It's 1am, I should be sleeping ~ but find that I feel I need to write. This has been a tough week and I can't believe that is only the wee hours of thursday. Monday I received a call from our vet with the news that our beloved kitty Spaz has chronic renal failure and hyper-thyroidism. She says he has probably 6-9 months to live without treatment, but that even with treatment he won't likely live much longer.

Treatment consists of daily pills (which he just doesn't take at all!) and fluid injections ~ daily. I've spoken to several friends and family who have gone through the same decision that I'm faced with. Some did treatment, some didn't. I seem to hear that the ones who did treatment felt that it was too emotionally draining on them and my sister who chose not to do the treatment really felt that treatment would have been a selfish decision to keep her kitty around longer.

I really am torn- I've read up on both diseases/conditions and it seems as though there is no pain until the final stages, just the slow deterioration of the kitty's life and will to live...that is going to happen with or without treatment. I really don't think that I want my Spaz to have memories of mommy and daddy pricking him with a needle all the last days of his life.

I'm already going through the stages of loss, I think- in preparation for when the time comes. Thinking of how much this lovable kitty means to me, how he has been such an important part of my life. Spaz became a part of my life on November 12, 2000 from the Humane's Society. Their best guess at the time was that he was probably 3-5 years old...based on his condition, I'm guessing he was probably more like 5, making him 13.5 now. My ex-husband thought he was a pretty cool cat and urged me to go check him out (this was just 2 days after we had put our previous kitty down)...but 2 days after that we came home with Mr. Spaz and he very quickly showed us that "Spaz" was the perfect name for him--he's a crazy kitty! There has not been a single day in the past almost 9 years that he has not cracked me up and/or put a smile on my face.

This kitty saw me through my gall bladder surgery in 2002, was by my side throughout my recovery and would not get on my lap until i put the pillow in place (over my wound)...he saw me through my lonely marital separation times- he also gave me the big "paws up" when he met Bill for the first time - he was the only man I dated after my divorce that Spaz came running to. The three of us have become a very close family ~ Spaz has his mommy time and his daddy time- he greets each of us when we come home and always has a few words to say...he really is our furry child...and a damn smart one at that! As I work from home and have been working from home now for 5 years, Spaz and I have grown even closer and he visits me throughout the day and makes it very clear when it's time for me to take a break (sits on the keyboard so I cannot work). I cherish those times. I find it funny that as soon as he hears me on the phone, he appears and has to say "meow" to whoever I'm talking to (usually a client or my mom).

Everyone who has met Spaz and spent any amount of time with him has grown to love him and has said he's one cool cat! I'm afraid they broke the mold after Mr. Spaz was born because he truly is one of a kind. When his day comes- I will miss him deeply and forever.