And the other shoe drops!

Well, just when I was starting to feel really good about Mom's health...back in the hospital.  My biggest fear has come true- she had a fall in her apartment.  Not clear on all of the details, but she woke up from sleeping to go to the bathroom and didn't make it, she didn't remember falling, but was on the floor for hours.  She says she pushed her help button necklace, but I'm also not sure if she was pushing it correctly.  My best guess is that she laid on her bedroom floor with a quilt that she crawled to get for at least 4 hours.  Breaks my heart.  Still not sure how she was found, but I think it might have been the cleaning lady- Good Lord I shutter to think if it had not been cleaning day.  I would normally not have talked to her until late in the day.  Woodside Terrace called 911 and they took her to the ER at Sequoia, they called me and I dropped everything...again, to be there with her.

When I got the ER, I was sort of taken aback, not being sure what to expect, well her lips were bright red- concluded that she had dried blood on chapped lips from being without liquids for hours and having bit her tongue when she fell.   Bruise on her neck and then whoa...her left shoulder/arm a very pretty purple.  I was hoping that maybe she just bruised it badly...but The outcome?  Fractured shoulder- not bad enough for surgery and the bone is as "together" as they would like for easier healing, but it's still a 4-6 week recovery period.  Sigh.   Of course, as a bonus we found out that she has a UTI, which would explain why she's been getting up more often at night to go potty...which probably helped in this whole ordeal because she's been more fatigued with this interrupted sleep pattern.  Good Grief.   It's nasty looking- but here is the shoulder/arm in beautiful purple:

It was a full day at the hospital, she finally got taken to her room around 330pm, but the fun still wasn't over because we had to wait for her nurse to check her in to the floor.  Well, once I found out we had Nurse Steve, I just rolled my eyes and after 30 minutes of waiting for him, I had enough.  I spoke to another nurse, complained about waiting for him and also voiced my displeasure with having him as mom's nurse.  Thankfully, this was taken care of right away.  The Supervisor was meeting with me immediately and changed mom's nurse and ended up putting on her chart "female nurses only"- most of the problem nurses we've had on this floor have been the men.  It just has been that way.  It was very comforting to know that speaking up does work.

So I have been pretty much numb all night long.  Finally got home around 630pm after stopping by mom's apartment to pick up a few things.  I had not eaten anything all day, so I was famished and although I probably needed to be teaching my Body Pump class tonight, sadly I had someone teach a sculpting class in my absence.  I just didn't want to chance not being able to make it, so I contacted the GXM early in the afternoon just in case.

People tell me all of the time what a great daughter I am and how lucky my mom is.  My mom tells me all of the time how sorry she is that she takes up so much of my time.   I'm really having struggles with all of this.  I am definitely happy that I've been able to help my mom and be there for her and "turn the tables" as needed since she did a fine job of raising me...but I have to say that I'm getting a little burned out with all of it.   I'm really not sure how much more I can take.  I've been waiting for my "reward" and I really thought that reward would be to finally enjoy mom's company doing fun things- going to a matinee movie once a week or when the weather gets better - go hang out downtown outside for lunch or take her to music on the square or who knows what- anything that was not a "purpose".  The majority of our time spent together the past year has been for a purpose- going to a Dr. appt, changing bandages- all care-giver roles and I'm really wanting to get back to doing things as friends again.   I'm starting to wonder if that day will ever get here, am I fooling myself into thinking that it will?   We were SOOOOOOOOOOO close to her being completely healed.  All clean bills of health just two weeks ago, just working on the GI stuff with preventing C-diff.  Of course, now with this UTI she has to be treated with antibiotics which have a good chance to bringing the C-diff back for an 8th visit.  Praying that it doesn't.

Prognosis...well not sure how long she'll be in the hospital, but suspect they will keep her for at least 3 days as then she would qualify for skilled nursing and I think she will need that.  How can she live on her own with one arm use?   Discouraged right now.  Sad for her.  Sad for me.  Angry at the entire situation.  Feeling a bit lost.