What a difference a day can make!

Yesterday was an odd day.  I have been feeling a little frumpy the last week or so, not seeing the scale move, not feeling like I'm moving enough (as in exercise), unhappy that I am not reaching my small goals- I wanted to have lost 34 pounds by this weekend- but I am still about 6 pounds away...having a Mexican standoff with my body, the body is winning!   Then to add to my already sorry mood, I happened to check the PAC group exercise schedule to find that there is a new instructor on the list teaching Body Pump.  Once again, I was not considered at all.  This really bothers me- BIG TIME.   When I auditioned over a year ago with the new Director she told me that at the time she had decided to give the open class to an instructor already on payroll and gave me some bla bla about not wanting to complete new hire paperwork because she had just done all this paperwork for everyone already employed due to some computer changeover.    I was very understanding at the time, let her know that I would still love to be considered for any future openings, etc.    Since then she has hired several new instructors and I've never even been contacted.  I still sub here often, although I know I am not the first person she suggests to new instructors when asked who to contact for subbing, but I am first choice for many of the instructors on the schedule who always get great feedback from their classes about me. What the hell gives here?  

It really does bother me and I was having a pity party last night that involved oreos and milk.  I have not acted out like that in such a long time.  Self-sabotage or whatever, but fortunately I snapped out of it very quickly.  I felt sick after having the cookies & milk, guess my body has been used to not having that crap for months now.  I went to bed early (1130pm) last night, I think the time change caught up to me and hit me hard, but then I thought that maybe I'd get up early and take a 6am class before walking and step up my fitness game once again.   I checked the schedule, well I didn't want to do Body Pump since I was going to be teaching it tonight and I didn't even see/look at Yoga, I saw Spin and thought I'd go take a spin class this morning.  Well, I then see that the instructor is the Director and immediately talk myself out of going and then just as quickly as I talked myself out of going, I decided "hell yes, I'm going to go and work out hard and let her see who she turned away and who she has been ignoring"  "time to make myself be seen by the person who should see me the most, let her see what she's missing on her instructor roll call"  Geez- who is this person and where did this confidence come from???  LOL

My alarm went off at 515am, I got up and got ready (after one snooze alarm and a slight consideration to stay in bed instead)- but feisty me piped up and told me to get going.  So I was off...or was I?  I decided to call and sign up for the class en route - only to find that the class was full with a waitlist of 7 people.  Boo.  So I backed down the driveway, into the garage and back upstairs to my bed.  Talk about letting the air out of my balloon!  It was only 5 minutes later that I realized that I could have gone to Yoga instead, but would have had to change into different clothing - it was too late once I figured out that option.  So I went back to sleep for a little over an hour and then got up to start my day.  Went walking with Diane and finished the day with Body Pump.  Still a great day for fitness, but boy I sure wanted that bit extra!  

I had a super productive day and I am almost afraid to put this in writing, but I am hoping that I won't have that horrible 12th hour getting ready for vacation madness happen to me this time around.  Although, Bill says he's feeling it at work right now.  I'm hopeful that I can get through this week peacefully.   I do have nails tomorrow and hair on Thursday.  I still have a few classes to teach through the end of the week, but am feeling more prepared than I have in a long time.  Now if only I felt good about the body and the bikini factor.

So tomorrow is another day- and it's already after midnight.  I'd like to get up and go to Kickboxing at 6am, but not very confident about this.  Meeting Diane at 830am for our walk and hoping to go dancing tomorrow night for a little bit..we'll see, the day will determine if that is possible.   Off to bed I go!