncle Bill- Yee Haw') Afterwards, Bill took the mic and thanked everyone for attending and pointed out the distances traveled by my relatives in CT and his family from AZ, then the mic was mine. I tried to keep the tears from flowing, but they were there and I thanked everyone and told them all that each and everyone of them was special to us and that they were all included in our special day because we love them and value their place in our lives. Then a "cheers" "salute" "let's dance and have fun" toast and we finished off the afternoon with more dancing, mingling, and lots of fun fun fun!!!

Our final dance was to "Love of My Life" by Sammy Kershaw and then poof 515pm- it was over. :( But we didn't have much time to spare before it was time to meet the bus that was picking us and 25 of our guests up for a boat cruise along the Lake.

We enjoyed a dinner sunset dance cruise along the lake and had a great time- good music, good food, good dancing, good friends- we had fun! BAck to the hotel around 1030pm- and met up with some other friends in the casino and did some more dancing at the casino bar (the DJ at the casino bar was also the photographer trainee who attended our wedding earlier in the day- small world)- then 1am or so, we were tuckered out and finally made it back to our room--day over - but it was a wonderful day!!!

I would do it all over again and I would not change a thing- everything went according to plans, we started on time (which amazed me)- no tripping, no falling down, it was just perfect!!! Now I get to live out the rest of my life with this fabulous man and I hope we both live long long lives!!!

The Ever Changing Challenging Year Continues...

I can't believe it's been once again, so long since my last blog. Finding the time seems to always be the problem. I can't believe that summer is just about over and we've hardly had weather that you could consider summer in our area. It has definitely helped to change the feel of these past few months.

It has been a very challenging couple of years for some very close family members. My sister and her husband have had to deal with job layoffs and have been able to manage. The great news is that my sister took a fabulous job offer that started this past week. I think it's going to be a good opportunity for her and help to give them some stability in such crazy economic times...I'm happy that they have some glimmer of hope and that things really are looking up for them.

My brother seems to be dealt one misfortune after another and I know and have always believed that God will only give us as much as we can handle. But seriously, it's getting to the point that I'm wondering if this is true. Financially, things are just plain sucky and its looking like he's going to have to sell the house he built from scratch with our father. This house has a huge sentimental attachment because of the bond that it helped form between my brother & father, just a few years before our father passed away. In fact, when my brother was building the house and had to get his address, the city gave him three options (729, 735, 739) and he chose 735, he didn't really care what number, he just wanted an address. Well my father thought he was so stupid for not picking 729, my brother's birthday. For years, my brother got kidded about that. Well, two weeks after our father passed away, we had received dad's address at the cemetery and I immediately called my brother to let him know dad's new address was 735. Isn't that chilling? God does work in mysterious ways- that is for sure!

I know my brother has had the attitude that he wanted to save this house at all costs, but it just simply is not an option anymore. The mortgage is way out of reach and we can thank an ex-wife and divorce situation for most of that, add in the economy of the past couple of years. Funny thing when my brother met his ex-wife, my dad warned him and said "don't ever trust her with your house"...but after they had their first son, by advice of his financial adviser he added her to the title. Of course, he thought they would be married forever ~ unfortunately, he has learned more than the hard way that it wasn't meant to be. It saddens me that my brother has to deal with yet one more blow, but on the other side of things, he just keeps rolling with the punches.

I worry about him and how many punches can he possibly roll with? The family has helped as much as we can and it's just not something we can help with- unless we were to win the lottery. Seriously. I will say that I am proud of him- even facing this horrible situation, he is trying to make positive plans for the future. Trying to sell the house before the bank gets to, so he can at least save his interests and walk away with some equity and hopefully enough to be able to buy some land, get a construction loan and build a new house for himself and two sons to live in. How about that full circle? He will now pass down the legacy that was started with him and our father "building a house together"- to now have the opportunity to build a house with his sons. The boys are kind of excited about this prospect and I'm proud of them too. They have not had an easy life and it really sickens me that they have had to deal with such crap in their young lives.

To be part of a divorced family has got to really stink. But add to that a mother who leaves your father, takes one of you and leaves your brother with your father. What message does that send to both sons? Then two years later when the divorce is settled, she moves away and tells the son living with her- you can move with me and my boyfriend, change schools, etc. or you can move in with your dad and stay in the same school, etc. What kind of a mother does that? I seriously don't get it and here we are five years later and I'm still perplexed and pissed off at her! I'm not sure I'll ever be able to get rid of these feelings towards her. Both boys have had to grow up so much sooner than they should have and help to run the house, help to run their father's business and they are champs!

Last weekend we had my 17 year old nephew's birthday party and my brother just "lost it" with the family- he needed to let off the steam and we all understood- but reality really had set in- he came to realize that it was probably the last time he was going to entertain the family in that house. It was very saddening and I don't think I've been the same since. My heart aches for him and the boys. The fear of the unknown, the fear of the change, the fear of having to uproot and move.

I keep wondering, when will things start looking up for him. I really try to believe that it's gotta be soon, it's been way too long. So tonight and every night, I will continue to pray for him and his two wonderful sons. I fear it's going to get a lot tougher before it gets easier.

Meanwhile, I don't think I have anything to complain about- my worries, concerns are all so tiny compared to what others have to deal with.

May ~ how did it get to be May already!! Well, I really am not liking 2010 much still. I mean as far as my life is going- I have a wonderful husband, we have a pretty great life together. We get to dine out, go dancing, go on great vacations, we have some pretty amazing friends and family. But there has been so much doom and gloom in the lives of people around us that I find it hard to be happy with my life. I can best relate this to when the economy took a nosedive two years ago, people with money weren't traveling because they didn't want to flaunt that they had money to travel ~ when the public needed them to spend and stimulate the economy. I kind of feel the same, hard to be happy and "show happiness" when so many people I know and love are having issues.

Some are having financial issues- business not going well, homes close to foreclosing, etc. Some are having relationship problems, some experiencing a lot of loss. I can't remember the last time I knew of so many people losing a loved one or loved furry child. It's just really been too much this year. So I continue to pray for all my friends and family who are experiencing pain and hardship and try to be happy without flaunting it.

My biggest area of unhappiness is really with my body..and lack of weight loss. Been at the same plateau of a 5 pound window for at least a year now and I go between wanting to do something about it and saying "the hell with it". I know I am healthy, but I know I can be healthier and stronger and leaner...I've been there, I know I can go there again. I'm just not sure why I'm not making it happen.

As for things that I've mentioned before..still now progress on the Body Pump job front..and beginning to think I will forever be a sub for my most favorite and very first format that I teach. My "sub" job for Zumba got cut short- I just wasn't a good fit for the class and I knew it after two weeks. I actually told the director if she has someone more suited to the class, I would not be offended- I was actually relieved. I have successfully had people in my evening Zumba class though now for 4 weeks!! Averaging 5 people in class- which is great for this facility! You need to have an average of 3 per week for the class to remain on the schedule! YAY! The Line Dance class that I was teaching never took off at this club - so that is done, but I begin a new class at a different facility- so we will see how that works out.

The past month has been filled with a lot of HOA drama and I really can't wait until elections so that I can take a break from this crap!! Such an ungrateful job this is and there are always those people who just like to cause trouble and make your life miserable.

I am finding lately that I just do not have tolerance for negative people in my life. Slowly I am weeding these people out of my life. It's actually very empowering and maybe even mean for me to detach from negative people- but I just don't want or need people trying to bring me down.

Not much else to report at this time. May- wow, still can't believe it is May already- before we know it, the holidays will be upon us once again!

Well, here we are April 2010...how did this year already pass through one quarter? It has been a very busy first quarter of the year and relatively eventful- some good and some bad...

Work has been very busy this year and that is a wonderful thing, I am happy to see people traveling and wanting to spend money on travel. I have been blessed with many great referrals and I think this year is going to be a good financial year. Bill's shop is very busy, they have just bought 2 new machines and a new air compressor to handle the needs of the new machinery..this is a HUGE purchase and they have one client who has expressed a desire to double or triple the amount of output for their jobs..so all in all- great news on the job front.

Fitness Career- well this is the year that I want to make things happen. I said I wanted to get my teaching schedule a little more diversified and I'm trying. Not sure what else I can do on this..but I have put my feelers out there for just about any place that has Body Pump and to this date still have not gotten my own class. The BP market is extremely competitive and in many cases, I really feel that I've been a victim (hate that word) of circumstances. I.E.- easier to give a class to someone already on the payroll, etc. But I have added a line dance class and a zumba class to my weekly schedule- so progress is being made. I am not so sure the line dance class will stay on the schedule, it's a quiet facility and they don't do a good job on marketing. But I have a few other options that might pan out. The Zumba class just started last week and I had two people (same quiet facility, so not sure it's going to stick either)- however, this week another Zumba instructor needed coverage for her classes and I agreed to teach two of them. I got to teach to full classrooms and had the most amazingly fun time!!! Well, today this same instructor, after meeting with a Doctor found out the she tore her ACL skiing and now has to have surgery. There will be many Zumba classes on my schedule for the next 8 weeks. I am totally psyched, but feel very sad for Ruby whose injury is making this opportunity possible for me. Who knows maybe this will inadvertently lead to a Body Pump class because it's at the facility that is going to be launching BP soon- so maybe this foot in the door will lead to something bigger! I remain positive in my thinking, even though I've been batted down so many times.

I plan to walk and maybe run a little in the Nike Women's Marathon again this year, assuming we get pulled in the random entry draw. It was a fun experience last year, so would be fun to do it again- maybe get some running in this time.

February we went on our Country Cruise on MSC Cruises. The Cruise Line itself has some things to work on, but we did have an awesome time dancing every night and taking dance lessons throughout the cruise. We were with a great group of people and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Great weather, enjoyed a day in Florida the day before and day after.

Unfortunately, we came home to find our beloved furry child, Spaz who had just passed away. According to the vet, he had probably passed about 10 minutes before we got home. I miss him terribly. He was such a wonderful kitty and such a great companion each and everyday. I've never had an animal who was so much a part of the family. We will get a new furry child soon, we have a few home repairs to make before we do, I've already been looking at the cutie pies at the various rescue websites and have made a visit to the pet store. He passed on 2/28 ~ although for all intense purposes, I felt like he passed in March and overall the month of March really sucked...so I was happy to see March end.

Why did March suck- well I got sick a few days after Spaz passed away, was down for the count for about a week. We ended up not going dancing for about 3 weeks..and then found out our favorite band at the Saddle Rack got fired. This has since worked itself out- we have a great new band and our former lead singer has formed a new band and is now working at the Rodeo Club and they are working with her to make that place more acceptable to customers. So I think it is safe to say we have two great country places to go dancing now on a regular basis and we get to support both our favorite local bands.

Work remained super busy and I went to Tahoe for a weekend with the girls for Janet's birthday (45th)- we had a blast, I did work all day saturday thanks to remote log in and laptops! But it really was a fun weekend out of town. The end of March was Palm Sunday and youngest nephew Rob was confirmed. So very proud of him- it has been a long road with him to get him to do his work..now to make it to graduation! March 3rd, my dear friend Jocelyn gave birth to a beautiful baby boy Gabriel and he is absolutely adorable- we finally got to meet him on Palm Sunday at Stack's when we went to breakfast- they were there also! Palm Sunday ended with the passing of a dear friend's mothers passing.

Here is April and probably the big event thus far is that I have lost a friend. Although as I examine all the circumstances leading up to it and evaluate the friendship over the years, I'm not really sure that I've lost anything - I think it's more the other way around. I have come to learn that she lies, fabricates stories, exaggerates stories to make herself look like the victim. She has always lived the "poor me" type of life and I never really focused on it over the years- the 6 years that we've been friends. But she is and always has pretty much been a downer, she is always negative, when she appears to be "happy" it feels fake. I have counseled her through numerous failed relationships and am now looking back and thinking that she might have been the problem in those relationships. I'm absolutely amazed at her immaturity and the way she is handling things. There is one big issue between us, which I won't go into detail and when I would not discuss it with her, she completely closed up on me. I told her I didn't think it was wise that we discuss anything until the issue was finished and resolved. I never said I didn't want to be her friend anymore (although in all honestly, I don't want to be her friend now)..but she then proceeded to "un-friend" myself and hubby on facebook and then when she realized that she might still see me comment on mutual friend's posts she completely blocked her profile to us. This is so "high school", which again just reconfirms how crazy this situation really is. We are in our 40's people, grow up!

Our paths are likely to cross at some point, unless she steers clear of places we both frequent and I really don't care if I see her or not- I know I can be civil to her and/or just ignore her in a room full of people..I am just so disappointed in her and actually pretty pissed off at myself for not seeing her true colors a long time ago- I mean this woman was my maid of honor and I know at the time I asked her, it all made sense--but I even doubted my decision then and have regretted not doing things differently ever since. I have high expectations for my friends and I expect them to be honest, true and have a great deal of integrity. As I discuss this with other friends, I'm actually pretty amazed at how other friends of mine who didn't know her very well, never got a warm and fuzzy feeling about her. I guess that just reconfirms that people outside can see things much clearer than those of us on the inside.

Anyway, I am sad that the friendship had to end in such an ugly manner- in the end it is her loss, not mine. She actually walks away from this relationship a very rich woman in more ways than one (which is related to the issue between us)- she made out like a bandit and doesn't even know it because she is so ignorant. Oh well, it is what it is! Can't wait for karma to work its' magic on her, because I know it will ~ it always does.

Looking forward to the rest of April because it can only get better at this point- this week has been way too stressful dealing with childish behaviors. Although they say things come in threes- well, I just got word that another friend who I've know forever just lost her father...hoping that somehow my "three" is covered - kitty, friend's mom, friend's dad...hopefully that is it for bad news...

The Decade in Review

Been thinking about writing this blog for two weeks now..but it's been a crazy 15 days of 2010. I can hardly believe that it's been 10 years into the new millennium!! So where has this decade gone and what a journey this decade has been!!

1999-2000- I remember ringing in the new decade with friends and being 40 pounds lighter than I had started 1999 with! 1999 was the year of weight watchers and determination to lose weight. It was the beginning of a new decade for me, a decade of so many changes...and all those changes meant growth!

2000 - This was the year that I started my fitness career. Being a newbie to avid exercise, I became addicted to a class called Body Pump. When one of my favorite instructors had to give up a class due to scheduling conflicts, I wanted to know how I could become an instructor. Well about a month later I attended a 3 day training course and became certified to teach Body Pump. By the end of the year, I was teaching 4 classes a week and being encouraged to train in other types of fitness classes so I could teach more formats and be more of a valuable employee. I had always wanted to be a teacher growing up, in fact there are friends who would tell you stories of how I kept them up late during childhood sleepovers to make them do homework because I was the teacher and we were playing school! It was exciting for me to find a niche to teach- and I never in a million years would have expected it to be fitness!!

2001- This was the year that I continued to get healthy- was holding steady at my 140 weight (from 191) and couldn't lose anymore, but I was happy with size 8 (single digit) and looking and feeling good! I began teaching spin classes, boot camp classes, yoga classes and water aerobics classes. This year I also trained to walk the Avon 3 day Breast Cancer walk and I became a training walk leader which meant I took on average 10 people on weekly walks to build up the stamina and endurance to do the walk. I trained and did the walk with my good friend Maura. It was an amazing experience. This was also the year of "9/11" and our country changed forever, being in travel- the way we handle reservations has completely changed due to this eventful day. I remember the week as it was a crazy week - that Tuesday was 9/11 and the whole country was glued to t.v. sets watching all the news coverage and such...my mom wasn't feeling well that week so I drove up to her house to buy her supplies (juice, meds, etc.)- seemed like a flu bug. That Thursday we got a new mattress delivered- couldn't have been looking more forward to a good night's sleep- but speaking to mom that night, she still wasn't feeling well and I was scheduled to be away for the weekend, I decided to drive to S.F. and take her to the ER. Well by 2am we are pretty sure she has gall stones, my ex-husband is tired and needs to get some sleep for his triathlon that weekend in Monterey--so I take him home and return to the hospital, around 3am they do a sonogram and determine that yes she has gallstones but will wait until the surgeon is on duty in the morning to see what they want to do. I go home for that great sleep on the new mattress- only for about 4 hours when I get the phone call that they will be going into surgery at 11am...back to S.F. I go and then eventually around 130pm they operate (delays because they didn't like her chest x-ray and wanted to talk to her primary physician)- finally around 8pm that night I go home. Ex-husband had gone to Monterey to get ready for his early morning triathlon. I sleep. Saturday I got up at 5am and drove down to Monterey in time for the start of the race...
...my sister who was stuck in Atlanta finally got to come home that friday as that was the first day planes were flying once again after 911...I came home that Sunday, Mom was home from the hospital that Monday and at bingo Tuesday Night! That really was enough events for 2001~ thank you!

2002- I had been working on a corporate cruise group of 600 people and the cruise was set for January- exhubby and I went on the cruise with the group and I knew the income from this group and all my hard hours of work would come to fruition as that took us out of credit card debt and into mortgage debt! Yes, by February we had found a townhouse that we liked, but a bid on it, and by April 1st, we were homeowners! We took a month to get the house ready with paint, floors etc and moved in May 1st. The rest of the year was all about entertaining in our new home with many house warming group parties and then our first real Christmas in our home- we hosted xmas eve with the De Leon family and xmas day with the Harper family. It really was a great year! Oh but can't forget that I followed in mom's footsteps and had my gall bladder removed in October- 13 months after her! Oh yes, and the Giants made it to the World Series that year- I was at the game a week after my surgery!

2003- Well this was my year of tremendous growth. The marriage wasn't going well and we had started going to therapy at the end of 2002- thought it helped. I was wrong. My intuition told me in April that something was up and I very easily confirmed that my husband (now ex) was cheating on me. I confronted my ex on my sister's 50th birthday - April 4th, hosted a beautiful family dinner for her without the family knowing anything was wrong..and then on April 5th, while he was on a century bike ride with a friend, I confronted the "mistress bitch"- who worked at one of the gyms where I taught. (he also taught there)- she didn't deny it, I asked her to stop seeing him and she said she didn't think she could do that.

I tried for months to fix things, to work on things, to see what could be different. I was smart enough to know that we could not live in the same house if he was going to continue to see the bitch- so April 30th, exactly one year after moving into the house- he moved out. I then began my process and tried to figure things out. I finally made my weight watchers goal and got down to 131- that's divorce diet for you! I lived at the gym- both for my sanity and worked out like a crazy person, but also for the additional income because now I was on my own. I did have him paying 1/2 the mortgage because he didn't want to mess up his credit. But I needed every dollar I could bring in. I would never have gotten through this time if it weren't for great family and friends who were always there for me! And the locals ones who fed me many nights - and distributed wine!! (you know who you are and I love you all) I made it through the year...the holidays were very hard- I was invited to spend Christmas Eve at my brother-in-law's house, he specifically called me and said, "it wouldn't be Christmas without you". I pretty much knew it was the last Christmas with that part of the family, so I went and put together some very wonderful picture disks of the years with the family. I had been with most of the kids since they were born. It was a very emotional evening and everyone was great- i think even my ex, who was there was touched- but of course he was off to NYC the next day with his mistress. I drove home and cried the whole way home, while talking on the cell phone to Diane, Janet and Linda...they got me home in one piece..I freshened up and went to candlelight mass by myself. That year I spent New Years Eve with my brother and his wife and nephews. The wife and nephews went to bed early and me and brother cheered at midnight! His marriage was on the decline at that point too.

2004 - well I started the year "done" with wanting to work things out in the marriage. I was on match.com, meeting people, going on dates and being very surprised that people wanted to date me- wow, the lack of confidence that I had!! It was a great process...March 2003 came and I could finally buy the ex-husband out on the house (2 year prepayment penalty kept us from doing it sooner)- I went to Hawaii with my friend Lisa to celebrate her 40th and the day we flew back I was officially a homeowner by myself!! That was scary because now I had to pay for that mortgage all by myself!! PLUS I needed a social budget! I started to go dancing with the girls- sometimes in S.F., sometimes in San Mateo and then Lisa finally got me to the Saddle Rack in Fremont. I was hooked!! This was in April and I started going every weekend and basically 3 times a week...with or without her. Come May, I had developed a crush on a guy who I always saw at the Saddle Rack, most of the time alone and thought he was cute. One weekend he was there and Linda and I were there on a Saturday night- the opening band was awful- so we were chatting, getting to know each other and everything I learned I loved. We danced off and on and knew we wouldn't see each other for two weeks- Memorial Day weekend he was going to Arizona to see his family and I was going to Tahoe for my mom's 75th birthday. The first weekend in June we all hung out and my friend Sherry asked if I had a crush on Bill, I told her I did and she told him..I didn't know it at the time, but she then went to the movies with him the next day (I was invited but had a date)- but she talked about me the entire day- so come Monday he asked her for my contact information and he was on Yahoo instant messenger 5 minutes later contacting me. Well we had our first date June 10th and pretty much saw each other 3 times a week until July and by the end of July we were together every day- he stayed with me Thursdays-Sundays and I stayed at his place Mondays-Wednesdays. We were inseparable. Majorly in LOVE and by December I had to be realistic and he moved in. My divorce was officially final December 3rd and he felt comfortable moving in once I was "free". I was also relieved to have financial help - but we both knew this was forever!!

2005- the big events of the year...vacations started to happen because now I have a boyfriend who wants to go places with me! I open up my own travel agency from home- Pams Path to Travel and he supports my decision and encourages me to succeed. We talk all the time about forever and wanting to get married someday. On Bill's birthday June 24th, he proposes to me on stage at the Saddle Rack with most of our friends there that night. Diane was sick that night (and prego) and wasn't there, and she regretted not being there. I said "YES" - of course...and didn't sleep all night. That Saturday morning I called my mother on the way to the gym and woke her up- but I had to tell her...she was thrilled...I then taught and told my two classes at the gym- they were all excited and then after class I called Diane and said "I don't care if you're sick, I have to come over and show you something"- she knew! then off to see my brother and his wife...then I came home, sent a mass email, made a few more phone calls- but I was quickly losing my voice and then took a long nap!!! This was a sad weekend for my sister because they were spending their last weekend with Brillo before putting him to sleep that monday.

We spent the rest of the year making wedding plans- when we realized that June 10th was a Saturday in 2006, it was an easy decision since that was our first date anniversary! Although, where there is happiness, there is also sadness- Labor Day weekend, my sister-in-law moved out and left my brother and her oldest son (she took the youngest son with her)..I cried.

2006 - We got married!! We traveled!! We paid cash for the wedding!! We had a fabulous year- business was booming. The wedding week/weekend was the most amazing week though. During the week we were spoiled by people, I went for a massage and facial and Gina and Diane had chocolate covered strawberries and champagne for me between my services...I got my nails done at my salon and they did them gratis as a wedding gift...my water aerobics class gave me $100 wedding gift...friends throwing showers that I didn't expect..it was really a magical time and we realized just how many people loved us and loved what we found together. Once we got to Tahoe, everything went so smoothly- we had a nice romantic dinner just the two of us the first night before everyone arrived..we had so much fun seeing people arrive that Friday and greeting people..great dinner the night before the wedding so our families could get to know each other..then Saturday started with room service breakfast, hair appointments, make up, and a 1230pm chapel call- everything started right on time. We both cried, everything went wonderfully, the reception was fantastic, great food, good music, we danced- had so much fun and got to talk to everyone! Then an evening out on the Lake for a dinner cruise- more relaxed and spent some quality time with those who joined us for that!! Then dancing at Harrah's bar until 2am!! So much fun!! Day after we got to see our video, relaxed by the pool, slept in...we went to breakfast...some people went home, we had another night before we came home- so we had our top layer of cake for dinner and breakfast the next day- it was soo good!

We honeymooned in Hawaii in September and had a great time..kind of ironic that cruise fanatics like us took a land vacation for our honeymoon. We had an amazing time.

2007- We had another great year- the year started out as we became Godparents when Nolan was baptized in January. We vacationed in Punta Cana with Janet and Brad. We took our first Alaska Cruise that departed on our 1st anniversary and that was a lot of fun. It was also the first cruise for my brother and nephews and they really enjoyed themselves. And we traveled to Club Med Cancun just ourselves. Overall, the family remained healthy- brother's divorce was still in progress and ugly and financially draining.

2008- This was a year of ups and downs-- finally my brother's divorce was final in May- she moved out September 2005, filed August of 2006 and it took almost two years to get finalized. She then moved months later to San Jose and told the younger son to choose where he wanted to live- so my brother officially became a single dad of two teenage boys. I admire him and all that he has done, it has not been easy - but both boys are very good young men and have so much potential. The younger one has his struggles thanks to that "mother" he once had- but together we are all trying to help him. It was also in 2008 (May) that my sister was diagnosed with Breast Cancer- a very scary time for our family, but after surgery, chemo and radiation- her journey was relatively "easy" and I say that lightly because there is nothing easy about it, but she got through it with family and friends to help her and her husband was by her side every step of the way. We took a Disney Cruise with a group of 19 people, had a blast! We did a Pacific Northwest Cruise with another group of 30 people- all clients and that was a lot of fun as well. We celebrated Suzy's 40th birthday on a 4 day cruise to Cabo and went to Disneyland for Halloween!! Economy was slumping, but we still did a lot of very cool things!!

2009- The year that the economy really slumped- actually it started to slump at the end of 2008, but that is normally a slow time for my business- at the beginning of the year I wanted the year to at least be comparable to 2008 and basically I came within $10K of 2008- so that is good in the economic climate. My sister's journey with cancer ended in February- with her last radiation treatment- her hair growing in is beautiful!! The furry child was diagnosed with CRF disease and given 6- 9 months to live; however, at the time of this blog, he is still amongst us and it's past the 9 months- he's doing well, definitely declining in health, but still very much alive. Many vacations once again, we are blessed- we took another Alaska Cruise to celebrate Mom's 80th birthday and we had an amazing time with beautiful weather, fabulous glaciers and wildlife--truly a great experience!! My sister and Roger came with us. We spent a week in Palm Springs and went to Stagecoach Music Festival again, had Bill's brother and family join us for part of the time and that was really neat to spend time with them...we also went to Jamaica for a week to Beaches Negril. We did a long weekend in Connecticut for Aunt Kitty and Uncle Ray's 50th wedding anniversary and finished off the year with Disneyland for the holidays and got to see all the Christmas decorations! A full December with lots of social gigs, and finished off with New Year's Eve at the Saddle Rack- it was a great year even though the economy was slumpy!

Welcome to 2010- hard to believe we're already 10 years into this century!! I've got to say that I am anxious for this new decade. I've been having the time of my life and am blessed to have the best friends and family in the world. Bill and I, although we don't have kids- we are helping my brother raise his two boys and doing whatever we can to help with that. We have an amazing Godson who is so much fun to be around..we have food on the table, a roof over our heads, a loving kitty and jobs! My business is still going strong- I am blessed to have clients who are traveling. I am still teaching classes at the gym- 3 spin classes per week, but want to make 2010 the year that I get back into teaching more and adding some variety. I miss Body Pump tremendously and want this to be the year that I am teaching that again, I want to teach more line dancing. I am so passionate about both Line Dancing (well dance in general) and Body Pump - I need to be sharing these great activities with others!

I look forward to the new decade and all that it will bring- more adventures with my amazing husband. Great times with family and friends!